Friday - TGIF

FRIDAY, FRIDAY, FRIDAY!!!

I'm so glad it's finally Friday, even if that means I don't have any plans for the weekend. It's amazing to think that this is the end of the second week of my return from vacation. So much has happened in the past two weeks, nothing life altering, but very overwhelming.

Feel free to skip this post...it's going to be rambling randomness...that I will do my best to summarize, which I don't do very well!

I returned home on April 9, 2010 to immediate caretaking of my son, since his father did have surgery on 4/8/10. Without direct communication from him, he didn't exercise his visitation that weekend or the following Monday or Wednesday. I would have done better emotionally had I at least had an idea of when he was planning on visiting again. I contacted him on 4/15 and confirmed he was well enough to see our son again beginning that weekend.

On 4/8/10 after arriving back to Florida, I noticed a slight rash on my left arm. I questioned whether or not I had sun poisoning. I believe, undiagnosed of course, that in fact I did have sun poisoning which progressively got worse Friday and throughout the weekend. Not to be confused with motion sickness from the cruise - I battled headaches, nausea, dizziness and general incoherence. A few days later, I was beginning to resume back to normalcy a greater percentage of the day!

As blogged about, I had the issue with my credit card being compromised and thus deactivated. A week later, my new card arrived in the mail.

Before my vacation I was struggling with a few work issues. I had a subsequent issue the evening after I blogged. And that, coupled with everything else (not winding down from vacation, sun poisoning, parenting, credit card, etc.) was enough to push me over the edge.

I can't recall a time where it had ever been so bad. Where I actually really did want to quit my job and had planned to do so. Of course the reality of paying my mortgage, my bills, parenting and maintaining my sanity all require maintaining my job. But as I drove away from my last appointment of the evening, three hours later, I burst into tears. Inconsolable tears.

I've never experienced a nervous breakdown. Clearly I wasn't nervous (that's a JOKE! But why is it called "nervous"?)! Emotionally I was overwhelmed. I was maxed. I was spent. I tried to regroup and by the time I arrived home, I had stopped crying, almost, until I thought about everything again.

When I arrived home, I found my garage open and my son home. I had sent him off to practice on his bike since I was tied up with work. I thought I had to race into the house, change clothes and bike to meet him. I was glad I didn't have to; however, he was home because he had the wrong time for practice. He had been almost an hour late! I felt responsible, another failure.

The following morning as I dropped my son off for a field trip, I called my boss to request meeting with him. I knew I needed time off. Did I fail to mention that I also heard a message at my office from one of my families with questions and concerns about a phone call I had made with his wife, that I listened to at 2a.m.? My boss asked if I was "OK". NO. I was anything but OK.

I met with my boss and asked to take the rest of the week off. Just under two days to regroup and determine what in fact I wanted to do about my job, my life, myself. He asked if I wanted to go to part-time. I knew that I couldn't address any of it. I gave him the updates of work that had hit the fan and about an hour or so later, I left the office. And I was feeling much better just knowing I was leaving everything behind to address with a clear head and a clear conscious after the weekend.

On the way home, I confirmed that the weekend was mine, childless. Things were going to be more than OK. So was it an emotional breakdown, a nervous breakdown or emotional overload? I have no idea. I do know that I got through it, maybe not with flying colors or how I would have hoped or in the timeframe that I would have liked, but I did!

It's been a week since. I had a great weekend! Normalcy and routine has returned. Had I had my few days of recuperation that I had initially planned from my vacation, I'm pretty sure emotionally I would have prevailed without an issue; however, sometimes, it's that awakening that helps us to realize that we are only human. We aren't perfect and while it may seem that some expect that from us, I'm not.