The other night my son was badgering me to tell him about the worst thing he has EVER done. Anyone who knows my son and who knows me, Ok what I mean to say is knows my son, will know that he's a complete angel. Really, he is. I don't even say that with an ounce of sarcasm.
I couldn't come up with a thing. Sure when he was two or three he did the occasional lying. He did the tattle telling. He had some issues with poor sportsmanship. I think he went through a very brief biting phase. Don't all kids? I have never spanked him. He had fewer time-outs than I can recall on one hand. Pretty much all I had to do was tell him I was disappointed in his behaviors or actions and he would cry. We would talk about it and that was that. Honestly, I can't recall anything that T has done that was bad. Not yet at least. I even suggest that he call grandma that maybe she could recall something or ask his dad.
Now the stories of my brother - well those I can tell you about!
I'm not sure if T was prepping me. I know that at some point and I'm hoping it's more mischief than delinquent behaviors, he will do something. He has to, he's a kid! I'm assuming it will come about the time he starts to date, or drive or work.
Except, it came sooner than I could have imagined. Or did it?
Last night, T seemed really sad. We had dinner and had small conversation. He seemed tired and quiet. I prepared for my weekend away - tuned my skis, did laundry, cleaned up the kitchen from dinner...and then we sat down to watch the Olympics and Survivor while I folded the clothes. He had already voluntarily taken a shower while I was on the phone - wishing my brother a Happy 39th birthday! T sat next to me on the couch.
I asked him if he was OK. I asked if there was anything he wanted to discuss, at which point, wrapped in his blanket he laid down and buried his head behind me on the couch and began to cry and through his sobs attempted to tell me what was going on. Clearly and completely indecipherable. I rubbed his back and told him to take deep breaths and to sit up and tell me what was going on.
T got a DETENTION.
Clearly he was emotionally upset and had been all evening and was likely afraid to tell me. I think like me, his fear is personal. It isn't a fear of what I may do, but a fear of disappointing someone, of letting them down, of letting yourself down.
T received a Detention from a substitute teacher of his Gifted and Talented class. He didn't even know it. Apparently the day before two students were throwing something and T was accused of being part of it. He wasn't, which he says and I have no reason to doubt him. He wasn't able to talk to the substitute teacher because apparently the teacher wrote down names on a list without ever speaking to the students (I'm going to refrain from what I really think about this!!!!). Three were identified to the teacher the following day, T being one of them. T addressed it with his GT teacher but the Teacher said seeing that he wasn't there, he had no idea what had happened and therefore T had to serve a Detention during lunch this upcoming Monday.
T is nervous about Detention. I tried to explain what I thought Detention would be, to the best of my knowledge, although I can't even recall if some 20 years ago, I ever served Detention. I want to say that I did. I know that in elementary school I had to wear gum on my nose or sit on the floor for rocking chairs and falling - but I always made it fun!
Is it awful that I'm glad that T got Detention?
Maybe glad isn't the right word. I want him to understand that he doesn't have to be perfect. Sure it sucks that he got in trouble for something he didn't do, but it isn't the end of the world. Detention can serve two purposes - help him to understand it's OK to not be perfect or to scare him from ever getting in trouble at school! And honestly, I'm all for the learning lesson!
I think T was relieved that I wasn't mad. I have no reason to be mad at him. Even if he did do it! He has punished himself enough. I also didn't see any reason to contact the teacher and fight a battle for something so trivial. Not yet at least.
However, I did mention when I tucked T into bed that maybe we shouldn't go out to dinner Monday night, I wouldn't want him to think I was rewarding him for his first Detention! =)
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