Monday, March 31, 2008

Countdown Continues

Time is dwindling away and before I know it, I will be boarding the plane. I have the suitcase, the second one packed. Have you ever tried to weigh a suitcase? That was a feat in and of itself! Twelve attempts later, I'm sure I may have some ballpark idea of the weight. I think I have a few extra pounds, but it's really hard to say. Not going to be much to add as far as souvenirs go, that's for sure!

Fortunately the weather cooperated with MY plan and it rained all day. This canceled baseball practice and reduced the running around for the evening. I didn't manage to leave the office all day - so daytime errands obviously didn't happen. Good thing there is always tomorrow!

My carry-on seems to be plenty big enough. I could probably pack a friend of choice in it, although not sure how I would manage to carry it! I'm truly hoping I don't have any problems with my luggage since I'm not packing a change of clothes in my carry-on. Hoping for the best :)

I'm off to go pamper my toes in front of the last movie I have to watch - Things We Lost In The Fire. Since I'm so big on the nail polish - I of course couldn't find the clearish color I was looking for so I opted for the next color - brown. Um yeah, I think I've gone brain dead with all the craziness of the past few months and then packing/stressing for the trip!

Monday Movie Muse

Movies in review, this was a pretty quiet week for movies, with family being the major theme.

Enchanted: Enjoyed this movie. Cute movie of sleeping beauty, Cinderella modern age all rolled into one. Of course my favorite character was chipmunk Pip.

The Seeker: I can't say I made it though this movie, as sleep became me. BUT, my son said it was OK although he wasn't thrilled with the ending. He preferred Water Horse more.

Water Horse: Really enjoyed this movie. Laughed, cried (so as my son says, it must have been good!), definitely recommend it for family viewing.

Rendition: Only adult movie of the week. I like Reese Witherspoon, but not sure that this movie did much for me. Took me three attempts to get through the entire movie and I was disappointed with the ending. I know others that really liked it. Maybe I wasn't in the mood for a torture flick, afterall I would rent Hostel again if I was.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Packing Dilemma

I'm really beginning to make headway on my packing. REALLY, I AM. I think I have packed enough inappropriate clothing for the entire summer! I'm really hoping that the weather cooperates, otherwise, I don't think my long hooded, sleeveless sweater and new striped umbrella are going to cut it. Good thing for my flower pot hat though! There may be hope yet!

I figure though, seeing that the winter has been so brutally cold, 50 degrees will seem like Spring/Summer, right? Besides, if I'm going to feasibly spend at least 1/3 of my trip, if not more, in some sort of mode of transportation, then I should be in comfortable traveling attire. Which to my benefit, is far lighter than outdoor winter/spring attire. Well, that's my story anyway.

Sometimes, ok more than sometimes, I can be really anal. I weighed (with that new scale) two prospective suitcases to see which one I wanted to take. I went with the one that was slightly larger as they weighed the exact same. I then measured the suitcase, like four times - you know they grow when under observation! I think it means the guidelines. Yes, it's true I'm not 100% sure. If I jam pack it, then it may not. JA suggested I put the smaller suitcase in the trunk "just in case" I have to repack. Wow, 'cause packing the first time was so much fun. But great idea since whatelse do I do in the 3+ hours before my international flight? ;) Then there is my handbag. It looks smaller than the picture - but so does that quart-size bag for liquids in the carry on! The measurement of that bag is about 1" wider and higher. It's been a while since I flew, but before if you could cram it under the seat, it was good. Here's hoping it will work!

I'm really not completely stressed out about the whole packing or leaving thing...yet. I think I have all the bills paid - even just freaked out about the mortgage and went to pay it...again! Love that! The mail is stopped. My son now has an email account for communication from me and my family - here's hoping he can access it! I'm getting ready to scan all of my documents for copies and to email them - just in case. Somehow it always seems like planning, prep and cleanup take a lot longer than the actual trip/event. But the memories of the trip will far surpass!

Passwords & Bills

I'm so tired of passwords. Passwords to protect passwords which may protect passwords of what? What is up with all the rules for passwords? I swear they are created to make the common person go insane! Dude, I got issues.

It's pretty sad when I have to reference my password sheet to remember my password. Seriously, how secure is that when I have that in the open? Ok, so maybe not in the open, but somewhere close to reference. I actually have a spreadsheet of all my passwords. Although I haven't quite decided what will happen when I can't access the spreadsheet because I forgot the password to login to my computer or to access the spreadsheet.

Quickly looking at my spreadsheet, I have about 30 different passwords listed. I know that this isn't all the passwords that I use. Of course every single password seems to be different as the "new technology" seems to be creating more bizarre rules of creating passwords in the first place. Not to mention all the security questions - do you really think my answer will be the same today as it was yesterday? I'm a woman for Pete's sakes!

I just went to pay a few bills online. If I didn't reference my password sheet, I seriously could have been at it all night! None of them had the same login or password. I have tried to mainstream them, to no avail. Oh yeah, the latest login I did for my cell phone - I misspelled my login and now I have to create another account because customer service says it can't be changed. SUPER. Nothing like the passwords that have to have a certain amount of characters including numbers, symbols and a capital letter. Then there are the ones that are too short or too long. It's enough to make one go MAD!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Legs & Pants

I would like to think that I have an athletic build. It makes me feel better, almost. I can't run for the life of me and I can't even blame that on two knee surgeries. Before my second knee surgery, I use to play co-ed and women's softball. My ex-husband use to make fun of the fact that I could hit the ball and then when he thought I should be on second I wasn't even at first! I never claimed to be fast. I can almost walk faster than I can run/jog. It's just not my thing. Maybe I'm big-boned, but I think I'm more big-muscled. That just seems or is it sounds better.

I have always been heavier than the majority of my friends. They all had/have petite body frames. The majority of men that I seem to date, I seem to weigh more then them also. Yeah, that's reassuring. I can say that I'm pretty strong, for a woman - or my light weight ex's weren't that strong. I have very large thighs but the adage that muscle weighs more than fat never seems to be too reassuring. A few of the guys that I have dated have even encouraged me to consider body building, saying I have the frame/build for it. Maybe that was their way of trying to tell me to get in shape the politically correct way ;)

Anyway, in past relationships I also feel like I wear the pants. This isn't a role that I prefer to take. Even though I suppose I may have a dominant and controlling personality. I do appreciate being taken care of, when I want or need to be. I prefer to put my head on someone else's shoulder and feel comforted and safe with them than vice versa. But today sealed the deal for me. Total confirmation of my role in life.

I'm not a huge shopper. I prefer to not shop. Sometimes it's just necessary. Of course today wasn't one of those days, but it was a day that I felt that it was time to try to get rid of all of the 1/2 used gift cards. Back to the Gap Outlet we went. I tried on probably 6 pairs of capris, shorts and jeans...women's. Then I tried on 2 pair of men's pants - one cargo and one jeans. And of course what fit me the best? The men's. Yep, guess that says it all. Who says if the shoe fits wear it? If the pants fit...

Scale

I've managed to go my entire life having never purchased a scale. Not that this is a huge accomplishment or anything, but I am clearly anti-scale. I do occasionally step on a scale, always disgruntled and disgusted afterward. There is a scale hidden in the women's locker room of the employee bathroom and about every few weeks or so, I would weigh myself. Then, I stopped working in that office regularly. Maybe it was the constant horrific reminder of an ever looming number that would psychologically keep my numbers similar. Hard to say.

Today I took the plunge. The plunge into the dark abyss and I feel as if I will never climb free. Of course my son was the one super thrilled about the new purchase of a health-o-meter scale. I wish it could make me healthy and I could will it to show some magic beautiful number. My real purpose of buying the scale besides it seemed like a good deal - was the thought that I could go over my 50# weight limit for my upcoming trip. And the idea that I wouldn't be able to procrastinate until the very last minute to pack as I would have to either guess or weigh it at work or on a friend's scale, none of the options which seemed very feasible or realistic.

Maybe my new found realism "friend" will kick my !@# into shape by showing me beautiful black numbers in the blue screen which make me want to vomit and force me to make lifestyle changes. Or maybe it will make me want to try the shot put with my new found friend to see how many pieces I can bust it into when it continues to refuse to show me what I want to see! Ah plan B, I can see it now.

Temptation

Why is it that when someone says "NO" it seems like that is when we really want it? Refraining from something on an every day basis might be easy until we are told we can't. What is it about human nature that causes this?

My son had to fast last night for some blood work this morning. I fasted along with him. He definitely eats more frequently than I do, so this was a struggle for him, especially this morning. He thought he was going to die without breakfast this morning and at 7:15a.m. this morning he was already having difficulty settling his rumbling stomach. Fortunately he knew, and to my benefit, he had to wait the 12 hours until 8a.m. and I could hibernate in bed a little more.

Definitely there are times that he/we can refrain from food or water or something else longer, but that minute we are not given that option at our own accord, how difficult the feat.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Patience & My BIG Mouth

Sometimes I really say what's on my mind. And, well I probably shouldn't. Other times, like if I'm being reprimanded by a superior or something, I bite my tongue or think of things to say after the fact. Truly, there are times, where I KNOW better than to say what I'm thinking. Of course, there are other times where I should have KNOWN.

Today, I have no apology for what I said. My co-worker/lunch buddy and I were in line waiting to get lunch. I really enjoy going out to lunch - something about getting out of the office and getting some exercise, fresh air, fresh food...it really does the mind and body wonders. Anyway, I'm digressing...so we were standing in line in one of my other new favorites spots. To explain the line went off to the side, not straight back as you place your order in front of a woman at a cash register. As you wait in line, to your right is a partial wall that you can't see behind that offers the menu so that when you approach the counter you can order. Now that you have the picture :) ...we were standing there and me in my usual way was candidly carrying on and we were chatting. My co-worker was first in line to order and we had been there for what seemed like a few minutes. (I'm sure you have played that "game" where you try to determine when it's been two minutes - and of course 10 seconds seems like 2 minutes...digressing again) Anyway, so we continue chatting waiting for the woman at the register to finish helping her co-workers assemble and get the orders before taking ours. When what happens you ask...

The woman behind me says, "Are you going to order or what?" Oh yeah, those of you that know me, the blood started to boil and well anyway...I responded with "Absolutely. When she is ready to take our order that's exactly what we plan to do." Well that shut HER up. Patience and respect people...get some. While this woman was clearly by herself and got her order to go, it didn't mean that we were clearly holding up the line. Bottomline though, as a fellow woman, she should have KNOWN better than to think that I, another woman can't MULTI-TASK! ;) Because truly, standing in line, talking and waiting patiently for my turn to order - is routine in MY WORLD.

Lying

I'm not big on lying. I can't say that I never lie, as I know that I do. I like to say that my lies are "white" lies or lies to not be harmful. I have to admit that when I do lie, I don't do it well.

Actually to a fault I would say I'm too honest. Not that I'm volunteering to go on Moment of Truth as regardless of the answers it's public humiliation to the family on national t.v. and besides polygraphs are not admissible in court for a reason. My luck my emotions would get the best of me and I would think every possible thing regardless of the question. I wonder if I could pass a simple question as I do have the tendency to over analyze. Anyway, I try not to be brutally honest, but well that's me. I would rather not answer then lie. I would think that food and appearance responses are probably the most difficult for people to answer. What do you think of my shirt, hair, new recipe, etc. Tough ones to answer since there isn't any good answer if the answer isn't favorable. Is the truth worth hurting someone? I think there are ways to be honest while trying to soften the blow.

I have to admit tonight I lied. And not a very good job of it! I completely forgot last night to swap out my son's tooth during the night that he put under his pillow. This morning he was brushing his teeth and I had that smack in the head realization. While he was in the kitchen, I went in his room and he had placed the baggie with the tooth on his dresser next to his bed. I took the tooth and put money under his pillow and the proceeded to finish getting ready to leave. End of story.

Until, he went to bed tonight. I went to tuck him in and he asked where his tooth was. He was becoming frantic thinking it had fallen to the floor behind the dresser. He asked if I took it. Trying NOT to laugh (obvious that I'm not telling the truth) I told him I didn't know where his tooth was. I proceeded to move things around on the dresser as if I was looking. He then had to move his animals and pillows on the bed at which time he found the money under the third pillow. He bust out laughing. Of course I couldn't ruin the fun of his search and TELL him honestly that I had his tooth and to look under his pillow, right?

So yes, I told a lie. When he had his money, I did tell him I had it and then he had to know how and when sneaky mom managed to do it! Do we as mothers have to tell all our secrets?

Dateline NBC - Mistaken Identity

Tonight my son and I happened to be watching t.v. while playing games. He decided there wasn't anything worth watching on Nickelodeon or his channels and stopped on Dateline NBC. Occasionally, we will watch Dateline NBC as we both find the stories very moving. Tonight's story wasn't any different.

The story of Mistaken Identity. The tragic story of circular loss and hope for two families brought together over the mistaken identity. I remember reading about the story in the paper, as both women were from Michigan. I remember following the blog of Laura's family. I remember praying for both families and how tragic the circumstances and how difficult for both families. And there it was...right on the t.v. the story told by both families of their feelings, emotions, recollections of the event and the weeks following and now almost two years later.

I can't imagine being either family. The grief, the loss the tragedy. As I sat their in awe and tears I wondered what if. I could relate with both families. And while I pray for their families, I found myself praying and hoping that I never experience such loss.

Being A Mother

This was just too good not to pass on:

After 21 years of marriage, My wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.

The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. 'What's wrong, are you well,' she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. 'I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.' She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much.'

That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said, as she got into the car. 'They can't wait to hear about our meeting.'

We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips. 'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor,' I responded.

During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation, nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie. As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed. ' How was your dinner date?' asked my wife when I got home. 'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.

A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.' At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: 'I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till 'some other time'.

Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby ... somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, 'normal' is history. Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct, somebody never took a three-year-old shopping. Somebody said being a mother is boring ... somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit. Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother, your child will 'turn out good'... .somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee. Somebody said 'good' mothers never raise their voices somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's kitchen window. Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.... somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math. Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first ... somebody doesn't have two children. Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books.... somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears. Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery....somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.' Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back ....somebody never organized seven giggling Brownies to sell cookies. Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married....somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings. Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home...somebody never had grandchildren. Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... somebody isn't a mother. Pass this along to all the 'mothers' in your life, and to everyone who ever had a mother. This isn't just about being a mother, it's about appreciating the people in your life while you have them....no matter who that person is.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My Girl Friend

I just had to post this since my girlfriend is AWESOME! I'm really going to miss her on my trip. I'll miss our banter, our conversations, the laughs, the tears. I'll miss our Friday night movie date and the emails. I'll miss chatting about what happened on the reality shows, with our kids, with our relationships (or lack thereof for me). I'll miss having her be a part of my everyday...

I forwarded a picture of my hair to her. I tried to post it on here, but remaining anonymous and showing a hairdo was proving too difficult for me. Here's her email back:

Dear Amanda,

I really like your hair. It's very neat how there is two different colors in it.

I wish you luck in your career after American Idol.

Your Biggest Fan,

She ROCKS :)

The Ex-BF

The Ex-BF and I continue to keep in touch. Nowhere near what we did when we were dating. I still feel that he thinks someday, someday soon, I will wake up and realize I've made a big mistake. That I will understand how much he loves and cares for me and my son. I don't have to wake to know that. I do know.

Last night he left a message asking me if I knew what day it was. For the life of me...I didn't. Well that's not completely true...I knew that it was Wednesday 3/26 and in an hour or so it would be Thursday 3/27. I didn't know what day he was referencing and I didn't know what it was I was suppose to remember. And for a moment, I almost felt bad. Bad because again I figured I "forgot" or missed some revelation of importance or something miraculous had happened and in my sheltered world I had missed it. That my boycotting of the news since everything seems to be negative had impacted some big event.

He said that it was the 4-year anniversary of us meeting. That was weird. I didn't recall that at all. Mind you, I'm not the most sentimental or memorable of people. Sweetest Day and Valentine's Day are Hallmark Holidays. If I remember your birthday, that's a miracle. It isn't that I don't care, I just have so much other stuff going on to remember. I try to remember to right birthdays in the calendar, but I think what it boils down to is I love my friends and family. I love them EVERY day and I cherish them EVERY day. I'm glad to have them in my life and I don't think about letting them know that on the day of their birth - or only that day. Maybe that's why I don't find birthday's all that relevant, mine either. It's just another day, to me at least and one that I heard I'm suppose to be forgetting anyway. :)

In all actuality, he let me know that he was wrong. We didn't meet either of those days, it was actually 3/29. He even sent me a card. How sweet, I guess. But so not me. Maybe if we were dating, but an anniversary of friendship...

A friend of mine that I talked to tonight feels like it would be best to sever the relationship, completely. To cut ties between he and I and he and my son. I'm just not sure how I feel about that. We were best friends and that's hard. It's hard to lose a best friend - and especially when the friendship didn't take a turn for the worse or end badly. It ended because it wasn't going anywhere. There was a fork in the road and I veered the other direction at the last minute. I left him confused and looking for the quickest turn around on a one-way street. I want him to move on. I truly do and I want to be there, not by his side, but there when he finds someone and falls in love. There when he gets married and has his first child. I want to be there in the background cheering him on supporting him and his new life. And sometimes, I just don't know that that's possible for him to move on if I'm still somewhere. And ultimately that makes me sad.

Mini-Meltdown

I figure this deserved a post in and of itself. I have tried to make time for my son without too many distractions, but sometimes it's just hard to do that. Tonight I talked with three friends on the phone, and I'm not sure how slighted he felt. It always seems that days when he returns from overnights with his father, even 9+ years in the making, are always difficult.

He seems to want me to spend every moment with him. His latest, "What do you want to do Mom?" I thought we could watch the movie Enchanted that came in the mail - but apparently he had seen 3/4 of it at the after school program. So, I watched it by myself and he joined later to watch the end.

He lost a tooth on Tuesday after his dentist and physical appt. His dad didn't notice. He put the tooth under his pillow last night - since he had told me he knows I'm the Tooth Fairy - thinking his dad might "exchange" the tooth. He looked five times and the tooth was there each time. He brought the tooth home tonight and laughed as he put it under his pillow in front of me. Of course, he will get something! ;) Quickly his laughing turned into silent tears. I thought it was because he laughed too hard...I was wrong.

He was sobbing uncontrollably minutes later after I tucked him in. I went to talk to him and he told me about something that happened at school today. Good thing for P/T conferences! Seriously, if it happened the way he said, I will be very disappointed with the teacher...apparently the teacher asked the class how many children have never gone out to dinner alone with their parents. NICE. Can I say that again? NICE. Then to make matters worse, she apparently singled out my son and said that she knew his parents weren't together. He said he wanted to cry when the question first was asked and then harder when she talked to him IN FRONT of the class. NICE. He said that he didn't.

I HATE THAT. I hate that I can't fix that for him. I hate that I can't take his pain away. I reinforced that his parents love him very much and that he is lucky in that both of his parents spend time with him and take him out to dinner, despite that we aren't together. Yeah, what a consolation prize.

Bottomline...there has to be more going on with my son right now. I know that he's jealous of his brother. I know that he's jealous of his dad's affection and attention towards his brother. I also know that he's jealous of my trip and heartbroken that I'm leaving him behind. After the trip, I'll try to assess the situation better. In a perfect world parents would have time for their children and make them feel special and loved and give them the attention and affection they need. In a perfect world a mother's love could make that happen. In a perfect world...

Overwhelmed

I'm beginning to think that I'm just overwhelmed. There's no other way to put it. I just walked by my spare/guest bedroom and looked at all the crap...I mean stuff that's piled all over the bed and couch (settee - whatever) and wow - I have a LONG way to go before I can say that I'm packed.

I'm clearly running out of time. I feel like there are too many things to get done and I'm trying to prioritize, but somehow I feel as though I'm failing. I have put the packing on the back burner and I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with my son.

I mentioned that he had a mini-meltdown on Easter, well he's had another one tonight. I'm really starting to worry. Best case scenario is that he's really just getting nervous about my trip and is really going to miss me. Of course, this is what I WANT to think too ;) Ok, seriously though, it is what I hope for as it is easily addressed/resolved upon my return. He doesn't like the idea that he won't be able to call "if" he wanted to call me and he has no idea what his plans are for Spring Break and where he may be for me to call him. He was disappointed that I will miss his final day of swim lessons where the parents are invited to attend. He knows that I will be having parent teacher conferences with his G/T teacher via email. I'm doing what I can do, but minimizing all the extra stuff that I can.

As it is the last night before I leave I have one parent teacher conference, and baseball practice. I changed my son's pulmonary function test that they conveniently (not) scheduled for mid-day on Monday to after Spring Break and then bypassed the other conference. I figure my son and I need as much time together as possible that night. I'm also planning on trying to make his swim lesson the day before too so that he knows that I was there.

Sometimes, it's just so tough being the mom, the friend, the doer, the pleaser, the consoler, the praiser, the EVERYTHING.

Hair Update

Not that anyone really cares...but the verdict is that my hair does NOT look like Amanda Overmeyer's from AI. Honestly, hardly anyone even noticed. One person thought something looked different when I mentioned my hair. Another co-worker said she had never noticed the colors before and thought it looked beautiful.

Bottom line, it probably isn't a big deal or it really looks like CRAP. Either way, to me, it's just hair. But for the record, I like it! :)

Directionally Incompetent

I have to say that one of my huge personal flaws - I'm completely and utterly directionally incompetent! I don't know how I manage to do it, I truly do it well, I can get lost repeatedly. I have been commuting for almost 4 months now - and I still manage to get turned around.

This morning was no exception! I can't even blame it on the fact that I was sidetracked talking on the phone and missed my street! Nope, no excuses here. I completely acknowledge that I have no directional commonsense. To my benefit, I can manage to get to the office and home without problems, really. A new construction project has closed the street that I normally take, so the detours have me all messed up. The fact that street signs are limited doesn't help when I'm looking for a certain street. I was in circles for 15 minutes this morning - I was so messed up I finally found the highway and got back on it to go another mile to start again! Seriously, that's BAD. And I don't know who comes up with street names - drives me crazy. When they think it's all cute to have the same theme - all trees, presidents, etc. Are they in any kind of order, alphabetical, smallest to largest, first to last? Not that that would help me if I could decipher it anyway. Well where I work, every street other than "Michigan Avenue" is the name of a county in Michigan. Nice...FYI there are 82 counties in Michigan. No wonder I was lost!

Vacation

Everyone seems to be going on vacation. It is Spring Break, everywhere! Many people in my office are taking vacations, even though they don't have children. It's just that time of year. Then of course there are the others left behind that ask and inquire of all the fortunate soon to be travelers. Since Friday's most people aren't in the office, most were bidding me happy travels as I won't see them again for a few weeks.

The general theme of comments...sack me a rich guy. Yeah, nice. Seriously, the last thing I need is a guy - and definitely one that can ruin, er I mean affect my vacation! I don't know how many times I heard comments about a man...maybe that really means that I just need to get some action to help my disposition. Nothing a vacation can't cure. Others want to see pictures immediately! NOT. I'm not about to spend my vacation sitting in front of a computer uploading pictures rather than experiencing it!

Did I mention that I went to a psychic that told me I would have a good vacation? She saw Pakistan for some reason. Since I'm not traveling to Pakistan, she said that maybe I would be meeting some Pakistanis. She also told me that I should bring a rain coat. So the joke today at the office, with all of the find a man comments - were that with my luck I might end up finding a suicide bomber that my rain coat will protect me from shrapnel. Ok, so not a good joke, right? ;)

My co-worker wants dibs on someone, I told her she could have first dibs of anyone I meet that may be single! I have a friend that wants me to bring back chocolate from every country. I told her that was funny! If it isn't melted somehow, I will have eaten before I return! She then suggested shot glasses. I'm trying to figure out what kind of memento I should collect from each country and I'm not coming up with much. I've always been a fan of money - so I will likely keep currency from every country but thought maybe something else in addition to the pictures, so open to ideas.

Days are dwindling down. Of course I haven't had the opportunity to break in my zcoil shoes. But at this point I'm wondering if I'll have frozen toes if I were to wear them anyway! Good thing I'm bringing boots - although shoes may be one of my purchases if my shoe planning is a flop! In the mail today I received a flyer that the zcoil store is having a HUGE sale - savings of up to $80, which is just my luck! Oh well.

It's Getting Old...

So besides me, gas price hikes and snow are getting VERY old! Both which I have no control over. With my commute I usually am filling up every other day - if not every day. Gas prices aren't a huge deal for me since regardless, I need it. Two days ago I filled up for $3.01 after my .05 per gallon discount (have to love the Meijer card!). That same afternoon it was up to $3.35 per gallon! Today I filled up for $3.29 where I work and then came home and topped it off again for $3.19. What's up with the drastic differences? Somehow I feel that due to all this hiking, I should be more in shape - or at least break a sweat!

Then, there is the snow. For heaven's sake, it's almost the end of March! I left all of my local work at my temporary job site since I have to go in there Friday. And what do I hear? Possible 6" of snow, tonight! Sigh...oh please, don't let it be another 3.5 hour commute!

Joke: Pharmacology & Drug Names

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Sex Education Part IV...

I'm not sure about you, but I don't recall ever having that Birds & Bees talk with either of my parents. I had my first kiss (of any kind!) just short of my 16th birthday. Yes, Sixteen Candles could have been about me! ;) I remember watching Porky's at a girlfriends house and seeing a few Playboys or something of my brother's and/or cousins. I was able to watch "R" rated movies growing up but had to cover my eyes with spread fingers during the sex scenes and of course close my ears. That and talk from the "mature" peers was how I learned about sex. And good first hand knowledge it was...or not. I think in 9th grade, Health Class was mandatory so that shed some light into my haze of confusion.

Not to do a complete 180 or anything from my upbringing, but my relationship with my son is VERY different. Maybe because when I was my son's age my parents were respectively 36 and 38. Yeah, I doubt that has anything to do with it. Maybe it was because they were devout Catholics and the church teaches of sin. Clearly sex outside of marriage without the sole notion of procreation is sin. Or maybe it was for completely other reasons unbeknownst to me that my parents didn't discuss it.

I on the other hand want my son to hear it from me. If I had a daughter, it wouldn't be any different. I don't think that boys inherently have the right to have sex to earn their manhood while girls should remain virgins to retain their innocence and purity. I'm also not in favor of condoning it either. I am in favor of educating and teaching of safe practices so that one day when he decides it's time, he's knowledgeable and prepared.

In 5th grade they teach sex education - although the real class title escapes me at the moment. It may be Health Class for him too, anyway. It is a series of three classes and he has had 2 to date. He received a book and also more information was sent home from the Dr. today. The Dr. advised that I read page two first before discussing it with my son. Wow thanks.

I could probably go into a lot of details here, but suddenly I'm afraid of the terms & agreements of blogging and wonder if sex education is in violation. Anyway, tonight we had another in depth conversation about the Birds and the Bees although I use men and women. I don't leave much out as I would rather he be informed of the information and he can make his own decisions. I don't let my emotions come into play as I explain different kinds of relationships and the various types of sex. We discussed protection and I even did a demonstration with a balloon and a candle. He asked some very good questions. He refuses to say the word sex.

I use to fear the day that this would come. The TALK. I wondered how, when and what I would say and how he would respond. I always thought that he would be older, but 11 year olds are getting pregnant. Is it ever too soon to talk to our children? I talk to him the way that I would want to be talked to. I know that now is probably easier than as a teenager when not only may it be too late, but who knows if he will still respect me or want to talk to his MOM about these things. I hope that he understands that he can discuss things with me freely and I will not judge him, as I believe he does. I had always hoped that maybe he would have these discussions with his dad, and maybe someday he will - but for now I need to know that one of his parents has discussed it with him.

I'm sure there are many people that would disagree with this. My thought is...if they don't hear it from us, who and what will they hear?

Attractive VS. Personality

Attractiveness vs. Personality...which wins? If competence and intelligence isn't a factor - even playing field - which would you choose?

For me, it is personality 100%! If someone doesn't have personality or people skills they become even less attractive to me. I want something behind a pretty face, something that will make it worthwhile - a conversation, a connection, something.

Today, that belief was again confirmed for me. My son saw his new PCP today. He's is seldom sick and the last time he went to the doctor was about a year ago when he complained of knee problems. Of course at the appointment he proceeded to bend his knee every which way and then some and decided he was no longer injured! Love it! To my joy, the appointment wasn't all lost as apparently a new chicken pox (varicella) vaccine has come out, a second shot and then tetanus is recommended at 10! So he was a trouper and received two shots and his knee pain was healed. That was the first time he saw THAT doctor. Then we received a letter that he was leaving a practice.

Our choice of new PCP was a male or a female doctor. I tricked my son as I figured he would prefer a male doctor, but he didn't pick him before because of his last name. Seriously. My son is anti-anything having to do with that name! So he went with the male doctor. My girlfriend also said that she had him and said he was very attractive. Yeah, whatever, what do I care? So coincidentally I have my new "Amanda" do and I'm looking fine, or not so much...LOL

I'll have to say that the Dr. was attractive but his social skills were horrendous. He spent most of his time glued to their portable laptops. I would have thought he may have looked at the file BEFORE he walked into the room. Again, what do I know? I had to repeat everything at least 3 times and then repeatedly had to ask for the samples, lab order and about the follow up pulmonary function testing. Incompetence at it's best. And I forgot to mention that he didn't even bother to say hello or introduce himself to either my son or me. NICE. Hopefully he has good pediatric skills and isn't there by default - 'cause as it stands now, I hope that I never have to require serious medical attention from him for my son.

Youth Truth

Today I went and had my hair done. I'm not big on the whole hair thing, as I've mentioned it before, it's dead. And that would be in more ways than one! I USE to get my hair done. I had a great stylist that would primp and pamper and try to get me out of my perfectly symmetrical hair box. I would be there for, seriously no joke, four hours at a time! To get high lights and low lights and color and cut...my now ex-husband would continuously accuse me of having an affair. Seriously, hair was that serious for that hair dresser. But regardless of how good it would look, for that night, I could never justify the time or the cost. Ok, so I justified it for years! Then, I decided to put the coloring money toward something else - like several extra house payments a year or a trip or something. I can't tell you what I spent that saved money on, but I spent it! I stopped getting the regular cuts and started coloring myself. The $220 bill pushed me over the edge that a box or two of color for not even $22 would have to do. And do it did.

I now am no longer seeing that stylist. We didn't have a falling out or anything. He's a great guy - he just didn't fit my budget or time management. It's not so much about the money to have a good hair do - I want low maintenance. And the disappointment that I can never recreate the style of the hairdresser, sucks!

I do now and then get my hair done. When I feel that maybe I should get out of the box, I go for a change. Today was one of those days. I was excited to let the girl doing something different. She seemed young and scared and me telling her to do whatever was slightly overwhelming for her. I suppose the time constraints of less than 1:45 didn't help either. She asked if I wanted to keep the same color. Why would I do that? I told her she could do whatever as long as it wasn't blue, purple or orange. She went low key. She added some foils and did a warmer all over brown color from my dark brown. It's actually very subtle and I like the dimension that I haven't seen in a while.

When I picked up my son from school today for his dentist appointment, the first thing he says...I'm sure you can guess this. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR?" Nonchalantly I ask him if he likes it, full well knowing the answer. "NO!" He then asks me, "Are you trying to look like Amanda from American Idol?"

NICE...I'm sure we all know what Amanda's hair from AI looks like, right? If not, black top and huge bleached white underneath. NICE.

Oh the honest truth from youth...

Invisible

Have you ever felt invisible? Like no matter what you did, that you can blend into the wall or the decor? Have you ever felt like no one would notice if you left since they don't seem to notice that you are there?

I have definitely felt this way. But nothing seems to confirm that more for me than walking up to an automatic door...and it won't open!

The Tanning Experience

WOW. If you want to bring all issues to the forefront, go to the tanner. Besides having to make a decision on which is the fastest and best way to "kill" yourself, 20 minutes in the tanner was enough for me to go insane! The OCD and issues danced around that room more than I should ever share! But of course, I will ;)

So the 18 something, blonde with the too bronze face smiling back at me trying to "help" me was almost enough to have me walk out. I don't know what I want - I want instant tan to get rid of my pasty white legs that isn't going to look fake and I want it yesterday oh and free would be nice too! Why if I haven't been in years can't I be a "new customer"? I was new to THAT location! Seriously though, at that point of desperation, I would have bought a new car or house from that girl. Anything to get it over and done with. No matter how many times she pointed to the sign of "points" breakdowns and variety of options - I just wanted the decision made for me. Tell me what to do. So I settled on the "instant" because afterall I wanted color instantly. Oh, what's wrong with pasty-white?

I realized I needed those eye thingies. I use to have the plastic ones from my former years of infrequent tans. I threw them away - who needs clutter for something you may use every 3-5 years? So I get the stick-ons. Yep, wasn't until after I had them stuck to my eyes and was done that I looked at the directions - I still don't know what the "fold here" means!

The most I ever went to a tanner was back before my son when I was going to the Bahamas with my son's father. We would trudge over to the tanner in our boots through the snow with ankle weights and wrist weights on! Of course you had to get in a GOOD workout in the winter on the way to tan. I didn't care about much then, in retrospect.

Today...completely different story. The beds are different. I actually had to flip over and I was on a blanket or something - I don't know. I just wanted it OVER. The girl said that she would knock on the door to tell me when to flip - yeah, so much for that. Good thing I did my best to peel the wrongly applied sticker off of my good eye (sans contacts) to see the clock!

As I'm laying there I'm thinking of a million different random thoughts. The Pillsbury Dough Boy...yep, I've got issues. Plumps when you cook 'em. And then the thought that I was going to be a burnt cookie, literally. I remembered the year of my darkest tan - 1990. I have picture that you would think I wasn't Caucasian. I think that was the summer that I listened to mom and to accelerate the tan I would put on Crisco cooking oil and lay by the pool in the backyard with my bikini on. The one that wouldn't even fit on one leg now! Anyway, that fried smell of my skin like burnt fried chicken or popcorn. Ah...the memories.

So I'm literally trying not to freak out. To not compare this experience with an MRI or CAT scan. To not feel claustrophobic. The thought that really non-pasty white could be worth this agony and drama, right? I think that anything that may be growing inside me, disease etc. would be killed by these extreme heat and rays. I start thinking of Aliens as my stomach starts to itch and I wonder what is going to burst from it! Ok, yes, it really is this BAD!

Since I told the girl that I thought I would come twice or so to get some color, I bought some crazy package. That means I have to go...AGAIN. I'm so looking forward to it. ;) I actually tan pretty fast - my mom claims I can get a tan from just walking outside. My face can - from intense sun/wind burn from a Utah ski trip when I was in high school. So I'm guessing by tonight I will be like a shriveled red, overcooked lobster. Oh yeah, did I also mention thoughts of Redneck Hawaiian Tropics Pageants where I was a contestant? Ok, I'm off to accomplish what I can before I realize I look ridiculous and I can no longer use my hands since I managed to burn those too.

Ah the life...

America's Got Talent

Since I just posted about songs, I thought I would give warm wishes and a blog about my step-mom. She auditioned for America's Got Talent this year! She first sent in the interview application and materials and was invited for an in-person interview in Orlando, Fl.

I've never personally interviewed for anything other than a job - but from what I read (so it must be true!) the audition processes for such shows can be very grueling. Her talent is singing. She auditioned in Orlando and was told that she was talented and has a beautiful voice. She will hear back in March as to whether or not she will move on to the next audition for an all-expense paid trip to California. She's super excited. Of course she and my father are/will be vowed to secrecy if this happens since it's suppose to be confidential.

What did I try to do? I tried the old backdoor trick to joke with my dad about some key phrase to let me know! LOL...Ok, so I can wait, kind of. I wish her the best of luck. She would love the opportunity and I think it would be a wonderful experience for her! SO AF (Not to be confused with America's Funniest Videos) - I wish you your dreams! :)

"Our Song"

Are you the type of person that in a relationship has to have "Our Song"? Does that also include having "our restaurant" or "vacation spot" "our position" "our movie" etc.? I've never been a person of any of that. I'd like to say that's due to my Realism Ways... :) Seriously, if relationships aren't forever, why should something forever be attached to someone else and forever ruin it when the relationship dissolves? Of course, I suppose if the relationship works, then so be it you have forever memories. I'm really not a pessimist. I just don't intentionally create moments or memories solely to only be shared with one person. Not that I haven't, since somethings are really better that way, but I would never not listen or go return to a location I enjoyed because of the memories I had with an EX. Life is too short for that.

BUT...I have, on three occasions that I recall - have ever had an "our song" with someone. Why I'm thinking about that at almost 1a.m. I don't have a clue. I didn't have a song with my recent Ex-BF. I did however have a song with someone that means a lot to me and although are lives are very different, he makes me smile. "Our Song" is KT Tunstall's Big Black Horse and the Cherry Tree. I LOVE that song. And EVERY time I hear it, I think of him. And at least 1/2 the time (ok, probably more) since it's usually in the car, I will call him and see how his world is and then crank up the music. It makes us laugh. Of course he thinks I was just calling to be nice, but there's always an alterior motive..."no, no, You're not the one for me!" :) Happy memories!

I can say my Ex-husband and I had a song. Probably only because it seemed like one was necessary for the first dance, etc. Actually it wasn't our first dance song and I can't honestly tell you what it was. My step-mom sang Savage Garden, "I Knew I Loved You" (or whatever the title is) during the wedding. I heard that song the other day on the way to work. I haven't heard it in a long-time. I wasn't repulsed by it and wasn't struck with the sudden urge to roll down the window and heave. I listened and even sang to it. For truly, a song can just be a song if you let it.

The third "our song" I had was with an Ex-BF I dated probably a decade ago. I couldn't tell you the name of the song, but when I hear it it reminds me of Liv Tyler...maybe it was the one she was in the video of, because why else would I think of her? It also brings back memories, memories a lifetime ago. It's interesting how songs, movies, books, friends, smells can bring back such strong emotions, feelings, reactions. But for me, nothing is as fun as "The Big Black Horse and the Cherry Tree!"

Parenting Skills

Tonight my girlfriend (LL) and I had a discussion about parenting skills. Of course this seems to be a conversation I have with many of my friends and co-workers. It's amazing all the different parenting techniques that are used, of course not always good.

Last week another friend and I were discussing how much parenting truly affects a child/adult. Is a person's disposition and character one of genetics regardless of how one is disciplined/parented? He felt yes, of course I completely disagree. I would say my brother and I were raised differently. He would say that he paved the way for my easy road, but I had to work hard to be the "good child", everything that my brother wasn't! I wasn't reprimanded when I went from an "A" to a "B", while we celebrated when my brother got a "C". He set the expectations low, or so he claimed so as to not disappoint. He was physically disciplined - I recall a belt and spanking many a times, as I hid under my bed and cried for him. I remember him with the endless hours sitting at the kitchen table writing and trying to spell his first and middle name. Mind you he may have been near middle-school by then! My father was an ex-college English professor. I didn't have the wrath of dad. Maybe because by 3.5 years later they had learned or maybe I was just different. Overall, I'd say my brother and I turned out really well.

He joined the Army after high school since delivering pizza's in the blue bomber wasn't his life ambition. He graduated from college a few years after I did, we were even roommates for two years. He's made a career out of the military and has done very well for himself.

I took a different path, not as career driven, but a child at 22 can change things. I have never lived out of the state of Michigan. My travel has been limited. My life has been dedicated to my son and being the best parent, caregiver, and provider I can be.

There are a lot of "I nevers" in my life - and some I'm proud to admit. I've never done drugs - can't even say I didn't inhale. I've never been arrested. I've never had a DUI. I've never smoked a cigarette (despite all the times as a child I would burn my mom's 1/2 used cigarettes and think about trying one). I've never had a cup of coffee.

But most importantly as a parent, I can say that I have never spanked my child. I have never raised a hand at him in anger. Granted spanking isn't against the law, unless you leave a mark, and those that chose to spank - that's their prerogative. I chose not too. I never smacked a hand or a bare butt. I always made sure that my emotions were as in check as possible when it came to my son and parenting frustrations. I suppose, I know that my son is a lot like me. He did fine with time-outs and to say that I was "disappointed in his behavior" was far worse than any physical discipline.

Maybe I'm just lucky - I truly know that I am blessed. Or maybe it really does have more to do then genetics. Do we learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others? I believe the answer is YES.

Sleep Walker

My son sleep walks. He has ever since I can remember. I use to think that it was due to his confusion of going back and forth between parental houses. Then add into the mix relatives, step-mother's home, etc. it can make anyone awake...confused. But, it's more than that. Add that to the list to add the new physician tomorrow.

I usually listen for his pitter-patter of big feet around the house when he wakes to go to the bathroom. I've found him all over - from the kitchen to the closet to my room to the living room. I've caught him walking around his room aimlessly searching (I think) for the bathroom in his closet and drawers. I've never had much difficulty re-directing him into the bathroom or back to bed. And he NEVER remembers it in the morning. Sometimes he will ask if and how many times he woke during the night, maybe recalling once that he used the bathroom, but never when I have to intervene. Most often he will ask what time he went out to sleep on the couch.

Tonight I'm sure will be no exception. I've learned over the years not to talk to him. He's asleep anyway, so there is no sense trying to communicate with someone asleep that will have no recollection. I keep it to a minimum in my guiding to where he needs to go. Tonight was an exception, for me. I went upstairs to get ready for bed and turned on the light in the dining room. He was on the couch - neck all kinked and using the smallest throw blanket possible. Granted he's a warm child at night, but this blanket barely covers 1/3 of him! Since he rustled with the light, I went to wake him to direct him back to bed. He was utterly confused.

He kept hitting his leg - of course I thought that meant it was asleep. Moments later when I realized it wasn't, I helped him to stand. He veered for couch number two, which I gently guided him into his room and to his bed. When he asked me the strangest thing..."Did I get them both? Do I get to keep the eggs?" At moments like those, they melt my heart and make it hard not to laugh. Poor son, he's still traumatized over his diligent search efforts for the hidden Easter eggs that resulted in one he just couldn't find. Hopefully I haven't scarred him for life! ;)

Monday, March 24, 2008

Out of Sorts

I feel utterly and completely out of sorts. All night both my son and I were thinking it was Tuesday. Having him for Easter day on his dad's weekend - a change in the schedule throws me for a loop. I wasn't all too eager to head to work today - but it actually turned out better than I anticipated. Things actually seemed to be working - which is a huge improvement over last week for me. I seriously think that I was personally being sabotaged. :)

Then with tomorrow off work, it should only add to my utter confusion. Although taking a day off - will likely mean I go into the local office for several hours. Fortunately I have a ton of errands to do since I'm in town and not much time to do it. Basically I have from 8:15-12:00p.m. to go about 1/2 dozen places, at least. So that doesn't leave much time for a few hours at the office. Which is completely my plan! Hoping to run in and run out, yeah OK.

Tonight I feel confused as well. It's 11:15 and I've already worked out. I'm just not sure what to do with myself. I know that I should think about sleep, but I'm not tired. I have the movie Rendition to watch, but not sure that I want to commit to that tonight. I will need something to watch besides AI at the hotel on Wednesday night.

Tonight was home economics lesson 3001 with my son. He learned the basics of ironing. I HATE, HATE, and HATE ironing. I figure what's the point anyway - it wrinkles once you wear it! So who's to say I didn't iron it first? ;) He did pretty well, but he thought that ironing pants with the front pleat was dumb and I have to concur. I did manage to iron all of my capris for the trip. Wonder how wrinkled they will be during the trip since I have absolutely no plan whatsoever to iron during my vacation.

Tuesday: A Day Off

If I can only get through tomorrow/today there is a day off in the distance! I feel like it has been forever since I had a day off when in actuality it's been, well a week! ;) This will be my first week day off in a while. I'm really looking forward to not having the commute, almost sleeping in - I can dream, right? If only there were steep hills I could make my son walk to school in the new snow that's in the forecast Monday/Tuesday ;)

So Tuesday morning I will work hard to stay out of the local office. Then off to get something done with the hair. I have no attachment to my hair...it's dead, and yet somehow it always grows. I have no attachment to a hairstylist either, so Tuesday will be my typical whatever hair - figure I'm do for something different to go with my crazy European attire :) Then it's off to the dentist and doctor - those routine appointments for my son. I'm sure I'll manage to add 700 more things to the tight schedule since I'm seldom around town during a weekday.

Monday Movie Muse

It is technically Monday...so here it is...my first Monday Movie Muse. Obviously I'm not a serious movie critic and my movie viewing this week was pretty low so here goes:

SHUTTER - Pasey from Dawson's Creek, oh how it's hard to move on to new characters...movie was OK. Wouldn't recommend it. Wasn't scary although a few other movie goers screamed once or twice. Beautiful people gone bad. Best part for me...the ending (and not because it was over!).

CAROLINA - Julia Stiles: Had never heard of it before but LOVE her. Caught it on t.v. and managed to watch almost all of it despite the commercials! Would have preferred it on DVD. Love the southern quirky family - reminded me of home and although predictable...still feel good movie.

AUGUST RUSH - LOVED THIS MOVIE! Predictable but a definite feel good movie. Keri Russell (Felicity), another one of my favorites. Great music, cute story! My son even liked it although he had a hard time understanding the beginning.

POOR BOY'S GAME - Sigh...um what to say. Maybe I shouldn't have been multi-tasking so much with the movie, cards and working out. Good message/ending, although found myself zoning out and wishing I were in bed - although likely had nothing to do with the movie...maybe.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Hidden Eggs Part II





I seriously LOVE this! I posted the last blog while my son was searching the basement for his 28 eggs. He still hasn't found them all yet. He's having a mini-meltdown and it's making me LAUGH. He has 2 left to find and he can be so melodramatic. He wants more clues. I told him I needed to take pictures of them to post them so I took a couple bogus pictures to throw him off. Both eggs are visible, but again I won't tell him the colors...yet.

He's begging for clues and threatening that he's hiding them next SUPER hard for me! He loves to say he has found one - a blue one! Although there isn't a blue one left to find. He even laid on the floor underneath the one egg and didn't see it, nor did he see it when he was sorting through the hanging clothes.

He's now asking how far apart they are from each other. If they are high or low, does he need to jump or crawl to find them. This 101 questions is pretty comical - all for two plastic eggs.






Hidden Egg


As you know, my son just turned 11 this week. I picked him up this morning to hang out for the day, er I mean to celebrate Easter. Both sets of my parents are in Florida and my brother lives out of state, so getting together for Easter Sunday just isn't an option. So It's a pretty quiet day, like any other really, with the exception of an Easter basket and the hidden (plastic) eggs.


I just had to share this picture, granted I don't have a green thumb, so it isn't about my plant! This plant was doing so much better in my office under the fluorescent lighting but I didn't keep any plants there since I'm not there that often. So I brought all my plants home to slowly kill them. Regardless, this hidden egg was the hardest for my son to find! He searched and searched and searched. I can't tell you how many times he looked at and under the table! I gave him numerous clues other than telling him the color of the egg - which would have been a dead give away! Every egg that I hid was visible from some direction, so maybe I made it too easy, or maybe not!




Happy Easter

Wishing you and yours a wonderful Easter.

I have to admit that I like the fact that I don't have to consider how to politically wish someone a Happy Easter. Even though Easter is a very religious holiday. Every winter it pains me to have to figure out to whom I can wish a Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday too, always managing to offend someone somewhere that either was or wasn't Christian.

HAPPY EASTER! :)

Empty Office

I managed to leave the office just after 2a.m. I love the empty office - although I turn on very few lights so I spend quite a bit of time navigating through the hallways in the dark. Fortunately the cubicle maze is pretty easy and there are lots of windows that the light sometimes filters in. It's amazing how much work I can get done without the distractions and interference of phones and co-workers. The quiet and solace allows me to be very productive.

Five hours of uninterrupted work. And I have at least that left. I just couldn't stay there any longer, I had had enough. I was told that nothing was "bleeding" in my office. I guess I interpreted that to mean that things have been taken care of in my absence. Well, not exactly. What disappointed me the most were a couple things that were left sitting for a couple weeks. The most touching was an Easter package of cards from a bio-grandmother to her grandchildren. I really like this woman and worked with these children 5 or 6 years ago. They have been adopted and I worked with the adoptive parents as well. I know their stance on open adoption and that the children will not see anything until they are 18, if then. But...that still makes me feel bad that I couldn't send the cards on before now, to keep my promise and do what I can for this grandmother. I see both sides of this situation, I really do - the adoptive family and the bio-family but in my hearts of hearts it's really what is in the best interest of the children. The others were two requests for relative homestudies in another state - which without mailing delays by the worker can take up to six months!

I can only do what I can do. I agreed to come in when I could to check on my vacant caseload on the weekends or nights that I was able. That was approved to be every weekend...which I said absolutely not. My boss definitely wants me back in the local, as it just seems to difficult to have people "cover" my workload. While that doesn't seem to be an option due to my current commute position, I do what I can which somehow just always seems to fall short of enough.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Short posts & Monday Movie Muse

I find it most difficult to make short posts. I think if my mind wasn't always going 100 miles a minute and if I were a poor typist, that would be a different story! In the past few days I have had a friend and family member comment on how long these posts are. I guess I just don't know when to stop! ;)

I've decided to make a weekly Monday Movie Muse post - where I will review the movies I have watched the past week. Seeing that I'm always looking for good movies to rent or what not to rent, maybe you are too! And with as crazy as things have been for me - these should be extremely short posts!

Friends & Single/Social Groups/Networking

I'm walking around the house and I'm thinking about my friends. Thinking about friends in general. How did we meet? How long ago did we meet? What constitutes a friend? Does a co-worker that may know more about you then a "friend" mean they are a friend? When does an acquaintance become a friend? And when does a friend become an acquaintance?

We all have different answers. There have been many times in my life that I have been disappointed by people that I thought were my friends. Realizations that maybe I am/was a better friend to them then they were to me. Wondering why I didn't see the "light" about certain friendships.

Many years ago I read a poem/or maybe it was one of those mass forwarding emails that we sometimes read and more often delete. It was about Friendship and how some friends come and go, some for a reason, some for a season...and while it hit home, throughout my life I have had a variety of different friendships and most regardless of the relationship today I still think about and I always think of warm thoughts and wonder how they are doing and wish them well. "Most" is defined as there are some people/friends I just don't remember, not that I wish ill-will on anyone. :)

Life happens...lovers, spouses, children, houses, jobs, moves, losses...

There are times when I wish I had more friends. My mom says that all my life I've only ever had one very close and good friend at a time. Maybe she is right, I like to think not. Maybe it's that awful number of three - always that middle person when you try to add two different friends together with you, or the fear that they will become better friends than you ever were. The reality is, I do have many friends - they live a variety of places and are at different places in their lives. There is a few very close friends that I can share anything with and then many others that we have a relationship based around certain things/commonality that we talk more about - kids, job, sports, family, etc. I think what it boils down to is wanting to have friends that are in the same boat - someone that you can call and hangout with at the slightest whim. And that's what's hard.

My mom has many very close friends, which I am completely envious. She says it's hard work to maintain, but they have a blast when they get together and they try to do so at least once a month. I would LOVE to have that too! Myspace has allowed me to get back in touch with people from high school - and for that I've been very grateful! Most still live on the other side of the state, but I would go back to hangout because friendship is so important in so many ways! We've been trying to get together every few months or so and I have a blast when I do! I love these people :) The commonality of where we came from, whether we were friends then or not doesn't matter. It's a bond...and one I want to keep/maintain for a lifetime!

NETWORKING/SOCIAL GROUPS:
I've been in the same town for 11 years now, omg it's been longer than that - since 1995! Well December, so almost 1996 ;) I'm not extremely social - I keep to myself a lot. Mainly my life revolves around my son - so there are the parents that I chat with at sporting events, school events, co-workers at my job, neighbors, etc. I've tried the singles events through different churches over the years (past decade), but I just don't seem to connect. The singles groups seem to be religious based - which isn't bad per se - but the one picnic event where they all pulled out their bibles to reference our non-religious discussion was too much for me. I don't drink coffee so hanging out at a coffee shop isn't even remotely appealing. I like to read, but finding the time is difficult and when I do - I would prefer to cuddle up under the covers in bed than to sit at a bookstore - hoping to engage other readers in a conversation.

So I decided that what I need is a singles group for every other weekend parents - not wanting to date! After my trip I should search for one and if not I should start one...LOL

Another thing, I'm a HUGE gamer. I LOVE games. My favorite are probably Cranium games. I think I seriously own 13 of them! I have a front closet with three shelves just with games. My problem, I can't find anyone to play them! ;) My parents had close friends/couples that they would get together with for a game night - although they would play Bridge or Pinochle. I loved that and tried that during my marriage to do so as well. Probably wasn't a good thing then, but it's tough being single to have a "game night" with friends when 4 or more is usually better. I've even thought of inviting a variety of friends over for a game night - but I fear that no one will come - or if they do, it might be horrible as maybe no one would have anything but me in common!

Maybe that's what I should look for a GAMER GROUP. They have them, right? My luck I would end up finding a group of "PLAYERS" not "GAMERS".

Raw Toungue Punishment

Every other Friday night I have a free-standing date with my girlfriend. Last night was no exception! Typically we go to a late show - since she goes to bed much earlier than I do during the week and by Friday night she's pretty well spent, or so I thought! I've never been a big theater fan, but I love going out with her, even when there isn't anything that I really want or need to see. This was actually the first week that there wasn't much to choose from. But after 3.5 hours in the car, regardless sitting on my butt, I wasn't going to miss the opportunity of hanging out with her! :)

We actually went to an earlier movie than usual - which gave me about 30 minutes from the time I walked in the door. This didn't leave me any time to think about grabbing something for dinner. Besides, the animal crackers and 32 oz. crystal light on the drive home suffices, right? I decided to splurge and went with the large back of popcorn/dinner during the show.

I should have known better! I didn't even add additional salt and the medium bag is plenty. But, I'm part of "The Clean Plate Club", so every last kernel I ate. And paying for it today I am. My tongue is raw. There is nothing I have been able to do to calm it down. Maybe I should drink a couple of gallons of water - maybe it's just dehydrated, yeah, that's it...NOT.

Why is it some of the best things in life have a price the next day? :)

Lazy Day

Today has been an absolutely wonderful and much needed day. I have managed to do almost absolutely nothing. For me that is. I have been going, going, going for as long as I can remember and I needed a day of rest and relaxation.

I did manage to get a few things done. I straightened up the kitchen and put away dishes. I watched a movie, balanced the check book, read the pile of mail and shredded the mound of junk/bills. I even managed to watch most of a movie, talked to friends and my dad on the phone and took a LONG nap.

But the most progress was in getting ready for the trip. I managed to try on all of my capris for vacation and decided I don't need to bring 17 pair ;) My capri selection is much like my pants selections - a variety of tan, beige, tan, black, tan and an occasional color. Pretty basic, pretty universal, ultimately boring. And boring is exactly what works :) Although I'll really be peeved when it's 30 degrees and all I have is capris, walking sandals and a sweater jacket. I would have to say this is the earliest I have EVER, yes EVER started packing for any trip. Granted, this is also the longest trip I've ever taken too. At the rate I'm going, I could be packed by the end of the night. Since I'm not big on doing laundry, that means I don't plan on bringing anything I wear before the trip. I also decided I was bringing three pairs of shoes afterall - boots, zcoils and a pair of casual (dressier than the zcoils) sandals. I'm even bringing three dresses - which is crazy for me but figure no one knows me and I'll never see them again, right?

A co-worker/friend of mine said that he knew someone that went on an African safari and landed a millionaire. So he has high hopes for me. ROFLMAO. I'll be lucky to land a bag man, especially with my attire - but at least I should be able to walk/run fast in my zcoils from any loonies... :)

I've manage to procrastinate going into the office ALL day but I'm slowly running out of things to do to keep avoiding it. I have the last load of laundry in and then I'll pack my overnight bag (J/K) to camp out in my cubicle to play catch up. Even shopping sounds more appealing at this point, and that's pretty SAD.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Exercise

Ah, with each blog I share a little more of myself, which may not be a good thing. I really enjoy exercising. That is of course as long as I don't know or realize I'm exercising! My favorite exercise, for the past 2 years now or so - has been to ride the stationary bike. I do enjoy riding my bike outside more - but the elements, weather, traffic, stop signs, pot holes, cars parked across the sidewalk, children, pets, etc. tend to offer additional challenges. I enjoy the comfort of my stationary bike. I can sweat and pedal at my leisure and no one beeps, gawks or tries to run me off the road.

Being the queen of multi-taskers though, I don't JUST ride the stationary bike. I USE to put the stationary bike in front of the t.v. and play Galaga. Oh yes, a wonderfully fun game of the 80's, although I wasn't a fan of it then! I could sit in front of the t.v. and play 2 games and be on the bike for an hour+ and not even realize it. Then that got old because I could no longer beat the high score. I haven't played in a long time but I think it was around 600,000. I tried Galaxia and I wasn't any good at that. Dig Dug, now that was a good game to play while riding too! Funny thing was, I couldn't play any of the games well if I wasn't riding! Then I had this great idea of moving the stationary bike in front of ....you guessed it...the computer!

I LOVE to play cards online. At first I would play euchre or hearts but those became boring. So I taught myself spades and to this day, that's about all I will play - suicide spades with an occasional mirrors or regular spades. My goal is to typically ride 8 miles while I play, but it's often more. To also pass time, I would add a movie on the DVD player - since I needed to watch my blockbuster online movies too! I haven't been watching as much movies, nor riding the bike as much - which is a huge disappointment physically and emotionally. The commute seems to really be wearing on me and I'm missing my exercise and cards. I have managed to add some of Jillian's videos (from the Biggest Loser) into my workout at the hotel. My favorite - likely because it's the easiest for me - is the kickboxing. Last night I talked myself into riding the bike, of course by then it was 11:45p.m. - but I managed to get in 12 miles before I decided I should think about bed.

Well I'm off to exercise :)

Male Snow blower

Let me first start off by saying that I'm not sexist or prejudice or a man-hater. I really do believe that men play an integral part in society. Of course with modern technology, one can easily do away with the opposite sex for most things...but that's not my point.



I'm sure if I were a man, I would totally feel that my snow blower was female...maybe. Here's why I feel that my snow blower (sb) is male. My sb is small, but can be quite powerful. It is sometimes intimidated by large amounts of soft and white billowing. It is temperamental. The sb chooses when it wants to work, often stopping frequently to take a break or beckon for another drink when it's not necessary. It coughs and gags and sputters if I push it too hard or make it work too much. When it's had enough it chokes up completely and snaps back at me when I try to pull on it. Sb doesn't like frigid weather, it is sensitive. It prefers to spend it's time in solace in the garage. When sb decides it's done, regardless of whether the entire job is done, it's DONE. And always, sb makes sure that I know it was used as I smell when I'm done. :)

Weather Woes

This was by far the worst travel commute of the winter, for me. It took almost 3.5 hours for me to go the 92 miles. There were definitely plenty of cars in the median and ditch, but it didn't seem like it was the worst weather of the season. For once though, the majority of vehicles stuck or disabled weren't SUV's.

There isn't anything worse then being stuck in stop and go traffic or traveling at 30mph when you have to go to the bathroom. The 32oz. water I consumed in the first 10 minutes of travel proved to be a BAD idea as my thoughts were consumed by the slow traffic, bad weather and the sudden urge to refill the water bottle. Oh and along with that was the nagging comments of my mother, "You know you shouldn't hold it. It really isn't healthy for you. You know, one day you are going to wish you never held it because you are going to have to pee all the time." Why is it that somethings just can't get out of your mind. Mom and her wagging finger and words of wisdom. Well mom, I did it again. I made it home and was able to use the bathroom. Of course, I almost got stuck in my driveway AGAIN...I just can't seem to get that "running" start up the small incline of my narrow driveway. If my grass wasn't bad last year - I can't imagine what it will look like this year with all of my creative lawn jobs!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

For my son...

Today is my son's 11th birthday. What an amazing day - the day of his birth and every day thereafter. He is a miracle, a joy, a blessing. While I have had trials and tribulations, stumbles, fumbles and recoveries - he is always that light at the end of the tunnel. My motivation and my drive.

I don't know how and trust me there are many times that I wonder, how he turned out to be such a well balanced wonderful child. I know that there are family members, friends and acquaintances that wonder this too. Afterall, how can a child be so gifted, talented, behaved, mild-mannered, personable and an all around good person when coming from a broken family? Yes, it does happen :) Granted, he's only 1/2 way to adulthood, and I'm not rushing it by any means (Ok, so not having to deal with FOC and the other half - yes I have tried to rush THAT) but I have been so fortunate and blessed. It makes me realize that somewhere along the way, while his parents weren't able to make it work - we have done what is best for him and he has flourished. And that wasn't by co-parenting, but by him benefiting from having two different parents with different parenting styles and personalities. He is an only child in our home and he has a step-sibling and half sibling on his father's side.

It's amazing to see how children grow and develop. How they come up with their own personalities, thoughts and beliefs. How he applies things he has learned to situations and how he ponders questions and beliefs. He poses challenges and is able to speak freely of concerns and ideas. He is intelligent, has common sense and isn't completely naive (like I was at his age and well 15+ years after!).

I never married my son's father. And for that I am thankful. Not that he is a bad man, it just wasn't our time. It wasn't meant to be. As young as I was, I wasn't going to rush into marriage because we were having a child. He wasn't ready to be a father or a husband. I know that breaking off the engagement was the best thing for our son, for us. Our son has two wonderful parents that love him very much, although they show it differently.

So on your birthday son...know that with all my insecurities, hardships, and struggles along our journey, I'm honored, delighted and blessed to have you in my life. I love you...yesterday, today, tomorrow and always. Mom

25% of Men Fear This....

It isn't: mice, cats, rats, spiders

It isn't: your mother/his mother-in-law, the dentist or your OBGYN

IT IS: Approaching a beautiful woman

Go figure! I can almost rest easy tonight knowing that. For I always thought that men didn't approach me because a) I'm too independent, b) I'm brunette (and everyone knows blondes have more fun!) or c) I'm just butt ugly! :)

Although I was once good at math...if 25% of men are afraid, what about the other 75%? I figure a large percentage (maybe even more than half) are married/committed/gay/under or over age of seeing/noticing women...SO, what percentage doesn't that really leave left????

Is 5 - 8" Too Much???

Hell yeah it is when referring to forecasted snow on the first night of Spring!!!

What were YOU thinking???? ;)

Lost & Found Phone

What a crazy morning! Besides losing my mind lately - I've had some difficult times keeping track of my cell phone (a.k.a. main means of communication/life). The last two times, in three days, that I have "misplaced" it, I managed to put it in my overnight bag. Don't ask why, since if I knew then it wouldn't have been "misplaced". ;) Today that wasn't the case.

I knew pretty quickly that I didn't have my phone - probably quicker than I would notice if my zipper was down or I had on two different shoes, so I noticed within 1.5 hours. I should have probably realized sooner since almost 95% of the time I talk to my girlfriend in the morning during my drive to work. Today I didn't, but today was going to be a better/different day! Or so I thought.

After grabbing all of my things from the hotel room, I went to breakfast. I happened to drop my bag (aka purse) over under the table and I picked it up. Then after eating I took my things and left the hotel. I left earlier than normal which later seemed like not such a good idea since I was too early to park on the first level of the parking structure. So much for the early bird gets the worm! So up to the 4th level I went...which came in real handy since I went back to the structure, not once but twice to search the car and lot again!

However, before doing so I called the hotel and asked if anyone had found it. I asked if someone could look around the exact table I sat at - not there. But they would let me know. I then checked the car the first time. I decided it had to be at the hotel - oh yeah, weird thing is the cell went right to voicemail when I called - three times! So I figured my luck I dropped it and the battery came off (knowing from many experiences with this before of course!). I called Sprint and had them suspend the phone. Four calls to Sprint CSR's later and local stores I wasn't making much headway on a replacement phone - yes, I KNOW I don't have the insurance! I just NEED a phone and one that the existing phone book can transfer too! I called the hotel back - yes I can really be annoying - and asked if they could check out in the parking lot and gave the exact parking spot I parked in - not there either.

At lunchtime a co-worker and I went back to the search my car again. Nothing. We searched for the structure office or an employee...none. I had even asked security and building management of the office I work - nothing. When I came back from lunch - there was an email from the front desk of the hotel that they FOUND MY PHONE! Hooray - life can go back to normal. I emailed and called the CSR back at the hotel as she said my contact numbers weren't working. Odd...unless of course she was trying to call my cell about my cell! She verified the number was my home number and she said it didn't work and their was no machine/message - great, what will or won't be at my house when I return??? Where was my phone you ask? I asked and it was at the "Gatehouse". What???? I thought that was something by a pool - WRONG. Apparently it was right where I said, under the table by the "toaster" and they didn't look well the first time. Regardless....HAPPY DAY! So I called to reactivate my phone - hoping this wouldn't be like a week delay or anything and I can't activate it until I have it. So hopefully I will have it back late this afternoon.

Afterall, I'm sure I will need it so that my son can receive his BIRTHDAY WISHES this beautiful first day of Spring :)

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder

Ok, just have to say it...while this doesn't apply to me as I have more of the Over the Shoulder Pebble Holder...how obnoxious are they? I'm having issues with mine ALL day today. Of course it started this morning along with my Magic Mirror reflection. The fabric of my shirt clings to the fabric of the bra - which personally I could do without and not even offend anyone as they wouldn't notice. But seeing that the shirt moves with the holder - yeah I'm looking cool. Can't even count how many times I had to readjust...guess for the day I had my first inkling of being a man ;) Now if only I could master peeing while standing up.