Parenting Skills

Tonight my girlfriend (LL) and I had a discussion about parenting skills. Of course this seems to be a conversation I have with many of my friends and co-workers. It's amazing all the different parenting techniques that are used, of course not always good.

Last week another friend and I were discussing how much parenting truly affects a child/adult. Is a person's disposition and character one of genetics regardless of how one is disciplined/parented? He felt yes, of course I completely disagree. I would say my brother and I were raised differently. He would say that he paved the way for my easy road, but I had to work hard to be the "good child", everything that my brother wasn't! I wasn't reprimanded when I went from an "A" to a "B", while we celebrated when my brother got a "C". He set the expectations low, or so he claimed so as to not disappoint. He was physically disciplined - I recall a belt and spanking many a times, as I hid under my bed and cried for him. I remember him with the endless hours sitting at the kitchen table writing and trying to spell his first and middle name. Mind you he may have been near middle-school by then! My father was an ex-college English professor. I didn't have the wrath of dad. Maybe because by 3.5 years later they had learned or maybe I was just different. Overall, I'd say my brother and I turned out really well.

He joined the Army after high school since delivering pizza's in the blue bomber wasn't his life ambition. He graduated from college a few years after I did, we were even roommates for two years. He's made a career out of the military and has done very well for himself.

I took a different path, not as career driven, but a child at 22 can change things. I have never lived out of the state of Michigan. My travel has been limited. My life has been dedicated to my son and being the best parent, caregiver, and provider I can be.

There are a lot of "I nevers" in my life - and some I'm proud to admit. I've never done drugs - can't even say I didn't inhale. I've never been arrested. I've never had a DUI. I've never smoked a cigarette (despite all the times as a child I would burn my mom's 1/2 used cigarettes and think about trying one). I've never had a cup of coffee.

But most importantly as a parent, I can say that I have never spanked my child. I have never raised a hand at him in anger. Granted spanking isn't against the law, unless you leave a mark, and those that chose to spank - that's their prerogative. I chose not too. I never smacked a hand or a bare butt. I always made sure that my emotions were as in check as possible when it came to my son and parenting frustrations. I suppose, I know that my son is a lot like me. He did fine with time-outs and to say that I was "disappointed in his behavior" was far worse than any physical discipline.

Maybe I'm just lucky - I truly know that I am blessed. Or maybe it really does have more to do then genetics. Do we learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others? I believe the answer is YES.