Sometimes, well most of the time, my mind is going a dozen different directions at once. Many times over the past month, I have considered, even planned to blog. And obviously, I didn't. I still think maybe I will. Maybe I will go back and blog about happenings. Maybe I won't.
So after 1.5 hours of procrastinating working out (using my newly adapted Nintendo 64 on my new 32" lcd t.v. to play Galaga while I ride the stationary bike), I decided to blog. Another form of procrastination? ABSOLUTELY. I have intentions of typing a brief blog, but I feel like back story is necessary, then I realize how long it will be. Do I even bother? Then I decide, sure, why not, but where to begin?
This week has been extremely long, with two twelve hour plus days at work, meeting with six families in three days. November and December will always be strenuous as long as I maintain my current job. So, needless to say, I've been running a little thin and feeling a little disconnected. Nothing as apparent as what unfolded tonight.
Last night and this morning I had two scheduled visits with families. Both families thought that I was coming on different days. I started to question my sanity and my communication efforts. Not that I don't take responsibility for my own actions and mistakes, as I will be in Las Vegas, I clearly knew I wouldn't schedule when either family had thought. But two appointments back to back incorrect? Odd. Then again, the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is stressful and strenuous for many.
As I left my visit this morning, I contacted JA and left messages as we had planned to meet up for lunch. I was starving, so I grabbed a banana out of my purse. Seeing that I had gum, I decided to stick the gum on the banana peel as I ate the banana. I laid the banana peel on the passenger seat in the car, with the gum secured on the peel.
To be honest, I have absolutely no recollection of where the banana peel is. NONE. I still don't, hours later.
When I arrived home from work, my son asked what was on my pants. He asked if I had holey pants and if I really wore them to work. When I looked down at my pants, I had FIVE small, gooey, sticky patches of...GUM. The gum must have fallen onto my pants, which then proceeded to stick to a different part of the pant leg, repeatedly as I sat and stood and so on.
Did I mention, I still have absolutely NO idea where the banana peel is. I don't remember if I removed the peel from my work car. I would have to assume that I did, hence how the gum managed to get from inside a banana peel on the passenger seat of the car to my leg. But maybe the gum fell immediately after I consumed the banana. Which would mean that I had gum on my upper thigh throughout lunch and throughout a 2.5 hour home visit with a family and then back to the office where I sat at my desk and then to my car to come home. And...not one person mentioned a thing?
Tomorrow I will manage to back track my steps to find a now over ripe banana peel. On a side note, some ice and scraping removed the sticky gum from my dress pants.
I can only wonder what else I have managed to misplace and miscommunicate. I'm just glad for now, it was a piece of gum and a banana peel.
What types of mishaps have you had while suffering from a lack of sleep?
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
5K Walk Results
Last Saturday JA and I participated in a 5k Walk/Run local event. Of course my intention was to begin exercising for the two weeks before the event, when I asked JA if she wanted company. I can honestly admit that I did walk on several occasions leading up to the event, but not nearly as much as I wanted, hoped or desired. I just struggled finding the motivation.
My largest issue seems to be the 0-15 minute phase of any physical activity. The inner battles and demons always seem to prevail and I manage to not exercise. Once I have managed to struggle through the first 15 minutes, I am usually fine and then an endurance switch flips and I usually don't want to stop. While I had to be at the locale at 7:30a.m. to pick up my t-shirt, I remotely considered walking before the event started to warm up. I did have some fear that I couldn't keep up with JA as she walks on her treadmill four miles uphill many times a week.
Needless to say, we completed the walk and I survived. I wouldn't say that I had an adrenaline rush which motivated me. Shame motivated me. Motivated me to want to do better. Motivated me to want to jog. Something about watching a 70 year old man shuffle jog past as we walked. When we started the "race" the peer pressure of everyone jogging/running by had us jog on the track out of the stadium and onto the course. Despite taking my inhaler, I couldn't jog long so we stopped and walked. Quickly I had some intense shin splints but I knew that I could press on for a measly three miles, I didn't have much choice. Although I constantly felt like JA's dead weight and it wasn't a good feeling.
We weren't the last ones to finish, but clearly I think we may have been only a few to set out to complete the event by walking it's entirety. Two high school girls would pass us walking and then we would pass them. Both JA and I felt like we were walking faster but their walk looked so nonchalant and relaxed compared to ours. When we reached the track of the stadium we again jogged to the finish line.
JA sent me a link to our results a few days later. I hadn't bothered to look at what time we started or finished so I really had no idea. I know when I trained for the 3 day I could endurance walk a 13.5 minute mile but tried to slow down to a 15 minute mile for the sanity of my feet, knees and body. Needless to say, I was shocked when I opened up the results and saw that we completed the 5k in 36 minutes.
It almost makes me want to actually train and see if I can push myself to jog a 5k and see if I can physically complete. Then my rational side takes over as I laugh at myself and taunt myself to start with baby steps and see if a mile is even obtainable.
Why is it that fear and ourselves can be our worst demon? What is it that truly holds me back?
My largest issue seems to be the 0-15 minute phase of any physical activity. The inner battles and demons always seem to prevail and I manage to not exercise. Once I have managed to struggle through the first 15 minutes, I am usually fine and then an endurance switch flips and I usually don't want to stop. While I had to be at the locale at 7:30a.m. to pick up my t-shirt, I remotely considered walking before the event started to warm up. I did have some fear that I couldn't keep up with JA as she walks on her treadmill four miles uphill many times a week.
Needless to say, we completed the walk and I survived. I wouldn't say that I had an adrenaline rush which motivated me. Shame motivated me. Motivated me to want to do better. Motivated me to want to jog. Something about watching a 70 year old man shuffle jog past as we walked. When we started the "race" the peer pressure of everyone jogging/running by had us jog on the track out of the stadium and onto the course. Despite taking my inhaler, I couldn't jog long so we stopped and walked. Quickly I had some intense shin splints but I knew that I could press on for a measly three miles, I didn't have much choice. Although I constantly felt like JA's dead weight and it wasn't a good feeling.
We weren't the last ones to finish, but clearly I think we may have been only a few to set out to complete the event by walking it's entirety. Two high school girls would pass us walking and then we would pass them. Both JA and I felt like we were walking faster but their walk looked so nonchalant and relaxed compared to ours. When we reached the track of the stadium we again jogged to the finish line.
JA sent me a link to our results a few days later. I hadn't bothered to look at what time we started or finished so I really had no idea. I know when I trained for the 3 day I could endurance walk a 13.5 minute mile but tried to slow down to a 15 minute mile for the sanity of my feet, knees and body. Needless to say, I was shocked when I opened up the results and saw that we completed the 5k in 36 minutes.
It almost makes me want to actually train and see if I can push myself to jog a 5k and see if I can physically complete. Then my rational side takes over as I laugh at myself and taunt myself to start with baby steps and see if a mile is even obtainable.
Why is it that fear and ourselves can be our worst demon? What is it that truly holds me back?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Customer Service/Online Ordering
I can readily admit that I pay too much for services. I wish that I was a better advocate for keeping my costs down, but change keeps me stagnant. Weekly I receive advertisements in the mail on how to lower my auto insurance, my cable, my phone service, my credit card interests, you name it, I'm sure you and I both receive them.
Change and choice keeps me content. Or does it? I know that I pay too much in combination of my home phone, internet and television, but I haven't done anything about it. I would love to get more for less. Who wouldn't? I finally decided to take matters into my own hands, well one matter at a time.
We are having issues with our DVR. Two recent shows that we have recorded have had interference, of course during critical times, that have allowed us to miss some of the show. Clearly not life threatening. As we have Dish, the first time I thought it may have been due to weather, but after the second time I'm afraid that isn't the case. So I called Dish to ask for assistance and was advised to unplug the receiver. When I followed up to see if I was under any contractual obligations if I chose to cancel I was told I wasn't. There was no conversation or discussion as to my desire to cancel or if services could be offered to keep me as a customer. Based on that, I decided to look into AT&T U-Verse.
I have been receiving sales advertisements for U-Verse for sometime. The bundle sounds like a good deal, but most deals usually do. I already have AT&T for phone and internet, so the television addition wouldn't be a bad idea. I looked online and ended up ordering it today - thinking I got a good deal - which will be installed at the end of the month with a savings of about $30 per month. Not too bad, right?
Then I started thinking about the deal and what television stations we would be getting, especially since we have been watching many shows on the CW (LOVE, LOVE RINGER). I was beginning to think I would be going on a similar t.v. hiatus with the switch as I did when I lost the WB years prior. Frustrated with the online site (as my computer at work has an outdated web browser) I called customer service. This is where I became...confused.
The woman on the other end of the phone was FABULOUS. She didn't say that she could save me more money but advised that I might like what she had to offer over what I just ordered. I thought I had ordered the U-100 but received the U-Family so 30+ less channels as I ordered the DVR and it isn't available with the 100. So here is what I ordered and what I was offered by calling Customer Service:
Online Offer: 70 channels, Basic Internet & Home Phone; $250 Visa Credits for ordering online; 12 months for $110/month
Customer Service: 200 channels, Pro Internet, Home Phone, Free HBO/Cinemax 3 months, $250 Visa; 6 months for $95/month and 6 months for $105/month
So which is the better deal? I was actually a little confused by how I was being offered a better deal by calling and I wondered if there was a "catch".
Oh and one more thing...She was AMERICAN and spoke ENGLISH. Who says that Customer Service doesn't exist by phone anymore? Did I mention I didn't even yell or call to complain?
Change and choice keeps me content. Or does it? I know that I pay too much in combination of my home phone, internet and television, but I haven't done anything about it. I would love to get more for less. Who wouldn't? I finally decided to take matters into my own hands, well one matter at a time.
We are having issues with our DVR. Two recent shows that we have recorded have had interference, of course during critical times, that have allowed us to miss some of the show. Clearly not life threatening. As we have Dish, the first time I thought it may have been due to weather, but after the second time I'm afraid that isn't the case. So I called Dish to ask for assistance and was advised to unplug the receiver. When I followed up to see if I was under any contractual obligations if I chose to cancel I was told I wasn't. There was no conversation or discussion as to my desire to cancel or if services could be offered to keep me as a customer. Based on that, I decided to look into AT&T U-Verse.
I have been receiving sales advertisements for U-Verse for sometime. The bundle sounds like a good deal, but most deals usually do. I already have AT&T for phone and internet, so the television addition wouldn't be a bad idea. I looked online and ended up ordering it today - thinking I got a good deal - which will be installed at the end of the month with a savings of about $30 per month. Not too bad, right?
Then I started thinking about the deal and what television stations we would be getting, especially since we have been watching many shows on the CW (LOVE, LOVE RINGER). I was beginning to think I would be going on a similar t.v. hiatus with the switch as I did when I lost the WB years prior. Frustrated with the online site (as my computer at work has an outdated web browser) I called customer service. This is where I became...confused.
The woman on the other end of the phone was FABULOUS. She didn't say that she could save me more money but advised that I might like what she had to offer over what I just ordered. I thought I had ordered the U-100 but received the U-Family so 30+ less channels as I ordered the DVR and it isn't available with the 100. So here is what I ordered and what I was offered by calling Customer Service:
Online Offer: 70 channels, Basic Internet & Home Phone; $250 Visa Credits for ordering online; 12 months for $110/month
Customer Service: 200 channels, Pro Internet, Home Phone, Free HBO/Cinemax 3 months, $250 Visa; 6 months for $95/month and 6 months for $105/month
So which is the better deal? I was actually a little confused by how I was being offered a better deal by calling and I wondered if there was a "catch".
Oh and one more thing...She was AMERICAN and spoke ENGLISH. Who says that Customer Service doesn't exist by phone anymore? Did I mention I didn't even yell or call to complain?
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Popped Circuits
Popped Circuits or blown fuses...I can only imagine what is next on the horizon, and dare I say it? But bring it on. If this is my challenge, I can get through it!
I can't believe how long it has been since my last post, although a little more recent than any consistent exercise! Things have been busy, but nothing too terribly crazy.
Little League World Series was a great time. T and I survived our last jaunt before school starting. Even "Tropical Storm Irene" didn't interfere too much: one consolation game cancellation and a rain delay. Two of my tires were low at one truck stop and fortunately I noticed and T used his tire knowledge to get us back on the road without issue.
School is in full swing. I have to say that I am glad T is out of the house and back into a routine. I think we function best with structure, even though I would love it if I didn't have to go into work five days a week and still received a pay check! His classes are uber difficult but he is managing, so far. Not so sure that Advanced Placement was the best option, but I am glad he is being challenged.
On the home front, my washing machine crashed last week. I am sure it was just a belt, but after 14 years it seemed due time to upgrade to a new set. I haven't managed to read the manuals yet - but the thought of a washer washing FOURTEEN pairs of jeans at a time? OMG I tore out the rest of the back fence and had a couple awesome bonfires at MS'. I managed to brand my toe with the poker and learned that fire tending in sandals isn't the smartest idea. I priced out new fencing and decided, maybe I don't need a fence right now. I purchased a few privacy trees to plant instead. After coming home on Monday, my dehumidifier was no longer working. I realized while the washer and dryer were being installed that a circuit had popped.
As the basement is pretty damp, I figured I was due for a new dehumidifier too. I purchased a new one on Monday night and am amazed at the power! I moved the dehumidifier into the den area last night and this morning I was astonished that the bucket was almost half full! I emptied it out in the wash basin and noticed the water wasn't draining well. Then I noticed that the floor drain wasn't working and all of the water went right to the floor and the carpet. Sigh...I checked the circuits and a different circuit was popped. So I turned it back on and the sump worked. Cleaned up the free standing water and now have a fan and the dehumidifier running to dry everything out. Two circuits popped in less than a week? What is going on?
I volunteered to keep JA company and join her in a 5k walk this Saturday. I thought it would motivate me to start exercising and make a dent in the extra 15 pounds I would LOVE to lose. Unfortunately it is mind over matter. I have walked a couple times and even rode the stationary bike while playing Galaga. I just am not exercising as much as I should. I am saddened that four years ago I was training for the 3 Day (60 miles in 3 days) and now I can't even get motivated to walk 3 Miles! I am looking forward to spending some time with JA and bringing back the memories of our walking days!
MS and I are doing well. Hard to imagine that we will have been dating ONE year this month. Our anniversary will be celebrated together at his brother's wedding, where he is the best man. Of course I have less than 1.5 weeks and I have absolutely no idea what to wear! The ceremony will be "brief" and outside in a park. As of last weekend, there are 213 people confirmed. TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN! What in the world do I wear? Beyond an outfit (and that famous week before of the month) I am trying not to assess what MS and I are doing. Where are we headed? While walking to the store on Sunday, MS pointed out a vacant lot on his street and suggested I could build a house on it and we could be neighbors. Maybe that got me thinking...
Work is work. There has been much drama lately and many people leaving the office due to the new "Acting Director". I don't recall ever blogging about it, but much of my personal angst began after the passing of my father when I received an anonymous typed note in my mailbox of an excerpt from an article about angry co-workers and borderline personality. I brought the issue to the attention of my Union Rep as I didn't want anymore harassment, although I couldn't say for sure who. Then I had several discussions with Supervisors. Things continued on a short downward spiral briefly thereafter. I was asked if I would move offices and now I feel like I am in a "timeout" as I sit in the corner and face the corner. I also received a note in my office of a dress code violation. This too shall pass and things are getting a little better. I would love to have a more appreciative and rewarding job - personally, professionally and financially. I am thankful for the employment and the ability to pay my bills and afford the extras that I choose and that choose for me (washer, dryer, dehumidifier...). I love the fact that I only work three miles from home. I know I hold myself back from wanting more, but what is it that I want?
It is hard to believe that tomorrow will be two months since my father passed. I am so glad that he is no longer suffering. It amazes me how much stress his health, his relationship with his wife and our relationships really affected me.
All in all, there isn't anything to complain about. A few bumps along the way, but life has been good. Two popped circuits so far. Whatever is next, I can handle it!
I can't believe how long it has been since my last post, although a little more recent than any consistent exercise! Things have been busy, but nothing too terribly crazy.
Little League World Series was a great time. T and I survived our last jaunt before school starting. Even "Tropical Storm Irene" didn't interfere too much: one consolation game cancellation and a rain delay. Two of my tires were low at one truck stop and fortunately I noticed and T used his tire knowledge to get us back on the road without issue.
School is in full swing. I have to say that I am glad T is out of the house and back into a routine. I think we function best with structure, even though I would love it if I didn't have to go into work five days a week and still received a pay check! His classes are uber difficult but he is managing, so far. Not so sure that Advanced Placement was the best option, but I am glad he is being challenged.
On the home front, my washing machine crashed last week. I am sure it was just a belt, but after 14 years it seemed due time to upgrade to a new set. I haven't managed to read the manuals yet - but the thought of a washer washing FOURTEEN pairs of jeans at a time? OMG I tore out the rest of the back fence and had a couple awesome bonfires at MS'. I managed to brand my toe with the poker and learned that fire tending in sandals isn't the smartest idea. I priced out new fencing and decided, maybe I don't need a fence right now. I purchased a few privacy trees to plant instead. After coming home on Monday, my dehumidifier was no longer working. I realized while the washer and dryer were being installed that a circuit had popped.
As the basement is pretty damp, I figured I was due for a new dehumidifier too. I purchased a new one on Monday night and am amazed at the power! I moved the dehumidifier into the den area last night and this morning I was astonished that the bucket was almost half full! I emptied it out in the wash basin and noticed the water wasn't draining well. Then I noticed that the floor drain wasn't working and all of the water went right to the floor and the carpet. Sigh...I checked the circuits and a different circuit was popped. So I turned it back on and the sump worked. Cleaned up the free standing water and now have a fan and the dehumidifier running to dry everything out. Two circuits popped in less than a week? What is going on?
I volunteered to keep JA company and join her in a 5k walk this Saturday. I thought it would motivate me to start exercising and make a dent in the extra 15 pounds I would LOVE to lose. Unfortunately it is mind over matter. I have walked a couple times and even rode the stationary bike while playing Galaga. I just am not exercising as much as I should. I am saddened that four years ago I was training for the 3 Day (60 miles in 3 days) and now I can't even get motivated to walk 3 Miles! I am looking forward to spending some time with JA and bringing back the memories of our walking days!
MS and I are doing well. Hard to imagine that we will have been dating ONE year this month. Our anniversary will be celebrated together at his brother's wedding, where he is the best man. Of course I have less than 1.5 weeks and I have absolutely no idea what to wear! The ceremony will be "brief" and outside in a park. As of last weekend, there are 213 people confirmed. TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN! What in the world do I wear? Beyond an outfit (and that famous week before of the month) I am trying not to assess what MS and I are doing. Where are we headed? While walking to the store on Sunday, MS pointed out a vacant lot on his street and suggested I could build a house on it and we could be neighbors. Maybe that got me thinking...
Work is work. There has been much drama lately and many people leaving the office due to the new "Acting Director". I don't recall ever blogging about it, but much of my personal angst began after the passing of my father when I received an anonymous typed note in my mailbox of an excerpt from an article about angry co-workers and borderline personality. I brought the issue to the attention of my Union Rep as I didn't want anymore harassment, although I couldn't say for sure who. Then I had several discussions with Supervisors. Things continued on a short downward spiral briefly thereafter. I was asked if I would move offices and now I feel like I am in a "timeout" as I sit in the corner and face the corner. I also received a note in my office of a dress code violation. This too shall pass and things are getting a little better. I would love to have a more appreciative and rewarding job - personally, professionally and financially. I am thankful for the employment and the ability to pay my bills and afford the extras that I choose and that choose for me (washer, dryer, dehumidifier...). I love the fact that I only work three miles from home. I know I hold myself back from wanting more, but what is it that I want?
It is hard to believe that tomorrow will be two months since my father passed. I am so glad that he is no longer suffering. It amazes me how much stress his health, his relationship with his wife and our relationships really affected me.
All in all, there isn't anything to complain about. A few bumps along the way, but life has been good. Two popped circuits so far. Whatever is next, I can handle it!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Little League World Series Roadtrip
As if I haven't had enough of baseball this year, a mother's love in never ending! When I arrived back in the states from our trip to Mexico, T texted and asked when he was with me for our week of vacation. He wanted to go to the Little League World Series in Williamsport, Pennsylvania.
Seeing that the return from my vacation with MS butted up to the weekend of respite of fostering and then my father's funeral, I told T to do some research. While he did some, the brunt of the research was done by...me. I spent this past weekend looking into hotel options and distance and juggling of my work schedule.
Effective today, I will be taking off Friday and Monday to take T to the Little League World Series. Tonight we booked a hotel for Friday and Saturday night nearby and a hotel en route home for Sunday night. I am sure we will pack up the car on Thursday night and head east, no need to make anymore plans or pack until the very last minute. T and I have a bowling marathon to tend to tomorrow and Wednesday I hope to get together with some friends out of town. I plan on working a full day Thursday. We will plan on stopping at my parent's Thursday night - two hours closer to Williamsport.
I am looking forward to the last minute getaway weekend with T before school starts. While I hope we do more than watch five games of baseball, at least it will be better than the constant games we have been watching on t.v.! I love last minute improv getways! Cheers to adventure!
Seeing that the return from my vacation with MS butted up to the weekend of respite of fostering and then my father's funeral, I told T to do some research. While he did some, the brunt of the research was done by...me. I spent this past weekend looking into hotel options and distance and juggling of my work schedule.
Effective today, I will be taking off Friday and Monday to take T to the Little League World Series. Tonight we booked a hotel for Friday and Saturday night nearby and a hotel en route home for Sunday night. I am sure we will pack up the car on Thursday night and head east, no need to make anymore plans or pack until the very last minute. T and I have a bowling marathon to tend to tomorrow and Wednesday I hope to get together with some friends out of town. I plan on working a full day Thursday. We will plan on stopping at my parent's Thursday night - two hours closer to Williamsport.
I am looking forward to the last minute getaway weekend with T before school starts. While I hope we do more than watch five games of baseball, at least it will be better than the constant games we have been watching on t.v.! I love last minute improv getways! Cheers to adventure!
Monday, August 22, 2011
Fostering Respite
MS and I arrived back to the airport just before midnight on Thursday night. I stayed the night at MS' house and woke early to shower and head home. I went grocery shopping for the weekend in preparation of respite with a 7 year old and 4 year old. I raced home and put away the groceries, unpacked and started laundry. I went and picked up T from his dad's and got back home in time for the foster children to arrive at 1p.m.
The weekend was a great time! I enjoyed having the children in the home, although T was going out of his mind with the 7 year old that was annoying him beyond belief. I tried to give him some space of his own as the kids and I walked to a park on two of the days, visiting three different parks. We also enjoyed bowling, an indoor pool center, numerous movies, games and activities.
On the first day we painted nails although the 7 year old decided she didn't want hers painted and did mine instead. The 4 year old was ecstatic to have his finger and toes painted. His older sister proclaimed that he wasn't "allowed" to have them painted because "mom and dad" wouldn't allow it, so of course I painted them! I did take off the polish before he went back to the foster home on Sunday, but the little guy loved them and had fun picking out a different color for each nail!
I forgot how much energy it takes to parent young children! I did my best to keep them on the sleep schedule, but honestly I wasn't very successful. Obviously a different home and different sleep arrangements were difficult for the kids. The 4 year old fell asleep watching a movie in my lap both nights. He woke the first night several times throughout the night with the last time being 2a.m.! Both kids were up between 5-6:00a.m. both mornings! So my 3.5 hours of sleep average wasn't a great plan, but luckily short-term! I didn't love the fact that the kids wanted blueberry pancakes and after making them at 6:30a.m. and neither wanted to eat them! Oh well. Plan B.
The 4 year old was a serious cuddle bug. I loved being active with the kids. The 4 year old loved helping me do dishes and around the house. The 7 year old had issues with entertaining herself and was often "bored" so she found T to annoy! I was sad to see the kids leave and I think they weren't ready to go - which was fabulous as neither of us wore out our welcome!
Respite definitely works the best for us. We don't have to worry about childcare, can help out other foster families and can enjoy the benefits of children while offering them stability and opportunity too!
The weekend was a great time! I enjoyed having the children in the home, although T was going out of his mind with the 7 year old that was annoying him beyond belief. I tried to give him some space of his own as the kids and I walked to a park on two of the days, visiting three different parks. We also enjoyed bowling, an indoor pool center, numerous movies, games and activities.
On the first day we painted nails although the 7 year old decided she didn't want hers painted and did mine instead. The 4 year old was ecstatic to have his finger and toes painted. His older sister proclaimed that he wasn't "allowed" to have them painted because "mom and dad" wouldn't allow it, so of course I painted them! I did take off the polish before he went back to the foster home on Sunday, but the little guy loved them and had fun picking out a different color for each nail!
I forgot how much energy it takes to parent young children! I did my best to keep them on the sleep schedule, but honestly I wasn't very successful. Obviously a different home and different sleep arrangements were difficult for the kids. The 4 year old fell asleep watching a movie in my lap both nights. He woke the first night several times throughout the night with the last time being 2a.m.! Both kids were up between 5-6:00a.m. both mornings! So my 3.5 hours of sleep average wasn't a great plan, but luckily short-term! I didn't love the fact that the kids wanted blueberry pancakes and after making them at 6:30a.m. and neither wanted to eat them! Oh well. Plan B.
The 4 year old was a serious cuddle bug. I loved being active with the kids. The 4 year old loved helping me do dishes and around the house. The 7 year old had issues with entertaining herself and was often "bored" so she found T to annoy! I was sad to see the kids leave and I think they weren't ready to go - which was fabulous as neither of us wore out our welcome!
Respite definitely works the best for us. We don't have to worry about childcare, can help out other foster families and can enjoy the benefits of children while offering them stability and opportunity too!
Mexico & "The Ring"
As I blogged here about whether or not MS would propose and being convinced that he wouldn't, I did find it somewhat awkward the night before we left that when checking-in online to our flight he inadvertently typed his last name as mine. I brushed it off. Unfortunately, we weren't able to get seats together on our flight from Detroit to Cancun. We booked them anyway and I figured we would talk to the gate agent in the morning before our three hour delay to see if we could switch seats.
We got up at 4:00a.m. and made it to the airport and arrived in Detroit without issue. We walked the terminal to our gate to inquire about changing seats. Surprisingly a second agent (the first told us to come back an hour before our flight) asked us where we were flying to and offered that if we wanted to fly through Atlanta she would put us in first class and we would only arrive 48 minutes later. After convincing MS it was a good idea and he would still be able to get breakfast before boarding our flight to Atlanta we made the change and each received a $400 flight credit to use in the future! BONUS! See, another contribution I made to the trip! ;)
We arrived in Cancun and did exactly what we were advised not to...we talked with the timeshare people and booked a tour. For our $40 good faith deposit we were ensured of a 90 minute presentation at a nearby resort, two bottles of tequila, two tickets for a 6 hour party boat of deep sea fishing and discounts of 2-1 passes for attractions (particularly para sailing). We figured well worth 90 minutes. Of course when we went to have our hotel concierge staff to call our free taxi, they refused and sent a manager to discuss with us the intricate details of our "tour" proclaiming we would be forced to stay for 4-6 hours. He offered that if we toured our resort for 2 hours he would compensate us with two bottles of tequila, $40 deposit refund and $100 to put toward the fishing expedition. After three separate negotiations (him going to speak to a supervisor - or himself) he finally agreed to the tequila, the deposit, free internet/telephone calls for the remainder of our stay, and $250 credit (the cost of the deep sea fishing). Since we had missed the last arrival time for the booked tour, we took the offer of our resort. Fortunately, our sales person was hung over from the previous night's company party and was starving. He asked if we were interested in purchasing, we said "no" and he asked if we minded joining him for breakfast. We did ask to tour the upscale casitas and our sales pitch was over in less than 54 minutes! What a blessing! BONUS!
MS has a thing for turtles. So he purchased a couple memento turtles while we were in Playa del Carmen. In addition, he was excited to participate in a paint-a-pot activity that was near the pool at the resort every day. The day I learned my father had passed (with our free internet access pass), we had plans to paint. It was actually a very good diversion that I didn't have to hold it together too much and was able to focus on painting and not have to be "happy". I wasn't really sure what I wanted to paint, but opted for a plate. With the help of the guy that sells the plates - he puts back in the clear black lines and added some birds and the small bushes in the desert, the plate looked pretty awesome when it was done!
Anyone who knows me, should know that I have a slight issue with motion. Dramamine is my friend. I knew that I would need dramamine before our deep sea fishing adventure. MS however, he loves to fish and boat. Our boat for the fishing expedition had two crew, MS and I and a group of three men. The fumes from the exhaust were pretty awful and fortunately I was doing well dealing with the uneasiness of the boat along with the smell. I even managed to do OK after MS asked for dramamine, reeled in a "bait fish" and managed to hurl over the side before he ever got the dramamine open. He went into the cabin where he laid his head down on the table and remained the rest of the "three hour tour" (oh wait, that was Gilligan's island - but pretty much the same!). I knew that I had no interest in standing to real in a fish, so I just sat on the back of the boat and watched. When the youngest of the men, a son in his late teens/early twenties who also rejected reeling in a fish, leaned over board and lost his marbles, that was too much for me. I, on the other side of the boat, got sick too. Not only did I get sick once, I managed to get sick a second time simultaneously with the father of the young man. Yes, four of the five of us on the boat, were sick. Unfortunately it didn't help the crew and the one healthy passenger - a retired navy person of 27 years - to catch more fish! We headed in a little early as the fish were few and we weren't feeling well. Fortunately MS and I didn't pay $250 for the adventure, so we weren't so bothered by our ill fortune.
On several vacations, I have purchased rings. Granted the last few have been less than $8 each, but a ring that I fancy no less. I had full intention of purchasing a "real" ring of sorts this trip. MS had offered to buy me a ring. I wasn't sure exactly what the offer entailed - cost or intention - so rather than inquire, I pretty much ignored the offer. While we looked around Playa del Carmen, I was looking at rings that were rather expensive. I was considering another ring similar to the ring I purchased in Colorado (which after 18 months a stone fell out during dinner on this vacation. So lucky!), but decided I wanted different "bling". I negotiated a fantastic deal and I bought a beautiful ring. After our trip MS had said he did want to buy me a ring - but seeing that I negotiated a deal for cash, he didn't have that kind of cash on him. MS wasn't a fan of the ring I picked thinking that it is WAY too big, but I LOVE it and that is all that matters (although he has been gazing at it and inspecting it on several occasions!)!
MS and I went on a kayaking tour the morning after Playa. We had originally planned on taking the shuttle to Cancun for the day, but opted not to as we had our boating adventure and Playa del Carmen the night before. Since we had purchased souvenirs - MS his turtles and me my ring - we didn't see a reason to check out Cancun. So we had fun participating in activities at the resort. We started off with the kayaking and I managed well without dramamine; however, MS didn't fare as well. My competitive edge found me near the instructor while MS was way behind the last kayaker. When we reached an area to look for fish, I asked MS if he was OK, which he replied NO. He reported that his hips were cramping and he wasn't able to sit in the kayak comfortably. Fortunately the tour was only an hour and he managed to survive!
The vacation was a great escape. I was saddened to learn of my father's passing, but glad to have MS there to comfort me and a good distraction of Mexico. We enjoyed fabulous dining experiences at the restaurants at the resort. My favorite was de Italia. While the resort, El Dorado Royale is voted one of the number one honeymoon resorts in the world, I think I enjoyed Iberostar more as we weren't on a honeymoon. I never received the same drink twice, despite ordering the same. The nightly entertainment was also definitely lacking, but MS and I had a great time and a wonderful vacation. I am definitely looking forward to more vacations and memories with MS.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
My Father's Passing
My father passed away in the early morning hours of August 6, 2011. As I had dreamed weeks earlier, my father passed while I was on vacation.
The plan was that he would begin to wean from the Primacor IV on Monday, August 8, 2011. He had stopped taking all of his medications. He had said his peace and was ready to die. He was ready to stop fighting. He passed in the night while still on the Primacor.
I learned of his passing by an email from my uncle. MS and I had been given free internet access at the resort in Mexico on Tuesday, August 8, 2011. I never did hear directly from his wife as I had expected. She and I shared several emails about the memorial. We shared a few words at the memorial. I doubt that she and I will ever speak again.
The night before the memorial service, I met with TS, LL, my brother and sister-in-law at one of my dad's favorite location to give one cheer and toast in his honor. As we toasted and I looked up at the bar, this is what I saw:
The plan was that he would begin to wean from the Primacor IV on Monday, August 8, 2011. He had stopped taking all of his medications. He had said his peace and was ready to die. He was ready to stop fighting. He passed in the night while still on the Primacor.
I learned of his passing by an email from my uncle. MS and I had been given free internet access at the resort in Mexico on Tuesday, August 8, 2011. I never did hear directly from his wife as I had expected. She and I shared several emails about the memorial. We shared a few words at the memorial. I doubt that she and I will ever speak again.
The night before the memorial service, I met with TS, LL, my brother and sister-in-law at one of my dad's favorite location to give one cheer and toast in his honor. As we toasted and I looked up at the bar, this is what I saw:
MAY YOU BE IN HEAVEN AN HOUR BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU'RE DEAD
How fitting. Rest in Peace Dad. Much love and until we meet again...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My Father's Final Days
I have just spent the past hour or two going through my life, 36 years of photos. Unfortunately, it didn't take long. Growing up, my parents took many pictures. They were developed into slides. One of my favorite memories was having my parents set up the slide projector onto the screen or wall in the living room and sitting on the floor or couch cradling a bowl of popcorn and watching various reels of pictures. My dad had always talked about one day turning all of the slides into a DVD to capture all the memories. To my knowledge, that never happened. I have a small photo album of various pictures from infancy to graduation. The slides were destroyed in my mom's house fire in 1996.
I received an email this morning, August 1, 2011, updating of my father's welfare. He has refused all medication except the Primacor IV. As his wife had purchased enough full strength IV to last through August 2, 2011, I anticipate that he will begin the weaning process on August 3, 2011. He will wean for approximately three days and pass approximately two days thereafter. As I had anticipated from my dream weeks back, I will likely be in Mexico when he passes. Everything happens for a reason.
I posted this in December, after dealing with an array of emotions from saying goodbye to my father in early November and dealing with family drama. I posted this when my father turned 65 in early June. I didn't specifically post after my most recent visit to see my father on July 21 and 22, 2011. The most recent visits, I told my father I loved him and said bye, no longer the formal goodbye as I did in November, but still with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart. Losing someone, regardless of the circumstances is never easy and involves many mixed emotions, even if truly a blessing.
As I have blogged about so many times before, my father and I are not very close. I make no excuses, I place no blame. It is what it is. I love my father. It is sad to realize that I have less than two dozen pictures of my father, many without me in them, over the past 36 years. Pictures down memory lane...but I don't need pictures to recall the memories. The memories to last a lifetime.
May you go peacefully dad. May your last few days be as free of pain and as comfortable and peaceful as possible. Until we meet again...I love you.
I received an email this morning, August 1, 2011, updating of my father's welfare. He has refused all medication except the Primacor IV. As his wife had purchased enough full strength IV to last through August 2, 2011, I anticipate that he will begin the weaning process on August 3, 2011. He will wean for approximately three days and pass approximately two days thereafter. As I had anticipated from my dream weeks back, I will likely be in Mexico when he passes. Everything happens for a reason.
I posted this in December, after dealing with an array of emotions from saying goodbye to my father in early November and dealing with family drama. I posted this when my father turned 65 in early June. I didn't specifically post after my most recent visit to see my father on July 21 and 22, 2011. The most recent visits, I told my father I loved him and said bye, no longer the formal goodbye as I did in November, but still with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart. Losing someone, regardless of the circumstances is never easy and involves many mixed emotions, even if truly a blessing.
As I have blogged about so many times before, my father and I are not very close. I make no excuses, I place no blame. It is what it is. I love my father. It is sad to realize that I have less than two dozen pictures of my father, many without me in them, over the past 36 years. Pictures down memory lane...but I don't need pictures to recall the memories. The memories to last a lifetime.
May you go peacefully dad. May your last few days be as free of pain and as comfortable and peaceful as possible. Until we meet again...I love you.
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| Tampa Florida: November 2010 |
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Trusting the Truth
About a month ago, I started to worry that MS may consider proposing on our vacation. I am not sure what was said or done specifically that had me concerned, just the overall differences of our vacation preferences. I am happy to say, that while those thoughts are somewhere compartmentalized in a drawer in my mind, I did come to my senses and believe that it won't happen (I think I know MS pretty well he couldn't pull off a surprise!). For this, I am glad. I am very much looking forward to vacation with MS and spending a week together, just the two of us with no worries or cares.
Thursday as I arrived at MS' house, waiting on the three to return from fishing, I was calm. Happy. Content. D and I were chatting on the phone and she asked if it was weird to have a key to his house. Technically, I don't have a key, but he gave me the garage door opener back in the winter and he doesn't lock the door in the garage that leads to the house. I have never given him a key to my house. We have never talked about it. It isn't that I don't trust him or don't want him to have one, it's just never been an issue. And I realized that I have never given MS back the garage door opener. I have never tried to end the relationship. I have never been so frustrated that I needed to run and not look back.
I've thought many times before of the differences of dating MS. I trust him. I completely trust him. Sometimes I wonder if I should. I have no reason not to but I wonder if ultimately if I will be blindsided by something. The fear. The fear of realizing and accepting that our relationship isn't too good to be true. That what we have is real. That while we have our differences in parenting, we work. And, that the reason I trust him isn't because I don't see or want a future with him. I trust him because he is trustworthy.
With each passing day, I find myself growing more and more fond of MS. I miss him when we aren't together. I know that both he and I would be fine if we stopped dating, but I don't want to. I'm not giddy to see him, but genuinely happy when I do. I try not to take him for granted and I feel he does the same.
I don't know if it is maturity, acceptance, understanding or any other multitude of options that has allowed this relationship to work. I don't need to know why, just that it does. I know that what MS and I have, I am thankful. With every day, I fall a little more for this man I love. And this love, has no time frames, limits or boundaries.
Thursday as I arrived at MS' house, waiting on the three to return from fishing, I was calm. Happy. Content. D and I were chatting on the phone and she asked if it was weird to have a key to his house. Technically, I don't have a key, but he gave me the garage door opener back in the winter and he doesn't lock the door in the garage that leads to the house. I have never given him a key to my house. We have never talked about it. It isn't that I don't trust him or don't want him to have one, it's just never been an issue. And I realized that I have never given MS back the garage door opener. I have never tried to end the relationship. I have never been so frustrated that I needed to run and not look back.
I've thought many times before of the differences of dating MS. I trust him. I completely trust him. Sometimes I wonder if I should. I have no reason not to but I wonder if ultimately if I will be blindsided by something. The fear. The fear of realizing and accepting that our relationship isn't too good to be true. That what we have is real. That while we have our differences in parenting, we work. And, that the reason I trust him isn't because I don't see or want a future with him. I trust him because he is trustworthy.
With each passing day, I find myself growing more and more fond of MS. I miss him when we aren't together. I know that both he and I would be fine if we stopped dating, but I don't want to. I'm not giddy to see him, but genuinely happy when I do. I try not to take him for granted and I feel he does the same.
I don't know if it is maturity, acceptance, understanding or any other multitude of options that has allowed this relationship to work. I don't need to know why, just that it does. I know that what MS and I have, I am thankful. With every day, I fall a little more for this man I love. And this love, has no time frames, limits or boundaries.
Fishing
Thursday night, MS came down for T's first game of his final tournament. After the brutal loss, we debated on where to eat. Of course I had told MS that T would probably chose Red Robin, which in fact he did. The dining experience was, as I told the manager, an epic fail. The waiter was clearly out of his comfort zone and should find another job. The food was ill prepared and the waiter repeatedly lied trying to cover up his own errors which infuriated me even more. The manager paid for our meal and gave us $30 in gift certificates. If it weren't for T's love of the Freckled Lemonade, I don't know that I would venture back again.
MS purchased a fishing boat this week. We were on the lookout for a fishing boat and MS finally found one on Craigs List which he picked up on Wednesday. MS had been telling T all summer that he can show T where to catch BIG fish. So Thursday night, T decided he wanted to stay the night at MS' so that they could go fishing when MS got home from work. Unfortunately I had to work all day Friday, so I couldn't stay the night or go fishing. I have to admit, I might have been a little jealous as well as nervous that T was going out on a fishing boat that MS had yet to take out on the water. Fortunately all went well.
And as for my jealousy of wishing I was staying the night, well I survived. As for my jealousy of T having fun or catching fish without me, rest assured, T still loves his mom and didn't have that much fun. While T had fun singing to MS and entertaining him, there is something to be said about the bond between a mother and child.
Our bond. Love.
MS purchased a fishing boat this week. We were on the lookout for a fishing boat and MS finally found one on Craigs List which he picked up on Wednesday. MS had been telling T all summer that he can show T where to catch BIG fish. So Thursday night, T decided he wanted to stay the night at MS' so that they could go fishing when MS got home from work. Unfortunately I had to work all day Friday, so I couldn't stay the night or go fishing. I have to admit, I might have been a little jealous as well as nervous that T was going out on a fishing boat that MS had yet to take out on the water. Fortunately all went well.
And as for my jealousy of wishing I was staying the night, well I survived. As for my jealousy of T having fun or catching fish without me, rest assured, T still loves his mom and didn't have that much fun. While T had fun singing to MS and entertaining him, there is something to be said about the bond between a mother and child.
Our bond. Love.
Packing Preparation
In trying to prepare for my upcoming trip, I decided I wanted to purchase a few new outfits. I had hoped to find some short dresses, a couple tops and a pair of shorts or two, which I was unsuccessful. I did manage to buy four new long dresses, three pairs of Capri's, sleep shorts and a bathing suit. Almost what I had hoped to buy, or not. Shopping isn't one of my favorite things and of course when I am on a mission to find something I almost always, fail; however, I am completely OK with failing.
If I were meant to find and buy new clothes, I truly believe I would have. While I am sure it will take more time, I hope to actually search my drawers and determine what I wear, want to keep and want to donate. I am again feeling the need to clean and declutter. Maybe this time I will actually donate the items rather than continue to store them in the basement!
In addition to packing and cleaning, I have to clean the house and get prepared for our foster guests. All the bedding has been changed although we still have to assemble the car toddler bed tomorrow. T needs to kid-friendly his room, which may take him a week or two! Everything will come together. It always does.
If I were meant to find and buy new clothes, I truly believe I would have. While I am sure it will take more time, I hope to actually search my drawers and determine what I wear, want to keep and want to donate. I am again feeling the need to clean and declutter. Maybe this time I will actually donate the items rather than continue to store them in the basement!
In addition to packing and cleaning, I have to clean the house and get prepared for our foster guests. All the bedding has been changed although we still have to assemble the car toddler bed tomorrow. T needs to kid-friendly his room, which may take him a week or two! Everything will come together. It always does.
Officially Over
With one day left of July to spare, baseball season is officially OVER. Let me tell you, I couldn't be happier! I won't miss keeping the books. I won't miss the mercied games in the sweltering heat. I won't miss the last minute practices or the last minute scurrying for articles of baseball uniform and gear. I won't miss that for an entire month left of summer, I have the opportunity to actually enjoy it.
Having said all that though, it is bittersweet. I will miss possibly T's last summer of recreational baseball. A summer of youth, that quickly approached after endless years of tball, machine pitch, coach pitch and kid pitch. Years that have been wonderful. Memories created. Memories remembered.
Tonight T asked for my assistance in measuring himself. 5'8". With another baseball season ending there is much joy in the memories of the past and optimism of welcoming the memories of the future.
Having said all that though, it is bittersweet. I will miss possibly T's last summer of recreational baseball. A summer of youth, that quickly approached after endless years of tball, machine pitch, coach pitch and kid pitch. Years that have been wonderful. Memories created. Memories remembered.
Tonight T asked for my assistance in measuring himself. 5'8". With another baseball season ending there is much joy in the memories of the past and optimism of welcoming the memories of the future.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Perfect Timing To Be...
In the midst of craziness of Little League regular season finishing, team tournaments, Allstar tournaments and T's weekend travel tournament team, I am almost at the point of no return of baseball. The last minute craziness of scheduled practices, the lack of communication and the forgetfulness of a fourteen year old with his baseball equipment dispersed between homes, I am at my limit!
In addition to baseball there is the little nuances of the latest round of hidden drama of an ailing father and his wife's adolescent behavior and lack of communication toppled on top of a job of no return or reward. The job issues shall pass - since they are crisis related for the most part - but the surmounting frustration of recruiting and retaining when the reality of people's lives, family and abuse occur leaves the situation prospects rather dismal.
While the much needed vacation could come sooner, I am definitely welcoming the vacation that MS planned for just the two of us, seven days/six nights (cutting a night short to return to motherhood and a respite foster care placement) in Riviera Maya, Mexico.
We are staying at one of the adult only resorts of karismahotels. While I went to the Riviera Maya in 2008 and stayed at an Iberostar with JN, we never left the resort. MS and I are hoping to travel and venture to Cancun and Playa Del Carmen. He would like to go deep sea fishing and we both would like to parasail. He would also love to play some golf which I said would be a great solo opportunity for him :) but agreed that if he wanted company (and entertainment) I would golf with him! I can't wait for this much needed vacation. MS and I have been spending more time together when we can, but clearly this seven day vacation traveling out of the country shall test our relationship.
I believe that he and I are ready for this test.
In addition to baseball there is the little nuances of the latest round of hidden drama of an ailing father and his wife's adolescent behavior and lack of communication toppled on top of a job of no return or reward. The job issues shall pass - since they are crisis related for the most part - but the surmounting frustration of recruiting and retaining when the reality of people's lives, family and abuse occur leaves the situation prospects rather dismal.
While the much needed vacation could come sooner, I am definitely welcoming the vacation that MS planned for just the two of us, seven days/six nights (cutting a night short to return to motherhood and a respite foster care placement) in Riviera Maya, Mexico.
We are staying at one of the adult only resorts of karismahotels. While I went to the Riviera Maya in 2008 and stayed at an Iberostar with JN, we never left the resort. MS and I are hoping to travel and venture to Cancun and Playa Del Carmen. He would like to go deep sea fishing and we both would like to parasail. He would also love to play some golf which I said would be a great solo opportunity for him :) but agreed that if he wanted company (and entertainment) I would golf with him! I can't wait for this much needed vacation. MS and I have been spending more time together when we can, but clearly this seven day vacation traveling out of the country shall test our relationship.
I believe that he and I are ready for this test.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Exercise Update
In searching through my blog, the last link I had about exercise was on February 9, 2011. I browsed it quickly to confirm that I failed my promise to myself to get healthy and lose ten pounds by Spring Break. I attempted the 30 Day Shred and completed about 8 days before I became completely bored with the workout and managed to hit a workout block by not making the time to exercise.
I was doing extremely well taking a multi-vitamin for her for ninety days, although after I finished the first bottle, I have been terrible at taking the vitamins in the second bottle. Why is it I lose interest and focus so quickly? If taking a pill wasn't so difficult, maybe I would consider an ADD pill so that I could focus and not hit the brick wall so quickly! I never did bother with the fish oil pills. I couldn't fathom another pill or the rumor that I would be burping or tasting fish!
Back to the starting block. Do you have any ideas or suggestions to motivate me???
I was doing extremely well taking a multi-vitamin for her for ninety days, although after I finished the first bottle, I have been terrible at taking the vitamins in the second bottle. Why is it I lose interest and focus so quickly? If taking a pill wasn't so difficult, maybe I would consider an ADD pill so that I could focus and not hit the brick wall so quickly! I never did bother with the fish oil pills. I couldn't fathom another pill or the rumor that I would be burping or tasting fish!
Back to the starting block. Do you have any ideas or suggestions to motivate me???
Lawn Mower Likes
This spring I had to invest in a new lawn mower. I purchased a bright and shiny black lawn mower that self mulches. Since my yard takes 15 minutes to mow, I don't need self propelled or a bag. I have to say that I LOVE my new lawn mower. The ease of a simple pull and it starts is sheer pleasure.
Not only that, I truly believe that my lawn LOVES the new mower as well. Is this possible? I have battled with having grass since I moved in, twelve years ago. Granted, I have never invested in lawn maintenance professionals to actually improve my lawn, but used various methods including grass seed and fertilizers to no avail. This year, my yard is green and growing! I really think that the self mulching has made a HUGE improvement in my grass. If I would have known a small investment of a new mower would make such a difference, I would have purchased it years ago!
Not only that, I truly believe that my lawn LOVES the new mower as well. Is this possible? I have battled with having grass since I moved in, twelve years ago. Granted, I have never invested in lawn maintenance professionals to actually improve my lawn, but used various methods including grass seed and fertilizers to no avail. This year, my yard is green and growing! I really think that the self mulching has made a HUGE improvement in my grass. If I would have known a small investment of a new mower would make such a difference, I would have purchased it years ago!
Monday, June 27, 2011
U2 Concert
MS purchased U2 concert tickets in November 2009. Due to injury and the canceling of the show in 2010, he was finally able to see the concert on June 26, 2011 at Michigan State University. MS had asked me a couple months ago if I would like to go with him. I am not a concert fan. I like U2, but not a huge fan per se. I agreed to go. I wasn't really filled in on the details that MS' brother and his fiancee and a group of others were going. I wasn't informed of the details either, which I was OK with for the most part as I was just along for the ride.
I tried to be OK with not being in control. I didn't let it bother me, the lack of organization and planning. The clusterfuck that clearly became annoying to others in the group. I was along for the ride. There were eight of us (two different vehicles) that met up in a parking lot. The goal was then to find the rest of the group that were moving from bar to bar. We headed to find them, with two of the group using their google walk maps to get to the destination. A third in the party asked a security guard for directions. We followed the guard's direction - which was opposite of the cell phone directions. Apparently there were two destinations with the same name, but the one the guard sent us to was a restaurant and not a bar and pub. We were now two miles from our destination. One in the group bought a six pack from a grocery store and they drank in the lot while MS and I went to wait in line at Subway to get food. A taxi arrived to take us to the bar and MS and I decided that food was more important. We split with the group.
MS and I ate and then walked to the stadium. We got to the stadium an hour before the opening act, Florence and the Machine. We were in section 9, to the left of the stage and 34 rows up. I was shocked by the price of the tickets, which showed $250. MS never said how much they were, but was disappointed that it wasn't a sold out crowd and that general admission were selling for $30. It amazed me that the cost was so expensive to sit outside on bleachers and that MS would pay it!
The concert was good. I recognized five songs. The technology and stage was pretty awesome. What amazed me the most....MS knew EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. MS LOVES U2. I hadn't known until last night that this was the fifth time MS has seen U2 in concert. He purchased the tickets when they first went on sale and bought the best available fearing they would sell out in 15 minutes as the previous show he hoped to attend had.
I worried yesterday and wondered as I stood next to him, if I was deserving of going. Who had he purchased the extra ticket for in mind when he bought them? Was there anyone or just that he didn't want to go solo (as the rest of the group were nowhere near us!)? Did I disappoint him that I didn't know more about U2? And bottomline, I accepted and stopped worrying about it all and acknowledged that he asked me because he wanted me to go. He wanted me to experience the concert with him. That nothing else mattered.
I did ask MS on the walk back to the car what he thought of the concert and how it compared to his other U2 concert experiences. He answered, "It was OK. They are getting OLD! They just don't have the same energy as they once did!" He also expressed disappointment that they only sang three songs from their latest CD. Well, what is to be expected from a group that has remained together since 1978?
I definitely enjoyed the experience of going with MS. I appreciated being next to MS as he swayed and sang every single word of every single song. Learning something new about MS and loving him more.
I tried to be OK with not being in control. I didn't let it bother me, the lack of organization and planning. The clusterfuck that clearly became annoying to others in the group. I was along for the ride. There were eight of us (two different vehicles) that met up in a parking lot. The goal was then to find the rest of the group that were moving from bar to bar. We headed to find them, with two of the group using their google walk maps to get to the destination. A third in the party asked a security guard for directions. We followed the guard's direction - which was opposite of the cell phone directions. Apparently there were two destinations with the same name, but the one the guard sent us to was a restaurant and not a bar and pub. We were now two miles from our destination. One in the group bought a six pack from a grocery store and they drank in the lot while MS and I went to wait in line at Subway to get food. A taxi arrived to take us to the bar and MS and I decided that food was more important. We split with the group.
MS and I ate and then walked to the stadium. We got to the stadium an hour before the opening act, Florence and the Machine. We were in section 9, to the left of the stage and 34 rows up. I was shocked by the price of the tickets, which showed $250. MS never said how much they were, but was disappointed that it wasn't a sold out crowd and that general admission were selling for $30. It amazed me that the cost was so expensive to sit outside on bleachers and that MS would pay it!
The concert was good. I recognized five songs. The technology and stage was pretty awesome. What amazed me the most....MS knew EVERY. SINGLE. SONG. MS LOVES U2. I hadn't known until last night that this was the fifth time MS has seen U2 in concert. He purchased the tickets when they first went on sale and bought the best available fearing they would sell out in 15 minutes as the previous show he hoped to attend had.
I worried yesterday and wondered as I stood next to him, if I was deserving of going. Who had he purchased the extra ticket for in mind when he bought them? Was there anyone or just that he didn't want to go solo (as the rest of the group were nowhere near us!)? Did I disappoint him that I didn't know more about U2? And bottomline, I accepted and stopped worrying about it all and acknowledged that he asked me because he wanted me to go. He wanted me to experience the concert with him. That nothing else mattered.
I did ask MS on the walk back to the car what he thought of the concert and how it compared to his other U2 concert experiences. He answered, "It was OK. They are getting OLD! They just don't have the same energy as they once did!" He also expressed disappointment that they only sang three songs from their latest CD. Well, what is to be expected from a group that has remained together since 1978?
I definitely enjoyed the experience of going with MS. I appreciated being next to MS as he swayed and sang every single word of every single song. Learning something new about MS and loving him more.
Guest Bedroom Transformation
I made some changes to the guest bedroom to make it a little more personable for W. Of course I wanted to see where he preferred to sleep. So the bedroom change from the bunk bed along the back wall allowed for him to use the ladder. If he didn't want to sleep in the bed, I could either move the mattress to the floor or I could use the aero bed on the floor if he wanted something bigger than the twin. He decided he wanted to sleep in the bunk, so I changed the bedding to be more masculine than the photo.
Of course I had already purchased the full size bedding, a piece of art and the area rug for the room transformation. I just needed to get the couch out, the bunk bed disassembled and purchase the full size bed and frame. No big deal, right? I had the bunk bed disassembled rather quickly and last Monday T helped me put it in the storage room. The couch? Another story. We attempted every which way to get it out and had no success. I manged to take the paint off the door trim in three different spots though! Fortunately MS and I managed to get it out rather quickly after removing the door (I had attempted that myself with no luck!).
I absolutely LOVE the new bedroom look! It is wonderful to finally have an assembled room. W painted the wall artwork and I painted the lampshades. T attempted to paint one lampshade which was an EPIC FAIL. I plan to paint another white one as I don't care for the yellow one I painted - but I was too lazy to paint over the yellow!
The picture doesn't capture the pale blue and green circles well on the lampshade and artwork. W did a great job on his picture!
What do you think of the room transformation?
Wonderful Weekend Recap
I had the most wonderful weekend. Some days I really struggle with what MS and I are doing in our relationship. I enjoy his company and love him, but I struggle with whether we should be dating. Our parenting differences are always going to be present. I suppose I sweep them under the rug as it doesn't impact us enjoying each other, most of the time.
With the respite and dog sitting, I haven't been to MS' house in several weeks. The plan was for me to head to his place on Friday night where we would go to a nice dinner at a restaurant he has wanted to take me to since November. We still haven't gone. T started his baseball tournament and it wasn't until Friday at 4:30p.m. that we learned he would be playing at 9:00a.m. at home Saturday morning. So it didn't make sense to head an hour north for the night to be back bright and early. MS' son was staying the night at a friend's house so MS offered to come down instead!
We met up with JA and her husband (and kids) for dinner on a whim! We then went back to their house and played a few games and hung out! It was great to be able to see JA, I really miss seeing her! We had a blast and it was a much better impromptu than a fancy dinner with just MS.
Saturday morning we went to the game. In a great finish, T's team WON! Was an awesome game. MS and I decided to head downtown to a little cafe but found a new restaurant en route that was open. We were the only customers in the place that had been open since March. A coffee, cafe that offers family game nights, live bands and promotes local food sources. The food was good, but overpriced for the amount and quality and MS and I agreed we probably wouldn't go back.
Then it was onto a day of accomplishment. We rented a truck from Menards and purchased a new full size bed for my guest bedroom. We were able to move the couch out of the guest bedroom to the basement after removing two doors, stair rail and smashing with all our might to get it past the basement trim! We made several trips to home depot to finish the front landscaping bricks including top soil and grass seed! I finally purchased a cheap patio set too! We assembled the guest bedroom and finished the yard. I was so absolutely relieved to tackle such big and overwhelming projects. MS even helped me hang four pieces of art too (since I have angst with adding holes in the wall!).
We managed to finish everything by about 6:45p.m. He headed home and I showered and packed for the rest of the weekend at his place. I grabbed pizza for dinner on the way to his house and crashed with an allergy attack during the movie Cropsy.
Sunday we woke up around 8a.m. and had breakfast and best 2 out of 3 of Skipbo. MS was just glad that he won a game! Then we went for a 15 mile rollerblade adventure, which we both survived with only a blister! Then we headed home to shower and change for the U2 concert at Michigan Stadium.
I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Good friends. Great accomplishments. Great Entertainment. As I lay in bed next to MS this morning I was happy. I am blessed. I am not looking for perfection, but with each day, it appears that I find myself understanding, accepting and loving him more. One day at a time. And today, when he confirmed that he has made arrangements for us to plan a vacation in August, I believe it may actually happen and I am looking forward.
With the respite and dog sitting, I haven't been to MS' house in several weeks. The plan was for me to head to his place on Friday night where we would go to a nice dinner at a restaurant he has wanted to take me to since November. We still haven't gone. T started his baseball tournament and it wasn't until Friday at 4:30p.m. that we learned he would be playing at 9:00a.m. at home Saturday morning. So it didn't make sense to head an hour north for the night to be back bright and early. MS' son was staying the night at a friend's house so MS offered to come down instead!
We met up with JA and her husband (and kids) for dinner on a whim! We then went back to their house and played a few games and hung out! It was great to be able to see JA, I really miss seeing her! We had a blast and it was a much better impromptu than a fancy dinner with just MS.
Saturday morning we went to the game. In a great finish, T's team WON! Was an awesome game. MS and I decided to head downtown to a little cafe but found a new restaurant en route that was open. We were the only customers in the place that had been open since March. A coffee, cafe that offers family game nights, live bands and promotes local food sources. The food was good, but overpriced for the amount and quality and MS and I agreed we probably wouldn't go back.
Then it was onto a day of accomplishment. We rented a truck from Menards and purchased a new full size bed for my guest bedroom. We were able to move the couch out of the guest bedroom to the basement after removing two doors, stair rail and smashing with all our might to get it past the basement trim! We made several trips to home depot to finish the front landscaping bricks including top soil and grass seed! I finally purchased a cheap patio set too! We assembled the guest bedroom and finished the yard. I was so absolutely relieved to tackle such big and overwhelming projects. MS even helped me hang four pieces of art too (since I have angst with adding holes in the wall!).
We managed to finish everything by about 6:45p.m. He headed home and I showered and packed for the rest of the weekend at his place. I grabbed pizza for dinner on the way to his house and crashed with an allergy attack during the movie Cropsy.
Sunday we woke up around 8a.m. and had breakfast and best 2 out of 3 of Skipbo. MS was just glad that he won a game! Then we went for a 15 mile rollerblade adventure, which we both survived with only a blister! Then we headed home to shower and change for the U2 concert at Michigan Stadium.
I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Good friends. Great accomplishments. Great Entertainment. As I lay in bed next to MS this morning I was happy. I am blessed. I am not looking for perfection, but with each day, it appears that I find myself understanding, accepting and loving him more. One day at a time. And today, when he confirmed that he has made arrangements for us to plan a vacation in August, I believe it may actually happen and I am looking forward.
Foster Care: Respite Recap
In addition to surviving the 2.5 week stay of the puppy, less than 2 days later, I had my first respite overnight foster care placement. I had been asked several times to have the younger brother stay of the brothers that I had provided the day respite for as the foster parents were going on vacation. Due to my work schedule and T being with his dad for the week, I had said no, but I could provide for some of the time if necessary. The foster mother found another respite provider, but days before and after a few hours with the family, W was not comfortable and asked the foster mother if he could stay with me.
I felt flattered that W felt comfortable enough to request that he stay with us. The foster parents altered their vacation to include W in some of it and we provided respite from Saturday - Monday and a friend provided respite for a few more days.
W was a joy to have around and I found his communication much more welcoming than Bubba's whining! We did some arts and crafts, baking, errands, tennis, beach, movies and eating out. His comments were laughable - with his fears of sharks in Lake Michigan and the waitress tainting his fruit punch. He was very inquisitive asking about my desire to foster and why I haven't fostered more. Inquiring if I thought it was OK to have a bunkbed for foster kids and if I feared they would fall. Questioning my ring and if it was my wedding ring and why I wore it. I love the brutal honesty and inquiry of kids. I had prepared by purchasing a waterproof mattress pad which worked well as the bed stayed dry when he didn't either night.
Definitely a good experience and one that we would do again! We saw his siblings on Monday after a parental visit and his older brother was disappointed he didn't get to visit too (he is in a different foster home).
Last week I received a call to provide respite for a weekend for two children, female 7 and male 4. I agreed and we scheduled the weekend in August when T is done with baseball. I hadn't talked to T first and then I thought maybe I should do respite when T was with his dad so he didn't have to share his room with a 4 year old. I called T and his attitude was amazing. He told me that he didn't care either way and since I already scheduled it, to keep it! T ROCKS! I am so blessed. Looking forward to experience #2 (assuming nothing comes up between now and then) to go as smoothly as the first!
I felt flattered that W felt comfortable enough to request that he stay with us. The foster parents altered their vacation to include W in some of it and we provided respite from Saturday - Monday and a friend provided respite for a few more days.
W was a joy to have around and I found his communication much more welcoming than Bubba's whining! We did some arts and crafts, baking, errands, tennis, beach, movies and eating out. His comments were laughable - with his fears of sharks in Lake Michigan and the waitress tainting his fruit punch. He was very inquisitive asking about my desire to foster and why I haven't fostered more. Inquiring if I thought it was OK to have a bunkbed for foster kids and if I feared they would fall. Questioning my ring and if it was my wedding ring and why I wore it. I love the brutal honesty and inquiry of kids. I had prepared by purchasing a waterproof mattress pad which worked well as the bed stayed dry when he didn't either night.
Definitely a good experience and one that we would do again! We saw his siblings on Monday after a parental visit and his older brother was disappointed he didn't get to visit too (he is in a different foster home).
Last week I received a call to provide respite for a weekend for two children, female 7 and male 4. I agreed and we scheduled the weekend in August when T is done with baseball. I hadn't talked to T first and then I thought maybe I should do respite when T was with his dad so he didn't have to share his room with a 4 year old. I called T and his attitude was amazing. He told me that he didn't care either way and since I already scheduled it, to keep it! T ROCKS! I am so blessed. Looking forward to experience #2 (assuming nothing comes up between now and then) to go as smoothly as the first!
Bubba Recap
We officially survived Bubba's stay. I have to admit that with less then two days left, I was ready to do bodily harm to him. When my previous post had been almost positive. I started to question whether or not I was a good person and how would I ever be able to be a foster parent. Granted I didn't harm Bubba. I didn't want to see him. I sent him to his cage. I raised my voice. How was I so intolerant and unaccepting? Was I to blame?
Here's what happened...Bubba had been out twice since 1:00a.m. with the most recent being 8a.m. My allergies kicked in hard and I took an allergy pill and went back to sleep. I woke to hear Bubba crunching. I listened intently and realized that it wasn't the sound of him eating his dog food. I got out of bed at 9:30a.m. and this is what I saw:
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Bubba had helped himself to my blockbuster movies and mail pile that were stacked on the coffee table. Did you notice the movie title? The Dilemma. How convenient. And the other DVD was missing: The Mechanic. I found The Mechanic under the rug in one piece but scratched up. I had to purchase both movies from Blockbuster at $21.19 each. I suppose it could have been worse. I did eventually get over my anger and never did take it out on Bubba. I guess I just had too high of expectations for a 14 month old puppy - especially since it wasn't anything that I had left on the floor for him.
I have to admit for a quick minute I missed him staring at me every morning watching me get ready in the bathroom. Most of the time he was actually in the bathroom but sometimes I could feel a little less creeped out by him in the hallway.
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We had a great reunion giving Bubba back to my mom. We enjoyed him trying on our sunglasses and trying to get pictures. We are looking forward to seeing him again, at his house!
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Here's what happened...Bubba had been out twice since 1:00a.m. with the most recent being 8a.m. My allergies kicked in hard and I took an allergy pill and went back to sleep. I woke to hear Bubba crunching. I listened intently and realized that it wasn't the sound of him eating his dog food. I got out of bed at 9:30a.m. and this is what I saw:
I have to admit for a quick minute I missed him staring at me every morning watching me get ready in the bathroom. Most of the time he was actually in the bathroom but sometimes I could feel a little less creeped out by him in the hallway.
We had a great reunion giving Bubba back to my mom. We enjoyed him trying on our sunglasses and trying to get pictures. We are looking forward to seeing him again, at his house!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Bubba & The Dog Wash
Tonight T and I took Bubba to the dog wash. Of course, we went and checked it out post bowling, T's haircut, T's clothes shopping and shopping to pick up sundae toppings and beverages. The dog wash looked easy enough: like a car wash, but an indoor enclosed wash room with everything imaginable to wash your dog/pet. A minimum of $5 charge. We headed home to make quick sundaes and grab Bubba for the drive and adventure of the dog wash.
Bubba must have known something was going on. He wasn't heading in the direction of school for his morning field trip or to the ball fields. Within a mile from our destination he began whining consistently. We pulled up to the Dog Wash and parked in the Dog Wash Parking Spot.
We took Bubba inside and he eagerly walked up the dog ramp and into the wash basin. We connected him to the leash in the tub and put on our heavy duty (provided) aprons. We purchased .50 of "cookies" for Bubba to give him while we washed him. Our initial $5.00 allowed us to rinse, shampoo, condition and partially use the flea and tick rinse. Since we didn't add the extra money in the allotted time, we had to put in another minimum of $5.00. We added more flea and tick, rinsed and then used the cool blow dryer in addition to towel drying. The whole event lasted about 15 minutes, if that. Bubba was a real trooper and it was nice that the flooding of water happened on their floor, not my bathroom floor! Definitely a great experience and one I would recommend for pet owners.
Bubba must have known something was going on. He wasn't heading in the direction of school for his morning field trip or to the ball fields. Within a mile from our destination he began whining consistently. We pulled up to the Dog Wash and parked in the Dog Wash Parking Spot.
We took Bubba inside and he eagerly walked up the dog ramp and into the wash basin. We connected him to the leash in the tub and put on our heavy duty (provided) aprons. We purchased .50 of "cookies" for Bubba to give him while we washed him. Our initial $5.00 allowed us to rinse, shampoo, condition and partially use the flea and tick rinse. Since we didn't add the extra money in the allotted time, we had to put in another minimum of $5.00. We added more flea and tick, rinsed and then used the cool blow dryer in addition to towel drying. The whole event lasted about 15 minutes, if that. Bubba was a real trooper and it was nice that the flooding of water happened on their floor, not my bathroom floor! Definitely a great experience and one I would recommend for pet owners.
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Bubba all clean! |
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Welcome...Freshman
As of today, I am officially the proud mother of a high school FRESHMAN! T has graduated 8th grade with flying colors. He continues to amaze me with his independence, academics, athletics and great sportsmanship.
He decided that he is taking an Honors and an Advanced Placement class next year. I love the possibility that he can test for college credits from the AP class, but more importantly that he will be challenged and more prepared for college than I felt I had been.
So my baby boy, my growing son, at fourteen now stands at 5'7.5" and 133 pounds. If nothing else, I will always have age over him, unfortunately not intelligence or looks!
He decided that he is taking an Honors and an Advanced Placement class next year. I love the possibility that he can test for college credits from the AP class, but more importantly that he will be challenged and more prepared for college than I felt I had been.
So my baby boy, my growing son, at fourteen now stands at 5'7.5" and 133 pounds. If nothing else, I will always have age over him, unfortunately not intelligence or looks!
Dog Sitting
I have officially survived, but more importantly, my parents "puppy" has survived eight days of me dog sitting. Granted, the dog sitting isn't over, yet. For the most part, we have all managed quite well, but I won't be getting a dog anytime soon. Bubba, the 110#, black lab, 14.5 month puppy will be staying with us for another week. Here are a few things I have learned to date:
1. Dog sitting can be compared to foster care - taking care of someone else's loved one, adjusting to their behaviors and temperaments; attempting to teach, love and nurture while changing everything about your daily routine and lifestyle.
2. I confirm that I am not a morning person. Waking at 6:30a.m. to let Bubba out after taking him out at 1:15a.m. is not a welcomed opportunity.
3. Teaching a dog to not go outside without adult supervision/company is NOT a good idea. I am sure my neighbors can vouch as they probably prefer not to see me standing in a night gown in the back yard.
4. Watching a large dog mad hump his bed pillow is HYSTERICAL.
5. Putting the dog's leash under the bbq wheel is NOT a good idea when one is multi-tasking and the BF is standing by dumbfoundly watching said dog race to the neighbors. Watching said BF watch the said dog spaz out and drag the bbq grill while trying to free self is NOT entertaining.
6. Involving the dog in as much as possible is equally rewarding for the dog as almost everyone involved. Dog loves going for morning field trips to take T to school. He enjoys watching T's ball games and getting lots of attention from the crowd but gets easily frustrated that he hasn't figured out how to catch the balls hit on the field side of the fence.
7. Bubba is a WUSS. We had a trip to the local dog park on Sunday. He cowered by me almost the entire two hours fearing every other dog, especially dogs that were smaller than his paw! Oh what a BABY.
8. Being homebound hasn't been as difficult as I imagined, but definitely has been an adjustment. Of course having T around has been helpful, but when he is with his dad, that means it's just Bubba and Me. And well, I have to admit that I am getting a little irritated (runny eyes and headaches) from the dog smell. Looking forward to taking him to the dog wash soon, as long as I can be sure to not have to deal with the WET dog smell!
1. Dog sitting can be compared to foster care - taking care of someone else's loved one, adjusting to their behaviors and temperaments; attempting to teach, love and nurture while changing everything about your daily routine and lifestyle.
2. I confirm that I am not a morning person. Waking at 6:30a.m. to let Bubba out after taking him out at 1:15a.m. is not a welcomed opportunity.
3. Teaching a dog to not go outside without adult supervision/company is NOT a good idea. I am sure my neighbors can vouch as they probably prefer not to see me standing in a night gown in the back yard.
4. Watching a large dog mad hump his bed pillow is HYSTERICAL.
5. Putting the dog's leash under the bbq wheel is NOT a good idea when one is multi-tasking and the BF is standing by dumbfoundly watching said dog race to the neighbors. Watching said BF watch the said dog spaz out and drag the bbq grill while trying to free self is NOT entertaining.
6. Involving the dog in as much as possible is equally rewarding for the dog as almost everyone involved. Dog loves going for morning field trips to take T to school. He enjoys watching T's ball games and getting lots of attention from the crowd but gets easily frustrated that he hasn't figured out how to catch the balls hit on the field side of the fence.
7. Bubba is a WUSS. We had a trip to the local dog park on Sunday. He cowered by me almost the entire two hours fearing every other dog, especially dogs that were smaller than his paw! Oh what a BABY.
8. Being homebound hasn't been as difficult as I imagined, but definitely has been an adjustment. Of course having T around has been helpful, but when he is with his dad, that means it's just Bubba and Me. And well, I have to admit that I am getting a little irritated (runny eyes and headaches) from the dog smell. Looking forward to taking him to the dog wash soon, as long as I can be sure to not have to deal with the WET dog smell!
Sixty Five Years Old...
Last week was my father's birthday. He turned SIXTY-FIVE. SIXTY. FIVE.
I have to admit that as of November 1, 2010, I would have bet money on the fact that he would turn 65. I would have bet money on the fact that he wouldn't live 65 days. Obviously, I was wrong. I am OK with being wrong, really I am. I am just not sure if being wrong in this case is...right.
I called my father on his birthday and left him a message. I purposely didn't wish him the usual "Happy Birthday" or "Hope you have a Happy Birthday". I am not one to lie, not very well at least and never intentionally. Happy is relative, and not in the related way as in wishing my father Happy any day. It just isn't possible. I can wish him a day better than the one before. I can wish him happiness, but I know that he has far outgrown and surpassed the ability to BE HAPPY.
He called me back. Our phone call was breathy and shallow. He gasped for breath. He grasped for words. He was failing at both. He was discharged from the hospital after SEVEN weeks. After TEN days home, he was taken back to the ER. According to my brother, he was given three options: 1) Go home and get strong for the LVAD (Seriously?), 2) Go home with Hospice & no Primacor IV (die in two weeks) or 3) Be admitted to the hospital with IV and die in August. Seems like a wide array of options, which is really feasible and realistic? I have no idea. The Social Worker never found the time or reason to return my calls.
My father is home. What does that mean? I have no idea. Each day is becoming more difficult. The Primacor is no longer as effective. The end is near. How near?
I wonder how I will feel when his end is here. I wonder how long it will be before I am notified. I wonder how I will be affected. The reality, I try not to wonder. When reality happens, I will no longer wonder. I will know.
I have to admit that as of November 1, 2010, I would have bet money on the fact that he would turn 65. I would have bet money on the fact that he wouldn't live 65 days. Obviously, I was wrong. I am OK with being wrong, really I am. I am just not sure if being wrong in this case is...right.
I called my father on his birthday and left him a message. I purposely didn't wish him the usual "Happy Birthday" or "Hope you have a Happy Birthday". I am not one to lie, not very well at least and never intentionally. Happy is relative, and not in the related way as in wishing my father Happy any day. It just isn't possible. I can wish him a day better than the one before. I can wish him happiness, but I know that he has far outgrown and surpassed the ability to BE HAPPY.
He called me back. Our phone call was breathy and shallow. He gasped for breath. He grasped for words. He was failing at both. He was discharged from the hospital after SEVEN weeks. After TEN days home, he was taken back to the ER. According to my brother, he was given three options: 1) Go home and get strong for the LVAD (Seriously?), 2) Go home with Hospice & no Primacor IV (die in two weeks) or 3) Be admitted to the hospital with IV and die in August. Seems like a wide array of options, which is really feasible and realistic? I have no idea. The Social Worker never found the time or reason to return my calls.
My father is home. What does that mean? I have no idea. Each day is becoming more difficult. The Primacor is no longer as effective. The end is near. How near?
I wonder how I will feel when his end is here. I wonder how long it will be before I am notified. I wonder how I will be affected. The reality, I try not to wonder. When reality happens, I will no longer wonder. I will know.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Mother's Day
My parents are snowbirds. They just returned from Florida last week and I had the opportunity to spend Mother's Day with my mom - even if only for just over a day! Anytime with my mom is wonderful, even if her repeated badgering and obsessing over a marinade for the meat on the kabobs was getting on my only nerve!
Unfortunately mom and I didn't get any pictures. T and I had a few photos and I have to say I wasn't a fan of any of the results. But I will keep them anyway as they are worth the memory in reviewing in retrospect. I have just become more than disappointed in myself and my lack of motivation in my appearance. I am hoping that the warmer weather will increase my desire to be more physically active and lose weight.
T, mom and I had fun making a variety of kabobs for dinner including vegetables, fruit, steak and chicken. They were super delicious and the company was fantastic!
Hope you had a fabulous Mother's Day and were able to share the day with loved ones!
Unfortunately mom and I didn't get any pictures. T and I had a few photos and I have to say I wasn't a fan of any of the results. But I will keep them anyway as they are worth the memory in reviewing in retrospect. I have just become more than disappointed in myself and my lack of motivation in my appearance. I am hoping that the warmer weather will increase my desire to be more physically active and lose weight.
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| Mom's Gift |
Meeting Anniversary
Tomorrow, May 12, 2011, will be the one year anniversary of meeting MS. We had chatted a few times online and on the phone before we met in person. We met at a Chinese restaurant where we talked for hours.
I wasn't immediately attracted to him. The idea of him being a full time parent to his son who had no relationship with his mother was daunting. We met again a few days later for our second date. The date went well, but again, I couldn't escape the fear of a full time parent. I didn't feel comfortable having him choose between time with me and time with his son. He assured me that he had a right to date and if it wasn't me, it would be someone. After our second date, I just couldn't do it. We didn't see each other again.
Until...October 2010. We have been dating since. I wish I could say that today I am more comfortable with him being a full time parent. I am not. Let me clarify. It isn't that I have an issue with him being a full time parent, I have the issue that he is an absent full time parent. His relationship with his 14 year old son is more representative of a roommate or friend than a parent or authority figure. Most weekends when MS works, his son would be at home, although more frequently he is gone staying with friends. Weekends when MS is home, his son is gone the entire weekend at friends. His son does seem to look forward to opportunities of visiting me and my son to go bowling or play board games. Quite a surprise for me!
Since October, his son has been suspended from school and broke his collar bone. He recently was involved in a skate board incident where we spent three hours in the medical center and required follow up orthodontist appointment for loose and misaligned teeth and a CT scan for concern of a brain bleed as he had visual head ticks. The police have been involved on at least two occasions as his son wasn't where he was suppose to be. Mother's Day was the most recent involvement. He hadn't been home since Saturday morning and his whereabouts were unknown Sunday evening. Apparently after asking his friend if he could move in with him and his grandmother and being told "no" the two teens took off. MS doesn't understand why his son wouldn't want to live with him as he has everything.
Everything but his dad's time, attention and interest. MS and I have talked about this on more than one occasion. Nothing changes.
MS is a good guy. He is laid back and easy going. I haven't seen anything of the contrary although he reports a different persona at work and apparently his son must see something different too. Am I missing something or do people have different perspectives from his different responsibilities?
My main concern remains. MS and I have opposite parenting styles and relationships with our children. I don't foresee this ever changing. We do have fun together and love each other. We get along extremely well. BUT...our boys are FOURTEEN. Do I really want to watch the downward spiral of their relationship for my own companionship for four years until our boys are "adults" or high school graduates? And then what?
I have always preferred the idea of a Mr. Right not a Mr. Right Now. But no one is perfect. When as individuals do we determine what is worth accepting and settling and what isn't?
I wasn't immediately attracted to him. The idea of him being a full time parent to his son who had no relationship with his mother was daunting. We met again a few days later for our second date. The date went well, but again, I couldn't escape the fear of a full time parent. I didn't feel comfortable having him choose between time with me and time with his son. He assured me that he had a right to date and if it wasn't me, it would be someone. After our second date, I just couldn't do it. We didn't see each other again.
Until...October 2010. We have been dating since. I wish I could say that today I am more comfortable with him being a full time parent. I am not. Let me clarify. It isn't that I have an issue with him being a full time parent, I have the issue that he is an absent full time parent. His relationship with his 14 year old son is more representative of a roommate or friend than a parent or authority figure. Most weekends when MS works, his son would be at home, although more frequently he is gone staying with friends. Weekends when MS is home, his son is gone the entire weekend at friends. His son does seem to look forward to opportunities of visiting me and my son to go bowling or play board games. Quite a surprise for me!
Since October, his son has been suspended from school and broke his collar bone. He recently was involved in a skate board incident where we spent three hours in the medical center and required follow up orthodontist appointment for loose and misaligned teeth and a CT scan for concern of a brain bleed as he had visual head ticks. The police have been involved on at least two occasions as his son wasn't where he was suppose to be. Mother's Day was the most recent involvement. He hadn't been home since Saturday morning and his whereabouts were unknown Sunday evening. Apparently after asking his friend if he could move in with him and his grandmother and being told "no" the two teens took off. MS doesn't understand why his son wouldn't want to live with him as he has everything.
Everything but his dad's time, attention and interest. MS and I have talked about this on more than one occasion. Nothing changes.
MS is a good guy. He is laid back and easy going. I haven't seen anything of the contrary although he reports a different persona at work and apparently his son must see something different too. Am I missing something or do people have different perspectives from his different responsibilities?
My main concern remains. MS and I have opposite parenting styles and relationships with our children. I don't foresee this ever changing. We do have fun together and love each other. We get along extremely well. BUT...our boys are FOURTEEN. Do I really want to watch the downward spiral of their relationship for my own companionship for four years until our boys are "adults" or high school graduates? And then what?
I have always preferred the idea of a Mr. Right not a Mr. Right Now. But no one is perfect. When as individuals do we determine what is worth accepting and settling and what isn't?
Shallow or Sure?
I have been extremely busy at work as of late. I seem to be accommodating clients and working a lot of late nights. I am always amazed how inflexible clients are, when I am helping them to achieve their goals, dreams and desires.
I have recently met with two married couples that sleep in opposite bedrooms. I understand separate bedrooms becomes more frequent in long-term relationships. Personally, I don't think that I could ever live with someone in a committed relationship if we didn't desire the companionship of each other or had snoring issues that affected our ability to sleep together. Maybe that's why I am still single, although I maintain that the only way my ex-husband and I could have remained married was if we lived in different states! One couple though, of 27 years have only shared a bedroom for six months. SIX. MONTHS. I couldn't imagine. What is even more difficult to comprehend is that for the past 21 years his "bedroom" is in the basement in a room the size of a closet wedged in the unfinished basement area of storage and the utility room. He has no desire to move up to the main sleeping quarters where there were three vacant bedrooms.
I was talking with a man today about his job and he mentioned he makes whitening strips. He asked if I wanted some. It flashed me back to a bad first meet/date I had a couple years ago where the guy offered to bring me whitening strips because it was where he worked too. I mentioned this to the man. He offered a name and I honestly couldn't recall. The first name might have been, but my description was dead on to who he had said. I felt shallow after describing him as short and obese and full of tattoos. But it was the truth.
Another recent experience I met a client's fiance. They met through eHarmony last August. They are getting married this month. Neither have ever been married. He is 40 and she is in her late 30's. As I sat with him interviewing him I couldn't help but feel shallow. He is a very nice man, but definitely not my type. He had bariatric surgery years ago and still has weight to lose (lost 200#'s already) plus as he calls it, the "apron" of excess skin that he believes is 50 pounds. He is also 5'5" tall and worked third shift. Is it shallow that makes us understand what we are attracted to or what we are looking for or is it a sense of being sure?
I have recently met with two married couples that sleep in opposite bedrooms. I understand separate bedrooms becomes more frequent in long-term relationships. Personally, I don't think that I could ever live with someone in a committed relationship if we didn't desire the companionship of each other or had snoring issues that affected our ability to sleep together. Maybe that's why I am still single, although I maintain that the only way my ex-husband and I could have remained married was if we lived in different states! One couple though, of 27 years have only shared a bedroom for six months. SIX. MONTHS. I couldn't imagine. What is even more difficult to comprehend is that for the past 21 years his "bedroom" is in the basement in a room the size of a closet wedged in the unfinished basement area of storage and the utility room. He has no desire to move up to the main sleeping quarters where there were three vacant bedrooms.
I was talking with a man today about his job and he mentioned he makes whitening strips. He asked if I wanted some. It flashed me back to a bad first meet/date I had a couple years ago where the guy offered to bring me whitening strips because it was where he worked too. I mentioned this to the man. He offered a name and I honestly couldn't recall. The first name might have been, but my description was dead on to who he had said. I felt shallow after describing him as short and obese and full of tattoos. But it was the truth.
Another recent experience I met a client's fiance. They met through eHarmony last August. They are getting married this month. Neither have ever been married. He is 40 and she is in her late 30's. As I sat with him interviewing him I couldn't help but feel shallow. He is a very nice man, but definitely not my type. He had bariatric surgery years ago and still has weight to lose (lost 200#'s already) plus as he calls it, the "apron" of excess skin that he believes is 50 pounds. He is also 5'5" tall and worked third shift. Is it shallow that makes us understand what we are attracted to or what we are looking for or is it a sense of being sure?
Father Update
My father suffered a small stroke. He has regained some movement in his right hand with the assistance of physical therapy. He is finally able to walk small distances but he needs a walker or wheel chair for longer distances.
I called the nurses' station last week to learn that he had been moved. The nurse didn't know or wouldn't disclose where he was moved to. I contacted my Aunt and she had heard from my Uncle the previous day that my father was being moved to a physical therapy floor. I emailed my Uncle and am now on his mailing list, which gets me involved in the drama as he makes sure that "A" receives all correspondence as does everyone else who is on his mailing list when he emails her. It is entertaining to be an observer for a while.
I left a message for my father's Social Worker with the temporary Social Worker. She called me back days later and left a message. I missed her call and she was unavailable thirty minutes later. That was Friday. I still have not heard from her. I guess nurse Social Workers don't have the same Standard of Promptness that I have. I meant to call the Social Worker sooner but I mistakenly called my father instead. Fortunately his wife wasn't with him at the time and our conversation was fine.
He anticipates being on the physical therapy floor - where PT is DUMB and the response time of staff is almost non-existent for a week. He will then move into his wife's new handicapped accessible apartment for up to 6 weeks before the LVAD. Personally, I think the return to the apartment is the hospital's way of testing if they are vested in therapy, medication and follow through. My father did say that "A" is frustrated that she can't get to see him at the hospital when she wants due to transportation issues.
Hmmm...so how would that make them good recipients of an LVAD?
I called the nurses' station last week to learn that he had been moved. The nurse didn't know or wouldn't disclose where he was moved to. I contacted my Aunt and she had heard from my Uncle the previous day that my father was being moved to a physical therapy floor. I emailed my Uncle and am now on his mailing list, which gets me involved in the drama as he makes sure that "A" receives all correspondence as does everyone else who is on his mailing list when he emails her. It is entertaining to be an observer for a while.
I left a message for my father's Social Worker with the temporary Social Worker. She called me back days later and left a message. I missed her call and she was unavailable thirty minutes later. That was Friday. I still have not heard from her. I guess nurse Social Workers don't have the same Standard of Promptness that I have. I meant to call the Social Worker sooner but I mistakenly called my father instead. Fortunately his wife wasn't with him at the time and our conversation was fine.
He anticipates being on the physical therapy floor - where PT is DUMB and the response time of staff is almost non-existent for a week. He will then move into his wife's new handicapped accessible apartment for up to 6 weeks before the LVAD. Personally, I think the return to the apartment is the hospital's way of testing if they are vested in therapy, medication and follow through. My father did say that "A" is frustrated that she can't get to see him at the hospital when she wants due to transportation issues.
Hmmm...so how would that make them good recipients of an LVAD?
Home Improvements: Hallway
MS, my bf has some serious OCD issues, with my house. Every time he comes over, he points out every flaw - from painting issues, unsunk nails, too high light switches, not enough switches...you name it, he points it out. One day he managed to point out a color spot on my bedroom ceiling, a blue color on the kitchen ceiling and then peeling paint in the front entrance.
He scraped the ceiling, which then managed to be half of the ceiling which would require new paint. Unfortunately the ceiling paint I had was different texture and due to the cold temperature in the entrance dried and cracked requiring more scraping and a whole new ceiling paint job (to be done later). The imaginary blue in the kitchen that I painted over can now be seen as a different ceiling white. The nails that he sunk under the window trim then meant that I had to sink all of them in the trim around the bathroom, which meant I was leaning on a ladder and balancing the thought of falling while filling in nail holes. All of his LITTLE jobs and negativity means BIG projects for me as they aren't quick fixes.
I did finally manage to repaint the hallway - the only area in my house to have NOT been painted (well except inside closets!). I had avoided the hallway in all it's off white and dirty glory with SEVEN doorways and SIX doors. I vacillated on colors and finally settled on a tan along the yellow spectrum, Toasted Almond. I also removed all the toe molding and replaced it along with repainting all of the doors white. I painted the coat hook and shelf and updated the hooks and added an additional. It is so nice to just not see all the dirt and discoloration anymore. So at peace...so wonderful what a coat of paint can accomplish!
He scraped the ceiling, which then managed to be half of the ceiling which would require new paint. Unfortunately the ceiling paint I had was different texture and due to the cold temperature in the entrance dried and cracked requiring more scraping and a whole new ceiling paint job (to be done later). The imaginary blue in the kitchen that I painted over can now be seen as a different ceiling white. The nails that he sunk under the window trim then meant that I had to sink all of them in the trim around the bathroom, which meant I was leaning on a ladder and balancing the thought of falling while filling in nail holes. All of his LITTLE jobs and negativity means BIG projects for me as they aren't quick fixes.
The next time he came over, he started on why the hallway only had one light switch. What hallway only has ONE switch? SERIOUSLY? I had had it. I couldn't handle the constant criticism and negativity. I didn't build the house! The house was built in the late 20's! I have been in it for 11 years, but it is not perfect. I am NOT perfect. Please try to be positive! I told him so. And, 30 minutes later his son asked why the light switch in the bathroom was so high! Sigh...
I did finally manage to repaint the hallway - the only area in my house to have NOT been painted (well except inside closets!). I had avoided the hallway in all it's off white and dirty glory with SEVEN doorways and SIX doors. I vacillated on colors and finally settled on a tan along the yellow spectrum, Toasted Almond. I also removed all the toe molding and replaced it along with repainting all of the doors white. I painted the coat hook and shelf and updated the hooks and added an additional. It is so nice to just not see all the dirt and discoloration anymore. So at peace...so wonderful what a coat of paint can accomplish!
Shower Curtain Update
NEWS FLASH....NEWS FLASH.....
I have not changed either bathroom shower curtain in almost TWO MONTHS! TWO. MONTHS.
I am considering changing the main bathroom, but I really do like the orange. It just makes me feel calm and at peace. One day though. One day soon, I am sure I will change it out. I am thinking pink for spring. And seeing how much I LOVE pink, I am thinking of no change!
Financial Freedom
After Spring Break I continued to have issues with my car making "new" noises. My car literally felt like the tires were going to fall off and the noise was worse than nails on a chalkboard! I finally took my car back to the same shop that had replaced my tie rod and arm bushings. They reported that additional bushings needed to be replaced as well as my strut mounts. Fortunately the new repairs were minimal in cost and I was on my way with my new noiseless car!
Today I made my final monthly payment on the basement remodel! I am excited that I am done with the monthly payments and the thought that I might have missed a payment and be responsible for the interest from my interest free year! I am looking forward to the extra cash flow and new opportunities!
Today I made my final monthly payment on the basement remodel! I am excited that I am done with the monthly payments and the thought that I might have missed a payment and be responsible for the interest from my interest free year! I am looking forward to the extra cash flow and new opportunities!
Movie Muse
I did it again, I rented a movie recently that I had previously rented in September! Although when I picked it up at T's request and frustration of all the PG13 movies I had watched without him, I did think I had already watched the movie. Unfortunately it was a movie I gave 1.5 out of 5 stars. Oh well, I am running thin on movies to rent as of late.
I am not a big Jim Carey fan. I admit I have probably watched a great majority of his movies, but not with great enthusiasm. The other day I rented, "I Love You Phillip Morris".
This movie exacerbates the importance of details and expectations. Granted, I didn't have high expectations and I couldn't recall what the description summary on the box had been. During the opening credits I was half paying attention while playing a game of spades online. I saw the actors and then I saw, "It really did." in the clouds of the opening. I wondered what really did. I considered rewinding the DVD to see what I missed in that split moment and decided it probably wasn't important.
Fifteen minutes into the movie, I had had enough. While I am not homophobic, something about Jim Carey screaming out his desire to be a "FAGGOT" was almost revolting. His prancing and parading his new gay life from his quiet suburban married life was all too much for me to find entertaining. But...I didn't turn the movie off. I proceeded to watch the whole movie. At the end of the movie, I read the closing text about Phillip Morris and Steve Russo.
The movie was based on FACT.
My favorite type of movie. I was amused by the ending. I watched the section of the DVD on the making of the movie. I wished that I had taken the moment to rewind the movie to realize that the movie was real and it happened. It really did.
What a different perspective I have on the movie knowing that it was based on true events. That Jim Carey portrayed Steven Russo, a con-man who is serving time in prison with his earliest release of 2140. Who knew that one second of a movie would have such an impact?
I am not a big Jim Carey fan. I admit I have probably watched a great majority of his movies, but not with great enthusiasm. The other day I rented, "I Love You Phillip Morris".
This movie exacerbates the importance of details and expectations. Granted, I didn't have high expectations and I couldn't recall what the description summary on the box had been. During the opening credits I was half paying attention while playing a game of spades online. I saw the actors and then I saw, "It really did." in the clouds of the opening. I wondered what really did. I considered rewinding the DVD to see what I missed in that split moment and decided it probably wasn't important.
Fifteen minutes into the movie, I had had enough. While I am not homophobic, something about Jim Carey screaming out his desire to be a "FAGGOT" was almost revolting. His prancing and parading his new gay life from his quiet suburban married life was all too much for me to find entertaining. But...I didn't turn the movie off. I proceeded to watch the whole movie. At the end of the movie, I read the closing text about Phillip Morris and Steve Russo.
The movie was based on FACT.
My favorite type of movie. I was amused by the ending. I watched the section of the DVD on the making of the movie. I wished that I had taken the moment to rewind the movie to realize that the movie was real and it happened. It really did.
What a different perspective I have on the movie knowing that it was based on true events. That Jim Carey portrayed Steven Russo, a con-man who is serving time in prison with his earliest release of 2140. Who knew that one second of a movie would have such an impact?
Spring Break 2011
How long ago Spring Break seems. It has been just over a month since we returned from our trip to Branson, Missouri. We purchased seasons passes to Silver Dollar City and were able to attend for the weekend of the Youth Christian weekend as well as the first day of World Fest.
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| Cave @ Silver Dollar City |
The weather was very nice and it was much needed to see sun and feel warmth. T and I got along fabulously. Our two bedroom condo was really a "lock out" which was a one bedroom unit and a studio unit joined with a locked door. So basically, T had his own apartment for a week. The condo was more than sufficient for the two of us.
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| T's Room |
The week went by far too quickly with lazy mornings and attending shows. We attended a vacation club program which of course I had to purchase. I still have yet to determine if it is scandalous - but afterall vacations are my passion. I can never travel or venture enough and if I can have access to better deals than I can find, it is well worth my dollar. Of course by going to the presentation we received many free and discounted show tickets that entertained us throughout the week. We attended the Haygoods (a family of musicians and singers), a variety show that was very entertaining that their name escapes me and a Chinese acrobatic show that we both could have done without! We attended another property presentation at T's request where we received $100 in WalMart gift cards and T got half.
We played miniature golf, checked out Branson's landing and attempted fishing. The week went by entirely way too fast! We stopped in St. Louis and went to the top of the Arch and went to the City Museum. We had a blast at the Museum and I would highly recommend it! We also went to the aquarium in the museum and T had a blast getting his "manicure" by the fish that nibbled on him!
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| City Museum - Outside - St. Louis, Missouri |
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| St. Louis Arch |
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| T's Manicure |
I didn't once regret my decision to not vacation with MS. We texted and talked on the phone throughout our entire vacation, but I just felt that T and I had a much more relaxed and enjoyable time on our own.
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