Is it too much to want? Too much to want more? More than the standard, more than the obvious? Is it too much to occasionally want to feel wanted? To feel loved? To feel needed?
Maybe it is. Maybe I want that fairy tale feeling (minus the Rapunzel long-hair). The feeling that I'm the only woman in the world, the only woman in the room (Oh wait, I WAS the only woman in the room). All of this regardless of the need to feel independent, and non-needy in an I'm Every Woman type of way.
So when Mr. Date said to me tonight, "'Comon lets go to bed.", as I had fallen fast and hard asleep next to him on the couch, all I could think of was, "Is this all?"
So as I scrambled to my feet with my contacts half glued to my squinty, half-opened eyes, I decided I was leaving. Leaving because I wanted to stay. Leaving because I wanted more. Leaving because more than anything I wanted to feel his warm hand caress my cheek and have him lovingly look at me and tell me how much he wanted me to stay. How much it would mean to him. How much I mean to him (something in person; a non email/im discussion).
And as I grabbed my things to go, hoping for him to say something, ready to go to my car to grab my overnight bag in exchange for the cooking utensils sitting on the table, he said, "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"
What is a girl to do? So I did only what I know best to do. I hugged him, thanked him for the flowers, and with my head held high I walked out the door and didn't let it hit me in the ass on the way out. And then, I sat in my car hoping that he would run out to stop me or that he would call (a girl can DREAM, right?), and with all my stubbornness and pride, I backed out of the parking lot and drove home.
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