I have obviously been on a blogging hiatus. As usual, things I have thought about discussing I don't. I just find myself spending endless hours of mindless games of spades. I know I should be more productive and then I realize I don't know what I should be doing. Well working out is a good start but that leads to the whole want vs. need discussion. Then next I will find myself rambling about what came first, the chicken or the egg?
But now that it is mid-January: Not that I have an official date of dating or anything, but I think today could be three months of dating MS. Things are going well. I think Sunday we may have had our first disagreement and we survived. I can't even say it was a disagreement, just not seeing eye to eye. Then last night when dealing with a touchy subject and me disclosing, he laughed. I called him out on it to see if he really thought it was funny. He didn't. We must share the same emotion of laughter in awkward situations, whereas I probably would prefer to cry.
I am officially unsure about Essure. I had scheduled to have the Essure procedure next month and after reading reviews I decided foreign objects in my fallopian tubes was not a good idea. Especially given my reaction to sticking any form of metal into the holes in my ears. At least I can remove earrings! So I called the dr. today to change my mind and I was instructed I had to meet with him in person, again. I have officially changed the procedure since he fortunately had a cancellation and I met with him again today.
I continue on my medication mortification. I was prescribed Ambien to assist with my lack of sleeping. A little freaked out about the side effects, I decided vitamins, eating better and working out might be a better first option. I've actually been doing quite well on the sleeping and when I seldom have anything on my mind, I actually go to sleep quickly! The Ambien stares and taunts me daily from the shelf and I continue to try the natural way.
I was sent for a follow up with the GI since the issues that I had the colonoscopy in 2008 continue. After an exciting impromptu rectal exam to eliminate the possibility of a fissure I was sent home with more prescriptions. Twice a day suppositories and miralax or fiber or any other random stool softener. Since I wasn't capable of putting anything but my finger up my nose when I had "crusties", I clearly am not inserting anything up my...yeah that. So more medications not used. More prescriptions filled, sitting unopened.
Parenting. Ahhhh where to begin? My son claimed I tried to run him over with the car. Then I was "mean" when I laughed uncontrollably at the Wendy's drive thru when he asked me if he could get a "baked potato with sour cream and chips". I said NO that they don't come with chips. He said, "Not CHIPS, Chivs." Chives is officially now Chivs. Then later that night he randomly texts me about his dad paying a physical bill (which I verified today that MY insurance paid, not him!) and then a follow up text basically asking if the bf and I "did it" the other night and describing what he heard. What he heard was me in the bathroom going to the bathroom and washing my hands and then MS breathing heavy as he has extreme nasal polyps which then turned into atrocious snoring! Nope, what he heard was NOT us "DOING IT".
BUT...that did open a whole other can of worms as to why is my almost 14 year old texting me from the other parent's home inquiring if I had sex? I texted back that while odd to receive the text, we would discuss it in person when he came home. I called him today to inquire about the text at which point he began to sob uncontrollably. The conversation after we got home, much the same. He sobbed and cried uncontrollably. Teenage hormones! I figured more was going on. All he disclosed besides hearing noises (which we discussed and I informed the truth was not what he thought) was that his stepsister told him she was kicked out on 1/3. He feels left out that his dad didn't tell him. He cried more. We cried together. I told him that at times I feel like I'm failing at being a parent. That if he isn't happy living with me, I want him to be happy and he can live elsewhere. He said he is happiest with me. I stressed again the importance of honesty. Say what you mean and mean what you say. That I would rather hear the truth whether I like it or not than find out I was lied to. We cried some more. I thought girls were more emotional than boys?
Interesting start on the New Year. My job is again slowing down. I considered going back to school for my Masters but $17,000 and 18 months isn't worth trying to fill up some downtime at the office. I will be picking up work from my old position in the interim of new hirees being trained. Then my new boss asked if I wanted to be back up phones, which I did very briefly years ago and stopped without the proper training. Since cross training is becoming mandatory anyway, looks like I will be heading to several weeks of training in the near future! As long as I keep busy and can keep some sanity on some front, it will all balance out.
As of the latest on my dad...I've digressed. Or maybe I've just embraced acceptance again. I left a message on Christmas wishing he and his wife a Merry Christmas. I haven't heard back and I haven't called them again. I will. One day, I will. But if that one day doesn't happen, I won't be shedding any tears of regret. I have reached solace.
Sometimes it's best to close one chapter before moving on...