After my latest physical, I received that dreaded call that my pap was abnormal. I was informed to come in for additional testing. I told very few people. Actually, I believe at the time of the testing, in various different conversations, I informed MS only.
I was scared and yet I didn't want to worry about what I didn't know. Without confirmation, I didn't want to discuss or prepare for a diagnosis. Was I in denial? Was I experiencing different stages of grief and loss and bargaining? I believe that I was staying grounded in the reality that I would acknowledge the test results and plan a course of action.
After an extremely painful procedure, I did share with two other friends what I was experiencing, but not in great detail. Just more of a validation of my distance in conversation as I attempted to focus on the now and not be distracted.
After five long days, I learned that my test results were clear. Even now, almost a week later, I am choked up at the realization that I do not have cervical cancer. My mom is a survivor of both breast and uterine cancer. I believe that I had come to accept the inevitable that I was so overwhelmed when I learned that fortunately I was wrong!
I finally talked to my mom about the procedure. I went into much graphic and comical detail. She asked if I planned to blog about it. Of course, I am actually going to refrain from blogging about the details of the testing. Some things I do keep personal!
I am just very fortunate and blessed.