I am not an only child. I have an older brother, of 3.5 years. I would say growing up, we had our times - both good and bad. There were times when we got along and times of course when we didn't. We shared many a laugh as well as many a tear. We forever will be siblings.
There are things from my childhood that I don't recall. I will never claim to remember everything, not all the good and not all the bad. I remember being active as a child and yet somewhat of a loner. I had a close school friend that I would either spend my days at her house or she at mine. I had other friends too, but she and I spent the most time together. When we weren't inside, we were outside catching sunfish, climbing trees, building, hiking, biking, sledding...making childhood memories.
In the evenings, I don't recall spending a lot of time together as a "family" per se. We always ate dinner together. My brother and I had numerous chores - from cleaning bedrooms, to bathrooms to vacuuming and dusting and then there were the dinner chores. Set up, clean up, prepare...there were always chores, way back as early as I can remember. We did get an allowance for those chores too, but nothing that ever seemed like much in comparison for our efforts or to our friends. We would watch t.v. together and twice a year, we vacationed together, twice a year.
Other than that, I don't remember spending a lot of time doing things with my parents. I remember that my dad was a good father and I hoped to one day meet someone that was equivalent to him as a father and a dad. I suppose I idolized him in so many ways, a pedestal that has been shattered by illness and distance. My mother was a wonderful mom, the mom everyone loved and wished they had but I didn't appreciate until I became a mother.
Maybe in retrospect things are much different looking back on a childhood and youth of so long ago. My son is an only child, in our home. He doesn't have that built in playmate, confident, friend, enemy. He has himself. He has me. At his dad's home he has a half-brother, six years younger whom is also more annoying than anything else.
Tonight is another one of those nights where I struggle with the fact that he is an only child. With each day, it becomes increasingly harder, our relationship, on me. He wants my constant attention. My constant entertainment. He is disappointed when he doesn't receive it. He sulks. He pouts. I try not to be guilted, but as a mother, it's hard, so very hard.
I want what is best for him. I truly do. I want him to have friends. I want him to have independence. I want him to have a doting, loving mother.
I want to be more than just a mother. I need to have my time and my space too. I have responsibilities that I have to tend to as a person, a mother, a home owner and I need to do this when he isn't just away at his dad's. Tonight I gave him another "talk" about how life was like when I was his age. My parents didn't entertain me. I had to entertain myself, or do homework, or clean my room, or read or, or, or...
I felt bad saying it, but it's true. It was one of those moments where you don't want to ever sound like your parents, and yet inevitably, you do. It's in the rare moments like these that I wish for him, that he had a sibling.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Biggest Loser Week #3
I realized that I have been abstaining from blogging. Therefore in doing so, I've managed to fail to report the latest stats from Monday's Biggest Loser weigh in. Maybe I'm hoping, psychologically that by abstaining from blogging and other things, thus I shall lose weight. One can hope, right?
Monday morning found me, well (that was a long time ago already) doing fairly well. I had a good weekend. I managed to workout several times and stayed pretty active. So I wasn't fretting the scale Monday morning, although the thought of weight loss wasn't looming either.
I am learning to dress more appropriately, even accumulating a comment of nice outfit (from the snitch of previous weeks). Regardless, the clothing coverage does little for my numbers on the scale.
Yes, it is true, I have managed yet again to gain weight. Rack another .6 pounds to the sum total of weight loss, er weight gain. Sigh...doesn't the biggest loser have to lose weight to win?
I could be the biggest finder of weight - I'm finding it on my behind, stomach, arms, abs....
Monday morning found me, well (that was a long time ago already) doing fairly well. I had a good weekend. I managed to workout several times and stayed pretty active. So I wasn't fretting the scale Monday morning, although the thought of weight loss wasn't looming either.
I am learning to dress more appropriately, even accumulating a comment of nice outfit (from the snitch of previous weeks). Regardless, the clothing coverage does little for my numbers on the scale.
Yes, it is true, I have managed yet again to gain weight. Rack another .6 pounds to the sum total of weight loss, er weight gain. Sigh...doesn't the biggest loser have to lose weight to win?
I could be the biggest finder of weight - I'm finding it on my behind, stomach, arms, abs....
Unemployment
Unemployment is clearly on the rise. At every turn, steadily employed individuals are finding themselves unemployed. Businesses are going out of business. Malls are becoming barren as stores are closing. Jobs are being lost everywhere.
Friends and family, neighbors and strangers are unemployed. Unemployment is not bias or racist. It affects everyone. People are facing bankruptcy and foreclosures more than ever. Desperate and destitute are turning toward drastic measures, some so far as suicide and homicide. It's grave. It's bleak. Times appear hopeless for many, quickly becoming the majority.
Promises of the new Obama Presidency insists on "Change", like most if not all, we hope it won't be too late.
I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my stability. I too wonder "when". When is it my turn? When will it happen to me? Will I be fortunate enough?
As I walked into work this morning I walked by a man standing alone on the sidewalk waiting for the public transit. I smiled and said hello. He likewise did the same. Then he said, "Wow, I miss having a job to go to work."
I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to respond.
I didn't. I lowered my head, looked at my boots as they crunched in the snow and continued walking onward to the door of my employer. And at that very moment, I said a silent prayer of thanks, thanks because for another day, I can be thankful for what I have, employment.
Friends and family, neighbors and strangers are unemployed. Unemployment is not bias or racist. It affects everyone. People are facing bankruptcy and foreclosures more than ever. Desperate and destitute are turning toward drastic measures, some so far as suicide and homicide. It's grave. It's bleak. Times appear hopeless for many, quickly becoming the majority.
Promises of the new Obama Presidency insists on "Change", like most if not all, we hope it won't be too late.
I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my stability. I too wonder "when". When is it my turn? When will it happen to me? Will I be fortunate enough?
As I walked into work this morning I walked by a man standing alone on the sidewalk waiting for the public transit. I smiled and said hello. He likewise did the same. Then he said, "Wow, I miss having a job to go to work."
I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to respond.
I didn't. I lowered my head, looked at my boots as they crunched in the snow and continued walking onward to the door of my employer. And at that very moment, I said a silent prayer of thanks, thanks because for another day, I can be thankful for what I have, employment.
One of Those...
I'm not really sure what to call it. It's not really one of those days or afternoons or evenings. It's an all encompassing, one of my many issues days. It actually didn't start until this afternoon.
I renewed a travel program that I am a member, Bluegreen Traveler Plus. I actually have to say that I like the program and for the $39 fee, I get more than my share of return. Renewing today, I began looking through my 50 annual discounts, many which can be found elsewhere, but not always. Like the two week free membership to my gym - you walk in, you get it too. Anyway, I found a two for one discount to a ski and tubing park about an hour away. Seemed like a great deal. I called JA to see if she and her son wanted to go on Saturday, and she said yes. Then, I realized that I could only use the coupon, once, for two people. Sigh.
Since it's been in the high 20's without snow, I haven't had to clear the driveway as of late. It started snowing yesterday and we are anticipating snow throughout the weekend. I knew I was low on gas for the snow blower so I thought I would drive by the house to pick up the can to get more. Fortunately, my son told me there was still gas in the can as well as gas in another gas can. Bonus!
I went to the grocery store after filling my car with gas. I ran around and picked up a basket full of groceries and even had a competent and quick cashier that her line was empty. Bonus! I'll even forgive that she over packed half the bags and they split.
After packing the car with groceries and dinner (and in an obvious rush to get home and eat and then get to my son's basketball practice) I closed the trunk. Or should I say, I attempted to close the trunk. The latch remained in the locked position, again. Rummaging through the overnight bag, two sets of snow shoes and poles, six bags of groceries, bowling ball bag, I couldn't find the screw driver (aka lock dislodger). Figures.
So I used the next best thing, my key. That of course didn't work, my fingers were going numb, I had wasted 15 minutes and I now was rummaging through my roadside assistance kit for anything to dislodge the lock. I finally dislodged it, closed the trunk with the trunk light off and then got in to start the car. Damn.
I managed to bend the key so that it wouldn't turn on the ignition. Sigh. Nothing like being in a hurry. I bent the key and tried again. Nothing. I bent the key yet a third time and finally the car started.
In two tries, I managed to make it up the driveway. While attempting the driveway I received a call from the basketball coach that he unfortunately had to cancel practice. Darn. Life is good again. Or not.
After dinner, I dress warmly and head out to blow out the driveway. I fill the snow blower and empty out the oil/gas mixture. I plan to mix the other gas later, much later. At the end of the driveway trying to get my snow thrower through the heavy wet snow plowed in mess, the blower dies. No problem. I pull on the cord and what happens? The handle remains in my hand and the cord, disappears inside the snow blower! SERIOUSLY.
I'm not about to throw in the towel, yet. I decide instead of reverting to testy snow blower #2, I will get out the extension cord and try the electric start. It fires up and I'm able to clear the rest of the driveway, without ISSUE.
It's only 7:10p.m. What's next?
I renewed a travel program that I am a member, Bluegreen Traveler Plus. I actually have to say that I like the program and for the $39 fee, I get more than my share of return. Renewing today, I began looking through my 50 annual discounts, many which can be found elsewhere, but not always. Like the two week free membership to my gym - you walk in, you get it too. Anyway, I found a two for one discount to a ski and tubing park about an hour away. Seemed like a great deal. I called JA to see if she and her son wanted to go on Saturday, and she said yes. Then, I realized that I could only use the coupon, once, for two people. Sigh.
Since it's been in the high 20's without snow, I haven't had to clear the driveway as of late. It started snowing yesterday and we are anticipating snow throughout the weekend. I knew I was low on gas for the snow blower so I thought I would drive by the house to pick up the can to get more. Fortunately, my son told me there was still gas in the can as well as gas in another gas can. Bonus!
I went to the grocery store after filling my car with gas. I ran around and picked up a basket full of groceries and even had a competent and quick cashier that her line was empty. Bonus! I'll even forgive that she over packed half the bags and they split.
After packing the car with groceries and dinner (and in an obvious rush to get home and eat and then get to my son's basketball practice) I closed the trunk. Or should I say, I attempted to close the trunk. The latch remained in the locked position, again. Rummaging through the overnight bag, two sets of snow shoes and poles, six bags of groceries, bowling ball bag, I couldn't find the screw driver (aka lock dislodger). Figures.
So I used the next best thing, my key. That of course didn't work, my fingers were going numb, I had wasted 15 minutes and I now was rummaging through my roadside assistance kit for anything to dislodge the lock. I finally dislodged it, closed the trunk with the trunk light off and then got in to start the car. Damn.
I managed to bend the key so that it wouldn't turn on the ignition. Sigh. Nothing like being in a hurry. I bent the key and tried again. Nothing. I bent the key yet a third time and finally the car started.
In two tries, I managed to make it up the driveway. While attempting the driveway I received a call from the basketball coach that he unfortunately had to cancel practice. Darn. Life is good again. Or not.
After dinner, I dress warmly and head out to blow out the driveway. I fill the snow blower and empty out the oil/gas mixture. I plan to mix the other gas later, much later. At the end of the driveway trying to get my snow thrower through the heavy wet snow plowed in mess, the blower dies. No problem. I pull on the cord and what happens? The handle remains in my hand and the cord, disappears inside the snow blower! SERIOUSLY.
I'm not about to throw in the towel, yet. I decide instead of reverting to testy snow blower #2, I will get out the extension cord and try the electric start. It fires up and I'm able to clear the rest of the driveway, without ISSUE.
It's only 7:10p.m. What's next?
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Control
I tend to be a strong willed, opinionated, over bearing, controlling person. In my defense, I would like to say that they aren't all by choice. Sometimes it's my desire to see things to fruition or completion that force me to take charge and control. Maybe it's my desire to reach perfection or at least not disappointment. Maybe it is my underlying obsessive compulsive issues. Maybe it's not.
I am pretty sure however, that I need to do some serious self-evaluation and reflection though to determine what it is that I keep finding myself in the same role, time and time again.
I suppose I might have the personality for management or supervision; however, never in the darkest recesses of my soul do I desire such position, ever. In my relationships, I want to be the one to be catered too. To be wined and dined. But, I fear that if I were ever to find myself in a relationship where money and control were not an issue, I wouldn't know what to do.
Would I be able to accept someone else's control? To accept their ideas and their money? To not feel that I would be indebted due to someone else's generosity or being?
In the recesses of my mind, I go back to my childhood male friends and their snides and sneerings of newly dating experiences. The comments of pimply, adolescent boys and their anguish of hitting foul balls and strike outs when they felt that a mere second base would have been less deserving and justified for what they felt they were owed. And for those conversations that these tomboy ears overheard, they are comments that stay with me today. It's not a matter of chivalry or independence, it's a matter deep within that no man will ever be able to say that I owe them or that they deserve anything because of a dinner, an evening or an outing that they provided.
Maybe to avoid all of that all together, I tend to find myself drawn to the financially stringent, cheap, dutch dating relationships and then wake up to find myself unsatisfied and bored or find myself footing the bill to have the experiences that I want and can enjoy.
How does one break the cycle without taking advantage of someone else and what they have to offer but no longer being taken advantage of either?
I am pretty sure however, that I need to do some serious self-evaluation and reflection though to determine what it is that I keep finding myself in the same role, time and time again.
I suppose I might have the personality for management or supervision; however, never in the darkest recesses of my soul do I desire such position, ever. In my relationships, I want to be the one to be catered too. To be wined and dined. But, I fear that if I were ever to find myself in a relationship where money and control were not an issue, I wouldn't know what to do.
Would I be able to accept someone else's control? To accept their ideas and their money? To not feel that I would be indebted due to someone else's generosity or being?
In the recesses of my mind, I go back to my childhood male friends and their snides and sneerings of newly dating experiences. The comments of pimply, adolescent boys and their anguish of hitting foul balls and strike outs when they felt that a mere second base would have been less deserving and justified for what they felt they were owed. And for those conversations that these tomboy ears overheard, they are comments that stay with me today. It's not a matter of chivalry or independence, it's a matter deep within that no man will ever be able to say that I owe them or that they deserve anything because of a dinner, an evening or an outing that they provided.
Maybe to avoid all of that all together, I tend to find myself drawn to the financially stringent, cheap, dutch dating relationships and then wake up to find myself unsatisfied and bored or find myself footing the bill to have the experiences that I want and can enjoy.
How does one break the cycle without taking advantage of someone else and what they have to offer but no longer being taken advantage of either?
Not looking
I do realize that I'm not a man, but a woman. Therefore, I claim to not know or understand the opposite gender by any means. However, I am not sure what part of "not looking" on a dating site means that I'm interested in talking, chatting and meeting someone. And while I do understand that men sometimes don't read things in entirety, I have repeated it three times and even disclosed why I remain on the site.
I'm beginning to think that the only way to communicate my true intentions without deleting the profile and thereby terminating on going communication with friends along the way, would be to change my picture to a monkey or something whereby the men would not look further since some men can't see beyond a picture.
Stay tuned...I may be posting my adventures as a monkey incognito soon...
I'm beginning to think that the only way to communicate my true intentions without deleting the profile and thereby terminating on going communication with friends along the way, would be to change my picture to a monkey or something whereby the men would not look further since some men can't see beyond a picture.
Stay tuned...I may be posting my adventures as a monkey incognito soon...
Light Bulb
So how many men and/or mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
My 11-year old son noticed that the trunk light was remaining on, after all of the work done on my car - two new belts, new battery, oil change and tire seal replacement...
$250.00 later to learn that the trunk light switch was remaining on and draining the battery. At least they fixed that for free!
My 11-year old son noticed that the trunk light was remaining on, after all of the work done on my car - two new belts, new battery, oil change and tire seal replacement...
$250.00 later to learn that the trunk light switch was remaining on and draining the battery. At least they fixed that for free!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Car Battery
While the temperatures have fallen below zero and we are in line for breaking a record for snow accumulation in a season here in Michigan, my car refuses to start. The temperatures may or may not be causing havoc on my battery. The half dozen guys in the shop just aren't sure.
Seriously, when it comes to mechanical things, especially cars, I'm pretty incompetent. I take it in for the routine oil changes and the ever so often flat tires, but beyond that, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
Yesterday morning I was greeted with a dim dome light and knew immediately that the car wouldn't start. Despite earlier in the afternoon the day before that my trunk wouldn't close as the latch was engaged, I thought the car was fine. I did manage to drive home from the grocery warehouse without anything flying out of the open trunk. When I arrived home, I managed within two minutes and a screw driver, to fix the latch and all was good. Until the following morning when I heard that unfamiliar, "click...click...click..." DEAD.
My son and I walked next door and he was able to get a ride with the neighbors to school. I then went back to my car, put it in reverse and on my phone, proceeded to push it backwards out of my garage. I actually did pretty well, considering, but ended up at a standstill when I couldn't push the front tires into the snow. My girlfriend came over and I was able to use my new birthday present - jumper cables - and jumped the car. I even took it over to AutoZone and had the battery tested and was told it was FINE.
At what point is "FINE" ever "FINE"? Obviously not when someone tells you how they are or how a car part is functioning.
Actually the car was fine...until this morning when it was DEAD AGAIN. I've also had this ongoing issue with my screeching belt which new guy even sprayed some lube on for me, which made it instantly worse. So much for lube...must be a man belt. New guy said he would look at my car tonight, but I can't wait that long. Besides, he has his own things to tend to, not to be bothered with all of my issues. Although, I'm sure that it would make him feel needed, something I really should work on in my relationships...which is another post.
I took my car into the shop this morning (after my issues with Susie GPS - she seemed to be hungover or too cold to function appropriately this morning. After turning her off several times, she began to work correctly - so yeah, she's so not a man GPS!) and advised of the battery and my squealing belt. After a good half hour, I asked if they could give me a status as my friend was there to give me a ride to work.
"The belts are squealing like a PIG. The battery is FINE. It's never been tuned up...EVER. We really don't know, YET."
I left there full of knowledge. Knowing nothing that I didn't know before I walked in to the shop! I also asked for an oil change since I just hit 3000 miles and I know that I've had my car tuned more than once, but I'm just a dumb brood and clearly I know when to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes.
The latest update call was that the belts are squealing. They think that maybe the alternator belt is bad and is draining the alternator and battery. They think. That's where they will start and then go from there.
Crap shoot. Darts. Pool. Car Repair....Hit some, Miss some...Weather Forecasting...At what point have we become OK with guessing and hoping for the best and when it's wrong, we accept that it's OK?
Seriously, when it comes to mechanical things, especially cars, I'm pretty incompetent. I take it in for the routine oil changes and the ever so often flat tires, but beyond that, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
Yesterday morning I was greeted with a dim dome light and knew immediately that the car wouldn't start. Despite earlier in the afternoon the day before that my trunk wouldn't close as the latch was engaged, I thought the car was fine. I did manage to drive home from the grocery warehouse without anything flying out of the open trunk. When I arrived home, I managed within two minutes and a screw driver, to fix the latch and all was good. Until the following morning when I heard that unfamiliar, "click...click...click..." DEAD.
My son and I walked next door and he was able to get a ride with the neighbors to school. I then went back to my car, put it in reverse and on my phone, proceeded to push it backwards out of my garage. I actually did pretty well, considering, but ended up at a standstill when I couldn't push the front tires into the snow. My girlfriend came over and I was able to use my new birthday present - jumper cables - and jumped the car. I even took it over to AutoZone and had the battery tested and was told it was FINE.
At what point is "FINE" ever "FINE"? Obviously not when someone tells you how they are or how a car part is functioning.
Actually the car was fine...until this morning when it was DEAD AGAIN. I've also had this ongoing issue with my screeching belt which new guy even sprayed some lube on for me, which made it instantly worse. So much for lube...must be a man belt. New guy said he would look at my car tonight, but I can't wait that long. Besides, he has his own things to tend to, not to be bothered with all of my issues. Although, I'm sure that it would make him feel needed, something I really should work on in my relationships...which is another post.
I took my car into the shop this morning (after my issues with Susie GPS - she seemed to be hungover or too cold to function appropriately this morning. After turning her off several times, she began to work correctly - so yeah, she's so not a man GPS!) and advised of the battery and my squealing belt. After a good half hour, I asked if they could give me a status as my friend was there to give me a ride to work.
"The belts are squealing like a PIG. The battery is FINE. It's never been tuned up...EVER. We really don't know, YET."
I left there full of knowledge. Knowing nothing that I didn't know before I walked in to the shop! I also asked for an oil change since I just hit 3000 miles and I know that I've had my car tuned more than once, but I'm just a dumb brood and clearly I know when to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes.
The latest update call was that the belts are squealing. They think that maybe the alternator belt is bad and is draining the alternator and battery. They think. That's where they will start and then go from there.
Crap shoot. Darts. Pool. Car Repair....Hit some, Miss some...Weather Forecasting...At what point have we become OK with guessing and hoping for the best and when it's wrong, we accept that it's OK?
Biggest Loser Week #2
The dreaded weigh in...
With Martin Luther King yesterday, today was our official weekly weigh in at the office. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Heck, I would have taken average, or nice compared to the downright U....G....L....Y....that glared upwardly at me. Damn scale...
This week brought an official weight gain of 1 pound. Clearly it could have been worse. If I had holed up in the house and ate Ho Ho's and sat on the couch all week long and then wore six layers of clothes to the weigh in. Yeah, then I might have actually gained 2 pounds.
Fear not though. I knew it was inevitable that I would gain weight. Because, that's what I do best. Weight and the scale are not, I repeat NOT friends.
Seeing that the thought of wearing even less clothes was out of the picture after my recent lecture of indecent office exposure for last week's weigh-in, I knew that in the dead of Michigan weather, wear for the worse, I would.
The frustrating thing though - I did eat, and respectively well. I even managed to drink some new vitamin crazy like zero calorie waters throughout the weekend boosting my water intake AND vitamins!
Exercise you say? Besides the endless hours of the Wii and battling the physical ailments of the WiiKnee and WiiShoulder (I had some records to beat!), I actually did some serious working out over the past week. I've worked out EVERY day, minimally with 6 miles of biking on the stationary bike, stairs, elliptical, snow shoeing, sledding, and two gym workouts yesterday which included the brutal Body Pump class after I did a 40 minute arm workout! And I may have even pushed my car mostly out of my garage, one handedly while on the phone and the car in reverse. Poor planning, people, poor planning.
Every muscle on my body aches. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
As much as I was hoping to be strong and independent and capable of doing things on my own, I'm truly going to have to cave in and hire a personal trainer. I'm on the brink of admitting defeat. I hate admitting failure.
My attempts at brutally beating myself to a pulp with workouts isn't working. Friends can't seem to understand what my problems are with gaining weight either with as much as I stay active and workout. Even with as much as I love S'mores Pop Tarts and chocolate, my addiction is not enough to gain weight.
So when I can actually use my fingers without pain, I'm actually going to pick up the phone and dial the gym to schedule an appointment with a personal trainer. Oh yeah, and after I learn of the financial damage I am accruing from my car. Sigh...
With Martin Luther King yesterday, today was our official weekly weigh in at the office. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Heck, I would have taken average, or nice compared to the downright U....G....L....Y....that glared upwardly at me. Damn scale...
This week brought an official weight gain of 1 pound. Clearly it could have been worse. If I had holed up in the house and ate Ho Ho's and sat on the couch all week long and then wore six layers of clothes to the weigh in. Yeah, then I might have actually gained 2 pounds.
Fear not though. I knew it was inevitable that I would gain weight. Because, that's what I do best. Weight and the scale are not, I repeat NOT friends.
Seeing that the thought of wearing even less clothes was out of the picture after my recent lecture of indecent office exposure for last week's weigh-in, I knew that in the dead of Michigan weather, wear for the worse, I would.
The frustrating thing though - I did eat, and respectively well. I even managed to drink some new vitamin crazy like zero calorie waters throughout the weekend boosting my water intake AND vitamins!
Exercise you say? Besides the endless hours of the Wii and battling the physical ailments of the WiiKnee and WiiShoulder (I had some records to beat!), I actually did some serious working out over the past week. I've worked out EVERY day, minimally with 6 miles of biking on the stationary bike, stairs, elliptical, snow shoeing, sledding, and two gym workouts yesterday which included the brutal Body Pump class after I did a 40 minute arm workout! And I may have even pushed my car mostly out of my garage, one handedly while on the phone and the car in reverse. Poor planning, people, poor planning.
Every muscle on my body aches. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
As much as I was hoping to be strong and independent and capable of doing things on my own, I'm truly going to have to cave in and hire a personal trainer. I'm on the brink of admitting defeat. I hate admitting failure.
My attempts at brutally beating myself to a pulp with workouts isn't working. Friends can't seem to understand what my problems are with gaining weight either with as much as I stay active and workout. Even with as much as I love S'mores Pop Tarts and chocolate, my addiction is not enough to gain weight.
So when I can actually use my fingers without pain, I'm actually going to pick up the phone and dial the gym to schedule an appointment with a personal trainer. Oh yeah, and after I learn of the financial damage I am accruing from my car. Sigh...
Friday, January 16, 2009
Chocolate Bubble Gum
I'm craving chocolate. Wait, craving would be inaccurate as I'm actually inhaling chocolate today! Then I had this thought, why isn't there chocolate gum? Of course I imagined that there must be, so I entrusted my good friend, google.com and learned the truth.
In fact, there was a Chocolate Bubble Gum back in the 80's manufactured by Bubble Yum. Additionally, Cadbury and a couple other companies intended on creating chocolate gum in the middle of 2008. One flavor being a mint chocolate gum.
Granted, I'm not a huge gum fan and when I am, it's more as a breath freshener than for the sheer desire of curbing hunger or a sweet tooth. If I was craving chocolate, I would eat chocolate. The thought of chocolate gum has never crossed my mind before today. I'm not sure that I would be a big fan of it, but if it did in fact curb the sweet tooth and the nagging, raging curse of devouring chocolate on a whim, sure I'd be game!
Chocolate gum...here I come!
In fact, there was a Chocolate Bubble Gum back in the 80's manufactured by Bubble Yum. Additionally, Cadbury and a couple other companies intended on creating chocolate gum in the middle of 2008. One flavor being a mint chocolate gum.
Granted, I'm not a huge gum fan and when I am, it's more as a breath freshener than for the sheer desire of curbing hunger or a sweet tooth. If I was craving chocolate, I would eat chocolate. The thought of chocolate gum has never crossed my mind before today. I'm not sure that I would be a big fan of it, but if it did in fact curb the sweet tooth and the nagging, raging curse of devouring chocolate on a whim, sure I'd be game!
Chocolate gum...here I come!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Surprises
Lately I've been pondering "surprises" a lot. I can't say that I'm a fan of being "surprised". I do think at times that I can be spontaneous, but I'm a planner by nature. I over analyze everything and I have to make sure that all the t's are crossed and i's are dotted.
I find that especially in new dating relationships, that surprises seem to always be an issue. I think if I were informed of all of the details I would be OK with not knowing (or maybe not). Last weekend I was asked out for Saturday afternoon. Plans were unbeknownst to me. I struggled with timing, attire, etc. for days. Finally, I just had to ask and get the details. I would have been completely inappropriate in my clothing option as I had thought from the clues that it was an outdoor activity, when in fact wearing warm clothes was only for walking from a parking structure inside a building!
There have been two significant times that I recall ever "surprising" someone. One was almost a decade ago...I was dating someone across the state and decided to drive over for a visit. I was greeted at the door by a frown and a "What are YOU doing here?" I don't even think he asked me in. He told me that he had studying to do and that I wasn't invited, although I was his girlfriend. Was. I left and never looked back. Not to say that I wasn't hurt and disappointed and feeling like the real dumbass I had become. Several years ago, healed from the pain of the first instance, I had purchased a birthday gift for the guy I had been seeing. He told me he had to head out of town for the evening. I decided to drive over to his place and leave the gift at his door, thinking it was a nice gesture of thoughtfulness. Wrong. To my surprise, he was home as well as had company. So as not to have injured pride, I still took the gift to the house (sans gift certificate) and placed it at the back door. Apparently someone in the house saw me and he came out. I was devastated. I wished him a happy birthday and walked away. Needless to say, he called me half a dozen times and even came to my house later. The relationship was done.
While those two surprises offered me insight into relationships that shouldn't have been, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be surprised. How long does it take before one is willing to be susceptible to the ramifications of a surprise?
I guess it boils down to the old adage, if you don't want to know the truth or an answer, don't ask. But the reality, if people were honest and trustful, it wouldn't matter would it? Surprise me!
I find that especially in new dating relationships, that surprises seem to always be an issue. I think if I were informed of all of the details I would be OK with not knowing (or maybe not). Last weekend I was asked out for Saturday afternoon. Plans were unbeknownst to me. I struggled with timing, attire, etc. for days. Finally, I just had to ask and get the details. I would have been completely inappropriate in my clothing option as I had thought from the clues that it was an outdoor activity, when in fact wearing warm clothes was only for walking from a parking structure inside a building!
There have been two significant times that I recall ever "surprising" someone. One was almost a decade ago...I was dating someone across the state and decided to drive over for a visit. I was greeted at the door by a frown and a "What are YOU doing here?" I don't even think he asked me in. He told me that he had studying to do and that I wasn't invited, although I was his girlfriend. Was. I left and never looked back. Not to say that I wasn't hurt and disappointed and feeling like the real dumbass I had become. Several years ago, healed from the pain of the first instance, I had purchased a birthday gift for the guy I had been seeing. He told me he had to head out of town for the evening. I decided to drive over to his place and leave the gift at his door, thinking it was a nice gesture of thoughtfulness. Wrong. To my surprise, he was home as well as had company. So as not to have injured pride, I still took the gift to the house (sans gift certificate) and placed it at the back door. Apparently someone in the house saw me and he came out. I was devastated. I wished him a happy birthday and walked away. Needless to say, he called me half a dozen times and even came to my house later. The relationship was done.
While those two surprises offered me insight into relationships that shouldn't have been, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be surprised. How long does it take before one is willing to be susceptible to the ramifications of a surprise?
I guess it boils down to the old adage, if you don't want to know the truth or an answer, don't ask. But the reality, if people were honest and trustful, it wouldn't matter would it? Surprise me!
Domestication Diva
Domesticated Diva, I am not. I can manage, when I need to. Afterall, I'm approaching mid-thirties quickly and have lived on my own since I was seventeen, minus a few roommates and a few years of that thing called...marriage. But for me, yeah that was like living on my own anyway.
I wouldn't be the first to admit that I'm crafty. The SuperMom, I am not. But, I manage. I can bake a dozen cookies and I've even learned the hard way that ice cream cone cupcakes are not, I repeat are not baked first and then shoved into the ice cream cone! Learning curve people, learning curve...
The other night, with my Super Woman strength, I lightly pulled on the velcro of my dvd player case, except it wasn't the opening. Within seconds, I found that I had tore open the bottom of the bag.
Today, I decided I would put my Martha Stewart, Home Economics skills to the test. (Ok, the Martha Stewart is a COMPLETE over exaggeration!) The truth be known, as I sat here and gave myself kudos for threading the needle without assistance (what are those things called an eye hook? No, a threader? Anyhow...) I started to reminisce about my 6th grade Home Ec class.
6th grade...How long ago that was. The exact grade that my son is in now, sans Home Economics. I recall the hand size teddy bear that I had to sew. Man it was U...G...L...Y. Truly only a stuffed animal a mother or a proud 6th grader could love. Since then, I can't say that I've increased my sewing abilities.
When I was pregnant (early 1997) I had decided that what would be better than to sew bedding for my new little one? How much more endearing could a working, 22 year, soon to be first time mother be than to offer blood, sweat, tears (and more explitives known to man), then to adore the nursery with homemade things? I bought my first (and only) sewing machine and even took the free sewing classes. Unfortunately I spent more time during the classes praying that God would have me go into labor than actually mastering sewing. My son's dad was even better at sewing than I was. Still to this day, threading the machine is a mystery (aka nightmare). A few years ago, I actually gave my mom my sewing machine since it was only collecting dust in the storage room in the original box. I did in fact make bedding, but somehow with my depth perception challenges I managed to make sheets twice as big as a twin mattress rather than a crib mattress! I did manage to make a cute lamp shade cover and glider cushion covers, but that was the extent of my sewing escapades.
Today, I can or should I say, I will only sew with a needle and thread, quick repair jobs. Most often, I deem sewing as frivolous and would rather buy something new than to think that my sewing abilities will withstand usage. But for some reason today, I decided to go back to those days of 6th grade and did quick simple sewing and I managed to sew the bag back together in one piece! I can't even tell that I sewed it and I didn't even sew the opening shut!
Kudos to me. Thank You 6th grade Home Economics for helping me become the Domesticated Diva that I am today!
I wouldn't be the first to admit that I'm crafty. The SuperMom, I am not. But, I manage. I can bake a dozen cookies and I've even learned the hard way that ice cream cone cupcakes are not, I repeat are not baked first and then shoved into the ice cream cone! Learning curve people, learning curve...
The other night, with my Super Woman strength, I lightly pulled on the velcro of my dvd player case, except it wasn't the opening. Within seconds, I found that I had tore open the bottom of the bag.
Today, I decided I would put my Martha Stewart, Home Economics skills to the test. (Ok, the Martha Stewart is a COMPLETE over exaggeration!) The truth be known, as I sat here and gave myself kudos for threading the needle without assistance (what are those things called an eye hook? No, a threader? Anyhow...) I started to reminisce about my 6th grade Home Ec class.
6th grade...How long ago that was. The exact grade that my son is in now, sans Home Economics. I recall the hand size teddy bear that I had to sew. Man it was U...G...L...Y. Truly only a stuffed animal a mother or a proud 6th grader could love. Since then, I can't say that I've increased my sewing abilities.
When I was pregnant (early 1997) I had decided that what would be better than to sew bedding for my new little one? How much more endearing could a working, 22 year, soon to be first time mother be than to offer blood, sweat, tears (and more explitives known to man), then to adore the nursery with homemade things? I bought my first (and only) sewing machine and even took the free sewing classes. Unfortunately I spent more time during the classes praying that God would have me go into labor than actually mastering sewing. My son's dad was even better at sewing than I was. Still to this day, threading the machine is a mystery (aka nightmare). A few years ago, I actually gave my mom my sewing machine since it was only collecting dust in the storage room in the original box. I did in fact make bedding, but somehow with my depth perception challenges I managed to make sheets twice as big as a twin mattress rather than a crib mattress! I did manage to make a cute lamp shade cover and glider cushion covers, but that was the extent of my sewing escapades.
Today, I can or should I say, I will only sew with a needle and thread, quick repair jobs. Most often, I deem sewing as frivolous and would rather buy something new than to think that my sewing abilities will withstand usage. But for some reason today, I decided to go back to those days of 6th grade and did quick simple sewing and I managed to sew the bag back together in one piece! I can't even tell that I sewed it and I didn't even sew the opening shut!
Kudos to me. Thank You 6th grade Home Economics for helping me become the Domesticated Diva that I am today!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Impulsive Investment
Most of the time, I'm not impulsive. I over analyze things to death (fortunately not my own death). That's not to say that I can't be spontaneous, but I'm grounded and analytical and realistic.
Last summer, pre-economic destruction, my mom had mentioned an interest in buying a house on the west side of Michigan. I understand that it was a futuristic thought, in the event that life changes occurred and she had the desire to start new - sans acres of mowing and plowing. I drove by a really cute house on my way home from my son's basketball practice and decided to find it online. Find it I did, as well as many other houses in the area.
With the economy the way it is, houses can be located almost dirt cheap. Not that I live in Detroit or anything, so maybe dirt cheap is a slight exaggeration, but a house on my street is listed at $59,900 that sold in 2005 for $121,000. Amazing.
I found myself in a whirlwind for the next 18 hours straight of the possibilities for this house. It was listed as "super cute, 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath" that needed "paint". I could use it as a rental home, paint it and give it TLC on the weekends and take care of the snow and lawn as it's within walking distance! How great would that be?
I called my girlfriend that does mortgages on the side. She gave me her two cents worth on the ins and outs, pros and cons. I called and scheduled a walk through of the vacant, foreclosed house, for that afternoon.
Then, I saw the house.
Despite the realtor suggesting that I low bid at $30,000 and get a FHA loan and contract out the work, there is no way that as a single mother, I could tackle the work that was required in this house. There was nothing even remotely cute about the inside of the house. The recently updated kitchen would have benefited from being completely gutted. Of course if money and time was no object, it would be an ideal project, but in the housing market and the inability to consider renting it in any near future, no thanks.
So my less than 24 hour impulsive investment was thwarted. While it may clearly have been a great investment, I do understand when things are more than I can handle!
Last summer, pre-economic destruction, my mom had mentioned an interest in buying a house on the west side of Michigan. I understand that it was a futuristic thought, in the event that life changes occurred and she had the desire to start new - sans acres of mowing and plowing. I drove by a really cute house on my way home from my son's basketball practice and decided to find it online. Find it I did, as well as many other houses in the area.
With the economy the way it is, houses can be located almost dirt cheap. Not that I live in Detroit or anything, so maybe dirt cheap is a slight exaggeration, but a house on my street is listed at $59,900 that sold in 2005 for $121,000. Amazing.
I found myself in a whirlwind for the next 18 hours straight of the possibilities for this house. It was listed as "super cute, 3 bedroom, 1.5 bath" that needed "paint". I could use it as a rental home, paint it and give it TLC on the weekends and take care of the snow and lawn as it's within walking distance! How great would that be?
I called my girlfriend that does mortgages on the side. She gave me her two cents worth on the ins and outs, pros and cons. I called and scheduled a walk through of the vacant, foreclosed house, for that afternoon.
Then, I saw the house.
Despite the realtor suggesting that I low bid at $30,000 and get a FHA loan and contract out the work, there is no way that as a single mother, I could tackle the work that was required in this house. There was nothing even remotely cute about the inside of the house. The recently updated kitchen would have benefited from being completely gutted. Of course if money and time was no object, it would be an ideal project, but in the housing market and the inability to consider renting it in any near future, no thanks.
So my less than 24 hour impulsive investment was thwarted. While it may clearly have been a great investment, I do understand when things are more than I can handle!
Communication
For the first time in almost a decade, I'm in a dating relationship that doesn't seem to be evolving through internet communication. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Regardless of how I've met the person that I date, we have always communicated throughout the day by email. I suppose it's exacerbated by the fact that I sit in front of a computer all day long as do most of those that I have dated.
I've also learned that more than anything (ok, maybe not ANYTHING) I can't stand email communication. It's great for a quick thought or message or to get something, nothing beats the timeliness of an internet email message, but thought and feelings can't be deciphered through the receiving and reading of an email. With every failed relationship, I vow to not use emailing as a means of communicating in dating, and yet I do, time and time again.
It's easy. It's quick. It's accessible. It's misconstrued. It's misunderstood. It's headache and heartache. Or maybe that's just a relationship as it evolves through the stages. Maybe not.
Now I find myself dating someone that doesn't have a desk job. He doesn't have a computer readily available at a moment's notice. He doesn't text me or instant message me on a regular basis. He isn't computer savvy, and while I am, I would prefer to not date via computer technology or any other gidget or gadget that may be out there.
We are getting to know each other - get this - in person. We also spend a lot of time on the phone when in person just isn't realistic.
Bring me back to the stone age of communication and dating. I welcome it with arms wide open!
I've also learned that more than anything (ok, maybe not ANYTHING) I can't stand email communication. It's great for a quick thought or message or to get something, nothing beats the timeliness of an internet email message, but thought and feelings can't be deciphered through the receiving and reading of an email. With every failed relationship, I vow to not use emailing as a means of communicating in dating, and yet I do, time and time again.
It's easy. It's quick. It's accessible. It's misconstrued. It's misunderstood. It's headache and heartache. Or maybe that's just a relationship as it evolves through the stages. Maybe not.
Now I find myself dating someone that doesn't have a desk job. He doesn't have a computer readily available at a moment's notice. He doesn't text me or instant message me on a regular basis. He isn't computer savvy, and while I am, I would prefer to not date via computer technology or any other gidget or gadget that may be out there.
We are getting to know each other - get this - in person. We also spend a lot of time on the phone when in person just isn't realistic.
Bring me back to the stone age of communication and dating. I welcome it with arms wide open!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Weight update & Irate
Monday morning...Biggest Loser weigh in. Knowing as I know myself oh so well, can only mean that I've gained weight. Regardless of the handful of workouts that I may do, the food choices I make, etc. I gain weight. I guess it's what I'm good at.
Knowing last week that I wore a little heavier pants and kept my boots on for the weigh in, I knew that unless I really screwed up I could convince the scale that in fact I had lost weight. So I threw on a pair of dress pants, a sleeveless top (that the ex-BF's mom bought me for Christmas two years ago) and a long sleeved light throw over jacket. I took my boots off for the weigh in and found myself weighing 2.6 pounds less than last Monday.
Clearly, no weight loss for cheering about. In reality though, last Monday in my pj's I stepped on the scale. This morning sans jeans and shirt fresh from clearing the driveway I weighed the exact same, so I knew that I actually may have lost a pound or so. So kudos to me.
After weighing in, my cubicle seemed warm and I took off my over jacket. I joined my co-worker for a stroll across the office to grab some hot water for apple cider. (There is a purpose for this, I promise...)
About a half hour later, I was called into my boss' office. I put back on my jacket and followed her to her office. She closed the door behind her. Apparently I had offended someone(s) with my dress attire. The dress code policy was pushed across the desk at me and my boss told me that she read the policy and nowhere in it did I VIOLATE THE DRESS CODE POLICY; however, my attire was deemed "offensive" and "inappropriate" to others and that I needed to "cover" up to be more respectful.
Mind you, I WAS PISSED. It took me several hours to get over it! The audacity that some people have. If I had cleavage, it may have shown...
Anyhow...I happened to read my horoscope for today and it deemed most fitting:
"Here is your horoscope for Monday, January 12: Your ego isn't exactly on the line today, but you might feel a bit smooshed by annoying or rude people. Try to just grin and bear it -- escalating into a conflict isn't a good idea at all."
Knowing last week that I wore a little heavier pants and kept my boots on for the weigh in, I knew that unless I really screwed up I could convince the scale that in fact I had lost weight. So I threw on a pair of dress pants, a sleeveless top (that the ex-BF's mom bought me for Christmas two years ago) and a long sleeved light throw over jacket. I took my boots off for the weigh in and found myself weighing 2.6 pounds less than last Monday.
Clearly, no weight loss for cheering about. In reality though, last Monday in my pj's I stepped on the scale. This morning sans jeans and shirt fresh from clearing the driveway I weighed the exact same, so I knew that I actually may have lost a pound or so. So kudos to me.
After weighing in, my cubicle seemed warm and I took off my over jacket. I joined my co-worker for a stroll across the office to grab some hot water for apple cider. (There is a purpose for this, I promise...)
About a half hour later, I was called into my boss' office. I put back on my jacket and followed her to her office. She closed the door behind her. Apparently I had offended someone(s) with my dress attire. The dress code policy was pushed across the desk at me and my boss told me that she read the policy and nowhere in it did I VIOLATE THE DRESS CODE POLICY; however, my attire was deemed "offensive" and "inappropriate" to others and that I needed to "cover" up to be more respectful.
Mind you, I WAS PISSED. It took me several hours to get over it! The audacity that some people have. If I had cleavage, it may have shown...
Anyhow...I happened to read my horoscope for today and it deemed most fitting:
"Here is your horoscope for Monday, January 12: Your ego isn't exactly on the line today, but you might feel a bit smooshed by annoying or rude people. Try to just grin and bear it -- escalating into a conflict isn't a good idea at all."
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Spin Out
Last night was my Wednesday night outing (er date) which included my son. I chose to go to Craigs Cruisers for "Wristband Wednesday". Was actually a really good thing to bring my son (as competition buffer) since said date races cars all summer long!
The weather was for crap last night. I delightfully managed to not only slide down the small downward slope of my driveway, I managed to slide so much that I was parallel (yes parallel/ON TOP OF - because I really AM THAT GOOD) with the sidewalk! Of course my gut instinct, first racing thought beyond the expletives was to just drive ON the sidewalk until the next block! Deciding that wasn't the most brilliant of ideas, especially with my most influential son in the backseat, I did my best attempt to turn the car 90 degrees and attempt to drive back UP the driveway to straighten the car out! Fortunately, I was successful and only managed to continue to destroy a small part (aka another of my own lawn jobs) of my yard, again.
GPS on, navigated to date's house, off we went. Not far, about another block, I managed to slide through the street that my quickly irritating new best friend Susie GPS advised to turn. At this point, I was ready to bag the whole date idea, return back to the comfort of my home - if I managed to get up the driveway - and hibernate under several tie blankets hoping none of them happened to tie themselves around my neck. Ok, it wasn't THAT bad, yet.
Susie GPS continued to navigate me, me sliding every which way possible another handful of times, over the next mile span. I could only hope that leaving the county would prove better road conditions. Hope. Quickly I found myself at a light behind 20 or so cars, all turning left. One, two lights later and advancing one car, I decided to turn around and put Ms. Susie to the test.
Other than going straight through a couple more recommended turns, we did make it to date's house a little less than 10 minutes late. In my mind (can't he read it?) I was thinking we should just stay at his house and play air hockey and pool and hangout. He had another idea and was in the driveway waiting on us, shoveling and playing with his girls (I mean dogs). The largest dog was so excited to see a car that I almost hit her, repeatedly. That would have been a great continuation of the night! So I stopped the car to avoid hitting her, although I likely wouldn't have (date wasn't concerned - but he clearly doesn't know my SKILLS well enough!). In stopping the car, I managed to get the car stuck. T laughed and seriously thought that I was stuck, so I turned back on the car to prove I really wasn't, that time.
The drive with the four of us (yes, Susie GPS is officially a member of my car) we headed en route to Wyoming/Grand Rapids. We had one minor detour as the road was blocked by a police car in attempt to get to the entrance of the highway. So back roads, we continued on because clearly I ain't no wimp.
We did make it there, about 40 minutes later than I had initially planned. In the parking lot I managed to pick a spot in front of a parking lamp and almost slid into it, fortunately I had about 4cm to spare (did I mention - I'm good like that?).
Due to the weather, Craigs Cruisers wasn't busy at all. We continuously got back in line for the go karts without having to wait, so that was super cool. The first race I crushed. Ok, so it was really all about THE CAR. But, I'm OK with that. The second race, some female driver smashed into the wall - it really wasn't any of my doing - and then my car inched along and the employees apologized repeatedly. I seriously felt like I was trapped in the twilight zone of the elderly as others flew by me. Like a time warp of sorts.
We had a great night. We did the bumper cars, the obstacle ropes course and two games of laser tag. Other than the fact that my son repeatedly called my date by the wrong name, I would say it went very well and we had a blast!
Icing on the cake...the last race we were all congested and so I was messing around with another driver and we managed to wedge ourselves against the wall and needed "rescuing". I had caused one race to stop by spinning someone out, T had caused the race to stop by being spun out, now it was my turn. I was all good with it. On the last lap, I managed to catch my date and spun him out into the wall! It was classic. So I might be just a little competitive!
The ride home was pretty uneventful, although I managed to almost get stuck in the parking lot. I was able to get out of it, which was good as we were all pretty cold from the impromptu snowball fight while clearing off the car! Ah, the bonuses of winter...
The weather was for crap last night. I delightfully managed to not only slide down the small downward slope of my driveway, I managed to slide so much that I was parallel (yes parallel/ON TOP OF - because I really AM THAT GOOD) with the sidewalk! Of course my gut instinct, first racing thought beyond the expletives was to just drive ON the sidewalk until the next block! Deciding that wasn't the most brilliant of ideas, especially with my most influential son in the backseat, I did my best attempt to turn the car 90 degrees and attempt to drive back UP the driveway to straighten the car out! Fortunately, I was successful and only managed to continue to destroy a small part (aka another of my own lawn jobs) of my yard, again.
GPS on, navigated to date's house, off we went. Not far, about another block, I managed to slide through the street that my quickly irritating new best friend Susie GPS advised to turn. At this point, I was ready to bag the whole date idea, return back to the comfort of my home - if I managed to get up the driveway - and hibernate under several tie blankets hoping none of them happened to tie themselves around my neck. Ok, it wasn't THAT bad, yet.
Susie GPS continued to navigate me, me sliding every which way possible another handful of times, over the next mile span. I could only hope that leaving the county would prove better road conditions. Hope. Quickly I found myself at a light behind 20 or so cars, all turning left. One, two lights later and advancing one car, I decided to turn around and put Ms. Susie to the test.
Other than going straight through a couple more recommended turns, we did make it to date's house a little less than 10 minutes late. In my mind (can't he read it?) I was thinking we should just stay at his house and play air hockey and pool and hangout. He had another idea and was in the driveway waiting on us, shoveling and playing with his girls (I mean dogs). The largest dog was so excited to see a car that I almost hit her, repeatedly. That would have been a great continuation of the night! So I stopped the car to avoid hitting her, although I likely wouldn't have (date wasn't concerned - but he clearly doesn't know my SKILLS well enough!). In stopping the car, I managed to get the car stuck. T laughed and seriously thought that I was stuck, so I turned back on the car to prove I really wasn't, that time.
The drive with the four of us (yes, Susie GPS is officially a member of my car) we headed en route to Wyoming/Grand Rapids. We had one minor detour as the road was blocked by a police car in attempt to get to the entrance of the highway. So back roads, we continued on because clearly I ain't no wimp.
We did make it there, about 40 minutes later than I had initially planned. In the parking lot I managed to pick a spot in front of a parking lamp and almost slid into it, fortunately I had about 4cm to spare (did I mention - I'm good like that?).
Due to the weather, Craigs Cruisers wasn't busy at all. We continuously got back in line for the go karts without having to wait, so that was super cool. The first race I crushed. Ok, so it was really all about THE CAR. But, I'm OK with that. The second race, some female driver smashed into the wall - it really wasn't any of my doing - and then my car inched along and the employees apologized repeatedly. I seriously felt like I was trapped in the twilight zone of the elderly as others flew by me. Like a time warp of sorts.
We had a great night. We did the bumper cars, the obstacle ropes course and two games of laser tag. Other than the fact that my son repeatedly called my date by the wrong name, I would say it went very well and we had a blast!
Icing on the cake...the last race we were all congested and so I was messing around with another driver and we managed to wedge ourselves against the wall and needed "rescuing". I had caused one race to stop by spinning someone out, T had caused the race to stop by being spun out, now it was my turn. I was all good with it. On the last lap, I managed to catch my date and spun him out into the wall! It was classic. So I might be just a little competitive!
The ride home was pretty uneventful, although I managed to almost get stuck in the parking lot. I was able to get out of it, which was good as we were all pretty cold from the impromptu snowball fight while clearing off the car! Ah, the bonuses of winter...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Attention Span
I seem to have more and more difficulty focusing and concentrating. I seem to have a short(er) attention span, as of late.
Things that once kept my attention, don't. I'm bored. I'm irritated at my boredom.
Nothing seems to maintain my grasped attention. Things I once enjoyed, I don't.
Clearly, as I type this...depression screenings, self-help books, warnings, anti-depressants are running rampant through my mind.
This is isn't the first time I've ever felt this way. And, I'm not depressed.
I'm just directionless. Motivationless (work with me - I can use whatever verbage I choose to delegate - real or fictitious!).
I am lacking the drive. Lacking determination. Lacking direction.
I'M BORED.
I clearly have entirely WAY too much time on my hands. I can't seem to find anything to entertain myself to get through the monotony of the business day, as work is nowhere to be found for me. So I wait. I hope. I wait some more.
Yesterday I managed to completely organize 500 pictures into a photo album (sans journaling - so it wasn't that difficult!) from my Europe trip last April. It took me less than 1.5 hours and that was doing other things as well in the interim.
I've scanned multitude of blogs, blogs of notes, blogs of blog rolls, blogs of blogs...really, it was that bad. I can't find anything that is keeping my attention.
Worse yet, I'm totally losing interest in the Biggest Loser. I think the new season is too close to the last season and I am entirely SICK of all of the commercials and repeats after EVERY commercial. Seriously, show me the entire show, all 32 minutes of the 2 hours and I'll be content. Maybe.
I have considered making all day about some random workout method. From doing squats to sitting without a chair to build thigh muscles. I have considered doing stairs every hour if not more often and have been doing a couple hundred a day.
I'm getting tired and restless thinking of all the ways to pass the time. I still have no interest in going back to school. I can't seem to find a hobby that I can do while I'm at work either. Any suggestions?
Things that once kept my attention, don't. I'm bored. I'm irritated at my boredom.
Nothing seems to maintain my grasped attention. Things I once enjoyed, I don't.
Clearly, as I type this...depression screenings, self-help books, warnings, anti-depressants are running rampant through my mind.
This is isn't the first time I've ever felt this way. And, I'm not depressed.
I'm just directionless. Motivationless (work with me - I can use whatever verbage I choose to delegate - real or fictitious!).
I am lacking the drive. Lacking determination. Lacking direction.
I'M BORED.
I clearly have entirely WAY too much time on my hands. I can't seem to find anything to entertain myself to get through the monotony of the business day, as work is nowhere to be found for me. So I wait. I hope. I wait some more.
Yesterday I managed to completely organize 500 pictures into a photo album (sans journaling - so it wasn't that difficult!) from my Europe trip last April. It took me less than 1.5 hours and that was doing other things as well in the interim.
I've scanned multitude of blogs, blogs of notes, blogs of blog rolls, blogs of blogs...really, it was that bad. I can't find anything that is keeping my attention.
Worse yet, I'm totally losing interest in the Biggest Loser. I think the new season is too close to the last season and I am entirely SICK of all of the commercials and repeats after EVERY commercial. Seriously, show me the entire show, all 32 minutes of the 2 hours and I'll be content. Maybe.
I have considered making all day about some random workout method. From doing squats to sitting without a chair to build thigh muscles. I have considered doing stairs every hour if not more often and have been doing a couple hundred a day.
I'm getting tired and restless thinking of all the ways to pass the time. I still have no interest in going back to school. I can't seem to find a hobby that I can do while I'm at work either. Any suggestions?
Monday, January 5, 2009
Drown
I just read that I should be drinking half of my body weight in water, per day!
I am preparing myself to DROWN.
I am preparing myself to DROWN.
Lost Bet Anxiety
One of my biggest issues is planning. I can usually plan things pretty well, when they pertain to only me. I have serious issues when it comes to making plans involving other people.
Maybe it boils down to my ultimate fear of disappointment.
Last night, I found myself losing yet another bet. This one, to plan a date in three days. Simple enough, right? Right, if you were anyone but ME.
I seriously racked my brain for an hour. I went online and searched ideas and happenings around the area. I've considered ridiculous dates that would further prevent such anxiety ridden bets in the future - what guy wouldn't want joint manicure, pedicure and tanning sessions?
He did tell me that the date could be about me. It could be something I've always wanted to do, something he would want to do, or anything in between. Great.
So I've gone from the boring to the extreme to everything in between. I seriously wouldn't have had an issue with just saying, "Hey do you want to get together for...on....?" But the pressure and the additional stress of having to fulfill a bet and impress?
I know it shouldn't be this serious. I even shared with him my first 100 options, which I think he spent the majority of the conversation laughing at me!
Why are somethings so ultimately easy while others are so painstakingly difficult?
To boot, I'm finding that I'm constantly itching and broken out in some type of rash or hives, it must be anxiety (honestly - I think it's an allergic reaction to my non-New Years resolution to use lotion to alleviate dry skin and I'm breaking out to the non-allergenic, fragrance free Eucerin - How does that happen???). It just sounds better to say that it's anxiety related.
Oh, and then I just received a call that my son's dad has to go out of town, so our date night won't be happening anyway. How do I try to explain that I'm not bailing on my responsibility of owning up to a loss bet?
What's worse, how in the world can I function until we reschedule when my thoughts are racked by this "date"?
Prozac....here I come!
Maybe it boils down to my ultimate fear of disappointment.
Last night, I found myself losing yet another bet. This one, to plan a date in three days. Simple enough, right? Right, if you were anyone but ME.
I seriously racked my brain for an hour. I went online and searched ideas and happenings around the area. I've considered ridiculous dates that would further prevent such anxiety ridden bets in the future - what guy wouldn't want joint manicure, pedicure and tanning sessions?
He did tell me that the date could be about me. It could be something I've always wanted to do, something he would want to do, or anything in between. Great.
So I've gone from the boring to the extreme to everything in between. I seriously wouldn't have had an issue with just saying, "Hey do you want to get together for...on....?" But the pressure and the additional stress of having to fulfill a bet and impress?
I know it shouldn't be this serious. I even shared with him my first 100 options, which I think he spent the majority of the conversation laughing at me!
Why are somethings so ultimately easy while others are so painstakingly difficult?
To boot, I'm finding that I'm constantly itching and broken out in some type of rash or hives, it must be anxiety (honestly - I think it's an allergic reaction to my non-New Years resolution to use lotion to alleviate dry skin and I'm breaking out to the non-allergenic, fragrance free Eucerin - How does that happen???). It just sounds better to say that it's anxiety related.
Oh, and then I just received a call that my son's dad has to go out of town, so our date night won't be happening anyway. How do I try to explain that I'm not bailing on my responsibility of owning up to a loss bet?
What's worse, how in the world can I function until we reschedule when my thoughts are racked by this "date"?
Prozac....here I come!
Biggest Loser
I have survived the holidays, without incident. I had great times hanging out with the family and spending time with my nephews that I see far too seldom.
I didn't manage to make any New Years Resolutions this year. Why further disappoint myself? There are many things that I can change and work on, but why fully acknowledge them and hold myself accountable?
Speaking of accountable, I just joined our work "Biggest Loser" competition. In good fun, I even considered adding the ankle or wrist weights that have been stashed in my rolling file cabinets. I'm pretty sure that I won't be the biggest loser by any means, but a little camaraderie and motivation to get back into working out never hurt!
I'm also looking forward to the new season of Biggest Loser beginning tomorrow on NBC. If only my son's basketball coach understood my love for BL, he would schedule practices that didn't conflict!
I didn't manage to make any New Years Resolutions this year. Why further disappoint myself? There are many things that I can change and work on, but why fully acknowledge them and hold myself accountable?
Speaking of accountable, I just joined our work "Biggest Loser" competition. In good fun, I even considered adding the ankle or wrist weights that have been stashed in my rolling file cabinets. I'm pretty sure that I won't be the biggest loser by any means, but a little camaraderie and motivation to get back into working out never hurt!
I'm also looking forward to the new season of Biggest Loser beginning tomorrow on NBC. If only my son's basketball coach understood my love for BL, he would schedule practices that didn't conflict!
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