Friday, September 10, 2010

Distance Dating

It's been a while since I've posted anything about dating.  Not to say that I haven't had a lot of thoughts ruminating around in my mind on dating.  I joined a different dating site on a whim in June and really haven't put forth any effort in it (I know, I never do!) and haven't been a fan of this specific site; however, I do enjoy taking the "tests".  Since June, I had met two people from the site, one was the fart man and then the other that lives across the state that I have gone out with twice. 

Primarily, I was focused in not dating.  I began spending more time with the ex-husband of an ex-coworker (although the ex-husband and my ex-husband and I all worked together some 14 years ago).  Initially it was very odd and perhaps, in some ways, it still is.  Something about having past connections to relationships that might be better off left in the recesses of the mind, although I'm not usually unwilling to talk about my past marriage, doing so with someone that knew my ex-husband, was proving difficult.  We decided that we would be friends and spent time together.  He had professed strong feelings for me and I was having difficulty assessing the same, but they were developing, slowly.  Having said that though, our time spent together as infrequently as it was, was "as friends". 

When we finally had our "first date", I found that I was just emotionally drained.  He is the equivalent to a Debbie Downer.  He is plagued by continuous thoughts and worries that affect his communication, sleep, and health.  He is emotionally somewhere that I am not.  In some ways we have similarities, but in most, not so much.  When I actually took a step back and thought about why I would want to date, to have fun, I realized that I had settled into spending time with him without really having fun!  So, I had "the talk" with him and feel that the much needed closure was obtained.

My post though, pre-tangent, was about distance.  In my mind, I'm not interested in a long distance dating relationship.  I've had them in the past, they weren't successful; however, I've had close distance relationships and obviously those have been unsuccessful as well!  I prefer close proximity to allow for last minute get togethers if necessary, primarily within an hour drive.  But...

When I evaluated that my primary goal of dating is to meet someone with a connection that I would want to see more than once and to have fun!  Fun is my primary motivation and I will not settle for a relationship that lacks having fun and enjoying the company and companionship of another.

What I truly learned is that it isn't the physical distance but the emotional distance that really matters.  Ultimately, if there is someone that is willing to put forth the effort and want to see me and spend time with me, then the physical distance, while a somewhat inconvenience, is nothing in the big picture!

Let the fun begin!


living the dream said...

I'm glad you're having fun.....maybe forget about dating, who needs it anyway!

Ms. Independent said...

Definitely having fun - finding fun and embracing it with open arms! =)