The Ex-BF

The Ex-BF and I continue to keep in touch. Nowhere near what we did when we were dating. I still feel that he thinks someday, someday soon, I will wake up and realize I've made a big mistake. That I will understand how much he loves and cares for me and my son. I don't have to wake to know that. I do know.

Last night he left a message asking me if I knew what day it was. For the life of me...I didn't. Well that's not completely true...I knew that it was Wednesday 3/26 and in an hour or so it would be Thursday 3/27. I didn't know what day he was referencing and I didn't know what it was I was suppose to remember. And for a moment, I almost felt bad. Bad because again I figured I "forgot" or missed some revelation of importance or something miraculous had happened and in my sheltered world I had missed it. That my boycotting of the news since everything seems to be negative had impacted some big event.

He said that it was the 4-year anniversary of us meeting. That was weird. I didn't recall that at all. Mind you, I'm not the most sentimental or memorable of people. Sweetest Day and Valentine's Day are Hallmark Holidays. If I remember your birthday, that's a miracle. It isn't that I don't care, I just have so much other stuff going on to remember. I try to remember to right birthdays in the calendar, but I think what it boils down to is I love my friends and family. I love them EVERY day and I cherish them EVERY day. I'm glad to have them in my life and I don't think about letting them know that on the day of their birth - or only that day. Maybe that's why I don't find birthday's all that relevant, mine either. It's just another day, to me at least and one that I heard I'm suppose to be forgetting anyway. :)

In all actuality, he let me know that he was wrong. We didn't meet either of those days, it was actually 3/29. He even sent me a card. How sweet, I guess. But so not me. Maybe if we were dating, but an anniversary of friendship...

A friend of mine that I talked to tonight feels like it would be best to sever the relationship, completely. To cut ties between he and I and he and my son. I'm just not sure how I feel about that. We were best friends and that's hard. It's hard to lose a best friend - and especially when the friendship didn't take a turn for the worse or end badly. It ended because it wasn't going anywhere. There was a fork in the road and I veered the other direction at the last minute. I left him confused and looking for the quickest turn around on a one-way street. I want him to move on. I truly do and I want to be there, not by his side, but there when he finds someone and falls in love. There when he gets married and has his first child. I want to be there in the background cheering him on supporting him and his new life. And sometimes, I just don't know that that's possible for him to move on if I'm still somewhere. And ultimately that makes me sad.