In the midst of all the chaos, my next vacation is planned and booked. I booked my airfare and even with the ridiculous baggage charge, I couldn't beat the steal of a deal I found with half the drive distance, non-stop flights and great rate!
With the airfare on the mind, I checked a few of the cruises online as well as talked with a travel agent. All of the "deals" online came up with the same as an agent, so I felt more comfortable with booking with a travel agent. Work summoned me and I passed it off to my mom to contact a local Floridian agent who found the same deal and we are now done.
I have several days in Florida before we leave for our five day West Caribbean cruise. I have another day after the cruise before I fly back home and then have the weekend to recuperate, enjoy the winter Michigan weather I will return to and then go back to work.
I'm so excited! Now I have a month to hit the gym and do my two most favorite things - tan and shop. Yeah, or I could do what I really plan on doing, nothing other than look forward to my trip and count down the days. Yes, that's exactly what I plan to do!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Blind Spot
This morning I almost hit a man. Hit. A. Man.
Not hit on a man. Not hit on by a man. I almost hit a man.
I've tried to understand how it happened. I've attempted to walk back through the steps that happened leading up to. I can't really understand it and I'm not going to try to rationalize my behavior or steer fault elsewhere. I almost hit a man and I believe that I would have been at fault, obviously. And, the scary thought, had I hit the man, I still would have no recollection of exactly what had happened.
Here's what I think happened:
My driveway has a slight hill. So slight that in the winter, I often struggle getting up the driveway successfully. I have a narrow driveway. This isn't the first time I've blogged about issues with my driveway, anyway. I back out of my driveway, only because I've mastered backing out of it (at least I thought I had) rather than backing up it and into my garage. By doing that, I would likely hit my house, the neighbors house and my garage! So instead, I guess I've chosen to put others at risk by backing out of my driveway and almost hitting them!
I was backing out this morning (actually leaving the house EARLY) and when I approached the peak of the hill I looked to the left and saw nothing, backed up more beyond my front porch and looked right and then backed down the driveway. Even if I wanted to stop in the middle of the hill, I wouldn't be able to - the hill takes control. The next thing I hear, a whack, a light thump on my door. Even at that point, I hadn't seen him.
He ran past on the sidewalk with his dog. From the point of the sidewalk to the street, he was already three houses up the street. He had hit my car with his leash and shook his head in disgust and disapproval at me as he ran by. I had no idea how I missed him.
Was he in my blind spot? Did I not look? At the pace that he was running, he could have easily distanced over five houses in the time I drove from the crest of the hill down my driveway. Five houses, if not more.
Granted, with the snow banks, it's also more difficult to see people on the sidewalk. I make no excuses that I didn't see him. I didn't. Did he see me? At what point did he see me?
I'm more than thankful that he did see me and that he stopped and I didn't hit him. Was he trying to make a point that I should pay more attention? I wasn't distracted with the radio, makeup, cell phone and I wasn't late. I could have hit a man.
When I was training for the 3-day walk and walking on sidewalks, I was constantly aware of every driveway and every possible car. When I ride my bike on the sidewalk with my son, the same thing. Who is responsible for ones safety when crossing a sidewalk on someone's driveway? Is it you, them or both?
Ultimately, you should be aware of your surroundings and your own safety. Whether you call it offensive or defensive, in every situation - a car, a bike, walking, running, skiing - in life, you should be aware of yourself and others. While we can't always prepare ourselves for the unknown, knowing as much as we can will help us to be acknowledge the blind spot and hopefully not be blindsided.
And to the man I almost hit...I'm sorry. I promise to pay more attention. Thank you for paying enough attention for the both of us.
Not hit on a man. Not hit on by a man. I almost hit a man.
I've tried to understand how it happened. I've attempted to walk back through the steps that happened leading up to. I can't really understand it and I'm not going to try to rationalize my behavior or steer fault elsewhere. I almost hit a man and I believe that I would have been at fault, obviously. And, the scary thought, had I hit the man, I still would have no recollection of exactly what had happened.
Here's what I think happened:
My driveway has a slight hill. So slight that in the winter, I often struggle getting up the driveway successfully. I have a narrow driveway. This isn't the first time I've blogged about issues with my driveway, anyway. I back out of my driveway, only because I've mastered backing out of it (at least I thought I had) rather than backing up it and into my garage. By doing that, I would likely hit my house, the neighbors house and my garage! So instead, I guess I've chosen to put others at risk by backing out of my driveway and almost hitting them!
I was backing out this morning (actually leaving the house EARLY) and when I approached the peak of the hill I looked to the left and saw nothing, backed up more beyond my front porch and looked right and then backed down the driveway. Even if I wanted to stop in the middle of the hill, I wouldn't be able to - the hill takes control. The next thing I hear, a whack, a light thump on my door. Even at that point, I hadn't seen him.
He ran past on the sidewalk with his dog. From the point of the sidewalk to the street, he was already three houses up the street. He had hit my car with his leash and shook his head in disgust and disapproval at me as he ran by. I had no idea how I missed him.
Was he in my blind spot? Did I not look? At the pace that he was running, he could have easily distanced over five houses in the time I drove from the crest of the hill down my driveway. Five houses, if not more.
Granted, with the snow banks, it's also more difficult to see people on the sidewalk. I make no excuses that I didn't see him. I didn't. Did he see me? At what point did he see me?
I'm more than thankful that he did see me and that he stopped and I didn't hit him. Was he trying to make a point that I should pay more attention? I wasn't distracted with the radio, makeup, cell phone and I wasn't late. I could have hit a man.
When I was training for the 3-day walk and walking on sidewalks, I was constantly aware of every driveway and every possible car. When I ride my bike on the sidewalk with my son, the same thing. Who is responsible for ones safety when crossing a sidewalk on someone's driveway? Is it you, them or both?
Ultimately, you should be aware of your surroundings and your own safety. Whether you call it offensive or defensive, in every situation - a car, a bike, walking, running, skiing - in life, you should be aware of yourself and others. While we can't always prepare ourselves for the unknown, knowing as much as we can will help us to be acknowledge the blind spot and hopefully not be blindsided.
And to the man I almost hit...I'm sorry. I promise to pay more attention. Thank you for paying enough attention for the both of us.
Dream Analysis
I've made a conscious effort to try to get to bed earlier for the past two nights. I've been successful, but not entirely successful in actually getting more sleep. On a typical night, I can find myself retreating to bed somewhere between 1:00-3:00a.m. I'm not really sure as to why, or what I do with my time, but often because I just am not tired and don't feel the need to get more sleep. Although, my tendency to want to sleep all day in my job may be another story - however, if I had enough work to keep me busy, I wouldn't have an issue!
I'm trying to take baby steps to get back into the habit of eating better, working out and getting sleep. I decided to tackle the sleep habit first.
This morning I woke, vaguely recalling one of my dreams from last night. I was having issues with my contact in my right eye. I took out the contact and since it was dry, I put it in my mouth to add moisture. I put it back in my eye (mind you - while I know people do this, it creeps me out and I can't imagine doing it! I just throw out my disposable contact and get a new one when I can!). Unfortunately, the contact continued to float around my eye and I removed it a second time.
I put the contact back into my mouth. It sat on my tongue for a minute or two. Then I recall actually chewing the contact. Chewing. Gross. The contact half dissolved and was also in many pieces in my mouth. I continued to chew the contact, but more fragile than one would chew gum. I woke up rather disturbed.
I tried to research dream analysis for chewing contacts and came up with nothing. Seriously? Am I the only strange person with issues that dreams of chewing a contact?
Like the Urban Dictionary where people create their own definitions, if I had to analyze my own dream, here's what I would assess:
Chewing of a contact reflects the innate and deep routed fear of seeing reality. You fear the known and fail to recognize what is not only in front of you, but what you choose not to address and see. While you choose to not spit or discard the contact, this reflects your desire to change - to hold onto the hope that you do want to see.
Ok Seriously, it's such a good thing that I have a real job. Want to help me analyze my dream? What would you propose?
I'm trying to take baby steps to get back into the habit of eating better, working out and getting sleep. I decided to tackle the sleep habit first.
This morning I woke, vaguely recalling one of my dreams from last night. I was having issues with my contact in my right eye. I took out the contact and since it was dry, I put it in my mouth to add moisture. I put it back in my eye (mind you - while I know people do this, it creeps me out and I can't imagine doing it! I just throw out my disposable contact and get a new one when I can!). Unfortunately, the contact continued to float around my eye and I removed it a second time.
I put the contact back into my mouth. It sat on my tongue for a minute or two. Then I recall actually chewing the contact. Chewing. Gross. The contact half dissolved and was also in many pieces in my mouth. I continued to chew the contact, but more fragile than one would chew gum. I woke up rather disturbed.
I tried to research dream analysis for chewing contacts and came up with nothing. Seriously? Am I the only strange person with issues that dreams of chewing a contact?
Like the Urban Dictionary where people create their own definitions, if I had to analyze my own dream, here's what I would assess:
Chewing of a contact reflects the innate and deep routed fear of seeing reality. You fear the known and fail to recognize what is not only in front of you, but what you choose not to address and see. While you choose to not spit or discard the contact, this reflects your desire to change - to hold onto the hope that you do want to see.
Ok Seriously, it's such a good thing that I have a real job. Want to help me analyze my dream? What would you propose?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Bring in the Madness
March is right around the corner. While March brings in the Madness...I think it's already arrived for me. I can't believe that it's almost March. I can't believe that things I said I would or should do, I've managed to forget moments, hours, days and weeks later. Sigh...I think, I know, I'm getting OLD. At least for a few months of being 35, all was well, I think I'm quickly gaining speed on that hill!
Sticky notes seem to be my friend as of late. Problem is, I can't seem to find them. They get stuck in the most inopportune places, if they stick at all!
Maybe if I was busier, I could focus more. I seem to be more than just distracted and I have nothing to be distracted with! I think I'm just in a funk and I'm looking for my zone.
I used to think I wanted to be a travel agent in my next career. I've completely decided after what seems like an infinite amount of time invested over the past two days and coming up with nothing, that is the dumbest idea (outside of wanting to be a full-time gas station clerk! I'm still aspiring to be a WalMart Greeter - when I learn to be nice and SMILE, dreams and goals, I have them too!) I've had in a long time. I'm about ready to call a travel agent because while I have the time to research, it's never ending and I feel like I'm going in circles without any progress. Wow, is that what the life of a dog chasing his tail is like? I can't say I've ever felt so bored and unaccomplished by searching for flights and cruises!
Sticky notes seem to be my friend as of late. Problem is, I can't seem to find them. They get stuck in the most inopportune places, if they stick at all!
Maybe if I was busier, I could focus more. I seem to be more than just distracted and I have nothing to be distracted with! I think I'm just in a funk and I'm looking for my zone.
I used to think I wanted to be a travel agent in my next career. I've completely decided after what seems like an infinite amount of time invested over the past two days and coming up with nothing, that is the dumbest idea (outside of wanting to be a full-time gas station clerk! I'm still aspiring to be a WalMart Greeter - when I learn to be nice and SMILE, dreams and goals, I have them too!) I've had in a long time. I'm about ready to call a travel agent because while I have the time to research, it's never ending and I feel like I'm going in circles without any progress. Wow, is that what the life of a dog chasing his tail is like? I can't say I've ever felt so bored and unaccomplished by searching for flights and cruises!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Living Life or Living Dying
I really like Kris Allen's song, Live Like We're Dying. The first time I heard it, I recognized Kris' voice immediately.
Last night I had a discussion about living life like we are dying. I was advised that in the past, when younger, that may have been appropriate; however, the older one gets, the more grounded, rational, mature we should be.
I pondered the reality of the conversation. While I have no reason to live each day as though it were my last - to throw caution to the wind, to be merciless, to be reckless - I do want to savor each day. I want to embrace those that I care and love. I want to acknowledge friendships and relationships. I want people to know, rather than question or wonder. I don't want there to be questions. Of course, there always will, but if I can answer a few, I choose to do so.
So while I think we debated the same general concept, the approach of our differences were apparent. He wants to live for the future. I want to live for today (and tomorrow and the next day!).
Today I found myself reading obituaries (don't ask). I came across a very moving statement, which I will only steal part of it, "...lived each day as the best."
I can't summarize my goals, dreams and aspirations any better than that, for in this very moment, I want to live each day as the best!
How do you want to live your life? Celebrate your day?
Last night I had a discussion about living life like we are dying. I was advised that in the past, when younger, that may have been appropriate; however, the older one gets, the more grounded, rational, mature we should be.
I pondered the reality of the conversation. While I have no reason to live each day as though it were my last - to throw caution to the wind, to be merciless, to be reckless - I do want to savor each day. I want to embrace those that I care and love. I want to acknowledge friendships and relationships. I want people to know, rather than question or wonder. I don't want there to be questions. Of course, there always will, but if I can answer a few, I choose to do so.
So while I think we debated the same general concept, the approach of our differences were apparent. He wants to live for the future. I want to live for today (and tomorrow and the next day!).
Today I found myself reading obituaries (don't ask). I came across a very moving statement, which I will only steal part of it, "...lived each day as the best."
I can't summarize my goals, dreams and aspirations any better than that, for in this very moment, I want to live each day as the best!
How do you want to live your life? Celebrate your day?
Planning...Vacation
Last weekend was the last planned trip that I had, a weekend at Schuss with a meetup.com group. It was my first outing with any meetup group and included a weekend adventure (including three that I know).
There was a lot of drama and turmoil prior to the trip and havoc about whether or not I really wanted to go. It would have been a lot less grief to not go, but I also wanted to be an adult and try a new adventure with 15 others in our cabin and 18 in a second cabin. Besides, I drove separately, so I had an escape route if necessary so that if I wanted to leave, I could.
Other than a few small "issues" the weekend went fine. I'm not sure at this point that I can say I would go again, maybe under different circumstances. For the price of the cabin, it made it affordable to spend a weekend. I met quite a few people and skied with a variety. The skiing was definitely nothing like skiing Colorado, that's for sure! En route on Sunday, PM and I went to Caberfae and I actually enjoyed the ski conditions there much more than both the day and night skiing at Schuss.
With the weekend behind me, I have no other trips scheduled. When I seem to get my motivation back, hopefully soon, I'll begin to research plans to fly to Florida for Spring Break and enjoy my first cruise experience with my mom.
Cruises are extremely affordable and reasonable right now. Of course the airfare to Florida for Spring Break isn't all that great, but it can work.
Have any advice for a first time cruiser?
Leaning toward 5-7 days with a couple port stops and not the Bahamas. Then again, I get motion sick very easily and wonder how much Dramamine and I will be bonding; however, I'll take that over cradling the porcelain god anyday!
There was a lot of drama and turmoil prior to the trip and havoc about whether or not I really wanted to go. It would have been a lot less grief to not go, but I also wanted to be an adult and try a new adventure with 15 others in our cabin and 18 in a second cabin. Besides, I drove separately, so I had an escape route if necessary so that if I wanted to leave, I could.
Other than a few small "issues" the weekend went fine. I'm not sure at this point that I can say I would go again, maybe under different circumstances. For the price of the cabin, it made it affordable to spend a weekend. I met quite a few people and skied with a variety. The skiing was definitely nothing like skiing Colorado, that's for sure! En route on Sunday, PM and I went to Caberfae and I actually enjoyed the ski conditions there much more than both the day and night skiing at Schuss.
With the weekend behind me, I have no other trips scheduled. When I seem to get my motivation back, hopefully soon, I'll begin to research plans to fly to Florida for Spring Break and enjoy my first cruise experience with my mom.
Cruises are extremely affordable and reasonable right now. Of course the airfare to Florida for Spring Break isn't all that great, but it can work.
Have any advice for a first time cruiser?
Leaning toward 5-7 days with a couple port stops and not the Bahamas. Then again, I get motion sick very easily and wonder how much Dramamine and I will be bonding; however, I'll take that over cradling the porcelain god anyday!
Taxes
Every other year, I'm able to claim my son. Regardless, every year I've benefited from itemizing my taxes rather than going with the standard deductions, at least for the past twelve years that I've been a mother. Except for this year.
I've been doing my own taxes for the past...ten years or so. I think there were a few years when I was married that I stopped doing them on my own and we had them done by a tax advisor. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the fear that I'm missing something and I could really get a bigger refund. It may or may not have something to do with H&R Block's advertising of a piece of mind in reviewing your previous years taxes that can reap you bigger refunds.
I started my online review about a month ago just to see what they would look like. I couldn't recall offhand if I could claim my son or not. I finally got back to looking at them as I think I have all of my necessary paperwork to file. Last year was the first year that I didn't have childcare. It was also a year that I stopped making charitable contributions that I can deduct - as I've started donating both items and money to people around me - clothes, cribs, baby items, money for personal losses - things not deductible on my taxes but far beyond itemization with personal gain and appreciation.
Unless I've completely missed something, the standard deduction far exceeds my itemized deductions. I'm not really sure how either. In comparing this year to last, the major difference is not claiming my son and then the charitable contribution. I did refinance my mortgage and may have purchased a point, but even so, it wouldn't account for the difference of approximately $1500 between the standard and itemized. I also realized that the standard deduction went up from last year, so that may have something to do with it.
Seeing that there isn't any reason to rationalize additional expenditures for itemization, it makes filing my taxes so much easier. That is, unless I'm missing something...boat, where are you?
I've been doing my own taxes for the past...ten years or so. I think there were a few years when I was married that I stopped doing them on my own and we had them done by a tax advisor. Somewhere in the back of my mind is the fear that I'm missing something and I could really get a bigger refund. It may or may not have something to do with H&R Block's advertising of a piece of mind in reviewing your previous years taxes that can reap you bigger refunds.
I started my online review about a month ago just to see what they would look like. I couldn't recall offhand if I could claim my son or not. I finally got back to looking at them as I think I have all of my necessary paperwork to file. Last year was the first year that I didn't have childcare. It was also a year that I stopped making charitable contributions that I can deduct - as I've started donating both items and money to people around me - clothes, cribs, baby items, money for personal losses - things not deductible on my taxes but far beyond itemization with personal gain and appreciation.
Unless I've completely missed something, the standard deduction far exceeds my itemized deductions. I'm not really sure how either. In comparing this year to last, the major difference is not claiming my son and then the charitable contribution. I did refinance my mortgage and may have purchased a point, but even so, it wouldn't account for the difference of approximately $1500 between the standard and itemized. I also realized that the standard deduction went up from last year, so that may have something to do with it.
Seeing that there isn't any reason to rationalize additional expenditures for itemization, it makes filing my taxes so much easier. That is, unless I'm missing something...boat, where are you?
Friday, February 19, 2010
T & Trouble
The other night my son was badgering me to tell him about the worst thing he has EVER done. Anyone who knows my son and who knows me, Ok what I mean to say is knows my son, will know that he's a complete angel. Really, he is. I don't even say that with an ounce of sarcasm.
I couldn't come up with a thing. Sure when he was two or three he did the occasional lying. He did the tattle telling. He had some issues with poor sportsmanship. I think he went through a very brief biting phase. Don't all kids? I have never spanked him. He had fewer time-outs than I can recall on one hand. Pretty much all I had to do was tell him I was disappointed in his behaviors or actions and he would cry. We would talk about it and that was that. Honestly, I can't recall anything that T has done that was bad. Not yet at least. I even suggest that he call grandma that maybe she could recall something or ask his dad.
Now the stories of my brother - well those I can tell you about!
I'm not sure if T was prepping me. I know that at some point and I'm hoping it's more mischief than delinquent behaviors, he will do something. He has to, he's a kid! I'm assuming it will come about the time he starts to date, or drive or work.
Except, it came sooner than I could have imagined. Or did it?
Last night, T seemed really sad. We had dinner and had small conversation. He seemed tired and quiet. I prepared for my weekend away - tuned my skis, did laundry, cleaned up the kitchen from dinner...and then we sat down to watch the Olympics and Survivor while I folded the clothes. He had already voluntarily taken a shower while I was on the phone - wishing my brother a Happy 39th birthday! T sat next to me on the couch.
I asked him if he was OK. I asked if there was anything he wanted to discuss, at which point, wrapped in his blanket he laid down and buried his head behind me on the couch and began to cry and through his sobs attempted to tell me what was going on. Clearly and completely indecipherable. I rubbed his back and told him to take deep breaths and to sit up and tell me what was going on.
T got a DETENTION.
Clearly he was emotionally upset and had been all evening and was likely afraid to tell me. I think like me, his fear is personal. It isn't a fear of what I may do, but a fear of disappointing someone, of letting them down, of letting yourself down.
T received a Detention from a substitute teacher of his Gifted and Talented class. He didn't even know it. Apparently the day before two students were throwing something and T was accused of being part of it. He wasn't, which he says and I have no reason to doubt him. He wasn't able to talk to the substitute teacher because apparently the teacher wrote down names on a list without ever speaking to the students (I'm going to refrain from what I really think about this!!!!). Three were identified to the teacher the following day, T being one of them. T addressed it with his GT teacher but the Teacher said seeing that he wasn't there, he had no idea what had happened and therefore T had to serve a Detention during lunch this upcoming Monday.
T is nervous about Detention. I tried to explain what I thought Detention would be, to the best of my knowledge, although I can't even recall if some 20 years ago, I ever served Detention. I want to say that I did. I know that in elementary school I had to wear gum on my nose or sit on the floor for rocking chairs and falling - but I always made it fun!
Is it awful that I'm glad that T got Detention?
Maybe glad isn't the right word. I want him to understand that he doesn't have to be perfect. Sure it sucks that he got in trouble for something he didn't do, but it isn't the end of the world. Detention can serve two purposes - help him to understand it's OK to not be perfect or to scare him from ever getting in trouble at school! And honestly, I'm all for the learning lesson!
I think T was relieved that I wasn't mad. I have no reason to be mad at him. Even if he did do it! He has punished himself enough. I also didn't see any reason to contact the teacher and fight a battle for something so trivial. Not yet at least.
However, I did mention when I tucked T into bed that maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner Monday night, I wouldn't want him to think I was rewarding him for his first Detention! =)
I couldn't come up with a thing. Sure when he was two or three he did the occasional lying. He did the tattle telling. He had some issues with poor sportsmanship. I think he went through a very brief biting phase. Don't all kids? I have never spanked him. He had fewer time-outs than I can recall on one hand. Pretty much all I had to do was tell him I was disappointed in his behaviors or actions and he would cry. We would talk about it and that was that. Honestly, I can't recall anything that T has done that was bad. Not yet at least. I even suggest that he call grandma that maybe she could recall something or ask his dad.
Now the stories of my brother - well those I can tell you about!
I'm not sure if T was prepping me. I know that at some point and I'm hoping it's more mischief than delinquent behaviors, he will do something. He has to, he's a kid! I'm assuming it will come about the time he starts to date, or drive or work.
Except, it came sooner than I could have imagined. Or did it?
Last night, T seemed really sad. We had dinner and had small conversation. He seemed tired and quiet. I prepared for my weekend away - tuned my skis, did laundry, cleaned up the kitchen from dinner...and then we sat down to watch the Olympics and Survivor while I folded the clothes. He had already voluntarily taken a shower while I was on the phone - wishing my brother a Happy 39th birthday! T sat next to me on the couch.
I asked him if he was OK. I asked if there was anything he wanted to discuss, at which point, wrapped in his blanket he laid down and buried his head behind me on the couch and began to cry and through his sobs attempted to tell me what was going on. Clearly and completely indecipherable. I rubbed his back and told him to take deep breaths and to sit up and tell me what was going on.
T got a DETENTION.
Clearly he was emotionally upset and had been all evening and was likely afraid to tell me. I think like me, his fear is personal. It isn't a fear of what I may do, but a fear of disappointing someone, of letting them down, of letting yourself down.
T received a Detention from a substitute teacher of his Gifted and Talented class. He didn't even know it. Apparently the day before two students were throwing something and T was accused of being part of it. He wasn't, which he says and I have no reason to doubt him. He wasn't able to talk to the substitute teacher because apparently the teacher wrote down names on a list without ever speaking to the students (I'm going to refrain from what I really think about this!!!!). Three were identified to the teacher the following day, T being one of them. T addressed it with his GT teacher but the Teacher said seeing that he wasn't there, he had no idea what had happened and therefore T had to serve a Detention during lunch this upcoming Monday.
T is nervous about Detention. I tried to explain what I thought Detention would be, to the best of my knowledge, although I can't even recall if some 20 years ago, I ever served Detention. I want to say that I did. I know that in elementary school I had to wear gum on my nose or sit on the floor for rocking chairs and falling - but I always made it fun!
Is it awful that I'm glad that T got Detention?
Maybe glad isn't the right word. I want him to understand that he doesn't have to be perfect. Sure it sucks that he got in trouble for something he didn't do, but it isn't the end of the world. Detention can serve two purposes - help him to understand it's OK to not be perfect or to scare him from ever getting in trouble at school! And honestly, I'm all for the learning lesson!
I think T was relieved that I wasn't mad. I have no reason to be mad at him. Even if he did do it! He has punished himself enough. I also didn't see any reason to contact the teacher and fight a battle for something so trivial. Not yet at least.
However, I did mention when I tucked T into bed that maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner Monday night, I wouldn't want him to think I was rewarding him for his first Detention! =)
Dumb...
Do you ever have one of those times where you do or say something that you immediately regret? Well, I do that often, so let me rephrase the question...
Have you ever asked for something and immediately wondered why you did such a thing?
Friday after I left work I went to Blockbuster and returned a movie. When I walked out to my car I noticed my front passenger tire was flat. Well beyond low, but enough air that I could go the mile to a local tire repair and seek assistance. When I got there, the sign said open, but he was really closed. He was nice enough to throw air into my tire and thought it would get me to where I needed to go.
Of course it seems like I'm always having tire issues. I am. About a year ago I had purchased two new tires from Discount Tire. In January I had my tires rotated and balanced in order to drive to Colorado, which I didn't. So to find a month later, a flat tire, sigh. The other two tires, I had purchased from Belle Tire. I wasn't sure which tire was flat, but gathered it was likely a Belle tire. Each tire has a warranty of sorts. Seeing that the recent tires were from Discount, after talking to both associates, I went to Discount.
While I think it is clearly the "Discount Way", the tire was irreparable. Imagine that. Better yet, it was recommended that for a great deal of $237 I should replace both tires. While I still had time to go to Belle to get my limited tread refund, I decided I was there and it would be better to have four tires from the same store. The catch, they only had one tire in stock. So I paid for my tires and left with one.
I returned back on Tuesday for my other tire. Here's my point of the blog...for some crazy reason I decided it would be best to have a full size tire as a spare instead of my donut. So I asked the associate if I could have the tire if the tread wasn't too bad.
Immediately after doing so I thought, "What the f!@# did I do that for? What am I going to do with a tire without a tube or a rim?" Clearly at this point I couldn't tell the kid, "Hey you know what? Nevermind, you can keep the tire." Because really, what in the world am I going to do with this tire? It won't fit in my trunk since that only holds a donut. I also now have full replacement tires through Discount for the life of the tires and I have emergency road side assistance through my insurance.
But I didn't want him to think I was really dumb for changing my mind and I secretly hoped that the tread would be bad or that he would forget to put it in my trunk. Of course neither happened and when I opened the trunk half an hour later to put in my groceries, there in a nice white garbage bag was my tire.
I really should learn to keep my mouth shut!
Have you ever asked for something and immediately wondered why you did such a thing?
Friday after I left work I went to Blockbuster and returned a movie. When I walked out to my car I noticed my front passenger tire was flat. Well beyond low, but enough air that I could go the mile to a local tire repair and seek assistance. When I got there, the sign said open, but he was really closed. He was nice enough to throw air into my tire and thought it would get me to where I needed to go.
Of course it seems like I'm always having tire issues. I am. About a year ago I had purchased two new tires from Discount Tire. In January I had my tires rotated and balanced in order to drive to Colorado, which I didn't. So to find a month later, a flat tire, sigh. The other two tires, I had purchased from Belle Tire. I wasn't sure which tire was flat, but gathered it was likely a Belle tire. Each tire has a warranty of sorts. Seeing that the recent tires were from Discount, after talking to both associates, I went to Discount.
While I think it is clearly the "Discount Way", the tire was irreparable. Imagine that. Better yet, it was recommended that for a great deal of $237 I should replace both tires. While I still had time to go to Belle to get my limited tread refund, I decided I was there and it would be better to have four tires from the same store. The catch, they only had one tire in stock. So I paid for my tires and left with one.
I returned back on Tuesday for my other tire. Here's my point of the blog...for some crazy reason I decided it would be best to have a full size tire as a spare instead of my donut. So I asked the associate if I could have the tire if the tread wasn't too bad.
Immediately after doing so I thought, "What the f!@# did I do that for? What am I going to do with a tire without a tube or a rim?" Clearly at this point I couldn't tell the kid, "Hey you know what? Nevermind, you can keep the tire." Because really, what in the world am I going to do with this tire? It won't fit in my trunk since that only holds a donut. I also now have full replacement tires through Discount for the life of the tires and I have emergency road side assistance through my insurance.
But I didn't want him to think I was really dumb for changing my mind and I secretly hoped that the tread would be bad or that he would forget to put it in my trunk. Of course neither happened and when I opened the trunk half an hour later to put in my groceries, there in a nice white garbage bag was my tire.
I really should learn to keep my mouth shut!
Small(er) Town Convenience
In the midst of one of our bouts of snow falling, I managed to have snow blower issues. While attempting to complete the driveway, the wheel fell off! Fortunately, it was just a matter of an end piece that kept the wheel assembly together; however, after ten years of home ownership and an hour later of attempts - I had neither a nut, wing nut or end cap that fit to reassemble the wheel.
Attempting to use the other snow blower, which I hadn't been able to start all season, I managed to get it to turn, however in doing so I failed to recognize that I was too close to the outdoor hose reel assembly and quickly discovered that the snow blower grabbed onto the hose end. Sigh...SERIOUSLY. Fortunately, I was able to yank the hose out from the snow blowers jaws and eventually even got the snow blower running. Although without gas in the gas tank and a dry gas can, that was short lived as well.
In the morning I went to the nearby lawn/snow blower repair place to find that while the yard was adorned with a variety of machines, the driveways were snow covered and trackless, thereby the shop was either closed or out of business. A nearby local hardware was open and I stopped in there.
Mind you, I did consider actually measuring the wheel assembly rod to see what size cap I would need, but that would have been too easy and in my mind, I actually thought even with my depth perception issues that I could determine the right size. However, my twelve attempts to the basement and garage with a variety of things all failed miserably, a new found rejuvenation of acceptance and knowledge came over me the following morning that I would...just know.
I pulled into the hardware and there wasn't a single car in the lot. I wonder how in the Michigan economy a small hardware store can remain open. I didn't even see an employee car, so they must park in the back. I walked into the store and was greeted merrily by a few employees, likely family members and owners. I immediately asked for help and the man and I went to peruse their snow blowers for me to better explain what I needed and then off to the aisle with wing nuts and caps. Of course he asked what size I needed. What size you say? Hmmm...smaller than the width of my ring finger. Yeah, that's genius. Sigh, why didn't I measure?
So the man and I talk over options and I gage that I think some are too big or too small. I end up with three different options, two plastic caps and a metal cap. He repeats to me the prices, three times. Honestly, I don't care that they are .40, .90 and 1.80. He informs me that I can return what doesn't work. Seriously, I would drive back to return less than $3.00? Not being conceited or anything I say that returning what I don't use isn't a big deal, I just want to make sure I can reassemble the wheel.
I walk up to the register to pay. The younger daughter goes to ring me up and asks me the prices while her mother is behind me sweeping adding to the conversation. Oh, was I suppose to remember the prices? I just thought he was concerned that I needed to know the difference in the prices! Oops...so with my best memory, I recite them, which they verify by phone with the man because they are concerned about OVER CHARGING! If one of them works, I don't care what the cost is! The "mother" employee suggests I take my receipt so that I can return what I don't use.
I got home and two of my purchases were too big. And the third...fit just right!
It was nice to have the convenience of the family owned store and employees. They were very gracious and it was nice to see great customer service. I do hope in this economy that they have customers that invest more than a measly $3.00 so that they can continue to support their store and maintain their business. Because next time, I'll be sure to return!
Attempting to use the other snow blower, which I hadn't been able to start all season, I managed to get it to turn, however in doing so I failed to recognize that I was too close to the outdoor hose reel assembly and quickly discovered that the snow blower grabbed onto the hose end. Sigh...SERIOUSLY. Fortunately, I was able to yank the hose out from the snow blowers jaws and eventually even got the snow blower running. Although without gas in the gas tank and a dry gas can, that was short lived as well.
In the morning I went to the nearby lawn/snow blower repair place to find that while the yard was adorned with a variety of machines, the driveways were snow covered and trackless, thereby the shop was either closed or out of business. A nearby local hardware was open and I stopped in there.
Mind you, I did consider actually measuring the wheel assembly rod to see what size cap I would need, but that would have been too easy and in my mind, I actually thought even with my depth perception issues that I could determine the right size. However, my twelve attempts to the basement and garage with a variety of things all failed miserably, a new found rejuvenation of acceptance and knowledge came over me the following morning that I would...just know.
I pulled into the hardware and there wasn't a single car in the lot. I wonder how in the Michigan economy a small hardware store can remain open. I didn't even see an employee car, so they must park in the back. I walked into the store and was greeted merrily by a few employees, likely family members and owners. I immediately asked for help and the man and I went to peruse their snow blowers for me to better explain what I needed and then off to the aisle with wing nuts and caps. Of course he asked what size I needed. What size you say? Hmmm...smaller than the width of my ring finger. Yeah, that's genius. Sigh, why didn't I measure?
So the man and I talk over options and I gage that I think some are too big or too small. I end up with three different options, two plastic caps and a metal cap. He repeats to me the prices, three times. Honestly, I don't care that they are .40, .90 and 1.80. He informs me that I can return what doesn't work. Seriously, I would drive back to return less than $3.00? Not being conceited or anything I say that returning what I don't use isn't a big deal, I just want to make sure I can reassemble the wheel.
I walk up to the register to pay. The younger daughter goes to ring me up and asks me the prices while her mother is behind me sweeping adding to the conversation. Oh, was I suppose to remember the prices? I just thought he was concerned that I needed to know the difference in the prices! Oops...so with my best memory, I recite them, which they verify by phone with the man because they are concerned about OVER CHARGING! If one of them works, I don't care what the cost is! The "mother" employee suggests I take my receipt so that I can return what I don't use.
I got home and two of my purchases were too big. And the third...fit just right!
It was nice to have the convenience of the family owned store and employees. They were very gracious and it was nice to see great customer service. I do hope in this economy that they have customers that invest more than a measly $3.00 so that they can continue to support their store and maintain their business. Because next time, I'll be sure to return!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Comfort Food
There are very foods that I really crave that I find comforting, with the exception of chocolate.
Sometimes I crave a bowl of tomato soup and an extra gooey cheesy grilled cheese sandwich. Other times I love to have a fabulous greek salad and fantastic breadsticks from my favorite restaurant. On Fridays I often crave a terrific extra hot bowl of New England Clam Chowder. But more often than not, I really don't have a specific comfort food that I really crave.
However, having said that, there is one food with modifications that I do love on rare occasions. I love a great chili dog! I grew up on the distant outskirts of Detroit, I prefer to say near Brighton/Novi area, but several times during baseball season we would watch the Tigers play at Tiger Stadium and go to Lafayette Coney Island and get fabulous coney dogs. Several years ago, my uncle and I went back to Lafayette and I was...disappointed.
Maybe because great memories are hard to replace. Or maybe because I have over the years revised my coney island to something slightly more healthy. I've even stopped eating the Koegel's that were my mom's favorite growing up.
My chili dog consists of Oscar Mayer 98% fat free wieners, Hormel turkey chili 98% fat free, mustard and light onions. Not only is it a healthier option, I don't feel so guilty or lethargic after eating two!
Actions Speak Louder...
"What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Anger
For almost a twelve hour time span (although five of those hours were sleeping) I found myself ANGRY. Angrier than I have been in a very long time.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, an acquaintance, a stranger and likely many more, in no particular order.
I was angry to learn that someone that I have come close to chose with blatant disregard for others to behave in irrational and self-gratifying ways. Not only did he do so without any concern for anyone else's safety, he bragged about his behaviors afterward. I understand that many people are very self-serving and at whatever cost, but to learn that it was someone that I have formed a close relationship is unacceptable.
He boasted that he was "stoned" skiing. He put on boots and strapped skis to his feet and at speeds upwards to 63mph he skied "stoned" with your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, friends, neighbors, acquaintances and strangers. While he condones those that drive drunk and intoxication, he, a man who believes in the legalization of marijuana and recreational/social use as one would consume a beer, got "stoned" and put everyone at risk. And had the audacity to brag about it to someone.
I'M ANGRY.
Angry at his general disregard for others. Why is it that the helpless, undeserving, unaware often fall victims of others stupidity? Sure, I have strong feelings of substance abuse. Feel free to use at your discretion in the comforts of your own residence. Don't abuse and then like a ticking time bomb have the audacity to harm others with your selfishness.
I can only control what I can control, myself. But learning a small portion of his reality that he hid and his scorned behavior toward alcoholism, he is no different. While that occasion he didn't get behind the wheel (to my knowledge), by strapping on skis he had the potential to kill just as easily without others having the barrier and protection of a vehicle.
I am hurt. I am angry. This is my apology to you, for the behavior of someone that I came to know and care for that potentially could have caused you pain and heartache too.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, a co-worker, an acquaintance, a stranger and likely many more, in no particular order.
I was angry to learn that someone that I have come close to chose with blatant disregard for others to behave in irrational and self-gratifying ways. Not only did he do so without any concern for anyone else's safety, he bragged about his behaviors afterward. I understand that many people are very self-serving and at whatever cost, but to learn that it was someone that I have formed a close relationship is unacceptable.
He boasted that he was "stoned" skiing. He put on boots and strapped skis to his feet and at speeds upwards to 63mph he skied "stoned" with your mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, friends, neighbors, acquaintances and strangers. While he condones those that drive drunk and intoxication, he, a man who believes in the legalization of marijuana and recreational/social use as one would consume a beer, got "stoned" and put everyone at risk. And had the audacity to brag about it to someone.
I'M ANGRY.
Angry at his general disregard for others. Why is it that the helpless, undeserving, unaware often fall victims of others stupidity? Sure, I have strong feelings of substance abuse. Feel free to use at your discretion in the comforts of your own residence. Don't abuse and then like a ticking time bomb have the audacity to harm others with your selfishness.
I can only control what I can control, myself. But learning a small portion of his reality that he hid and his scorned behavior toward alcoholism, he is no different. While that occasion he didn't get behind the wheel (to my knowledge), by strapping on skis he had the potential to kill just as easily without others having the barrier and protection of a vehicle.
I am hurt. I am angry. This is my apology to you, for the behavior of someone that I came to know and care for that potentially could have caused you pain and heartache too.
Emotional Overload
For the most part, I can be pretty grounded; however, there are times where I can be considered irrational, over-the-top, too honest, too blunt, too...and usually during the week before my period this is most prevalent. Not that the feelings aren't true the rest of the month, but I may be more vocal about them during my need to restructure, reorganize, clean, cleanse...which goes back to the question of asking if taking a birth control pill every day will eliminate my need to do away with irritants in my life.
I'm not sure that I think my issues or behaviors are completely unhealthy because the reality is sometimes they make me address things that I may not have otherwise. They make me take accountability for who I am, the choices I make and where I want to see myself.
Last night I was informed by a friend from her friend that I was mean to yet a third person. Probably so. Rightfully so. To put it another way, JN told me that her friend JL was upset by what I said to her "lover/ex-bf" (whatever their relationship is) X. X had invited me out to drinks as friends a few weeks back to talk about my Colorado trip. I had made it clear to JN and JL that I was not interested in him and I told him that I would grab drinks as friends. We made plans. I had to work late but was willing to meet him as he also wanted information on my Mexico trip. While I was still working, 1.5 hours before we were to meet, he had texted and said he was exhausted and wanted to reschedule. I was ELATED! He texted back that he thought I would be upset and was glad I wasn't.
I didn't hear from him until two days later when he sent me a text saying he hoped I was having a great night. The text was resent several hours later, which I finally responded. I learned that following day that in fact he had been out drinking at the bar with JL the night we were suppose to have drinks. Which honestly, I was completely fine with...had he been honest. So in my attempt to be around healthy, honest people, I had no relationship with this man or JL, I deleted them from FB. I have no use for their drama or people that are willing to start a friendship on false premises and lies.
Two days ago he sent me a text asking if everything was "okay" because he hadn't heard from me. I informed him that I was great and wished him good luck. He was like, "Good luck??" So still trying to be nice and get the point across I texted back, "Bye. Nice meeting you...or any other version that suits your fancy." Of course that wasn't sufficient either and he sent me several more texts announcing his confusion. I looked him up on FB and emailed him an honest response about how I wanted no association with him even as a friend since he wasn't honest (that of course was the short version). He then emailed back rationalizing that he had been tired, but he then went out several hours later with JL to grab drinks around the corner of his house and I could talk to her to verify. Really I don't care. But apparently, I'm now like the evil witch of the west for being honest. Had he gotten the point initially, I wouldn't have had to explain.
Could I have said or done things differently? Of course. Did I? No. And I'm OK with that.
I've also really been struggling with a relationship where I do have invested feelings. Where I have acknowledged his deceit and or misrepresentation from our very first interactions which would have prevented us from ever having any contact. But because of the way he presented himself, we met online and subsequently have spent significant time together including two ski trips out to Colorado. He chose to represent that he didn't use drugs and didn't smoke (since he believes that marijuana should be legalized - it isn't a drug nor does he smoke. Had he said he did either, I wouldn't have had communication with him - it would have been blocked from the dating site). I did learn sometime later after we met for the sole purpose of him filling a spot in the condo that he used. As a friend, whatever. I have friends that use on very rare occasions as well as people I've grown up with that use more regularly but I can't even be true to say that we are "friends" rather just acquaintences who have past commonalities.
We can't pick and choose whom we have feelings; however, we can do the best to make sure that the relationships that we develop are safe and healthy. I've found that I've compromised both. I put myself in potentially jeopardizing (as minimal as it may seem to some) situations, and not completely unaware of the risks.
When feelings come into play and you consider someone a friend or something more, is it wrong to have feelings of their safety and their future as well as your own? I think not. I think it's unhealthy to not have those feelings.
So I'm struggling. I'm struggling with understanding where I stand, but also in taking a step back from the situation, struggling to understand what the future holds. A friendship? A passing ship in the night?
Today in regard to work a co-worker and I were discussing clients and their relationships. I found it most profound that he said:
"We are who we sleep with."
Who am I? Who are you?
I'm not sure that I think my issues or behaviors are completely unhealthy because the reality is sometimes they make me address things that I may not have otherwise. They make me take accountability for who I am, the choices I make and where I want to see myself.
Last night I was informed by a friend from her friend that I was mean to yet a third person. Probably so. Rightfully so. To put it another way, JN told me that her friend JL was upset by what I said to her "lover/ex-bf" (whatever their relationship is) X. X had invited me out to drinks as friends a few weeks back to talk about my Colorado trip. I had made it clear to JN and JL that I was not interested in him and I told him that I would grab drinks as friends. We made plans. I had to work late but was willing to meet him as he also wanted information on my Mexico trip. While I was still working, 1.5 hours before we were to meet, he had texted and said he was exhausted and wanted to reschedule. I was ELATED! He texted back that he thought I would be upset and was glad I wasn't.
I didn't hear from him until two days later when he sent me a text saying he hoped I was having a great night. The text was resent several hours later, which I finally responded. I learned that following day that in fact he had been out drinking at the bar with JL the night we were suppose to have drinks. Which honestly, I was completely fine with...had he been honest. So in my attempt to be around healthy, honest people, I had no relationship with this man or JL, I deleted them from FB. I have no use for their drama or people that are willing to start a friendship on false premises and lies.
Two days ago he sent me a text asking if everything was "okay" because he hadn't heard from me. I informed him that I was great and wished him good luck. He was like, "Good luck??" So still trying to be nice and get the point across I texted back, "Bye. Nice meeting you...or any other version that suits your fancy." Of course that wasn't sufficient either and he sent me several more texts announcing his confusion. I looked him up on FB and emailed him an honest response about how I wanted no association with him even as a friend since he wasn't honest (that of course was the short version). He then emailed back rationalizing that he had been tired, but he then went out several hours later with JL to grab drinks around the corner of his house and I could talk to her to verify. Really I don't care. But apparently, I'm now like the evil witch of the west for being honest. Had he gotten the point initially, I wouldn't have had to explain.
Could I have said or done things differently? Of course. Did I? No. And I'm OK with that.
I've also really been struggling with a relationship where I do have invested feelings. Where I have acknowledged his deceit and or misrepresentation from our very first interactions which would have prevented us from ever having any contact. But because of the way he presented himself, we met online and subsequently have spent significant time together including two ski trips out to Colorado. He chose to represent that he didn't use drugs and didn't smoke (since he believes that marijuana should be legalized - it isn't a drug nor does he smoke. Had he said he did either, I wouldn't have had communication with him - it would have been blocked from the dating site). I did learn sometime later after we met for the sole purpose of him filling a spot in the condo that he used. As a friend, whatever. I have friends that use on very rare occasions as well as people I've grown up with that use more regularly but I can't even be true to say that we are "friends" rather just acquaintences who have past commonalities.
We can't pick and choose whom we have feelings; however, we can do the best to make sure that the relationships that we develop are safe and healthy. I've found that I've compromised both. I put myself in potentially jeopardizing (as minimal as it may seem to some) situations, and not completely unaware of the risks.
When feelings come into play and you consider someone a friend or something more, is it wrong to have feelings of their safety and their future as well as your own? I think not. I think it's unhealthy to not have those feelings.
So I'm struggling. I'm struggling with understanding where I stand, but also in taking a step back from the situation, struggling to understand what the future holds. A friendship? A passing ship in the night?
Today in regard to work a co-worker and I were discussing clients and their relationships. I found it most profound that he said:
"We are who we sleep with."
Who am I? Who are you?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Date, Dating, Relationships
I'm the last person that anyone should look to for advice on the definition and terminology of date, dating and relationships. I've clearly had my "issues" with them all, to say the least.
I still keep in touch with some of my "one hit wonders", the one time dates that were good and/or nice guys, just not for me. Some of them try to convince me that I should give them another chance, some actually accept and become friends, while others we no longer communicate. It just wasn't. I continuously struggle with the friendships/relationships that I try to develop and/or maintain where feelings are not mutual.
I have no interest in taking a man or human being for granted. I have no interest in seeing how I can benefit or taking the "what's in it for me?" attitude. There are things that I am looking for in a date or in a relationship that I do not expect in a friendship. Things that I'm willing to accept in friends that I will not settle for in a relationship. I do expect respect and honesty, from both intimate and friend relationships.
I do not want to be taken for granted. I want someone to respect me as I do them. I expect mutual honesty. For starters...
Maybe due to Valentine's Day around the corner or New Years Resolutions underway, it seems like lately I've had many more heart to heart talks with some of the men in my life. I recently received a few red roses and a box of chocolates from someone I've been very clear with that I wouldn't date. I was surprised by the gifts, although very clear about our relationship. (Although it does make me wonder why I can't get things from those that I do have feelings - could it be I'm taken for granted or not worthy?)
Another discussed his growing feelings towards me. I was touched by his words as I can honestly say that I share in the same words, although different meaning. I care about him and love him, but I'm not in love with him - and while he would never say these things to me, I think we both know that they exist. It just is. He asked me my definitions of date, dating and relationships, trying to grasp an understanding of our relationship and where it stood and why for me it couldn't and wouldn't ever change. The brutal honesty of the conversation was much needed. We hope to not have to repeat the same conversation again in the future, but he understands that I welcome him to come to me with his feelings and concerns and we can process them together as needed.
I wish I had answers. I wish that I knew what the future holds. I wish that I could say that one day, someone and I will meet and fall in love and we will know. We will know that it's right. We will know that we work. We will know that it's meant to be. That the sharing of our lives will come easy and natural. That we belong.
I don't hold on to broken dreams. I don't hold out for the hope that IT/HE is out there. I have no expectations.
What I do have....I have hope that with each passing day, I will live my life with no regrets (only lessons learned that I care to not repeat) and I will enjoy and embrace new opportunities and chances with a positive outlook.
I will. Will you?
I still keep in touch with some of my "one hit wonders", the one time dates that were good and/or nice guys, just not for me. Some of them try to convince me that I should give them another chance, some actually accept and become friends, while others we no longer communicate. It just wasn't. I continuously struggle with the friendships/relationships that I try to develop and/or maintain where feelings are not mutual.
I have no interest in taking a man or human being for granted. I have no interest in seeing how I can benefit or taking the "what's in it for me?" attitude. There are things that I am looking for in a date or in a relationship that I do not expect in a friendship. Things that I'm willing to accept in friends that I will not settle for in a relationship. I do expect respect and honesty, from both intimate and friend relationships.
I do not want to be taken for granted. I want someone to respect me as I do them. I expect mutual honesty. For starters...
Maybe due to Valentine's Day around the corner or New Years Resolutions underway, it seems like lately I've had many more heart to heart talks with some of the men in my life. I recently received a few red roses and a box of chocolates from someone I've been very clear with that I wouldn't date. I was surprised by the gifts, although very clear about our relationship. (Although it does make me wonder why I can't get things from those that I do have feelings - could it be I'm taken for granted or not worthy?)
Another discussed his growing feelings towards me. I was touched by his words as I can honestly say that I share in the same words, although different meaning. I care about him and love him, but I'm not in love with him - and while he would never say these things to me, I think we both know that they exist. It just is. He asked me my definitions of date, dating and relationships, trying to grasp an understanding of our relationship and where it stood and why for me it couldn't and wouldn't ever change. The brutal honesty of the conversation was much needed. We hope to not have to repeat the same conversation again in the future, but he understands that I welcome him to come to me with his feelings and concerns and we can process them together as needed.
I wish I had answers. I wish that I knew what the future holds. I wish that I could say that one day, someone and I will meet and fall in love and we will know. We will know that it's right. We will know that we work. We will know that it's meant to be. That the sharing of our lives will come easy and natural. That we belong.
I don't hold on to broken dreams. I don't hold out for the hope that IT/HE is out there. I have no expectations.
What I do have....I have hope that with each passing day, I will live my life with no regrets (only lessons learned that I care to not repeat) and I will enjoy and embrace new opportunities and chances with a positive outlook.
I will. Will you?
Perception, Women & Fitting In
As of late, perception is the key word. The word that I always come back to. The word that defines. The word that IS.
How I perceive things and how I'm being perceived are also two completely different things. I clearly welcome others perceptions of me and I suppose while initially they can be stingingly (my word, work with me here) painful, after the initial insult to injury, I get it. I really do think that I can be quite empathetic. I do believe that I have the ability to put myself in others shoes and see what they see - with their assistance and insight of course (although not always necessary).
Eyegirl has her perceptions of me. You will too.
Lately, I almost feel as though I've had to rationalize or justify, not only embrace these perceptions. I understand that we all have a right to our own opinions. To our own perceptions. We also have no right to control someone else.
We are only accountable for our own thoughts, actions and behaviors. Control what you can control and leave the rest to...(you fill in the blank).
Friday night I went out with some friends. We went to a happy hour for a local ski club. Out of the norm for me, I actually put on a name tag, although not initially. In doing so, I met a gentleman at the table who then latched on to me and my friends the rest of the evening. I have to admit, that I thought by being generous and giving him my number when he asked, that would mean he conquered and he would move on. Naive? Possibly.
I also figured that he wouldn't call. But here's the rest of the story...He was (is may be appropriate but outside of that social context I don't know him) a nice man. We had a decent conversation. We had skiing in common. I had no reason to give him a false number or deny him his request. He did afterall ask and if he and I happened to be skiing at the same venue, so be it.
Can we really have enough friends? Do I really think that I am better than him that he doesn't deserve my number? NO and NO.
He did stay very close to me the rest of the time my friends and I were there. Two of my friends were becoming increasingly protective of me around him. He did engage with all my friends as well. It was just a social experience.
The awkwardness came more with the looks that I was getting from...the women. I was noticing several women staring at me. One actually came up to me and acknowledged that she had been staring at my name tag because her middle name was the same and spelled identically. Ironic sure, but did that justify the several minutes of gazing and repeated glances? I did tell call her out and said that I was wondering if she was looking at me because I was loud or if I said something offensive, thereby recognizing her stares, which she denied. We chatted for a few minutes and then she ventured on her mingling way.
Then I turned around and was being stared at by another couple of women. Another woman finally voiced that she was looking at my name tag. Her name began with the same first three letters and she was trying to see if the last were similar. I don't know that I would ever stare to read someone's name. Glance. Read. Done. Seriously, do these women really think I'm buying this story? Is it just that I caught them staring that they came up with something? Why is it I feel like in social situations that I'm beyond awkward?
Why can't I just fit in?
But maybe the real question is: Do I really want to fit in? And most days, the answer is...yes, I do.
How I perceive things and how I'm being perceived are also two completely different things. I clearly welcome others perceptions of me and I suppose while initially they can be stingingly (my word, work with me here) painful, after the initial insult to injury, I get it. I really do think that I can be quite empathetic. I do believe that I have the ability to put myself in others shoes and see what they see - with their assistance and insight of course (although not always necessary).
Eyegirl has her perceptions of me. You will too.
Lately, I almost feel as though I've had to rationalize or justify, not only embrace these perceptions. I understand that we all have a right to our own opinions. To our own perceptions. We also have no right to control someone else.
We are only accountable for our own thoughts, actions and behaviors. Control what you can control and leave the rest to...(you fill in the blank).
Friday night I went out with some friends. We went to a happy hour for a local ski club. Out of the norm for me, I actually put on a name tag, although not initially. In doing so, I met a gentleman at the table who then latched on to me and my friends the rest of the evening. I have to admit, that I thought by being generous and giving him my number when he asked, that would mean he conquered and he would move on. Naive? Possibly.
I also figured that he wouldn't call. But here's the rest of the story...He was (is may be appropriate but outside of that social context I don't know him) a nice man. We had a decent conversation. We had skiing in common. I had no reason to give him a false number or deny him his request. He did afterall ask and if he and I happened to be skiing at the same venue, so be it.
Can we really have enough friends? Do I really think that I am better than him that he doesn't deserve my number? NO and NO.
He did stay very close to me the rest of the time my friends and I were there. Two of my friends were becoming increasingly protective of me around him. He did engage with all my friends as well. It was just a social experience.
The awkwardness came more with the looks that I was getting from...the women. I was noticing several women staring at me. One actually came up to me and acknowledged that she had been staring at my name tag because her middle name was the same and spelled identically. Ironic sure, but did that justify the several minutes of gazing and repeated glances? I did tell call her out and said that I was wondering if she was looking at me because I was loud or if I said something offensive, thereby recognizing her stares, which she denied. We chatted for a few minutes and then she ventured on her mingling way.
Then I turned around and was being stared at by another couple of women. Another woman finally voiced that she was looking at my name tag. Her name began with the same first three letters and she was trying to see if the last were similar. I don't know that I would ever stare to read someone's name. Glance. Read. Done. Seriously, do these women really think I'm buying this story? Is it just that I caught them staring that they came up with something? Why is it I feel like in social situations that I'm beyond awkward?
Why can't I just fit in?
But maybe the real question is: Do I really want to fit in? And most days, the answer is...yes, I do.
Blog Thanks
This morning when going through my normal routine of emails and my blog, I happened to notice a new referral to the blog. http://www.lifeaseyeseeit.com/ is someone that I have known since we were wee ones and got back in touch several years ago through Myspace. I've been following her blog on Google Reader for sometime now, which of course she detests, but for some reason her direct blog site has been crashing both my personal and work computer internet connections for sometime. Today, was actually an exception, odd.
So I was more than shocked when I happened to learn that she had blogged about her favorite blogger and it was...ME. I've been reading about her blog crushes and occasionally I will look at some of the blogs she follows and I've noticed her blog networks on FB, but never thought much about it or how she may perceive my blog. As she blogged, yes, I enjoy being incognito, unknown, unread.
Honestly, I've never had an issue with really worrying about people stumbling across my blog from google searches. I hope in some way I've offered insight or a laugh to something they were seeking. Most of my searches are from people looking for assistance with "movie prep colonoscopy" or "lie detector jokes" or "rubber glove jokes" and I know that these people will likely never venture back.
It is the people that I know about or that I tell about my blog that I worry about the most. The people that I allow to see my vulnerability, moreso because they actually know me, not that they can feel the connection from reading my blog that they become to feel as they know me. They DO know me and because of my blog, more intimately than I likely know them. And sometimes, that is hard.
Hard for me to know that someone I know is knowing more about me than I'm sure that they have shared with me. There have been some past boyfriends that I've shared the blog with and others that I care about. Because I generally know that they may peruse my blog, I may disclose less or not blog about certain aspects of my life for confidentiality purposes or because it's just not something I care to discuss or have them know.
So sometimes I go a while without blogging because I'm waiting for someone to stop reading or I'm really just trying to assess my situation without sharing it for anyone who chooses to venture. But often times, it's because I just don't feel like I have anything worthy of actually typing or in your case, reading.
I'm a little gunshy and overwhelmed to say the least by Eyegirl's post today and all of her followers that have stopped by to check me out. I appreciate the look and if you stick around, enjoy the ride and feel free to comment. I will definitely check you out as well, in my free time, which I obviously have a lot of these days!
So I was more than shocked when I happened to learn that she had blogged about her favorite blogger and it was...ME. I've been reading about her blog crushes and occasionally I will look at some of the blogs she follows and I've noticed her blog networks on FB, but never thought much about it or how she may perceive my blog. As she blogged, yes, I enjoy being incognito, unknown, unread.
Honestly, I've never had an issue with really worrying about people stumbling across my blog from google searches. I hope in some way I've offered insight or a laugh to something they were seeking. Most of my searches are from people looking for assistance with "movie prep colonoscopy" or "lie detector jokes" or "rubber glove jokes" and I know that these people will likely never venture back.
It is the people that I know about or that I tell about my blog that I worry about the most. The people that I allow to see my vulnerability, moreso because they actually know me, not that they can feel the connection from reading my blog that they become to feel as they know me. They DO know me and because of my blog, more intimately than I likely know them. And sometimes, that is hard.
Hard for me to know that someone I know is knowing more about me than I'm sure that they have shared with me. There have been some past boyfriends that I've shared the blog with and others that I care about. Because I generally know that they may peruse my blog, I may disclose less or not blog about certain aspects of my life for confidentiality purposes or because it's just not something I care to discuss or have them know.
So sometimes I go a while without blogging because I'm waiting for someone to stop reading or I'm really just trying to assess my situation without sharing it for anyone who chooses to venture. But often times, it's because I just don't feel like I have anything worthy of actually typing or in your case, reading.
I'm a little gunshy and overwhelmed to say the least by Eyegirl's post today and all of her followers that have stopped by to check me out. I appreciate the look and if you stick around, enjoy the ride and feel free to comment. I will definitely check you out as well, in my free time, which I obviously have a lot of these days!
Pee Hole
My son will be thirteen in March. Thirteen. He stands over 5'3" tall, 116 pounds, has had an ever increasingly dark growing mustache for almost two years (both of his parents are beyond hairy, poor kid), size 9 mens shoe and is in the 7th grade. He plays sports all season long and is actually quite intelligent, or so his Gifted and Talented participation and teachers claim. So...regardless of all of our sex education talks (I could have opted him out of Health class - because clearly I AM THAT GOOD OF A TEACHER) he is taking health daily for the next six weeks to actually learn something appropriate (not to be confused with, "My momma says" similar to that of Adam Sandler in WaterBoy).
I'm going to start off by saying one of our first conversations of the evening happened to be my asking for permission to apply for a flight attendant position, one of 20 being announced in the area. Even while brushing his teeth in the bathroom, I could see and feel him cringe and his garbled responses came oh so quickly, "What? Why? Where would I stay?"
Me, "With your dad of course." Which he quickly responded, "I see him every other weekend and Wednesdays and...that's enough."
So I guess that's out of the picture then? Yep...
As I was tucking him into bed, he begins to talk about his latest discussion in health class. "We talked about parts today?" Me being the student, I was all like, "Parts? What kind of parts?" So he goes on to tell me about the male parts and then the girl parts too.
He proceeds to say that when babies are first made that they are the same. They don't have "parts", I'm paraphrasing, seriously, I'm talking 7th gradish here...He goes on to say that the teacher says, then a doctor looks for the baby part, either the vagina or the penis and if it has a penis it is a boy. He then asks, "Wouldn't you just look for a penis Mom?" Yeah, that's my thought Son. Seriously, did your teacher really say that they look for a vagina? Sigh...public education health class at it's best.
The conversation then advances to, "Boys have two holes and girls have three. I thought that girls pee came out of their butt. So where do you wipe then Mom?" You wipe your vagina. "Ewwwww....that's gross. So what is the pee hole called?"
"Ummm...a pee hole?" Clearly biology and physical anatomy wasn't my forte in school. I asked if he inquired this of the teacher, which he did not.
So I posted for assistance on what others would call a "pee hole" or reference to a 7th grader on Facebook. What do you call a "pee hole"? According to the Sex Dictionary, "The pee hole (urethral opening) of girls can be found between the clitoris and vaginal opening."
But how fun is that??? What would YOU call a "pee hole"?
I'm going to start off by saying one of our first conversations of the evening happened to be my asking for permission to apply for a flight attendant position, one of 20 being announced in the area. Even while brushing his teeth in the bathroom, I could see and feel him cringe and his garbled responses came oh so quickly, "What? Why? Where would I stay?"
Me, "With your dad of course." Which he quickly responded, "I see him every other weekend and Wednesdays and...that's enough."
So I guess that's out of the picture then? Yep...
As I was tucking him into bed, he begins to talk about his latest discussion in health class. "We talked about parts today?" Me being the student, I was all like, "Parts? What kind of parts?" So he goes on to tell me about the male parts and then the girl parts too.
He proceeds to say that when babies are first made that they are the same. They don't have "parts", I'm paraphrasing, seriously, I'm talking 7th gradish here...He goes on to say that the teacher says, then a doctor looks for the baby part, either the vagina or the penis and if it has a penis it is a boy. He then asks, "Wouldn't you just look for a penis Mom?" Yeah, that's my thought Son. Seriously, did your teacher really say that they look for a vagina? Sigh...public education health class at it's best.
The conversation then advances to, "Boys have two holes and girls have three. I thought that girls pee came out of their butt. So where do you wipe then Mom?" You wipe your vagina. "Ewwwww....that's gross. So what is the pee hole called?"
"Ummm...a pee hole?" Clearly biology and physical anatomy wasn't my forte in school. I asked if he inquired this of the teacher, which he did not.
So I posted for assistance on what others would call a "pee hole" or reference to a 7th grader on Facebook. What do you call a "pee hole"? According to the Sex Dictionary, "The pee hole (urethral opening) of girls can be found between the clitoris and vaginal opening."
But how fun is that??? What would YOU call a "pee hole"?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Speechless...almost
Approximately a half hour ago, after people wrapped up their lunch hour, I ventured into the conference room to heat my foot. In the silence and solitude, I finished my baked potato, most of my pork loin (leaving two slices) and water. The lid of the container of my pork was cracked in the corner and I decided I didn't need to bring it home to wash and use again. I put my water packet wrapper in the container, sealed it and threw it away in the garbage by placing it in someone's to go order garbage in the garbage can.
End of story. Until...
A few minutes ago I went back into the conference room to refill my water bottle. What did I see?
Next to the sink was my Glad container, minus the pork, with the wrapper in it. The pork was nowhere to be found.
It makes me think, makes me wonder, makes me question. Our conference room is only accessed by employees, or by clients accompanied by employees. Who would go through the garbage or need to? We are all employed and have stability, for today at least, or so I thought...
While it's clear that people need assistance and help, even when we least expect and often closer to home than we think, how do we go about offering to people when we don't know that they are in need?
I truly hope that maybe someone just thought that they could recycle or reuse the container. But regardless, it still makes me wonder nonetheless.
End of story. Until...
A few minutes ago I went back into the conference room to refill my water bottle. What did I see?
Next to the sink was my Glad container, minus the pork, with the wrapper in it. The pork was nowhere to be found.
It makes me think, makes me wonder, makes me question. Our conference room is only accessed by employees, or by clients accompanied by employees. Who would go through the garbage or need to? We are all employed and have stability, for today at least, or so I thought...
While it's clear that people need assistance and help, even when we least expect and often closer to home than we think, how do we go about offering to people when we don't know that they are in need?
I truly hope that maybe someone just thought that they could recycle or reuse the container. But regardless, it still makes me wonder nonetheless.
Bread & Knives
My son, for the life of him, can't seem to grasp the concept of how to use a knife, correctly. I have tried, for almost NINE years to teach him. I've tried to have others assist him. For some reason, he can't figure it out. I used to think that it was his fear of cutting himself, but even with butter knives he struggles! I do my best to not enable him and silently I laugh equally as hard as I wallow in misery while I watch him try to slice and dice anything on his dinner plate with futility.
This morning I had the rare opportunity to watch him make his sandwich. While there are coldcuts which would eliminate his need to spread jelly on bread, he has opted for his favorite PB&J. His hand is awkward. The jelly is smeared. His strokes are uneven and repetitive while the jelly remains little more than moved. It looks as though the knife is upside down. Is that really possible. It makes me reminisce of those that eat with their fork inverted, shoveling into their mouth. Why do these small nuances make the hair on the back of my neck raise? Does it really matter?
I say nothing and I continue to watch. What takes me a matter of moments to make a sandwich takes him minutes at best. What really gets to me the most though, all knife usage aside, is that he has spread the peanut butter on the wrong side of the bread! I can see prior to when he smashes his two pieces together that the bread is like a polar opposite. While they shall stick together, they will repel in only a way that two pieces of bread can.
Fortunately for him, he is proud of his sandwich skills and it all tastes the same!
This morning I had the rare opportunity to watch him make his sandwich. While there are coldcuts which would eliminate his need to spread jelly on bread, he has opted for his favorite PB&J. His hand is awkward. The jelly is smeared. His strokes are uneven and repetitive while the jelly remains little more than moved. It looks as though the knife is upside down. Is that really possible. It makes me reminisce of those that eat with their fork inverted, shoveling into their mouth. Why do these small nuances make the hair on the back of my neck raise? Does it really matter?
I say nothing and I continue to watch. What takes me a matter of moments to make a sandwich takes him minutes at best. What really gets to me the most though, all knife usage aside, is that he has spread the peanut butter on the wrong side of the bread! I can see prior to when he smashes his two pieces together that the bread is like a polar opposite. While they shall stick together, they will repel in only a way that two pieces of bread can.
Fortunately for him, he is proud of his sandwich skills and it all tastes the same!
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