Europe

I'm in the midst of planning for my "dream vacation". That one thing you dream of all your life and wonder how it will affect you when it's all said and done. I've always wanted to go to Europe, ever since I was young. The idea of travelling across the world and the vast experiences of culture, language, and people seem so intriguing. I managed to visit Yugoslavia once when I was 16, other than that my international travels have been limited to jaunts in and out of Canada.

My New Years Resolution to myself, besides becoming newly single, was to stop dreaming or wanting and start living. I'm not getting any younger, and why wait until the ripe old age of retirement (whenever that may be!) to enjoy life? So I did it...I called a travel agent and booked my trip. I have little preconceived notions or high expectations. After all, it's a vacation - time off work and time to discover new things and rediscover myself. I figure if I never make it back to Europe, at least I am going to see as much as possible in the time I have. I will be visiting France, Italy, Switzerland, Austria, Germany, Holland, Belgium and England.

I am not the type of person to fantasize. I'm a realist. I live for the hear and now. I'm pretty grounded and to sum it up, pretty boring. If you look up stable in the dictionary - no I'm not the horse or the pasture, but somewhere near stability - that's me. :)

I know people that dream of things their entire life only to be disappointed. It's great to dream and have goals and especially achieving those, but being a realist I have found seems to keep me sane and even keel. I have a difficult time understanding women that dream of their wedding their entire life from childhood or look for the perfect spouse, perfect house, perfect job, etc. Well, maybe that was my problem...I didn't have those dreams, so maybe my expectations were minimized and unfulfilled. Afterall, I've had my share of hardships and life lessons, all which have made me stronger.

For now I won't talk about the after trip - since of course it hasn't happened yet. I do have to admit that the worries of travel are setting in. The undiagnosed anxiety is creeping within and the thoughts that I didn't make time for my will in the event of my untimely demise or that I never did update my organ donor registration on my license, or who will know how to access my million different passwords to everything in my life and how I function...and then the truth hits...it will be OK. I will be OK and if my time comes, everyone else that I love and have touched in my life will be OK too. For there is a time and a place for everything and more importantly, there is a reason.