Shirked Responsibilities

This morning all I could think of was that, "I suck". I'm feeling like a failure on so many levels as of late. However, this too shall pass.

Sometimes with my job I welcome new responsibilities and tasks but quickly find that they aren't necessary or appropriate. So it isn't that I'm queen of delegation, it's more a matter of identifying the reality and bottomline of what needs to be done. Which more often than not, doesn't have anything to do with me or what I can do. However, there are other times, especially when it comes to training, that I seem to want to shirk my responsibility.

While I can clearly meet one on one with individuals and families that I work with, I shy away from groups. Teaching a class of eager, or not so eager, participants gives me that cold feet, sweaty palm, nauseous feeling of the great potential of failure and disappointment that seems to linger around the corner at all times.

Due to poor anticipated participation the last training I was to teach, was cancelled. The next training I have to teach is in a couple weeks. Due to my son having his baseball clinic/tryouts I had to switch the time of my training from late in the day to the beginning. Again, feeling the pressure of not only making coffee (which I've never consumed in my life - but used to make instant for my mom and pots at my first employer) but actively engaging and entertaining a group of victims, I mean trainees, first. I would have preferred to have the last portion of the training, when participants are eager to leave and call it a day. Therefore, who really cares how poorly I do or what I teach???

The issue? Last night at dinner my son said, "I won't be going to my clinic." What?

Apparently when my son received a Blue Ribbon for his website for the National History Day competition, he advanced to Regionals. This I knew. The details, I didn't know or forgot or...because in searching the web, I learned that the assignment information distributed in October said that if your child advances the competition will be in March. I guess at that time I was suppose to put it on my calendar, just in case. (Which I have now done that IF he advances to the state and National level - since I'm a mom that looks in advance, ya know!)

Fortunately I work with a great coalition of people. I was able to completely switch that training date to a later date. I really am not trying to shirk my responsibilities as a trainer or a mother and I'm so fortunate that it worked out!

I even got out of training the morning sessions and will pick up the last session of the afternoon. Granted it's in the middle of a Saturday, but whatelse did I have better to do anyway?