A few weeks back, I read about the heat that a NY journalist dubbed, "America's Worst Mom" received after allowing her 4th grade son the subway home. She felt he was learning/gaining independence. Personally, as a parent and a Children's Services employee, I didn't see anything wrong with it. Now, had something happened, it would have been tragic and a different story. But things happen all the time.
I don't live in New York. I don't use the Subway. If I were to take the subway, let alone my 5th grade son, it would likely be ugly. Now, if we lived in NY and we took the subway every day, that would be a different story. Here in my town, we have public transportation - a bus system and taxis. Neither would be viable options I would send my son on, as he is not familiar with them.
I think for the most part, I'm a very over protective mom. And more often than not, I think I'm too over protective that maybe it's bad. Maybe I haven't let my son think enough on his own. Maybe I've coddled him too much that he won't grow up to be a well rounded individual. My ex-husband use to say that I was raising a "wus" and that he was too emotional and also say that I was teaching him everything I wanted in a man. DUH. Absolutely, my son is going to know how to cook, clean, wipe his own butt AND care for and respect another individual. If he isn't going to learn it from me, who am I going to entrust to teach him? I've met my share of...um...losers...if I have any say in it, my son won't grow up to be one. I've had a babysitter once, in 11 years. I have on occasion used my parents, whom live across state - and I typically didn't go out until I put him to bed. Most often, I have used the single parent every other weekend/overnights as my babysitter. I don't know if this is good or bad.
I think in many ways I'm my son's best friend and entertainment. I don't want this. I want him to confide in me but I need him to have his own friends outside of school too. When we bike ride, we bike together. Living in the city, I fear driveways, city stops, crazy drivers. He fears it too. He seldom will ride his bike alone, despite peers riding everywhere without a whim since they could ride a bike!
I know of people that have been leaving their children home for periods of time alone for years now. Each situation is different, I'm not going to judge. The law says that a child can stay home alone at 12, but Children's Protective Services isn't likely to find your child home alone without incident.
So today, I allowed my son his first step at being alone. The after school program was closed so there wasn't "childcare". My son was eager to walk home from school, all .9 miles of it. He had even planned out if he would run and whom he would come home with. I switched my schedule to work in the local office today so that I was only 2.5 miles away, but also wanted him to be alone and see how it went. Of course, I was on the phone with him every 1/2 hour or so making sure he was home, asking if I could finish up more at work and then his calls to say the toilet clogged and the bread had holes in it!
Independence...I'm not sure that I'm ready for him to have it yet. He is a terrific son and child. He's even been in the Gifted & Talented Program for two years, something I never accomplished. So, I probably shouldn't worry. But as a mother...they just grow up so quickly!
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