Understanding Life Lessons

This morning I received a call from someone I dated over two years ago. We are very good friends now and it seems that since I've met Mr. Date, he seems to be calling a lot. Maybe it's since he knows I'm not available. Maybe it's since he's lonely, desperate or sees that his world is falling apart due to employment, housing and personal issues that he vaguely discusses with me. In some ways I think he wants me to believe that it has something to do with me, which I'm not that gullible or maybe it's that I have moved on and just don't care about the why's.

His call this morning was to ask me how much he hurt me when our "relationship" ended. He wanted to know why in the world I would ever consider being in a relationship again. See the thing is, I learned a lot about myself and about relationships from him. It was clearly a life lesson. It was a recognition of how to accept and understand when mutual feelings don't exist or when the odds are stacked against you. It was also an understanding of what I want out of a relationship and what I don't.

In retrospect, my friendship and relationship with him was everything I could have asked for. I wasn't interested in dating as I had just separated from the ex-bf. He was accepting of me maintaining a relationship with the ex-bf but even two years later, I still wonder about his motives. I never fully trusted him. Ok, that would be an understatement. I wasn't and never would have been a priority. When I spent time with him, it was usually in the same general area but not together. I would be watching the sunset or movies and he would be painting, working or on the phone. Because of him, I fell in love with the beach and the summer sunsets.

I'm not sure if he's over me. His calls could imply that he's not, especially if I wanted to believe them. But for me, in my healthy state I take them at face value. A friend is going through some tough times and I will be there for him in ways that I can but I will not let him interfere with my emotions or feelings. I have become a stronger and healthier individual.

I have lived. I have loved. I have lost. I have learned. And for that, I am thankful that my life lessons have helped mold me into who I am today.