Today my lunch buddy and I had a really good discussion about the Ex-BF and dating in general. He questioned if maybe Ex-BF had found the blog. Seeing that he doesn't have a computer, I think I'm ok with that, but it isn't like it would be completely impossible to find this blog either. Whether he actually had enough time or desire to read it would be the real question! Gut instinct leads to whether or not fear is a reality. I'm just not sure what my gut instinct says about him at this point. I think he just has too much time on his hands as he's been on medical leave (not mental leave!) for the past six weeks and he's going stir crazy. That compiled with missing me and my son and his life he once knew...may just be boredom and loneliness not stalkerish.
When I was out on Saturday night I was looking at people. Thinking of people I may consider dating at some point in my life. There were many that were too young or too old. I didn't see anyone that I thought, "Yeah, I would consider dating him." Let alone getting over the idea of how I would go about meeting that "him". I've tried a variety of ways to meet people to date...the church thing, the social networking, online, friends of friends, etc. Maybe because dating isn't my thing, I stay in long-term relationships way too long! My friend was looking for more prospective options on Saturday than I was. I found it entertaining, since right now this is the longest I have been date free in a long time. I'm truly enjoying it - finding myself again.
Back to lunch...my buddy and I were talking about the idea and perspective dating pools. IF I were to be interested, I would want someone that is independent. I'm tired of the dependent types. Someone that isn't a player or a womanizer. Someone with a job, home, stability. I think it all comes back to a mirror image of myself, but of course with different personality and likes and dislikes that I could learn and grow and be challenged to be a better person. Many, many years ago, someone I once dated told me I would never be happy if I found someone like me. I would be bored out of my mind. Maybe, maybe not. I haven't found that person yet. So my buddy asks me the question I fear the most...
"What do you like to do?"
I never know how to answer that. I know that it isn't a trick question. It just seems like I just do, I do life. Sometimes I don't make the time to figure out what I like to do, I just do it. I love to try new things, so how do I know if I like them if I haven't tried them? Most of the things I like to do, I do because I enjoy them and they fit in my schedule. Not necessarily things that I would do with a companion.
He told me that the problem with wanting someone that was independent..."They don't need you." DUH. Exactly. I don't think that relationships should be about need. They should be about want and desire and interest.
I want to have fun - not like a girls gone wild fun, but a good time. Laugh, live and enjoy. I want to travel. I want to be me and of course being a mom comes first.
What I confirmed today....I want a travel companion. Someone that I can call or will call me and say let's go on this trip. Let's jump on the plane, or get in the car this weekend and take a long weekend somewhere. I have every other weekend without my son. Plenty of time to explore. My buddy said so I need to find someone VERY secure in his employment aka wealthy. I wouldn't say that at all. But someone that I don't have to fund and make all the plans and decisions that has the flexibility to travel. And...at this point, gender doesn't matter. When I really think about it, I would almost prefer it be a female. No mom, I'm not gay. While the idea of having a male companion for safety would be nice, there isn't the sexual tension or pressure from a female companion. I believe I'm truly seeking a travel companion that is willing to explore and be adventurous and that we can go our own ways as well.
Wonder if that type of relationship exists.
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