Today is the day. The BIG day. Maybe it will be the BIG of the BIGGEST LOSER competition for me. Or maybe it will lead to BIG weight loss. Regardless, it may lead to BIG changes for me.
Trust me when I say that I feel like over the years I have thought or tried it all, with the exception of dieting. I am not a dieter. When I make changes, I make more lifestyle changes of eating healthy. I've never been to a Weight Watchers meeting. I did purchase Richard Simmons "Food Mover" Program or something many years ago, which I suppose was similar to the WW program. It brought insight into how much I don't eat. But when life takes hold of me, my lack of eating habits kick in quickly.
I'm nervous. It's worse than any possible interview or first date experience, this meeting with the personal trainer. I've wondered what I should wear. Is it too much, not enough. I don't want to have to strip to get a complete body analysis, so I plan on wearing shorts, which is not what I work out in. I also have my list of likes and dislikes for my food plan that she will create. I just don't want to be joke. I did talk to JC last night and finally asked him how much he thought I weighed. He low balled me by almost 20 pounds, but I'm not sure if he was being honest or not and then he emphasized, "Honey, you carry it well."
Nice. Wow, flatter me some more, maybe I'll shed a few pounds under the flattery. Sigh...
I have started thinking more about when the weight came on. Over the past decade or so, since beginning birth control pills and other methods, I've decided that I should stop and see if I could drop the extra pounds. But I'd rather take the pounds than an "oops" nine plus month later seven pound loss!
I've also kicked around several ideas/myths (we all want to believe something, right?): a) Muscle weighs more than fat or b) Eat too few calories.
In regard to muscle weighing more than fat, while this is true, on the Biggest Loser the other night Jillian yelled that this is false - at least in Aubrey's case when she didn't lose much weight in 30 days off the ranch and claimed to be working out hard. So does that apply to me? My clothes are fitting better, but the scale is going up. When I work out, I work out hard, is it too hard?
In regard to eating too few calories, I'm almost beginning to believe this; however, if it were true, I would think that I would be losing weight. Anorexics lose weight, right? So I haven't completely grasped this idea; however, I have begun to notice some side affects that may be attributed to not eating properly. I've noticed that I'm more distracted, more irritable. I am beginning to feel like I have traits of Attention Deficit Disorder that I have never had before. That goes along with feeling bored, but not depressed. I seem to be more aloof. I'm not noticing things that I had once noticed, vision slightly out of focus or just not seeing things. I seem to catch myself in closer calls when driving, so either not seeing them as quickly or having slower reflexes. I seem to be more tired, fatigued. Workouts that were easy for me are becoming increasingly more difficult and I'm becoming more winded and am sweating more. Therefore either being I'm pushing myself harder, improving my technique and intensity or I have too few calories and carbs to support my intensity of cardio.
All these questions...I'm tired of them and the million more running through my mind. By this afternoon I hope to have answers. I hope to have direction. I hope to alleviate the myths and understand the truth. That I'm Wrong, but there is still hope for me to find the right path and get back on track once and for all. Here's hoping...stay tuned for the results of the initial assessment.
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