Monday, February 13, 2012

Health Scare

After my latest physical, I received that dreaded call that my pap was abnormal.  I was informed to come in for additional testing.  I told very few people.  Actually, I believe at the time of the testing, in various different conversations, I informed MS only. 

I was scared and yet I didn't want to worry about what I didn't know.  Without confirmation, I didn't want to discuss or prepare for a diagnosis.  Was I in denial?  Was I experiencing different stages of grief and loss and bargaining?  I believe that I was staying grounded in the reality that I would acknowledge the test results and plan a course of action.

After an extremely painful procedure, I did share with two other friends what I was experiencing, but not in great detail.  Just more of a validation of my distance in conversation as I attempted to focus on the now and not be distracted.

After five long days, I learned that my test results were clear.  Even now, almost a week later, I am choked up at the realization that I do not have cervical cancer.  My mom is a survivor of both breast and uterine cancer.  I believe that I had come to accept the inevitable that I was so overwhelmed when I learned that fortunately I was wrong! 

I finally talked to my mom about the procedure.  I went into much graphic and comical detail.  She asked if I planned to blog about it.  Of course, I am actually going to refrain from blogging about the details of the testing.  Some things I do keep personal! 

I am just very fortunate and blessed. 

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