Tonight I'm just downright exhausted. I have absolutely no reason why. I'm not getting sick. I haven't partied like a rock star. I haven't pulled all nighters. I have no reason to be so tired.
The Ex-BF "surprised" my son and I tonight and showed up at his game. He asked if I was "surprised". I can't say that I was. I didn't really feel anything. He had left a message on my home phone today saying that he had planned on coming to the game but wasn't going to be able to because his car was still in the shop. And when I pulled into the parking lot, there was his car. Sigh...should I have felt something?
After the game was over, we walked to the parking lot together. He asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat. I don't even know what incoherent muttering I made, kind of like an "um, ah", whatever that means. I couldn't muster up the energy - I just wanted to collapse right there on the hard concrete and go to sleep. I think I seriously could have. He seemed to understand my muttering and said, "OK. Don't be a stranger." We hugged, said a few more things and off we went in our own direction.
I wondered if I should have felt guilty. Guilty for not being more excited or "surprised" that he drove an hour to come and see the game and likely me. He knew I didn't have my son tonight, so he was probably hoping to hangout, but he never bothered to call and ask - like I would think a friend would. I clearly wouldn't drive that far and just expect someone to drop what they were doing or not doing for me. I would have made sure to call in advance if I had hoped for something more than just watching a game. I don't feel guilty.
Maybe I truly have moved on.
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