My Father's Final Days

I have just spent the past hour or two going through my life, 36 years of photos.  Unfortunately, it didn't take long.  Growing up, my parents took many pictures.  They were developed into slides.  One of my favorite memories was having my parents set up the slide projector onto the screen or wall in the living room and sitting on the floor or couch cradling a bowl of popcorn and watching various reels of pictures.  My dad had always talked about one day turning all of the slides into a DVD to capture all the memories.  To my knowledge, that never happened.  I have a small photo album of various pictures from infancy to graduation.  The slides were destroyed in my mom's house fire in 1996.

I received an email this morning, August 1, 2011, updating of my father's welfare.  He has refused all medication except the Primacor IV. As his wife had purchased enough  full strength IV to last through August 2, 2011, I anticipate that he will begin the weaning process on August 3, 2011.  He will wean for approximately three days and pass approximately two days thereafter.  As I had anticipated from my dream weeks back, I will likely be in Mexico when he passes.  Everything happens for a reason. 

I posted this  in December, after dealing with an array of emotions from saying goodbye to my father in early November and dealing with family drama.  I posted this when my father turned 65 in early June.  I didn't specifically post after my most recent visit to see my father on July 21 and 22, 2011.  The most recent visits, I told my father I loved him and said bye, no longer the formal goodbye as I did in November, but still with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart.  Losing someone, regardless of the circumstances is never easy and involves many mixed emotions, even if truly a blessing.

As I have blogged about so many times before, my father and I are not very close.  I make no excuses, I place no blame.  It is what it is.  I love my father.  It is sad to realize that I have less than two dozen pictures of my father, many without me in them, over the past 36 years.  Pictures down memory lane...but I don't need pictures to recall the memories.  The memories to last a lifetime.

May you go peacefully dad.  May your last few days be as free of pain and as comfortable and peaceful as possible.  Until we meet again...I love you.


Tampa Florida: November 2010