Men in Trees

Things are going well on the dating front. Par for me, everyone seems to come more out of the woodwork than usual when I begin dating someone. Maybe I act different, maybe I acknowledge or recognize things more or maybe it just is.

I spent the entire tournament with the ex-bf. It actually went pretty well. He of course isn't happy to hear that I met Mr. Date and doesn't want to know that I'm dating. He still feels that in his mind there is some glimmer of hope. While hanging out with him was definitely better this weekend - I think because I do really like Mr. Date and there isn't any glimmer of hope. I've laid it all out on the table, I'm not hiding anything or misrepresenting anything. And that of course makes him sad. At one point, he acknowledged the tears in his eyes when I told him he would one day find someone, (which he says he has) that wasn't me. I really do want the best for him.

I received a text and talked with a guy I dated during the previous hiatus from the ex-bf telling me that he met someone as equally cynical, funny, sarcastic and beautiful as I am, and she's blonde. Congrats! Way to move on! Then of course he asked when we could hangout again and have some drinks. Hmmm...but he's harmless and beginning to be someone I may even call a friend. We definitely can laugh together and he's someone that I can say whatever to and he takes it OK. I don't have to worry about hurting his ego or feelings, I can tell it like it is.

For instance, today he reminded me that he asked me, "So tell me, what exactly went wrong with US?" My response, "Other than the US, nothing."

He found it hysterically funny. While it's true, I couldn't and wouldn't say that to just anyone. I'm not that harmful, but I think knowing the personality, sense of humor and the company of others allows one to know what you can and can't or shouldn't say.

I gave in to Mr. Date and agreed that he can take me to and from my colonoscopy appointment on Monday. I'm sure that I will be looking and feeling my best! In actuality though, why not get it out of the way? He's seen me in a bathing suit, he saw me in comfy pj's, he's seen me sweating and almost fall on my face, so whatelse is left? Oh yeah, feeling like crap, crapping and looking like crap. Wow, why not get all three with one fell swoop? So that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm somewhat nervous about it, especially since it will also be the first time that he will have come to my house. I get a little OCD when I have people in my house, not to mention someone that I might like. Wondering if it's OK or should I do something different, clean a little more, unorganize a little less. A house can say so much about a person and I'm just not sure what story mine tells.

Regardless, I really want to see him. My thoughts aren't entirely consumed by him, but I do find my mind wandering to him. Recalling his smile, his cheeks when he laughs, his soft touch, his gentle kisses. The desire to see him, even at my worst is worth it to see him at all. Afterall, maybe I'll be worse than Elvira in the psyche unit and he'll go running in the other direction. Maybe he won't. He says that he wants to help me and take care of me. He's not the first to ever say this, but he's someone that I trust will do what he says. I actually believe that he wants to and genuinely will. And that, is something to be said.