Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Meeting Anniversary

Tomorrow, May 12, 2011, will be the one year anniversary of meeting MS.  We had chatted a few times online and on the phone before we met in person.  We met at a Chinese restaurant where we talked for hours. 

I wasn't immediately attracted to him.  The idea of him being a full time parent to his son who had no relationship with his mother was daunting.  We met again a few days later for our second date.  The date went well, but again, I couldn't escape the fear of a full time parent.  I didn't feel comfortable having him choose between time with me and time with his son.  He assured me that he had a right to date and if it wasn't me, it would be someone.  After our second date, I just couldn't do it.  We didn't see each other again.

Until...October 2010.  We have been dating since.  I wish I could say that today I am more comfortable with him being a full time parent.  I am not.  Let me clarify.  It isn't that I have an issue with him being a full time parent, I have the issue that he is an absent full time parent.  His relationship with his 14 year old son is more representative of a roommate or friend than a parent or authority figure.  Most weekends when MS works, his son would be at home, although more frequently he is gone staying with friends.  Weekends when MS is home, his son is gone the entire weekend at friends.  His son does seem to look forward to opportunities of visiting me and my son to go bowling or play board games.  Quite a surprise for me!

Since October, his son has been suspended from school and broke his collar bone.  He recently was involved in a skate board incident where we spent three hours in the medical center and required follow up orthodontist appointment for loose and misaligned teeth and a CT scan for concern of a brain bleed as he had visual head ticks.  The police have been involved on at least two occasions as his son wasn't where he was suppose to be.  Mother's Day was the most recent involvement.  He hadn't been home since Saturday morning and his whereabouts were unknown Sunday evening.  Apparently after asking his friend if he could move in with him and his grandmother and being told "no" the two teens took off.  MS doesn't understand why his son wouldn't want to live with him as he has everything.

Everything but his dad's time, attention and interest.  MS and I have talked about this on more than one occasion.  Nothing changes. 

MS is a good guy.  He is laid back and easy going.  I haven't seen anything of the contrary although he reports a different persona at work and apparently his son must see something different too.  Am I missing something or do people have different perspectives from his different responsibilities? 

My main concern remains.  MS and I have opposite parenting styles and relationships with our children.  I don't foresee this ever changing.  We do have fun together and love each other.  We get along extremely well.  BUT...our boys are FOURTEEN.  Do I really want to watch the downward spiral of their relationship for my own companionship for four years until our boys are "adults" or high school graduates?  And then what?

I have always preferred the idea of a Mr. Right not a Mr. Right Now.  But no one is perfect.  When as individuals do we determine what is worth accepting and settling and what isn't?

No comments: