The Call

Tonight as I sit here typing blog after blog, I do so out of avoidance.  Avoidance of the attempt to fall asleep.  I even have the television off, so I can avoid the background noise.  I would love to be able to sleep.  I really would.  I just don't think, regardless of how tired I am, that sleep will come easily. 

My step dad, who has been a great father and dad to me for over fifteen years, is ill.  A year ago, my dad and his wife were attempting to get my dad on the heart transplant list.  They were not successful.  My dad passed a year ago this month. There are times when I think of him and reminisce.  I even ask my brother about my dad's wife, almost half caring (honestly, I do care, as much as I would like to say I don't!).  Fast forward to a year later.  My step dad is ill. 

He was recently diagnosed with liver cancer.  He had the surgery to "zap" the cancer.  My mother and step dad are the exact opposite of my father and his wife.  While they faced emotional challenges with the medical process, my step dad was approved for a liver transplant.  He was "fifth" on the "list".  They were told to never be more than an hour away from the hospital, which meant my mom couldn't go to South Dakota with us. 

Tonight, weeks after he was accepted to the list, my mom received the call.  I am not sure how one emotionally, physically or mentally prepares for a transplant.  While you go through the training and preparations, like most things in life, you are never fully prepared for being in the moment.  They were told to arrive at the hospital a few hours later.  Testing is being done on the donor liver to see if the transplant will be possible.  The results should have been in a few hours ago.  Due to this late hour, my mom would never call or text me; however, she should know that I would be up.  Waiting.  Worrying.  Wondering.  My step dad is prepped.  They are at the hospital Waiting.  Worrying.  Wondering.  I am sure they are experiencing many more emotions, thoughts, fears and concerns than I can ever imagine.  I want to be there to support them, but mom said it isn't necessary.  The surgery may happen early in the morning.  I have a work event to attend in the early morning, which I would bail in a heartbeat!  But for now, I wait until I am wanted or needed.  I would rather be there.  I feel so helpless.

This is out of my hands.  It is in HIS hands...