Communication

Communication is such an integral part of any relationship. Often times, communication can be misconstrued or assumed, especially written communication (email or social networking sites).

Last week I received a Facebook (Social Networking Site) request from my step-mother to be her friend. I accepted although I wondered if it was the right thing to do. Communication between my dad, step-mom and myself has been strained since Thanksgiving (and longer - but not to the same extent). I have talked with them twice on the phone since, so the request seemed odd, but to ignore or deny it seemed just plain wrong.

The following day my step-mom put a message on my "wall" for everyone to see that they would be moving back to Michigan (from Florida) due to the economy and become "snow birds". Seeing that this was the first that I had heard of such information, I messaged her back with the famous when, where, WHY questions. She responded via a personal email to not post to the world that the economy was difficult and that they were no longer sustaining life in their oversized home as she is unemployed as of December. They felt that they could sell their home and move back to Michigan and buy a home without a mortgage and even be able to have an occasional dinner or movie night.

I may or may not have offered my opinion. In my mind, I believe that I was communicating. I responded with shock that they couldn't find something in Florida where the weather is more suitable to my father's (and her) health and that they hated Michigan when they were forced to move back for two years to sell their rental home and avoid capital gains.

Yesterday, I received a forwarded email from my aunt with an email from my step mom. She stated that she was tired of people being too quick to offer their opinion, her family, daughter and myself without walking a mile in their shoes. She also said she was waiting for the news to be on the front page of the tabloids as word was spreading like wildfire - but little did she realize when she posted it on the "wall" that my aunt also had access to the wall and information. Furthermore my step-mom stated that in the future due to lack of support from the family that they would not share their plans or situation until it was a done deal. And, that summarizing was the nice version.

That email coupled with my weight gain was enough to put me in more than a crappy mood all day. Since when does having a conversation with someone about their situation consist of giving your opinion? Regardless, when does a person giving an opinion give someone the justification of bad mouthing and discontinuing communication, especially when the opinion wasn't negative?

Today, I emailed my step mom. I basically called her out on her feelings and our misunderstanding of communication. I also said that I wish them the best in what life brings to them and if and when they want to communicate, they know how to reach us.

I'm tired of trying to take the high road. I'm tired of being the mediator. I'm tired of trying to communicate commonsense.

I don't feel fabulous about saying what I needed to say. But, I do feel better and know that tonight when I lay in bed awake I'll be able to rest easy knowing that I did what I could and said what I felt, to the person that needed to hear it most.