Date, Dating, Relationships

I'm the last person that anyone should look to for advice on the definition and terminology of date, dating and relationships. I've clearly had my "issues" with them all, to say the least.

I still keep in touch with some of my "one hit wonders", the one time dates that were good and/or nice guys, just not for me. Some of them try to convince me that I should give them another chance, some actually accept and become friends, while others we no longer communicate. It just wasn't. I continuously struggle with the friendships/relationships that I try to develop and/or maintain where feelings are not mutual.

I have no interest in taking a man or human being for granted. I have no interest in seeing how I can benefit or taking the "what's in it for me?" attitude. There are things that I am looking for in a date or in a relationship that I do not expect in a friendship. Things that I'm willing to accept in friends that I will not settle for in a relationship. I do expect respect and honesty, from both intimate and friend relationships.

I do not want to be taken for granted. I want someone to respect me as I do them. I expect mutual honesty. For starters...

Maybe due to Valentine's Day around the corner or New Years Resolutions underway, it seems like lately I've had many more heart to heart talks with some of the men in my life. I recently received a few red roses and a box of chocolates from someone I've been very clear with that I wouldn't date. I was surprised by the gifts, although very clear about our relationship. (Although it does make me wonder why I can't get things from those that I do have feelings - could it be I'm taken for granted or not worthy?)

Another discussed his growing feelings towards me. I was touched by his words as I can honestly say that I share in the same words, although different meaning. I care about him and love him, but I'm not in love with him - and while he would never say these things to me, I think we both know that they exist. It just is. He asked me my definitions of date, dating and relationships, trying to grasp an understanding of our relationship and where it stood and why for me it couldn't and wouldn't ever change. The brutal honesty of the conversation was much needed. We hope to not have to repeat the same conversation again in the future, but he understands that I welcome him to come to me with his feelings and concerns and we can process them together as needed.

I wish I had answers. I wish that I knew what the future holds. I wish that I could say that one day, someone and I will meet and fall in love and we will know. We will know that it's right. We will know that we work. We will know that it's meant to be. That the sharing of our lives will come easy and natural. That we belong.

I don't hold on to broken dreams. I don't hold out for the hope that IT/HE is out there. I have no expectations.

What I do have....I have hope that with each passing day, I will live my life with no regrets (only lessons learned that I care to not repeat) and I will enjoy and embrace new opportunities and chances with a positive outlook.

I will. Will you?