I will never have another biological child. Since making my decision and scheduling my appointment for my tubal ligation and cauterization, I had many thoughts of whether or not I was making the right decision.
I met with a family for work that was inquiring about foster parenting due to failed attempts at fertility and the financial costs of international and domestic adoption. I sat in their living room and wondered if I had the right to choose not to bring a life into this world. If I wanted to conceive, since I have never tried, would I be able? I also have a cousin that has fertility issues. Could I be a surrogate?
I suppose all questions that are normal when making the decision to permanently end the chance of my reproduction. Almost fourteen years later, I am completely sure that I want to make that choice. That I don't want to start over and give birth to my child. And with that, yesterday I had a tubal ligation.
D attended the appointment with me. Clearly D is not a fan of the hospital where my procedure was. She had many questions and even offered that we could flee before I went under the knife! I also learned that despite answering four times that I hadn't consumed any food or drink in twelve hours, that making a joke about eating four donuts for breakfast is not funny. The nurse said that I would be immediately discharged if that was the case.
I don't remember much of the procedure. I know that many doctors came to talk to me before I was taken back for surgery. I know that the IV smelled and hurt when it was inserted. I know that the nurse said I had "good blood" as she wiped from my fingertips up to my hand. I know the burning sensation that coursed my vein when the medicine was added to my IV. I recall the trip down to the surgery room. I recall the order to breathe from the oxygen mask. And then I recall being pushed into the recovery room where D sat patiently waiting.
While I have never had the dream to be an exotic dancer, those dreams are crushed if I ever wanted to give a lap dance due to my incision above the pelvic bone. Although I haven't removed the bandaids yet to see how large or small the sutures are. I did have the quick moment of panic in pre-op that I hadn't cleaned my belly button lately and maybe the incision would cause belly button lint to fall into my body thereby giving me an allergic reaction to dust that I could die. SERIOUSLY. I even considered seeing if they had a q-tip available, but I managed to refrain. Good thing, since I am still alive!
The surgery apparently went fine. I was given a prescription for vicodin which I didn't pick up. I considered doing so today but decided why fill another script I have no intention on using? I came home and ate and then laid down. I drifted in and out of sleep for about four hours. Then I was wide awake for the next 7 hours watching movies, television and playing cards before I attempted bed sometime after 2a.m. I laid wide awake for the next four hours. I was up at 7:20a.m., about an hour after sleep. I managed to fall back asleep briefly before getting up for good.
Other than some ibuprofen, I have been fine. The sutures have itched, but everything seems to be going well. I have been on some high of accomplishment today (even questioning if I am manic!) as I went to Kohl's, got the car washed and went grocery shopping before coming home to give T breakfast and take him to school at 11:00a.m. for his late start. Then I was off to swap movies at blockbuster and back home to wash dishes, sweep the kitchen floor, clean T's room and talk to JA. While talking to JA I decided I needed to paint the bedroom and closet door inside that was bothering me and then proceeded to paint the door frame, the window frame in the bathroom and touch up paint in the hallway. I finally put the paint away and washed down the doors and door jams in the hallway. I then put away dishes and vacuumed. I ate lunch and then sat down to watch Due Date. I made it through almost the entire movie (which I so DON'T recommend) before going to pick up T from school and come back to meet with the foster home licensers to renew my provisional license.
After they left, we finished watching Due Date and then watched Life As We Know It. Then it was on to dinner and dishes. Now downtime and American Idol.
Whatever do I have left to do tomorrow while I have the day off to complete my recovery?