After my latest physical, I received that dreaded call that my pap was abnormal. I was informed to come in for additional testing. I told very few people. Actually, I believe at the time of the testing, in various different conversations, I informed MS only.
I was scared and yet I didn't want to worry about what I didn't know. Without confirmation, I didn't want to discuss or prepare for a diagnosis. Was I in denial? Was I experiencing different stages of grief and loss and bargaining? I believe that I was staying grounded in the reality that I would acknowledge the test results and plan a course of action.
After an extremely painful procedure, I did share with two other friends what I was experiencing, but not in great detail. Just more of a validation of my distance in conversation as I attempted to focus on the now and not be distracted.
After five long days, I learned that my test results were clear. Even now, almost a week later, I am choked up at the realization that I do not have cervical cancer. My mom is a survivor of both breast and uterine cancer. I believe that I had come to accept the inevitable that I was so overwhelmed when I learned that fortunately I was wrong!
I finally talked to my mom about the procedure. I went into much graphic and comical detail. She asked if I planned to blog about it. Of course, I am actually going to refrain from blogging about the details of the testing. Some things I do keep personal!
I am just very fortunate and blessed.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Fostering Respite II
I am currently experiencing my third respite foster care experience. The second set of children I respited back in August after returning home from Mexico. While I enjoyed the experience immensely, T thought otherwise. He still appears traumatized by the 7 year old female that repeatedly screamed his name incorrectly and attempted to wake him up earlier than he had hoped.
Needless to say, our current respite of a 10 year old female (D) had the cards stacked against her, in T's book. There is nothing she could say or do that would make T welcome her. Then again, T will be 15 next month and really I don't think any girl rates in his world at this moment (which, I am still perfectly fine with!). I feel bad for our foster child as she knows that T doesn't talk to her and even today she said that he doesn't even know her name, which he confirmed he did!
The current foster home requested respite initially from Sunday - Wednesday, but D came early Saturday morning. As D attends school in the nearby town, keeping her during the school week hasn't been a problem and I've only had to adjust my work schedule less than 1.5 hours a day. The current foster family had a change of plans and is having a "stay-cation" and enjoying being foster childless.
I actually like D. Respite foster care is tough though, trying to maintain another foster parent's schedule. D begins her bedtime routine at 7:00p.m. and is in bed at 8:30p.m. This schedule is maintained on the weekend. While I have done extremely well in keeping to the schedule, it isn't that conducive to T and I's normal routine. But for four days, we can manage.
D even adjusted well when her father canceled his unsupervised visit, the first one EVER he has canceled due to being "sick". I called him to inquire if he wanted to talk to his daughter on the phone. His response, "NO". He further and clearly went on to say, "It is difficult to even talk". I asked if he would want to reschedule the visit if he was feeling better and he said, "NO. Next Monday will be fine." He then said, "Tell her I said to do her homework." And we hung up. Seriously? D inquired twice about not seeing her dad. She was excited she wouldn't be seeing him tomorrow as a make up visit. She wasn't bothered. But I was.
How is it, that even given the opportunity by a foster parent to talk to your daughter, a parent would refuse? I know this answer. I have worked in child welfare and foster care for 14.5 years. I do understand. But...this is the first time, that as a foster parent being sincere and attempting to work with a birth parent (not as a caseworker) that I have been so completely disappointed.
What did D do to deserve this? How hard is it to take a moment to tell someone you care about them, miss them and/or love them? Especially a child. Is it too much to ask?
I guess I attempt to live my life in the best way that I know how. To tell those near and dear that I love them. To live with no regrets. I am not perfect by any means, but when given the opportunity, I try my best and take advantage of every opportunity.
Needless to say, our current respite of a 10 year old female (D) had the cards stacked against her, in T's book. There is nothing she could say or do that would make T welcome her. Then again, T will be 15 next month and really I don't think any girl rates in his world at this moment (which, I am still perfectly fine with!). I feel bad for our foster child as she knows that T doesn't talk to her and even today she said that he doesn't even know her name, which he confirmed he did!
The current foster home requested respite initially from Sunday - Wednesday, but D came early Saturday morning. As D attends school in the nearby town, keeping her during the school week hasn't been a problem and I've only had to adjust my work schedule less than 1.5 hours a day. The current foster family had a change of plans and is having a "stay-cation" and enjoying being foster childless.
I actually like D. Respite foster care is tough though, trying to maintain another foster parent's schedule. D begins her bedtime routine at 7:00p.m. and is in bed at 8:30p.m. This schedule is maintained on the weekend. While I have done extremely well in keeping to the schedule, it isn't that conducive to T and I's normal routine. But for four days, we can manage.
D even adjusted well when her father canceled his unsupervised visit, the first one EVER he has canceled due to being "sick". I called him to inquire if he wanted to talk to his daughter on the phone. His response, "NO". He further and clearly went on to say, "It is difficult to even talk". I asked if he would want to reschedule the visit if he was feeling better and he said, "NO. Next Monday will be fine." He then said, "Tell her I said to do her homework." And we hung up. Seriously? D inquired twice about not seeing her dad. She was excited she wouldn't be seeing him tomorrow as a make up visit. She wasn't bothered. But I was.
How is it, that even given the opportunity by a foster parent to talk to your daughter, a parent would refuse? I know this answer. I have worked in child welfare and foster care for 14.5 years. I do understand. But...this is the first time, that as a foster parent being sincere and attempting to work with a birth parent (not as a caseworker) that I have been so completely disappointed.
What did D do to deserve this? How hard is it to take a moment to tell someone you care about them, miss them and/or love them? Especially a child. Is it too much to ask?
I guess I attempt to live my life in the best way that I know how. To tell those near and dear that I love them. To live with no regrets. I am not perfect by any means, but when given the opportunity, I try my best and take advantage of every opportunity.
Serenity
I love the color brown. Over the years I have added various hues of brown to my living room. Sometime around 2002 I hand painted every single brick on my fireplace one of three colors, two a shade of brown. Last year for my birthday I purchased area rugs for my living room and dining room in different hues of brown.
In late November 2011, I finally finished my brown theme, almost a decade in the making. Although I have to admit, I didn't know it was in the making. Usually, if I start something, I finish it. So the living room and dining room, were always a vision, but never a priority. I purchased a living room set and then a can of paint. MS and I painted the accent wall in the living room a dark mocha brown and painted the door white (removing all traces of the previous purple!). I replaced the window treatment with a new curtain rod and five curtain panels. The curtain rod was actually quite an adventure and after two attempts, I found one at Bed Bath & Beyond large enough (imagine that!).
I purchased wall decor to decorate the walls, including the dining room walls. I tore down the chair rail and the wall paper and border on the dining room wall. I went to a painting store on three occasions and painted plates to hang.
I added the brown wall color to my dresser in the dining room to spruce it up.
The cedar chest that had been in T's room and subsequently moved into the hallway was repainted and for $3.78 I picked up a perfectly matching piece of fabric and replaced the sports decorum.
I have to say that I love, love, love my living room and dining room. I feel so peaceful and content when I walk in the room. I am so relaxed. Accomplished.
Bliss...
In late November 2011, I finally finished my brown theme, almost a decade in the making. Although I have to admit, I didn't know it was in the making. Usually, if I start something, I finish it. So the living room and dining room, were always a vision, but never a priority. I purchased a living room set and then a can of paint. MS and I painted the accent wall in the living room a dark mocha brown and painted the door white (removing all traces of the previous purple!). I replaced the window treatment with a new curtain rod and five curtain panels. The curtain rod was actually quite an adventure and after two attempts, I found one at Bed Bath & Beyond large enough (imagine that!).
I added the brown wall color to my dresser in the dining room to spruce it up.
 |
The dresser: BEFORE |
 |
| Cedar Chest: AFTER |
I have to say that I love, love, love my living room and dining room. I feel so peaceful and content when I walk in the room. I am so relaxed. Accomplished.
 |
| Dining Room: AFTER |
The Next Great Baker : I am Not...
Today JA texted me to confirm that my alias was donned the Next Great Baker. Granted I have never watched or even heard of the show, so I have no idea what exactly reminds me of the winner. Apparently it isn't my baking skills!
I have a meeting tomorrow morning, so I decided to make some cupcakes. I had some orange frosting that I thought by adding red dye would turn red to decorate. Did I mention that last week I participated in a cupcake decorating class? Well, I have since learned that it is all about having the right tools. Even when baking.
Adding red dye to orange does not turn frosting red. And adding blue to not so red frosting only turns frosting the color of baby diarrhea. So not appropriate for Valentines Day cupcakes. Fortunately I also had white frosting in the cupboard.
Surprisingly the camera makes the hearts actually resemble red, not the dark orange they truly are. I attempted to shade the heart in red, which made a mess, so I enhanced the mess! Surprisingly my respite foster daughter chose that one as her snack!
Feeling like there is no way that I can pass off the cupcakes as being made by my three year old child I don't have, I opted to make pink frosting with the white.
While I still need some major decorating assistance, at least I won't be too embarrassed to bring this cake to the meeting. Afterall, I have no intention of quitting my day job anytime soon...
I have a meeting tomorrow morning, so I decided to make some cupcakes. I had some orange frosting that I thought by adding red dye would turn red to decorate. Did I mention that last week I participated in a cupcake decorating class? Well, I have since learned that it is all about having the right tools. Even when baking.
Adding red dye to orange does not turn frosting red. And adding blue to not so red frosting only turns frosting the color of baby diarrhea. So not appropriate for Valentines Day cupcakes. Fortunately I also had white frosting in the cupboard.
Feeling like there is no way that I can pass off the cupcakes as being made by my three year old child I don't have, I opted to make pink frosting with the white.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
G-Men & The Super Bowl
Tonight at dinner my son and I were having a discussion about who is going to win the Super Bowl. Of course I answered with the "New" team. 'Cause that's how I roll. Regardless, T started abbreviating the names of the teams. He said that the Giants are called the G-Men. He then for some reason said it would be weird for New England to be called the N-Men, at which point I inquired why they wouldn't be the P-Men.
Then T says, "So what would the chargers be called?" Not hesitating to think about it...I responded, "C-Men".
At which point my almost 15 year old son burst out laughing. I could only join in the laughter that I am getting too old to realize the joke about semen.
Then T says, "So what would the chargers be called?" Not hesitating to think about it...I responded, "C-Men".
At which point my almost 15 year old son burst out laughing. I could only join in the laughter that I am getting too old to realize the joke about semen.
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