Sunday, July 31, 2011

Trusting the Truth

About a month ago, I started to worry that MS may consider proposing on our vacation.  I am not sure what was said or done specifically that had me concerned, just the overall differences of our vacation preferences.  I am happy to say, that while those thoughts are somewhere compartmentalized in a drawer in my mind, I did come to my senses and believe that it won't happen (I think I know MS pretty well he couldn't pull off a surprise!).  For this, I am glad.  I am very much looking forward to vacation with MS and spending a week together, just the two of us with no worries or cares.

Thursday as I arrived at MS' house, waiting on the three to return from fishing, I was calm.  Happy.  Content.  D and I were chatting on the phone and she asked if it was weird to have a key to his house.  Technically, I don't have a key, but he gave me the garage door opener back in the winter and he doesn't lock the door in the garage that leads to the house.  I have never given him a key to my house.  We have never talked about it.  It isn't that I don't trust him or don't want him to have one, it's just never been an issue.  And I realized that I have never given MS back the garage door opener.  I have never tried to end the relationship.  I have never been so frustrated that I needed to run and not look back.

I've thought many times before of the differences of dating MS.  I trust him.  I completely trust him.  Sometimes I wonder if I should.  I have no reason not to but I wonder if ultimately if I will be blindsided by something.  The fear.  The fear of realizing and accepting that our relationship isn't too good to be true.  That what we have is real.  That while we have our differences in parenting, we work.  And, that the reason I trust him isn't because I don't see or want a future with him.  I trust him because he is trustworthy. 

With each passing day, I find myself growing more and more fond of MS.  I miss him when we aren't together.  I know that both he and I would be fine if we stopped dating, but I don't want to.  I'm not giddy to see him, but genuinely happy when I do.  I try not to take him for granted and I feel he does the same. 

I don't know if it is maturity, acceptance, understanding or any other multitude of options that has allowed this relationship to work.  I don't need to know why, just that it does.  I know that what MS and I have, I am thankful.  With every day, I fall a little more for this man I love.  And this love, has no time frames, limits or boundaries.

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