Last week I went on a first date. I had spoken with the man once on the phone before meeting. My motto, why waste/invest time getting to know someone if there isn't any chemistry or connection? I don't know about you, but I just don't have the time, energy or motivation (and as I used to hear as a child, to meet "every Tom, Dick and Harry"). In my case, I'm really OK if I don't meet Tom, Dick or Harry. Besides, it seems far too often, that the people that can communicate by email, hide behind the anonymity of a computer.
The date in retrospect was bizarre. I actually did some research on autism and Aspergers because some of his personal communication was so odd, I needed to compare his characteristics and traits.
Several things that stood out from any other first meeting: He asked me, "Do other people interrupt you a lot? I just don't know when it's my turn to talk and I feel like I'm interrupting." Granted, I can talk. A LOT. However, I usually do so if I'm nervous or excited, which I wasn't either. Other times, I will do so to fill the void or when I'm telling a story. When I explained that I felt communication was a two-way street, he didn't seem to understand. He also seemed to be very focused on the time and verbalization of money.
One other bizarre thing was that while we were walking on a trail in the woods, we came to a clearing. He said, "Would you walk 20 feet in front of me (giving me the hand signal to go ahead of him)." My first thought was that he wanted to check out my butt and I was offended. I inquired as to why and he just said "Never mind, I'll tell you about it at a later date." Immediately the next thought I had, "OMG, this guy has to F-A-R-T!".
One of the things from our "One and Only" (besides the fact that I tried to kill him by wanting to rollerblade 10+ miles) was he asked, "Besides honesty, what is the ONE thing you are looking for in a guy/relationship."
One thing? Just one thing? Of course I couldn't stop at one thing. Obviously there is respect, communication, chemistry...so in trying to joke I said, "the package, but not THE PACKAGE, but the whole package".
I can't let things go. I continued to think about the question as we rollerbladed on and he struggled to make excuses for his old blades, the fact he was at the gym in the morning, the fact his calves were killing, the fact that he was becoming short of breath...and I wondered if this man was going to make it.
What I came up with...A CHALLENGE.
The one thing I seek for and want to find in a successful relationship is a challenge. I want to find someone that challenges me more than I challenge myself. Someone that challenges me to be a better person - emotionally, physically, maybe even spiritually.
His response, "I can't challenge you emotionally or physically, but I can challenge you financially."
This was the fourth time in less than 24 hours of our first phone call that he had thrown out financial. He boasted about paying down $20,000 worth of debt in one-year; however, he had a live-in evening job caretaking for a paraplegic that paid his rent and bills and gave him $100 month income. His only bills were his cell phone, his car payment and dating. His reported his daytime income was $50-60k. He hadn't been able to save over the past year with his living situation but felt that with his reduced debt, he would soon begin. He felt that if he didn't date, he would be financially further, but he choose to live.
I asked him How. How would he challenge me financially? What advice could he offer? What did he suggest? Is Dave Ramsey his new best friend?
He couldn't answer any of the questions, other than he just did it. At this point, I may have actually offered some of my own insight (because arrogance without cause is just unattractive and I knew this date was likely the last), as I choose not to discuss my financial situation with others, especially early on. I looked at him as we continued to skate, he was gasping for breath, and I said, "I'm a few points shy of an 800 credit score. So how exactly can you challenge me financially?"
It was the first time he was speechless. He stopped gasping for breath but fortunately for me, he didn't turn blue. Ah, first dates...
What is the one thing that you look for/require in a partner, significant other, relationship?
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Simple Pleasures...The Dollar Store
I LOVE the Dollar Tree store. "LOVE" may be a strong word, but I think completely appropriate. I really can't stand shopping. I shop out of necessity: I need groceries, I need a new shower curtain (seriously!), I need an outfit, I need home improvement things...You will seldom find me window shopping or just meandering around any store aimlessly without a purpose. Granted, to the onlooker, it may look that way, but I always have a reason, it's just sometimes I forget what brought me into the store in the first place.
I LOVE the Dollar Tree because, I have a few spare dollars. I would almost dare to say, "Who doesn't?", but I know that answer. I really do.
My favorite dollar store purchase: "Allergy": An off-brand equivalent to Benadryl Ultratab, antihistamine. A little pink allergy pill. They come in either a package or a bottle ranging from 24-36 tablets, for $1. A Dollar. I buy several at a time and keep them at work, in the junk drawer, in the linen closet, in the car, in my bag, everywhere. They work fabulously when the allergies kick in when I'm unexpectedly around cats, crazy perfume/cologne doused individuals or I find myself around flowers/cut grass/hay. And did I mention, the convenience of non-Kleenex requirements for the price of $1?
Of course there are other random things that I enjoy at the dollar store. Another is the two sided sponge. The yellow sponge with the green scrubby. Love them! I use them to do the dishes and they last long enough to be effective but not long enough that if I was a germaphobe that I would be concerned. I replace them very often because afterall you can get anywhere from 6-12 of them for $1.
I've also found that I love to purchase lip gloss or lip stick at the dollar store. The dollar store that I go to carries Sally Hansen lipstick. I'm not a big lipstick fan and I hate the idea of spending anywhere from $6-15 or more for a single lipstick. And usually I have no idea if I will like the color or worse yet, the texture, the smell or the taste! So for $1, I don't really care if I like it and if I do...BONUS! Besides in the summer Michigan heat, I find that my lipsticks often morph into some conglomerate mess and then I'm really bummed that I finally invested and bought it! So yesterday, I scored with three new lipsticks and I've tried two and love them! I also picked up another chapstick/balm - chocolate chip cookie flavored. How can you go wrong with something as yummy as that? I have a Hot Fudge Sundae lip gloss that I had purchased a while ago at Bath and Body Works that I like, but the downfall, it's brown and messy. So unless I have a mirror, I end up with it everywhere, seriously I am that good!
What is your favorite dollar store purchase?
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Grand Canyon
My son's dad and I each have two weeks of parenting time with our son during the summer, which we are suppose to identify those weeks by May 1, 2010. He hasn't exercised those weeks, in years, but this year he notified me of two weeks. Subsequently I picked the weeks in between his two weeks. Whatever.
One of the weeks, my son will spend with my parents. I will be with him part of the time and allow him ample time with just the grandparents. The other week, I hope to find somewhere to go for vacation. This morning I started looking for options through my timeshare.
Last minute availability for my timeshare will provide a week in Scottsdale Arizona, BUT the week begins on a Friday. A Friday that would have normally been my weekend, but it is a week he is with his dad. A great direct flight is available Saturday - Saturday. So we would arrive a day later and pick up a night in a hotel on the tail end. I can almost taste the air of the Grand Canyon...stifling hot in the dead heat of August, but so close to fulfilling another one of my wants.
I called my son's dad this morning to see if we could change weekends or something. He said that he has plans for our son to be with his grandparents. I offered to transport my son to them the weekend before. I'm basically offering anything! To be sure he understood the conversation, I emailed him the details, which he responded...that he gets the week vacation but weekends are still with the scheduled parents. NO.
He really has no idea about the parenting time. He switched at the last minute, a week that my son was primarily with me. Which so happened to be the weekend that I was chaperoning three 13-year old boys in a hotel room for the weekend, because afterall it was my weekend. So I said that he could have him for the week, but it was my weekend - I surely wasn't going to chaperone if my son wasn't with me!
Now I wait. I wait for him to call me. I wait to see if he will be nice enough to change a weekend with me to allow my son and I to go to Scottsdale Arizona and take a day trip to see the Grand Canyon. I'm willing to offer him almost anything! This could be a once in a lifetime experience, especially with my 13-year old son (when he still likes me).
I hate being at someone else's mercy. I hate not having control.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
No News & Annoyances...
Over the past month or so, I've been reading a variety of blogs and stories which of course leave me to find nothing purposeful to actually post on this blog. Everything in my life seems trivial compared to life-threatening diagnoses, passing of children/parents/loved ones, upcoming marriages/divorces, births or adoption of new children, oil spills, bankruptcies, homelessness, sales/purchases of homes, suicides/homicides, shootings/stabbings, car accidents, child abuse, etc. that surround me.
I have absolutely nothing to complain about, although I wouldn't say that I'm a big complainer, more just a verbalizer. I have very little to even babble about, although I can do that well! But who really cares?
I've had frustrations with my son's baseball teams and schedule (last minute notices), teenage angst and behaviors, home improvement issues, dating issues, and just miscellaneous things. Nothing that has been life altering. No devastation (knock, knock). But maybe it's not about the loss that we want to hear or read, but the good things. Well of course it is - which is why I have boycotted the news for years! But, I don't have lots of new and exciting news to report either!
I guess I'll continue to just ramble when the thought moves me. As I type this, a downpour of weather exists outside as the thunder rumbles. A quick call home confirms that at this very moment, there are no streams or visible water cleansing the walls of my basement. I have yet to call the insurance company to raise my homeowners to include another bathroom and now habitable basement square footage, but I will, soon, very soon.
Every day I'm amazed and amused by little things. Every day there is usually something that irritates me equally as much, which passes quickly.
As of late I've been pondering my relationships - friendships and dating. On Saturday the Ex-Bf came to one of my son's tournament games. He hadn't paid attention to the schedule and he missed two previous games of the tournament. Unbeknownst to me, my son invited him to spend the day with him and the team at the hotel after the game. He denied. But when he hugged me goodbye he said to call him and see about hanging out the next day and he couldn't wait to do something again. (Yes it's been 2.5 years since I split from him. We are not FWB's!)
On Sunday morning before checking out of the hotel, I called him several times to see if he was going to take the jet ski out on the lake. My son called him four times leaving him messages to call him ASAP. My son was really hoping to go out on the lake and the tube. It had been years since he had.
No call. No nothing.
Until I received a text, ten minutes ago. Four days later. Four days!
He apologized for not returning my call but he had a date. He texted that it went well, but her profile is still up so he doesn't know.
I won't even begin to type what raced through my head when I read his text. I responded, "good luck". I wanted to respond with a lot. I didn't. You see, this isn't about me. This isn't about him and I. This was about my son. My son who adores this guy and the friendship they have. ADORES. And this man had the audacity to not return HIS calls.
I did ask my son if he had heard from the Ex-Bf and he said "NO". I told him that I had and that he had a date. My son's response, "Really? A date and he calls four days later?"
I know that my son is obviously like me. Communication issues or not as he turned a teenager months ago, he and I are still so very alike. And in sooo many ways, that SCARES ME.
I have absolutely nothing to complain about, although I wouldn't say that I'm a big complainer, more just a verbalizer. I have very little to even babble about, although I can do that well! But who really cares?
I've had frustrations with my son's baseball teams and schedule (last minute notices), teenage angst and behaviors, home improvement issues, dating issues, and just miscellaneous things. Nothing that has been life altering. No devastation (knock, knock). But maybe it's not about the loss that we want to hear or read, but the good things. Well of course it is - which is why I have boycotted the news for years! But, I don't have lots of new and exciting news to report either!
I guess I'll continue to just ramble when the thought moves me. As I type this, a downpour of weather exists outside as the thunder rumbles. A quick call home confirms that at this very moment, there are no streams or visible water cleansing the walls of my basement. I have yet to call the insurance company to raise my homeowners to include another bathroom and now habitable basement square footage, but I will, soon, very soon.
Every day I'm amazed and amused by little things. Every day there is usually something that irritates me equally as much, which passes quickly.
As of late I've been pondering my relationships - friendships and dating. On Saturday the Ex-Bf came to one of my son's tournament games. He hadn't paid attention to the schedule and he missed two previous games of the tournament. Unbeknownst to me, my son invited him to spend the day with him and the team at the hotel after the game. He denied. But when he hugged me goodbye he said to call him and see about hanging out the next day and he couldn't wait to do something again. (Yes it's been 2.5 years since I split from him. We are not FWB's!)
On Sunday morning before checking out of the hotel, I called him several times to see if he was going to take the jet ski out on the lake. My son called him four times leaving him messages to call him ASAP. My son was really hoping to go out on the lake and the tube. It had been years since he had.
No call. No nothing.
Until I received a text, ten minutes ago. Four days later. Four days!
He apologized for not returning my call but he had a date. He texted that it went well, but her profile is still up so he doesn't know.
I won't even begin to type what raced through my head when I read his text. I responded, "good luck". I wanted to respond with a lot. I didn't. You see, this isn't about me. This isn't about him and I. This was about my son. My son who adores this guy and the friendship they have. ADORES. And this man had the audacity to not return HIS calls.
I did ask my son if he had heard from the Ex-Bf and he said "NO". I told him that I had and that he had a date. My son's response, "Really? A date and he calls four days later?"
I know that my son is obviously like me. Communication issues or not as he turned a teenager months ago, he and I are still so very alike. And in sooo many ways, that SCARES ME.
Water, Weeds & The Teen
I'm really not sure what is worse, the home improvement adventures or the parenting adventures of my new teenager. Either way, both have produced massive amounts of grey hair that I can't convince myself is really "sun-bleached".
Since March, my son has morphed into a completely unknown individual of 5'4" and 120 pounds of insensitivity, lack of communication, non-listening mass of a being. I would like to say he has been taken over by an alien, but I can't even say that as his mannerisms have remained similar but with more attitude and less emotion and compassion. My son is becoming...a man. Sigh...
I ask very little of my son. VERY. LITTLE.
I do expect respect, honesty and communication. I expect that he will be morally and ethically humane. That he will have both sympathetic and empathetic qualities. I expect that he will always love me, even when he doesn't like me and most of all that he will listen AND hear me, not just stare at me blankly while he imagines dancing girls, You Tube videos and if he will get a hit during his next game! I also expect that he will make his bed daily, clean his room on occasion and bring his dirty dishes to the kitchen. And honestly, I really don't harp on him for the later three things.
On the 3rd of July, in the midst of my painting adventures of the basement bathroom and den, there was the local festivities happening in town. I asked if my son wanted to go, which he did, at 9:30p.m. So we headed downtown to see the fireworks. As we walked to the park, I became the motherly plague. No longer could he be seen walking with me or next to me. Nope. He scurried ahead or shuffled his feet twenty feet behind me, with his head slouched and his hands deeply immersed in his pockets. We had time to kill after walking around a bit so I suggested he could walk around for a bit and then he needed to come back.
In his defense, I did not give him a time frame. Ten minutes pass. Twenty minutes. Thirty minutes. Forty-five minutes. By this time, I'm silently clenching inside, worrying about the thousands of people, wondering if he's been kidnapped or ran off with the nearest gang all the while combating those thoughts with allowing him the freedom and responsibility to Do the right thing. Sixty-five minutes later, and after the first fireworks began, he calls me. He tells me where he is. I inquire if he's staying there to watch the fireworks. "Yeah." End of conversation.
I stand there, where I have been for now almost 1.5 hours by myself to watch the fireworks by myself. I could have been at home painting. I could have been anywhere. But there I stood...where he had parted from me, standing alone, watching fireworks.
After the show completes, he doesn't arrive. I look at my phone and I have missed two phone calls from him. I call him back and he tells me that I can meet him at a distant vendor. NO. You will meet me where you left me in TWO MINUTES.
He arrives. I'm FURIOUS. I talk to him about safety, responsibility and communication. I tell him he is grounded. If he can master communicating on Facebook, he can put his skills into practice in real life without his computer for a day or two. No racetrack the next day. If I hadn't promised a friend to go out on her boat the next day, would have cancelled that too. Icing on that cake, the mother of one of the boys he was sitting there calls to see if he found me as he "just took off". So he not only worried me, he worried her by not communicating. And never once did he mention that the mother was there and I could go join them. He went without his computer for a week. Not because I didn't want him to have it, but because he never asked and I never offered.
I can say that his communication hasn't gotten better; however, he is living on his computer and Facebook a lot less these days!
Fast forward to two nights ago. I informed him that I wanted him to pull weeds the following day, yesterday. He told me to wake him in the morning before work to point out what were weeds. I had no interest in doing so at 8:00a.m., so I told him I would show him then, at 11:00p.m. at night. I pointed out the weeds while he used the blue light.
Yesterday he called me at work. "Hey mom, I'm pulling weeds. Is this green thing a weed?"
I get that I'm a mom that may have some bionic powers, but what thing is a green thing? I tell him not to pull out anything that he doesn't know. I confirm that around the side were the weeds I had shown him the night before and to pull those. He called me an hour later to say he was done and asked if he could head to the park. OK.
I came home yesterday and something was in the yard. He had left the box of garbage bags on the lawn. I went to pick them up and to my surprise...half of my plants...WERE GONE.
Not only had he pulled weeds and a majority of the grass growing in the flower bed, he pulled out a large perennial ground cover that was about 2.5'round! In addition, he pulled out all the vinca AND he tore out my 4' tall DAYLILLIES. Seriously?
The daylillies were almost in full bloom. I had just purchased two gallon containers of them for the side yard. He saw them for days before they were planted. How could he not notice the large daylilly buds? How could he remotely believe that they were weeds? In tearing them out, he destroyed the root system. I was able to replant one stalk and maybe it will come back. I had him replant the large ground cover.
Why do I feel that his actions are half-assed in attempt to not have to do anything EVER again?
It's clearly working though, because the battle just isn't worth it, neither is the damage. I realize I do this with every aspect and relationship of my life. If I ask for help and someone fails at doing it correctly, not even MY WAY, I would rather just endure doing it myself when I can find the time than to ask, again.
Then...there was the water. I forgot that I had turned on the sprinkler on the new side yard to water the newly growing grass seed and our replanted plants in the front. We left the house and I took my son to his evening adventure (when he wasn't suppose to be with me!) while I headed to dinner and the theater.
I came home and my son was fast asleep on his couch in the basement with the television on. Immediately I noticed small streams of water streaming down the cement wall, the newly painted cement wall! I cleaned up the wall and the water continued. I heard the sprinkler on. It had been on for six hours! He never noticed the water. He didn't hear the sprinkler and turn it off, nothing. The neighbors didn't turn it off either after it had been watering their driveway for six hours! So I shut off the hose and continued to clean up the water. One area had been streaming in from the old window well glass block window screen that I had left open. The other area, I have no idea. Having the sprinkler wedged up against the house with constant water for six hours, not a good thing! The small amount of water was cleaned up. The wall was wiped down and the water marks are gone. The fan went all night long and has dried everything up.
No damage done...today. Ah, can't wait for the adventures of tomorrow! How many years left until he graduates and moves on to college? Let me count the days...
Since March, my son has morphed into a completely unknown individual of 5'4" and 120 pounds of insensitivity, lack of communication, non-listening mass of a being. I would like to say he has been taken over by an alien, but I can't even say that as his mannerisms have remained similar but with more attitude and less emotion and compassion. My son is becoming...a man. Sigh...
I ask very little of my son. VERY. LITTLE.
I do expect respect, honesty and communication. I expect that he will be morally and ethically humane. That he will have both sympathetic and empathetic qualities. I expect that he will always love me, even when he doesn't like me and most of all that he will listen AND hear me, not just stare at me blankly while he imagines dancing girls, You Tube videos and if he will get a hit during his next game! I also expect that he will make his bed daily, clean his room on occasion and bring his dirty dishes to the kitchen. And honestly, I really don't harp on him for the later three things.
On the 3rd of July, in the midst of my painting adventures of the basement bathroom and den, there was the local festivities happening in town. I asked if my son wanted to go, which he did, at 9:30p.m. So we headed downtown to see the fireworks. As we walked to the park, I became the motherly plague. No longer could he be seen walking with me or next to me. Nope. He scurried ahead or shuffled his feet twenty feet behind me, with his head slouched and his hands deeply immersed in his pockets. We had time to kill after walking around a bit so I suggested he could walk around for a bit and then he needed to come back.
In his defense, I did not give him a time frame. Ten minutes pass. Twenty minutes. Thirty minutes. Forty-five minutes. By this time, I'm silently clenching inside, worrying about the thousands of people, wondering if he's been kidnapped or ran off with the nearest gang all the while combating those thoughts with allowing him the freedom and responsibility to Do the right thing. Sixty-five minutes later, and after the first fireworks began, he calls me. He tells me where he is. I inquire if he's staying there to watch the fireworks. "Yeah." End of conversation.
I stand there, where I have been for now almost 1.5 hours by myself to watch the fireworks by myself. I could have been at home painting. I could have been anywhere. But there I stood...where he had parted from me, standing alone, watching fireworks.
After the show completes, he doesn't arrive. I look at my phone and I have missed two phone calls from him. I call him back and he tells me that I can meet him at a distant vendor. NO. You will meet me where you left me in TWO MINUTES.
He arrives. I'm FURIOUS. I talk to him about safety, responsibility and communication. I tell him he is grounded. If he can master communicating on Facebook, he can put his skills into practice in real life without his computer for a day or two. No racetrack the next day. If I hadn't promised a friend to go out on her boat the next day, would have cancelled that too. Icing on that cake, the mother of one of the boys he was sitting there calls to see if he found me as he "just took off". So he not only worried me, he worried her by not communicating. And never once did he mention that the mother was there and I could go join them. He went without his computer for a week. Not because I didn't want him to have it, but because he never asked and I never offered.
I can say that his communication hasn't gotten better; however, he is living on his computer and Facebook a lot less these days!
Fast forward to two nights ago. I informed him that I wanted him to pull weeds the following day, yesterday. He told me to wake him in the morning before work to point out what were weeds. I had no interest in doing so at 8:00a.m., so I told him I would show him then, at 11:00p.m. at night. I pointed out the weeds while he used the blue light.
Yesterday he called me at work. "Hey mom, I'm pulling weeds. Is this green thing a weed?"
I get that I'm a mom that may have some bionic powers, but what thing is a green thing? I tell him not to pull out anything that he doesn't know. I confirm that around the side were the weeds I had shown him the night before and to pull those. He called me an hour later to say he was done and asked if he could head to the park. OK.
I came home yesterday and something was in the yard. He had left the box of garbage bags on the lawn. I went to pick them up and to my surprise...half of my plants...WERE GONE.
Not only had he pulled weeds and a majority of the grass growing in the flower bed, he pulled out a large perennial ground cover that was about 2.5'round! In addition, he pulled out all the vinca AND he tore out my 4' tall DAYLILLIES. Seriously?
The daylillies were almost in full bloom. I had just purchased two gallon containers of them for the side yard. He saw them for days before they were planted. How could he not notice the large daylilly buds? How could he remotely believe that they were weeds? In tearing them out, he destroyed the root system. I was able to replant one stalk and maybe it will come back. I had him replant the large ground cover.
Why do I feel that his actions are half-assed in attempt to not have to do anything EVER again?
It's clearly working though, because the battle just isn't worth it, neither is the damage. I realize I do this with every aspect and relationship of my life. If I ask for help and someone fails at doing it correctly, not even MY WAY, I would rather just endure doing it myself when I can find the time than to ask, again.
Then...there was the water. I forgot that I had turned on the sprinkler on the new side yard to water the newly growing grass seed and our replanted plants in the front. We left the house and I took my son to his evening adventure (when he wasn't suppose to be with me!) while I headed to dinner and the theater.
I came home and my son was fast asleep on his couch in the basement with the television on. Immediately I noticed small streams of water streaming down the cement wall, the newly painted cement wall! I cleaned up the wall and the water continued. I heard the sprinkler on. It had been on for six hours! He never noticed the water. He didn't hear the sprinkler and turn it off, nothing. The neighbors didn't turn it off either after it had been watering their driveway for six hours! So I shut off the hose and continued to clean up the water. One area had been streaming in from the old window well glass block window screen that I had left open. The other area, I have no idea. Having the sprinkler wedged up against the house with constant water for six hours, not a good thing! The small amount of water was cleaned up. The wall was wiped down and the water marks are gone. The fan went all night long and has dried everything up.
No damage done...today. Ah, can't wait for the adventures of tomorrow! How many years left until he graduates and moves on to college? Let me count the days...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)