I am doing my best to not post about my father. I haven't talked to him much since the blow up/message I received from his wife (here) but I also haven't not called him at all.
My dad is very tired. Actually, the last time we talked on the phone was probably one of the best conversations we have had, outside of my visit to Tampa when I said goodbye in person. He seemed coherent. He was tired, but could hold the conversation and we talked for almost twenty minutes.
Yesterday the mass email came that his health is "not good". He has become too weak to stand without assistance. He is on continuous oxygen. His appetite is diminishing. The Primacor IV is no longer working as it was initially. She completed the email saying:
"I know that I should be seeing one set of footprints in the sand, but I still see two sets of footprints in the sand..."
While not entirely sure I understand what she was saying, I believe she is saying that God isn't carrying him yet, as he continues to fight the odds and walk alongside.
I responded to her email and we shared a few civil, non-committal emails of continued thoughts and prayers. I questioned nothing.
Today, she sent another mass email. This time that the news is worse. That he is having difficulty swallowing although using a straw has proven successful. He was able to take his medication smashed into applesauce but cream of wheat, he can't swallow (Well honestly, I have issues swallowing cream of wheat too, but that is besides the point.) She had tried to contact Hospice and the Cardiologist and was considering contacting an ambulance to take him to the ER. I emailed her back. She responded that additionally, his IV had a leak. Her next email said that he was en route to the hospital.
As of late this afternoon, several hours after being admitted, he was stable. He is doing well. The issue? His IV was not connected. The IV that pumps his heart for him, was not connected for almost 12 hours. He is eating and swallowing again. His wife complained about Hospice and that they are "useless" and hadn't returned her call from 9 hours prior.
Funny thing...I decided again to see what I could find out, not trusting his wife. With the assistance of Google and the thought that HIPPA and Confidentiality would prohibit anyone from talking with me, I contacted Hospice. I was transferred to the right location. Another woman, someone that answers the phones informed me of who my father's Social Worker is and said that she would leave her a message and I should get a call back in the morning.
THREE MINUTES LATER. THREE. MINUTES. LATER. I received a call from the Social Worker. She was willing to talk to me and that was before I informed her that I too was a Social Worker. She listened and was informative and stated that she hasn't seen my father in almost three weeks but the nurse goes to the home weekly. She was unaware of any change in his health and that he had been admitted to the ER hours earlier. So how is it that I can get a return call back in minutes when his wife claims to not get a return call after almost 12 hours?
Emotionally, I am void. I can't get frustrated with her. I accept that she is soon to be a grieving widow. If for no other reason than to lose her husband, companion and more than half her income. Really, I am not that heartless. JA asked if I would go back down to Florida to see him.
Honestly. NO. Dead or Alive, there is no reason for me to return back to Florida. I said goodbye to my DAD in November 2010. I grieved the dad that I knew. Letting go of someone that you love that no longer exists in the shell of who once was is difficult. The journey has been long and painful but I have found closure.
No matter how much chaos she tries to instill, I appreciate that there are professionals that I can contact for the honest truth. That I can confirm that Hospice is involved because my father is dying. My dad has passed although on rare occasions I can still hear the man he was, temporarily.
I loved you Dad. I love you Dad. I hope and pray that soon, your pain and suffering will end and you will find your happiness, always.