Closing Doors

I told myself that I would make a point of no longer blogging about JC. In some aspects, it seems like so long ago when we had our final talk and decided to part ways and yet others, not so much. There are some days when I'm fine. Really, fine. And others, that hit me harder. I'm not sure what is the most difficult about an ending relationship - the lack of closure, moving on, or failure.

Seldom do I find myself in the need to move on completely. Not that I keep doors open, but I suppose not fully closing them either. A friend of mine on Sunday asked me if I was still dating JC. I told him no. He asked if we were still talking which I said a little. He then confirmed that we would date again. But honestly, this is one of those rare times where I believe that we won't. Whether it's our personalities or stubbornness or what have you, it just doesn't seem likely. We have only talked on the phone a few times in the past couple weeks, which was our main means of communicating. We instant message briefly on rare occasions as well. I'm doing my best to not be interested any longer in his races and how he does, but these are the moments and times I find most difficult. That I want to be there to watch him, even if I'm not with him. And then, the thoughts that I'm becoming a stalker instead of a friend run rampant. How am I to decipher the difference? What is that fine line? And maybe stalking is severe, but if I wasn't personally invited and I don't know if I would be welcome, why would or should I go?

I've been keeping really busy the past couple weeks, which has helped out tremendously; however, I know that I need to process the relationship fully to really truly move on. Regardless, closing doors is difficult. Especially closing doors on people that you care for and love.