Monday, September 14, 2009

Monday & Physical...Need I Say More?

Happy Monday! The sun is shining and what better way to start off the beginning of the week, Monday morning, in the office of my OB/GYN for my annual physical? But let me go back a bit...

Sunday afternoon was a very lazy day. My son and I spent all day in the house, neither of us even bothering to get out of our pajamas. I managed to clean a great majority of the house, including the basement and mopping the floors! We watched some football and I happened to "rest" on the couch for about 1.5 hours dozing on and off. Not a good idea - since I laid in bed for 2.5 hours wide awake with the last time I looked at the clock it was 3:46a.m. sigh. I woke this morning recalling a bizarre dream about one of the families I work with ordering I replace children and a co-worker that wasn't ready to leave the house because she was taking a bath. What? Anyway, as I lay wide awake in bed, I anticipated my upcoming rollerblading date with hopes that I don't fall and kill myself and all the millions of "deal-breakers" when it comes to dating and relationships. No wonder I couldn't sleep!

I actually got out of bed a few minutes after my alarm went off and let my son sleep for a little longer. When he aroused he was frantic that it was 7:20a.m. and we had to leave in 30 minutes for school. No sweat. I had already made his lunch and packed his backpack, he just had to dress and eat breakfast. I dropped him off at school and went home to finish getting ready for work. I was even ten minutes early!

My physical was scheduled at 9;45a.m. and I knew I needed to leave about 9:30 or so to be sure I was on time. I was inhaling a yogurt as I walked out of the office.

*** Note: While many things can condition the hair, I do NOT recommend tooth paste OR yogurt! And definitely NOT in the same day!

I got in my car and drove to the doctor's office. It was 9:40a.m. when I realized, I was driving to the wrong office! I'm pretty sure the pediatric doctor's office wouldn't be willing to do an annual on me! So turn around and head back the way I came, a mile in the direction from where I started! Ah Monday's!

I did manage to walk into the office on time and was directed to the back of the office to supply my urine sample. I don't know about you, but this is always a difficult thing for me! I clearly made my label and stuck it on the cup, first. What was I thinking? What if I urinated on the label and the marker smeared? Anyway...I attempted and I couldn't muster a mere three drops, likely not enough to test anything! So I threw it away and headed out to my car to grab a bottle of water to ingest for attempt #2, when the exam was complete.

The pre-exam went fine; however, seriously do they have to prick your finger right before you have to get undressed? How am I suppose to add pressure to my bleeding finger while undressing? I'm multi-talented, but this is pushing the limits on a Monday!

The doctor came in and we had our lovely chat. I have a varicose vein in my right leg and he's willing to make a referral, although at the end of the exam he said if I plan on having more babies, I should wait as I could get more. No planned babies. He also talked about a continuous birth control pill - Why in the world would I want to take a pill EVERY day? He suggested the benefits being that I wouldn't have a period, although I have no complaints as mine are barely even 1.5 days (I know, I know, I'm sorry for you!). I did ask if a continuous pill would help with the need to want to harm everyone and clean house and everything without purpose the week before? I told him that this also includes the desire to rid of useless boyfriends and/or husband on a monthly basis as well. He (being politically correct of course) said that it would help with PMS.

During the exam he asked if I wanted to be tested for STD's. I said OK. He then said that it would be a good idea since I have a new boyfriend every month! I then had to insert foot in mouth and say that NO I don't have a new boyfriend every month, just a desire to get rid of the one that I have every month! Isn't it funny how things can be twisted around?

At the end of the appointment, I headed back to the bathroom to provide a urine sample. Doing it right this time, I grabbed the cup and headed into the stall. I set the cup down on the back of the toilet lid to set down my purse and close the door. What happened?

The cup fell into the toilet! Sigh...Happy Monday! So cup #3, I headed back to the stall. I really don't understand how ingesting almost 17 oz. of water 20 minutes early can't even produce an ounce of urine. Oh well...it had to do!

I can only hope that the rest of my day is equally as entertaining! If it is...Bring on the Mondays!

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