I've been struggling as of late (well probably longer) with what direction I want to have in my life, for my career. I recently entered my fourteenth year in my profession pertaining to child abuse and neglect. Fourteen Years.
I have absolutely no desire to be management. I have absolutely no desire to return to school in my current field. I have absolutely no desire to continue doing what I'm doing indefinitely and yet I have absolutely no idea what I want to do.
My fortune cookie today: You will have an unusually successful career in entertainment.
Of course that makes me curious as to what type of "entertainment". I prefer to be entertained as I have absolutely no entertaining skills. Public Speaking - No. Teaching - No. Writing - No. Comedy - No. Dancer (for money? Seriously?) - Hell No. Sports Related - No. Fire Thrower - No. Circus Act - Well maybe - No. Actress - No. Others - No. No. And. No.
I want a change. And yet I purposefully remain stagnant. I remain solid. I remain consistent. I refrain from change. I am a mother. I am a provider. I will continue until I have the right to do something else when I don't have a son completely relying and dependent on me to provide for his every need and to be stable and available and mom. Five Years. Five. More. Years. Five.
Then what? After 19 years of employment, I won't be able to retire. I won't be eligible to retire until another fifteen years. Sigh. Stuck, stuck in the security of stability and employment. And honestly, it's not all that bad. I choose to stay where I am. To have the safety and security of the known. To find adventure and risk in my personal life.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so responsible. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so black and white. And then, I look in the mirror and I am thankful for who I am and where I am today. Thankful that I am responsible. Thankful that I choose to follow rules and I am proud of Me and I can wake up every day and appreciate life and love and family and know that no matter what, today will be a Good Day.
I have no regrets.
But sometimes, I want that fork in the road to contain a huge amount of gooey peanut butter brownie that melts in my mouth, adds a spring in my step and allows me to see the direction I need to continue.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Pull Over...
It is just after 4:30a.m., officially Sunday morning. While in Arizona, I was pulled over (here) for the first time in eight years. Well, that was until about 20 minutes ago.
I met a friend at a comedy club tonight for a 10p.m. show. I have met him a few times and we decided since I owe him for fixing my computer that we would get together. I am at my parents celebrating my mom's birthday and he lives on the east side of the state. Surprisingly, unlike other friends or guys, although I "owe" him, he wouldn't let me repay him.
BW and I had some time to kill before the comedy club and he ordered a bottle of "Zifendel" as he pronounces it! Surprisingly the bottle was a red Zinfandel, much more like a merlot that neither of us cared for, but for $45 we managed to finish throughout the comedy show. The show was great and I found myself laughing more than anyone in the show, really of no surprise. We decided to stay at the bar and had a few drinks and closed the bar down. We sat in the parking lot for a while talking and deciding which month we may see each other again, possibly Cedar Point for Halloweekends. Who knows. It was close to 4a.m. when we parted.
Granted, I drank. I was not drunk and I was not tipsy. If anything, I was tired and my contacts were beyond dry. As I got on the highway and headed to my parents, TS had texted me about 20 minutes earlier to see if I was still up. I called her back and laughed and chatted with her as I drove.
About five miles from my parents house and a mile from my elementary school, I realized that a car all of a sudden was on my ass. I knew that I wasn't speeding. I hadn't swerved, but I did realize that I had been hovering around the white line of the shoulder while I chatted away. I wasn't for sure if it was a cop or not, so I decided to take the first street to the right, which was at a 7 eleven party store, or what used to be a Hop 'n Go. The car followed me. I noticed when I turned that it was a cop car. Shhhiiiiittttt.
I continued to drive, following the 35mph speed limit with the cop barely backing off my back bumper. Finally, I told TS I had to go. I had to concentrate and not swerve to give a reason for being pulled over. I grabbed a piece of gum. I approached the next stop sign and signaled to turn left. I drove a few more miles, 5 miles under the speed limit now beginning to fear that I would be pulled over for driving too slow, and just wondering when the hell I was going to get pulled over already!
Then, it happened. The lights came on and I pulled into the church parking lot where I spent a great deal of my life. How fitting.
I turned on my interior light to grab my license. The cop approached my lowered window and shined in his flashlight. He asked for license and registration. I grabbed my registration and handed it to him with my license.
He asked if I was from the city on my license. I tell him, "Yes, I am. I am on my way back to my parents." He didn't leave my window. He didn't run anything. He had a smile and was quite personable. He told me that gunshots at a nearby trailer park were heard and reported to come from a small black car. Lucky me. He said that he had run my plate and it came back with a different car. He said he ran a G instead of a Q...which I have one of the crazy self-decomposing plates that my Q doesn't really look like a Q. I told him I was just chatting with a friend on the phone on the way home when I noticed a car up my rear. He apologized.
He said that he would wait until I gathered up my things and left the parking lot. I was glad that I wasn't given a ticket for something I didn't do or worse yet arrested. Mainly for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was thankful that the cop seemed pleasant, somewhat young and not like he had something to prove. He in turn was glad that I was friendly and clearly not someone shooting a gun in a trailer park at 4:15a.m.!
Win-Win.
So how was your Saturday night? Anything exciting you care to share?
I met a friend at a comedy club tonight for a 10p.m. show. I have met him a few times and we decided since I owe him for fixing my computer that we would get together. I am at my parents celebrating my mom's birthday and he lives on the east side of the state. Surprisingly, unlike other friends or guys, although I "owe" him, he wouldn't let me repay him.
BW and I had some time to kill before the comedy club and he ordered a bottle of "Zifendel" as he pronounces it! Surprisingly the bottle was a red Zinfandel, much more like a merlot that neither of us cared for, but for $45 we managed to finish throughout the comedy show. The show was great and I found myself laughing more than anyone in the show, really of no surprise. We decided to stay at the bar and had a few drinks and closed the bar down. We sat in the parking lot for a while talking and deciding which month we may see each other again, possibly Cedar Point for Halloweekends. Who knows. It was close to 4a.m. when we parted.
Granted, I drank. I was not drunk and I was not tipsy. If anything, I was tired and my contacts were beyond dry. As I got on the highway and headed to my parents, TS had texted me about 20 minutes earlier to see if I was still up. I called her back and laughed and chatted with her as I drove.
About five miles from my parents house and a mile from my elementary school, I realized that a car all of a sudden was on my ass. I knew that I wasn't speeding. I hadn't swerved, but I did realize that I had been hovering around the white line of the shoulder while I chatted away. I wasn't for sure if it was a cop or not, so I decided to take the first street to the right, which was at a 7 eleven party store, or what used to be a Hop 'n Go. The car followed me. I noticed when I turned that it was a cop car. Shhhiiiiittttt.
I continued to drive, following the 35mph speed limit with the cop barely backing off my back bumper. Finally, I told TS I had to go. I had to concentrate and not swerve to give a reason for being pulled over. I grabbed a piece of gum. I approached the next stop sign and signaled to turn left. I drove a few more miles, 5 miles under the speed limit now beginning to fear that I would be pulled over for driving too slow, and just wondering when the hell I was going to get pulled over already!
Then, it happened. The lights came on and I pulled into the church parking lot where I spent a great deal of my life. How fitting.
I turned on my interior light to grab my license. The cop approached my lowered window and shined in his flashlight. He asked for license and registration. I grabbed my registration and handed it to him with my license.
He asked if I was from the city on my license. I tell him, "Yes, I am. I am on my way back to my parents." He didn't leave my window. He didn't run anything. He had a smile and was quite personable. He told me that gunshots at a nearby trailer park were heard and reported to come from a small black car. Lucky me. He said that he had run my plate and it came back with a different car. He said he ran a G instead of a Q...which I have one of the crazy self-decomposing plates that my Q doesn't really look like a Q. I told him I was just chatting with a friend on the phone on the way home when I noticed a car up my rear. He apologized.
He said that he would wait until I gathered up my things and left the parking lot. I was glad that I wasn't given a ticket for something I didn't do or worse yet arrested. Mainly for being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was thankful that the cop seemed pleasant, somewhat young and not like he had something to prove. He in turn was glad that I was friendly and clearly not someone shooting a gun in a trailer park at 4:15a.m.!
Win-Win.
So how was your Saturday night? Anything exciting you care to share?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Week in Review
I've thought many times over the past week of things I would or could blog about. I had no energy. I had no drive. I had no passion. Two days last week, other than driving my son to school or picking him up from practice, I didn't get out of my pajamas and my efforts of moving found me going from the bed to the couch and a scuffle to the kitchen. I can't remember the last time I was feeling so poorly and unmotivated.
A week ago Saturday I had to teach. A full day class to prospective foster and adoptive families. I had to cover three sessions, two which I had never taught before. Needless to say, I might have been stressing and fretting about it, a little.
Friday I was fortunate enough to have access to the training location to set up the room. I had initially thought I wouldn't be able to do so until Saturday morning! I purchased breakfast snacks, ordered lunch, had pop, chips and cookies. I had tried to review the material and the power points several times but I kept feeling inadequate. Granted I could talk for days, weeks and months about my job...but could I cover what I had to cover and keep the trainees awake and teach them? Would I be boring? My own personal concerns and threats of inadequacies could have spiraled me out of control. So after I set up the conference room, I met Debbie Downer's brother at my favorite brewery for some much needed cider.
Immediately I wondered if I had made a mistake. I thought since we had decided to stop "seeing each other" we could try to have fun. Sometimes, there are just people that aren't fun, regardless. But I forged ahead and made the best of it, even found myself laughing at myself often. In town, it was Mannequin Night where volunteers modeled as mannequin's in the store fronts. The streets were packed and each window had a different theme. We walked around town, getting separated often. I opted to call it a night, despite the urge to want to consume massive amounts of alcohol to forget about my teaching in the morning - responsibility, commonsense and the thought of trying to function with a hangover won out, as always. He had hoped to come back to my house to watch a movie, but after four hours with him, I had had enough.
I got home and decided that I was exhausted. I considered a bubble bath, but I was too tired to make one. I started having thoughts about falling asleep in the tub and drowning and not being found until Monday evening by my son! Clearly, my mind comes up with some bizarre thoughts! So I found my way to bed.
The training went well. Other than a mixup with where I was when bouncing between the book and the power point. The pizzas I ordered were wrong, which went well with the overall theme of my training: "Do not have Expectations" and I forgot to put out the $12 of fresh baked cookies! Overall, a success!
Saturday night I met with AG in Grand Rapids to walk around ArtPrize 2010, which didn't officially kick off until Wednesday. We found ourselves in a coffee shop playing 80's trivia afterward, which I completely SUCK. I did end the game on a good note with a right answer of Saved By The Bell! I then met my date back in town for a drink.
Sunday, I was officially kicked out of the Survivor Football pool. Before I was even able to put my plan in action. So much for Dallas beating Da Bears. Sigh I spent much of Sunday hanging out with my date and trying to understand how I pulled something in my knee - likely the night before as I often find I have trouble walking and tripped on an uneven sidewalk! Tried out a new little breakfast place in town and was pleasantly surprised.
Monday I found myself ill. Drained. Emotionally and physically exhausted. I did manage to go to work on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I was able to see JA for lunch for her birthday at a new place in town, which is always a pleasure!
I'm beginning to feel back like normal. I'm out of my funk which had me questioning my job and all of the after hours calls and accommodations I seem to make. I'm just fortunate to HAVE a job. I'm still wanting a vacation very much, but for now, I'm just enjoying the weekend at my parent's laying low, seeing the almost full grown puppy and spending time with my mom for her birthday!
So off to a walk to the cider mill to enjoy cider and donuts. Then, a great meal with the family. Even later, Second City comedy show tonight for some much needed laughs and good company! Sunday will be family time, football and the drive home which may include some more ArtPrize festivities and hopefully some photos to share!
Have a great weekend!
A week ago Saturday I had to teach. A full day class to prospective foster and adoptive families. I had to cover three sessions, two which I had never taught before. Needless to say, I might have been stressing and fretting about it, a little.
Friday I was fortunate enough to have access to the training location to set up the room. I had initially thought I wouldn't be able to do so until Saturday morning! I purchased breakfast snacks, ordered lunch, had pop, chips and cookies. I had tried to review the material and the power points several times but I kept feeling inadequate. Granted I could talk for days, weeks and months about my job...but could I cover what I had to cover and keep the trainees awake and teach them? Would I be boring? My own personal concerns and threats of inadequacies could have spiraled me out of control. So after I set up the conference room, I met Debbie Downer's brother at my favorite brewery for some much needed cider.
Immediately I wondered if I had made a mistake. I thought since we had decided to stop "seeing each other" we could try to have fun. Sometimes, there are just people that aren't fun, regardless. But I forged ahead and made the best of it, even found myself laughing at myself often. In town, it was Mannequin Night where volunteers modeled as mannequin's in the store fronts. The streets were packed and each window had a different theme. We walked around town, getting separated often. I opted to call it a night, despite the urge to want to consume massive amounts of alcohol to forget about my teaching in the morning - responsibility, commonsense and the thought of trying to function with a hangover won out, as always. He had hoped to come back to my house to watch a movie, but after four hours with him, I had had enough.
I got home and decided that I was exhausted. I considered a bubble bath, but I was too tired to make one. I started having thoughts about falling asleep in the tub and drowning and not being found until Monday evening by my son! Clearly, my mind comes up with some bizarre thoughts! So I found my way to bed.
The training went well. Other than a mixup with where I was when bouncing between the book and the power point. The pizzas I ordered were wrong, which went well with the overall theme of my training: "Do not have Expectations" and I forgot to put out the $12 of fresh baked cookies! Overall, a success!
Saturday night I met with AG in Grand Rapids to walk around ArtPrize 2010, which didn't officially kick off until Wednesday. We found ourselves in a coffee shop playing 80's trivia afterward, which I completely SUCK. I did end the game on a good note with a right answer of Saved By The Bell! I then met my date back in town for a drink.
Sunday, I was officially kicked out of the Survivor Football pool. Before I was even able to put my plan in action. So much for Dallas beating Da Bears. Sigh I spent much of Sunday hanging out with my date and trying to understand how I pulled something in my knee - likely the night before as I often find I have trouble walking and tripped on an uneven sidewalk! Tried out a new little breakfast place in town and was pleasantly surprised.
Monday I found myself ill. Drained. Emotionally and physically exhausted. I did manage to go to work on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I was able to see JA for lunch for her birthday at a new place in town, which is always a pleasure!
I'm beginning to feel back like normal. I'm out of my funk which had me questioning my job and all of the after hours calls and accommodations I seem to make. I'm just fortunate to HAVE a job. I'm still wanting a vacation very much, but for now, I'm just enjoying the weekend at my parent's laying low, seeing the almost full grown puppy and spending time with my mom for her birthday!
So off to a walk to the cider mill to enjoy cider and donuts. Then, a great meal with the family. Even later, Second City comedy show tonight for some much needed laughs and good company! Sunday will be family time, football and the drive home which may include some more ArtPrize festivities and hopefully some photos to share!
Have a great weekend!
Envy...
I'm not a very envious person. I am very happy and content with who I am, what I have, where I have been and even why I am who I am and why I do the things I do.
I suppose being raised catholic, in the deep recesses of my mind I recall the 10 Commandments. I don't covet. I feel for those less fortunate and I rejoice for those more fortunate. Life is what it is and what I make of it. I can choose to be or do more than I do and I have no one else to blame for my misfortunes, because in the end, life has molded me into ME. I am comfortable.
So...the reason for this post? As much as I don't want to be, sometimes I can find myself envious. Envious of other people, envious of other's skills.
And as of late, the one thing I can't shake...my envy of other's abilities to navigate technology.
You see, I believe it has been weeks, maybe even months that I have been trying to update the blogs I follow. I follow blogs in Google Reader and I have "managed subscriptions" as well as "manage" in my blog dashboard. I have hit "unsubscribe". I have hit the trash can symbol. I have "stopped following".
Each and every time they show updated and then...THEY ARE BACK. I refuse to quit. I have tried on different computers with different servers. I have tried probably a dozen times.
And today, I found that someone had stopped following me. I'm not worried about having one less follower. I prefer to be the wallflower. I prefer to be the silent observer reading and following others and somewhat sharing but not having to be followed.
What I am envious of...how in the hell did SHE do it? It was probably a quick click. A mere thought and a quick action and done.
Why is it that sometimes when I think I can figure things out, I find myself completely incompetent and facing envy full frontal?
I suppose being raised catholic, in the deep recesses of my mind I recall the 10 Commandments. I don't covet. I feel for those less fortunate and I rejoice for those more fortunate. Life is what it is and what I make of it. I can choose to be or do more than I do and I have no one else to blame for my misfortunes, because in the end, life has molded me into ME. I am comfortable.
So...the reason for this post? As much as I don't want to be, sometimes I can find myself envious. Envious of other people, envious of other's skills.
And as of late, the one thing I can't shake...my envy of other's abilities to navigate technology.
You see, I believe it has been weeks, maybe even months that I have been trying to update the blogs I follow. I follow blogs in Google Reader and I have "managed subscriptions" as well as "manage" in my blog dashboard. I have hit "unsubscribe". I have hit the trash can symbol. I have "stopped following".
Each and every time they show updated and then...THEY ARE BACK. I refuse to quit. I have tried on different computers with different servers. I have tried probably a dozen times.
And today, I found that someone had stopped following me. I'm not worried about having one less follower. I prefer to be the wallflower. I prefer to be the silent observer reading and following others and somewhat sharing but not having to be followed.
What I am envious of...how in the hell did SHE do it? It was probably a quick click. A mere thought and a quick action and done.
Why is it that sometimes when I think I can figure things out, I find myself completely incompetent and facing envy full frontal?
Friday, September 17, 2010
Friday Follies
Today seems to be one of those days. The day that nothing seems to go the way you plan, but seems to have a better outcome! But if I didn't know better, I would have thought it was Monday!
* I was billed $163 for my son's physical instead of my insurance. The doctor's office said he has a primary insurance through his father (news to me!) so my insurance can't be billed yet. Call to sperm donor who is major douchebag and tells me to get him the bill on Monday when I can give it to my son next.
* Home visit for work - No work vehicles available. Have to take personal car (tires need balance and rotation as car feels like it is "shuddering").
* Shopping for training supplies and food for all day training I am teaching on Saturday (and completely NOT prepared for!)
* Need to pick up son's contacts (saved over 1/2 since the amount they quoted didn't include insurance discount).
* Need to have tires rotated and balanced.
- Because I had to take my personal car to my home visit, I was able to get groceries for training and not have to move them back to personal car for training! I was also able to swing by and grab my son's contacts and get my tires done. While sitting at Discount Tire for an hour, I was able to truly focus on reading through my training material for my class from 9-3:30p.m.
* Order Chinese Take Out (have number on cell phone)
* While waiting for order, run to Dollar Store and purchase serving bowls and platter for training food.
* Arrive to pick up Chinese food and pay to learn that I didn't call and order from that restaurant.
- Instead of stiffing the other take out Chinese place across town, I drove across town to pick up my order. In doing so, I was able to run home and drop off the bill on my son's computer that he will pick up after school to spend the weekend with his dad. I was also able to get my mail, check email and eat at home!
At this point, it is only mid-day. I managed to order lunch for the training and other than spending an hour or two in setting up the training room, I should be all set, well other than actually knowing the material I'm teaching! All in all, the day is turning out pretty well!
Happy Friday! May your day be blessed and merry and have a fantastic weekend!
* I was billed $163 for my son's physical instead of my insurance. The doctor's office said he has a primary insurance through his father (news to me!) so my insurance can't be billed yet. Call to sperm donor who is major douchebag and tells me to get him the bill on Monday when I can give it to my son next.
* Home visit for work - No work vehicles available. Have to take personal car (tires need balance and rotation as car feels like it is "shuddering").
* Shopping for training supplies and food for all day training I am teaching on Saturday (and completely NOT prepared for!)
* Need to pick up son's contacts (saved over 1/2 since the amount they quoted didn't include insurance discount).
* Need to have tires rotated and balanced.
- Because I had to take my personal car to my home visit, I was able to get groceries for training and not have to move them back to personal car for training! I was also able to swing by and grab my son's contacts and get my tires done. While sitting at Discount Tire for an hour, I was able to truly focus on reading through my training material for my class from 9-3:30p.m.
* Order Chinese Take Out (have number on cell phone)
* While waiting for order, run to Dollar Store and purchase serving bowls and platter for training food.
* Arrive to pick up Chinese food and pay to learn that I didn't call and order from that restaurant.
- Instead of stiffing the other take out Chinese place across town, I drove across town to pick up my order. In doing so, I was able to run home and drop off the bill on my son's computer that he will pick up after school to spend the weekend with his dad. I was also able to get my mail, check email and eat at home!
At this point, it is only mid-day. I managed to order lunch for the training and other than spending an hour or two in setting up the training room, I should be all set, well other than actually knowing the material I'm teaching! All in all, the day is turning out pretty well!
Happy Friday! May your day be blessed and merry and have a fantastic weekend!
Football Pool - 'Tis the Season
'Tis the Season for some FOOTBALL! Which means it is time for the annual Survivor pool! Last year T ended up doing extremely well, but didn't win and of course I struggled with whether I was encouraging my son to be a gambler (here).
This year, I decided I would actually participate in the heartache, I mean FUN! So I am competing against T and 51 other people to see who is the Survivor of the Fittest!
I am not a football junkie or connoisseur or anything else, so I have devised a few guides to help me with my weekly picks:
1. Do not pick the same team as T...EVER
2. Do not pick the team with the most favorable odds
3. Do not pick the Lions...EVER
4. Do not pick a team against the Lions
5. Pick a team with the 2nd-3rd highest odds
6. Pick a team that is playing at home
While I may have been luck to actually read up some information or scour my friends for their opinions, truth be told, I'm not sure that there is much more than luck and odds that can help to predict a weekly winner.
T thinks my rules are RIDICULOUS and anything beyond a couple weeks, I will not be able to meet all of my criteria. I'm OK with that. Afterall, rules are made to be broken, right? Besides, my dartboard of the teams is always my backup.
How would you suggest picking a different winning football team every week?
This year, I decided I would actually participate in the heartache, I mean FUN! So I am competing against T and 51 other people to see who is the Survivor of the Fittest!
I am not a football junkie or connoisseur or anything else, so I have devised a few guides to help me with my weekly picks:
1. Do not pick the same team as T...EVER
2. Do not pick the team with the most favorable odds
3. Do not pick the Lions...EVER
4. Do not pick a team against the Lions
5. Pick a team with the 2nd-3rd highest odds
6. Pick a team that is playing at home
While I may have been luck to actually read up some information or scour my friends for their opinions, truth be told, I'm not sure that there is much more than luck and odds that can help to predict a weekly winner.
T thinks my rules are RIDICULOUS and anything beyond a couple weeks, I will not be able to meet all of my criteria. I'm OK with that. Afterall, rules are made to be broken, right? Besides, my dartboard of the teams is always my backup.
How would you suggest picking a different winning football team every week?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It Is Official
Moments ago in searching for something else, I realized that I am officially a Licensed Foster Parent (here) . Effective 9/14/2010, two months after my homestudy was submitted, I am licensed.
As a side note, I was able to confirm that in fact private agencies take precedence. Fourteen years ago, when I entered the field of Foster Care there were looming threats of privatization. Those threats continue today. So in a way, my time frame of being licensed was a comparison of state vs. privatization as two separate reports were submitted on the exact same day and the private agency won.
Sometimes confirmation isn't bitter sweet.
Here is to the next "chapter" of my life. =)
As a side note, I was able to confirm that in fact private agencies take precedence. Fourteen years ago, when I entered the field of Foster Care there were looming threats of privatization. Those threats continue today. So in a way, my time frame of being licensed was a comparison of state vs. privatization as two separate reports were submitted on the exact same day and the private agency won.
Sometimes confirmation isn't bitter sweet.
Here is to the next "chapter" of my life. =)
Break Up Via Text
Let me preface this post by saying that I have never broken up with anyone via text, yet. I'm not a big texter per se, although I do find myself hovering near my monthly allotment max of 1000.
I feel that breaking up with someone is difficult enough, but I'm woman enough to do so in person. If I invested enough time with someone to share who I am, then I should invest the time and respect toward that same person to tell them in person that the relationship is ending. Of course I have to actually be dating someone to break up, right? Or do we sometimes find ourselves breaking up or terminating relationships via text or instant messenger?
The last person I was dating or getting to know or seeing or spending time with or whatever you want to call it, I met with him in person, despite us both knowing that any chance of a dating relationship was over. We just lacked that spark. Throughout the time we spent together, I can't count how many times he said, "I want to maintain our friendship. I don't want to lose you as a friend, first and foremost." As well as any other 100 different variations and yet, he has not once initiated any contact with me since. Not once.
This morning I feel as if I received my first, Official. Break-up. Text.
The text read: I am in town and I have your house key. Is there a special place you want me to leave it?
My heart sunk a little. Immediately I paused trying to finish getting ready for work and felt a deep wave of sadness envelope me. Then I looked in the mirror and half smiled, half smirked at the irony of the text, or was it irony at all?
I wasn't being dumped. A relationship wasn't ending. A relationship was changing. One of my dearest friends JA is closing doors and opening others as she embarks on a new journey in a new town in a beautiful new home. She moved twenty minutes away. Not a world away. She just feels that as she unloads boxes and gets settled that there are loose things she needs to take care of. My house key apparently being one of them as she no longer needs to use my house as a refuge and place of sleep during endless open houses.
Regardless of the text not being a breakup text, it still felt in a way as one. I can't imagine ever receiving information via a text that a relationship has ended - nor can I imagine being so heartless to do that to someone else.
Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a break up text? How did you feel after?
I feel that breaking up with someone is difficult enough, but I'm woman enough to do so in person. If I invested enough time with someone to share who I am, then I should invest the time and respect toward that same person to tell them in person that the relationship is ending. Of course I have to actually be dating someone to break up, right? Or do we sometimes find ourselves breaking up or terminating relationships via text or instant messenger?
The last person I was dating or getting to know or seeing or spending time with or whatever you want to call it, I met with him in person, despite us both knowing that any chance of a dating relationship was over. We just lacked that spark. Throughout the time we spent together, I can't count how many times he said, "I want to maintain our friendship. I don't want to lose you as a friend, first and foremost." As well as any other 100 different variations and yet, he has not once initiated any contact with me since. Not once.
This morning I feel as if I received my first, Official. Break-up. Text.
The text read: I am in town and I have your house key. Is there a special place you want me to leave it?
My heart sunk a little. Immediately I paused trying to finish getting ready for work and felt a deep wave of sadness envelope me. Then I looked in the mirror and half smiled, half smirked at the irony of the text, or was it irony at all?
I wasn't being dumped. A relationship wasn't ending. A relationship was changing. One of my dearest friends JA is closing doors and opening others as she embarks on a new journey in a new town in a beautiful new home. She moved twenty minutes away. Not a world away. She just feels that as she unloads boxes and gets settled that there are loose things she needs to take care of. My house key apparently being one of them as she no longer needs to use my house as a refuge and place of sleep during endless open houses.
Regardless of the text not being a breakup text, it still felt in a way as one. I can't imagine ever receiving information via a text that a relationship has ended - nor can I imagine being so heartless to do that to someone else.
Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a break up text? How did you feel after?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Educational Endeavors
I have mentioned my son T many times. He participated in the public school Gifted and Talented Program for four years. Four. Years.
He was asked to test for a special program over a year ago which resulted in him taking the ACT. He didn't score high enough. He was happy.
Last Spring, he was asked to take a science test to test out of 8th grade science. He didn't score high enough. He was happy.
My son enrolled in gym, for his entire 8th grade year. He is happy.
T enrolled in Art. He professed that he anticipated failing art. He was not happy. I encouraged him to take his other class option, Woods. He was happy to change his schedule.
Now, one week into his 8th grade year, his schedule has changed for a third time. He can't stand Woods as his teacher: a) teaches too fast, b) is rude, c) called out a sign language interpreter as being STUPID, and d) is charging $10 per student to use his tools.
His counselor left a message for me on Friday that due to my son's test scores, she wants to put him in honor's science. My son is NOT happy.
I have always struggled with how much educational intervention I have. How much is too much? My son willingly participated in the G/T program for four years. He loved his teachers and he made some really good friendships. He is glad that the G/T is over. T wants to be "normal". He wants to embrace his sports and "fit in". Today, when the counselor called me (and T was in her office) I told her that NO, T did not want to change science classes.
I support my son. I support his happiness. I can only hope that one day he and I both look back and still support our decisions.
He was asked to test for a special program over a year ago which resulted in him taking the ACT. He didn't score high enough. He was happy.
Last Spring, he was asked to take a science test to test out of 8th grade science. He didn't score high enough. He was happy.
My son enrolled in gym, for his entire 8th grade year. He is happy.
T enrolled in Art. He professed that he anticipated failing art. He was not happy. I encouraged him to take his other class option, Woods. He was happy to change his schedule.
Now, one week into his 8th grade year, his schedule has changed for a third time. He can't stand Woods as his teacher: a) teaches too fast, b) is rude, c) called out a sign language interpreter as being STUPID, and d) is charging $10 per student to use his tools.
His counselor left a message for me on Friday that due to my son's test scores, she wants to put him in honor's science. My son is NOT happy.
I have always struggled with how much educational intervention I have. How much is too much? My son willingly participated in the G/T program for four years. He loved his teachers and he made some really good friendships. He is glad that the G/T is over. T wants to be "normal". He wants to embrace his sports and "fit in". Today, when the counselor called me (and T was in her office) I told her that NO, T did not want to change science classes.
I support my son. I support his happiness. I can only hope that one day he and I both look back and still support our decisions.
Funk: Dropping the Ball
Lately, I've been in a funk. Not really sure why, just not really motivated and not really social. I do best when I'm busy and work has been terribly slow. Terribly.
I've spent my days trolling around various blogs and doing anything I can to stay awake while listening to my overly annoying and obnoxious wall mate. It's about time that I officially smack myself silly and WAKE UP!
Last week I had attempted to verify if I had paid my mortgage online. I usually do so by mid-month for the following month. I was somehow confused if I had paid and with the trip to Arizona, I guess I hadn't. Although the online site wouldn't let me get beyond a message that I had to pay my homeowners insurance before proceeding. My homeowners is automatically billed and comes out of my escrow. I contacted the insurance company to verify. Then, I dropped it. I dropped the ball. Today, I logged back in and sure enough I could navigate the system and it showed that my mortgage is DUE by 9/16! So, because I dropped the ball, $6.00 processing fee.
Additionally, when my aunt passed, now over a month ago, I ordered flowers online. In doing so, I enrolled in some discount program that saved me $32.00 but cost me $9.99. Whatever. Problem, I dropped the ball. Every single day I saw the email in my inbox looming at me, beckoning me to call and cancel. Of course, I wanted to do so the next day, but I had to wait 14 days before canceling. And then what happened? I did nothing, until I called today to cancel. I dropped the ball. I was automatically billed for another month, yesterday. The customer service rep. tried to convince me to use the savings and coupons for the month before canceling since I couldn't get the money back. NO. THANK. YOU. CANCEL.
Last night I also received an email that my son's lunch account is past due $1.75. He doesn't get school lunch. I called today and had that taken care of.
Fortunately my dropping the ball has only inconvenienced me a total of $14.24. Just think if I were the Lions receiver today after he dropped the ball in what they consider a failed attempt to finish the "process".
I hope I can get my head out of my butt and soon; however, in the scheme of things, I'm OK if it takes a little while! By the way, this morning I was realizing, I NEED & WANT A VACATION!
I've spent my days trolling around various blogs and doing anything I can to stay awake while listening to my overly annoying and obnoxious wall mate. It's about time that I officially smack myself silly and WAKE UP!
Last week I had attempted to verify if I had paid my mortgage online. I usually do so by mid-month for the following month. I was somehow confused if I had paid and with the trip to Arizona, I guess I hadn't. Although the online site wouldn't let me get beyond a message that I had to pay my homeowners insurance before proceeding. My homeowners is automatically billed and comes out of my escrow. I contacted the insurance company to verify. Then, I dropped it. I dropped the ball. Today, I logged back in and sure enough I could navigate the system and it showed that my mortgage is DUE by 9/16! So, because I dropped the ball, $6.00 processing fee.
Additionally, when my aunt passed, now over a month ago, I ordered flowers online. In doing so, I enrolled in some discount program that saved me $32.00 but cost me $9.99. Whatever. Problem, I dropped the ball. Every single day I saw the email in my inbox looming at me, beckoning me to call and cancel. Of course, I wanted to do so the next day, but I had to wait 14 days before canceling. And then what happened? I did nothing, until I called today to cancel. I dropped the ball. I was automatically billed for another month, yesterday. The customer service rep. tried to convince me to use the savings and coupons for the month before canceling since I couldn't get the money back. NO. THANK. YOU. CANCEL.
Last night I also received an email that my son's lunch account is past due $1.75. He doesn't get school lunch. I called today and had that taken care of.
Fortunately my dropping the ball has only inconvenienced me a total of $14.24. Just think if I were the Lions receiver today after he dropped the ball in what they consider a failed attempt to finish the "process".
I hope I can get my head out of my butt and soon; however, in the scheme of things, I'm OK if it takes a little while! By the way, this morning I was realizing, I NEED & WANT A VACATION!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Computer Issues
A week or two ago, I had some issues with my laptop. I really wish, again, that I had some technology skills. Those skills, along with automotive and home improvement skills would really come in handy!
A friend of mine walked me through an option to restore my settings and everything was fine. Until...last night while I was playing cards online, I was immediately attacked by virus after virus. Granted, I might understand the attack if I actually used my laptop for more than email, instant messaging, Facebook and blogs! Ironic thing, the only sites that would automatically load: porno.com and adult.com, two sites I have never even been to either site, yet alone heard of them!
This time, the infect prohibited me from getting online. Fortunately, I was walked through the steps to restore in safe mode and after 24 hours, my laptop is back to normal!
One benefit of it all was that it forced me to go through all of my photos on my laptop that I would like to save on a disk to actually print off pictures. Additionally, I actually turned on my desktop computer and went through 1.5 years of pictures on that drive as well!
Sometimes, I really love blessings in disguise! Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend. Other than helping JA move on Friday after work, I haven't left the house or changed out of my pajamas! It's been a long time since I had a weekend like this and I'm reveling in it! Afterall, the next week is going to be beyond busy. Bring it on, I'm ready!
A friend of mine walked me through an option to restore my settings and everything was fine. Until...last night while I was playing cards online, I was immediately attacked by virus after virus. Granted, I might understand the attack if I actually used my laptop for more than email, instant messaging, Facebook and blogs! Ironic thing, the only sites that would automatically load: porno.com and adult.com, two sites I have never even been to either site, yet alone heard of them!
This time, the infect prohibited me from getting online. Fortunately, I was walked through the steps to restore in safe mode and after 24 hours, my laptop is back to normal!
One benefit of it all was that it forced me to go through all of my photos on my laptop that I would like to save on a disk to actually print off pictures. Additionally, I actually turned on my desktop computer and went through 1.5 years of pictures on that drive as well!
Sometimes, I really love blessings in disguise! Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend. Other than helping JA move on Friday after work, I haven't left the house or changed out of my pajamas! It's been a long time since I had a weekend like this and I'm reveling in it! Afterall, the next week is going to be beyond busy. Bring it on, I'm ready!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Debate Debacle
Have you ever felt so compelled to debate for the sake of a debate? Or more should I say, for the need to try to get someone to see the bigger picture?
Often times, I find myself doing this. I love a good debate or the ability to play the devil's advocate. I love being able to see the "light turn on" in someone else's eyes or in their recognition of the situation. Other times though, when my point isn't heard or understood, I become frustrated and question my own ability to communicate or get my point across. And sometimes that frustration may come out as me being "Angry" or just "Snapping" when clearly this isn't the case (both what I was told by Debbie Downer during "the talk").
This post has nothing to do with dating. I just processed it with a friend, so the point is moot, regardless.
But to summarize the situation:
Three months ago my son had his annual optical exam. One eye prescription changed. He still had several pairs of contacts remaining. We chose not to order contacts at that time. My son has been commenting that he notices the vision deficiency. I called to order contacts today.
The woman on the phone seemed to be rather young, immature and uninformed. I inquired as to the cost differences between three boxes (9 months worth) and four boxes (12 months) per eye. Apparently with a minimum of four boxes total, I get a 15% discount and a $50 mail in rebate. There is no cost advantage to purchasing 6 or 8 boxes total. I had made up my mind that I would purchase 9-months worth when the woman told me that the max I could purchase was 9-months. Why? Eyegirl - help me out!
My thought is, if I want to purchase a years worth of contacts, I should be able to. While my son would be due for an exam in June 2011, I don't have to take him in at that time and can schedule it anytime there after if I do so at all! Right? If I chose to purchase a year supply today, I should be able. She couldn't see my point, which was moot as I wasn't going to purchase a year supply anyway. But again, I felt that this was a matter of principle and being told something I couldn't do, I found it annoying.
To me, and please tell me if I'm wrong, a vision pprescription is NOT the same as a medical/pill prescription. I would assume that at some point the prescription expires, but...maybe I'm talking myself out of my own rationale. The only pill I take is birth control. My prescription is good for a year and I get three months worth at a time. I understand that I can't wait until month 11 to order a year's worth since I can only get three months at a time; however, with contacts, it is a matter of wearing a weaker prescription potentially longer than necessary, right? Isn't that my choice?
Often times, I find myself doing this. I love a good debate or the ability to play the devil's advocate. I love being able to see the "light turn on" in someone else's eyes or in their recognition of the situation. Other times though, when my point isn't heard or understood, I become frustrated and question my own ability to communicate or get my point across. And sometimes that frustration may come out as me being "Angry" or just "Snapping" when clearly this isn't the case (both what I was told by Debbie Downer during "the talk").
This post has nothing to do with dating. I just processed it with a friend, so the point is moot, regardless.
But to summarize the situation:
Three months ago my son had his annual optical exam. One eye prescription changed. He still had several pairs of contacts remaining. We chose not to order contacts at that time. My son has been commenting that he notices the vision deficiency. I called to order contacts today.
The woman on the phone seemed to be rather young, immature and uninformed. I inquired as to the cost differences between three boxes (9 months worth) and four boxes (12 months) per eye. Apparently with a minimum of four boxes total, I get a 15% discount and a $50 mail in rebate. There is no cost advantage to purchasing 6 or 8 boxes total. I had made up my mind that I would purchase 9-months worth when the woman told me that the max I could purchase was 9-months. Why? Eyegirl - help me out!
My thought is, if I want to purchase a years worth of contacts, I should be able to. While my son would be due for an exam in June 2011, I don't have to take him in at that time and can schedule it anytime there after if I do so at all! Right? If I chose to purchase a year supply today, I should be able. She couldn't see my point, which was moot as I wasn't going to purchase a year supply anyway. But again, I felt that this was a matter of principle and being told something I couldn't do, I found it annoying.
To me, and please tell me if I'm wrong, a vision pprescription is NOT the same as a medical/pill prescription. I would assume that at some point the prescription expires, but...maybe I'm talking myself out of my own rationale. The only pill I take is birth control. My prescription is good for a year and I get three months worth at a time. I understand that I can't wait until month 11 to order a year's worth since I can only get three months at a time; however, with contacts, it is a matter of wearing a weaker prescription potentially longer than necessary, right? Isn't that my choice?
Distance Dating
It's been a while since I've posted anything about dating. Not to say that I haven't had a lot of thoughts ruminating around in my mind on dating. I joined a different dating site on a whim in June and really haven't put forth any effort in it (I know, I never do!) and haven't been a fan of this specific site; however, I do enjoy taking the "tests". Since June, I had met two people from the site, one was the fart man and then the other that lives across the state that I have gone out with twice.
Primarily, I was focused in not dating. I began spending more time with the ex-husband of an ex-coworker (although the ex-husband and my ex-husband and I all worked together some 14 years ago). Initially it was very odd and perhaps, in some ways, it still is. Something about having past connections to relationships that might be better off left in the recesses of the mind, although I'm not usually unwilling to talk about my past marriage, doing so with someone that knew my ex-husband, was proving difficult. We decided that we would be friends and spent time together. He had professed strong feelings for me and I was having difficulty assessing the same, but they were developing, slowly. Having said that though, our time spent together as infrequently as it was, was "as friends".
When we finally had our "first date", I found that I was just emotionally drained. He is the equivalent to a Debbie Downer. He is plagued by continuous thoughts and worries that affect his communication, sleep, and health. He is emotionally somewhere that I am not. In some ways we have similarities, but in most, not so much. When I actually took a step back and thought about why I would want to date, to have fun, I realized that I had settled into spending time with him without really having fun! So, I had "the talk" with him and feel that the much needed closure was obtained.
My post though, pre-tangent, was about distance. In my mind, I'm not interested in a long distance dating relationship. I've had them in the past, they weren't successful; however, I've had close distance relationships and obviously those have been unsuccessful as well! I prefer close proximity to allow for last minute get togethers if necessary, primarily within an hour drive. But...
When I evaluated that my primary goal of dating is to meet someone with a connection that I would want to see more than once and to have fun! Fun is my primary motivation and I will not settle for a relationship that lacks having fun and enjoying the company and companionship of another.
What I truly learned is that it isn't the physical distance but the emotional distance that really matters. Ultimately, if there is someone that is willing to put forth the effort and want to see me and spend time with me, then the physical distance, while a somewhat inconvenience, is nothing in the big picture!
Let the fun begin!
Primarily, I was focused in not dating. I began spending more time with the ex-husband of an ex-coworker (although the ex-husband and my ex-husband and I all worked together some 14 years ago). Initially it was very odd and perhaps, in some ways, it still is. Something about having past connections to relationships that might be better off left in the recesses of the mind, although I'm not usually unwilling to talk about my past marriage, doing so with someone that knew my ex-husband, was proving difficult. We decided that we would be friends and spent time together. He had professed strong feelings for me and I was having difficulty assessing the same, but they were developing, slowly. Having said that though, our time spent together as infrequently as it was, was "as friends".
When we finally had our "first date", I found that I was just emotionally drained. He is the equivalent to a Debbie Downer. He is plagued by continuous thoughts and worries that affect his communication, sleep, and health. He is emotionally somewhere that I am not. In some ways we have similarities, but in most, not so much. When I actually took a step back and thought about why I would want to date, to have fun, I realized that I had settled into spending time with him without really having fun! So, I had "the talk" with him and feel that the much needed closure was obtained.
My post though, pre-tangent, was about distance. In my mind, I'm not interested in a long distance dating relationship. I've had them in the past, they weren't successful; however, I've had close distance relationships and obviously those have been unsuccessful as well! I prefer close proximity to allow for last minute get togethers if necessary, primarily within an hour drive. But...
When I evaluated that my primary goal of dating is to meet someone with a connection that I would want to see more than once and to have fun! Fun is my primary motivation and I will not settle for a relationship that lacks having fun and enjoying the company and companionship of another.
What I truly learned is that it isn't the physical distance but the emotional distance that really matters. Ultimately, if there is someone that is willing to put forth the effort and want to see me and spend time with me, then the physical distance, while a somewhat inconvenience, is nothing in the big picture!
Let the fun begin!
Foto Friday: Smiles
It is week #3 of my incarnation of Friday Foto and not in true ADHD fashion or anything, I'm coming up blank. Not blank in the way that I'm at a loss for all the things that make me smile, because clearly I am not! I'm coming up blank in having a variety of photos to share that make me smile. Therefore, I am going to postpone this Friday's post and maybe move them to bi-weekly and start to actually use my camera more frequently!
Last night I was online chatting with someone (I may post about that later) and my son was so intrigued as I kept smiling.
Things that make me smile (sans photos):
* Having a busy work week (where my clients actually maintain their appointments!)
* Small conversations (a quick hello or warm thought from a friend, family member or...)
* Grabbing the mail out of the mailbox and finding it bill free (or has movies or a check!)
* Pickles - I LOVE good pickles
* Every moment that I spend with my son (that includes the good, bad and ugly!)
* A beautiful day (great weather, cool/rainy weather and staying in bed)
* My friends and family
The list can go on and on and on, but today, I'm just feeling thankful for so much that I don't know where to begin! After work I will be helping one of my dearest friends, JA move. Her road to today has been hellacious in so many ways and she is much stronger for it! I do wish her and her family nothing but happiness and success as she will literally be closing the door (of one house) and opening another! I'm thankful that the move isn't drastically far - although selfishly can't I wish that she was staying?
Last night I was online chatting with someone (I may post about that later) and my son was so intrigued as I kept smiling.
Things that make me smile (sans photos):
* Having a busy work week (where my clients actually maintain their appointments!)
* Small conversations (a quick hello or warm thought from a friend, family member or...)
* Grabbing the mail out of the mailbox and finding it bill free (or has movies or a check!)
* Pickles - I LOVE good pickles
* Every moment that I spend with my son (that includes the good, bad and ugly!)
* A beautiful day (great weather, cool/rainy weather and staying in bed)
* My friends and family
The list can go on and on and on, but today, I'm just feeling thankful for so much that I don't know where to begin! After work I will be helping one of my dearest friends, JA move. Her road to today has been hellacious in so many ways and she is much stronger for it! I do wish her and her family nothing but happiness and success as she will literally be closing the door (of one house) and opening another! I'm thankful that the move isn't drastically far - although selfishly can't I wish that she was staying?
Phone...
Happy Friday! I'm still trying to adjust to my morning routine now that my son is back in school. I'm falling back into bad habits, but I'm going to for the moment credit that to feeling a bit run-down and the allergies are in full force!
I managed to leave the house at 8:24a.m. and feeling rather grunge. I didn't bother to really do anything to my hair other then throw some scrunch gel in, which means by the time the hair dries, I will be more than annoyed by how bad it looks! I also realized when I got to the office, I left my cell phone at home.
Never seems to fail, when this happens, I feel rather lost. I use my phone as my clock. Granted there are days when it doesn't ring or I don't text or receive a text, but without it I feel like I'm missing something. With my absolutely empty work schedule and only living three miles from work, I'll drive back home and retrieve it.
To confirm that this Friday seems to be a day that I am missing things, a co-worker flew into my cubicle and bellowed, "WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE?"
I surely hope it isn't going to be one of those days! And a trip home is going to happen very soon!
What is the one physical item that you can't or prefer to do without?
*** Almost four hours later, I walked out of my office into the bright and warm sunny day. A day of peace and tranquility. I got in my car. I looked in the cup holder and didn't see my phone. I relished in the warmth of my car - the times that I love having a black car! I looked to my right on the front passenger seat, and there was my phone! I had 7 alerts, while they made me smile, nothing was life threatening and it was nice to have my phone, have my messages and not have to drive the three miles home! Happy Friday!
I managed to leave the house at 8:24a.m. and feeling rather grunge. I didn't bother to really do anything to my hair other then throw some scrunch gel in, which means by the time the hair dries, I will be more than annoyed by how bad it looks! I also realized when I got to the office, I left my cell phone at home.
Never seems to fail, when this happens, I feel rather lost. I use my phone as my clock. Granted there are days when it doesn't ring or I don't text or receive a text, but without it I feel like I'm missing something. With my absolutely empty work schedule and only living three miles from work, I'll drive back home and retrieve it.
To confirm that this Friday seems to be a day that I am missing things, a co-worker flew into my cubicle and bellowed, "WHY DON'T YOU ANSWER YOUR PHONE?"
I surely hope it isn't going to be one of those days! And a trip home is going to happen very soon!
What is the one physical item that you can't or prefer to do without?
*** Almost four hours later, I walked out of my office into the bright and warm sunny day. A day of peace and tranquility. I got in my car. I looked in the cup holder and didn't see my phone. I relished in the warmth of my car - the times that I love having a black car! I looked to my right on the front passenger seat, and there was my phone! I had 7 alerts, while they made me smile, nothing was life threatening and it was nice to have my phone, have my messages and not have to drive the three miles home! Happy Friday!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Blood Donation: DENIED
So I just returned back to my office, for the second time. Seeing that it has been forever since I donated blood, I wasn't aware of all of the rules, regulations and policies. I arrived and noticed a warning for donors that had traveled out of the United States in the past 12 months. (I'm beginning to see a lawsuit in the making! jk...I can't donate blood and my credit card keeps freezing my account for travel! People need to seriously get HAPPIER & travel!)
I was pulled aside to talk to a Supervisor about my travel to Mexico for Spring Break on the cruise. He asked which port stops I made. Of course being put on the spot, I came up with nothing. A quick walk back to my office and a search of the blog to come up empty and finally a call to my mom, I had the answer. Cozumel and Costa Maya.
I returned back to the site to inform the Supervisor. He thought that Costa Maya was one of the banned locations but needed to verify by checking on an occupied computer. While waiting, I mentioned that we went to the Mayan Ruins but didn't eat or drink anything, at which point he confirmed that I went to the Mayan Ruins.
Yes, we toured the Mayan Ruins. By traveling to Mexico and touring the Mayan Ruins, I am ineligible to donate blood for 12 months beyond my return date back to the United States due to the possible contraction of Malaria. That would mean, no donating until early April 2011. That is of course, assuming that I will not be doing any additional forbidden international travel between now and next April.
While I would have loved to be able to donate blood, the opportunity to travel internationally will take precedence if given the chance.
Who knows, maybe I'll have another opportunity to donate blood again in the next 18 years. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll let that woman's voice continue to haunt me that they don't want or need my blood. Maybe I will just concede this one. I lose.
I was pulled aside to talk to a Supervisor about my travel to Mexico for Spring Break on the cruise. He asked which port stops I made. Of course being put on the spot, I came up with nothing. A quick walk back to my office and a search of the blog to come up empty and finally a call to my mom, I had the answer. Cozumel and Costa Maya.
I returned back to the site to inform the Supervisor. He thought that Costa Maya was one of the banned locations but needed to verify by checking on an occupied computer. While waiting, I mentioned that we went to the Mayan Ruins but didn't eat or drink anything, at which point he confirmed that I went to the Mayan Ruins.
Yes, we toured the Mayan Ruins. By traveling to Mexico and touring the Mayan Ruins, I am ineligible to donate blood for 12 months beyond my return date back to the United States due to the possible contraction of Malaria. That would mean, no donating until early April 2011. That is of course, assuming that I will not be doing any additional forbidden international travel between now and next April.
While I would have loved to be able to donate blood, the opportunity to travel internationally will take precedence if given the chance.
Who knows, maybe I'll have another opportunity to donate blood again in the next 18 years. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll let that woman's voice continue to haunt me that they don't want or need my blood. Maybe I will just concede this one. I lose.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Arizona Vacation
Since I never did blog about my cruise this spring break to Mexico with my mom, I'm feeling like I should at least post some pictures of our Arizona vacation. T and I had a fabulous time exploring Arizona - 1200 miles of driving definitely allowed us to see a lot of Arizona in the week we were there!
The weather was HOT! The temperatures reached 110 plus and I found myself perspiring profusely at times; however, after being back to Michigan, I almost feel that the heat was more intense at home at 90 degrees. We took a while to adjust to the time change of three hours and especially in trying to be in bed by 3:00a.m. after we returned home!
We were able to connect with my uncle and aunt that live in Scottsdale and were only miles from where our condo was! I hadn't seen my relatives in twelve years and even then, never spent much time with them. I was somewhat bummed to not be able to see my cousin, but honestly, when we made the plans, never anticipated seeing my relatives!
We went to Kartchner Caverns and loved it! Wish we would have been able to take pictures as the memories will fade. The mountainous view was absolutely breathtaking. Much more serene and surreal then my winter trips to Colorado that were awesome but just not as picturesque. I miss driving around and seeing red rock and mountains. The Grand Canyon was breathtaking and amazing. No we didn't walk down to the bottom and we didn't hunt out a donkey. We walked around the top of the Grand Canyon for several hours on the paved path. T had had enough as he was eager to get back to Sedona and Sliding Rock. Besides, how many pictures did I really need of the Grand Canyon? I went and saw the Grand Canyon. I was more than happy!
We managed to get in a couple of the local sites that were paid for by the hour long timeshare presentation we sat through. Actually the hour went quickly and was not painful in the least! The hour paid for four hours at the Crackerjax - a local entertainment place with miniature golf, go karts and bumper boats and there weren't more than 20 people there at any given time! We also went and explored the Worldlife Zoo and Aquatic Center which also was extremely unpopulated! Definitely a great way to spend the visa card from the presentation! We also went to see the Diamondbacks. We didn't have tickets and my uncle suggested we drive to a parking lot and take the Light Rail to Chase Stadium to save time and money and purchase tickets from scalpers. Scalpers are illegal, right? I am a law abiding citizen. As we were walking to the stadium a woman turned and asked us if we had tickets. She then gave us two tickets, for free!
So in scrolling through the 150 pictures or so, here are a handful:
The weather was HOT! The temperatures reached 110 plus and I found myself perspiring profusely at times; however, after being back to Michigan, I almost feel that the heat was more intense at home at 90 degrees. We took a while to adjust to the time change of three hours and especially in trying to be in bed by 3:00a.m. after we returned home!
We were able to connect with my uncle and aunt that live in Scottsdale and were only miles from where our condo was! I hadn't seen my relatives in twelve years and even then, never spent much time with them. I was somewhat bummed to not be able to see my cousin, but honestly, when we made the plans, never anticipated seeing my relatives!
We went to Kartchner Caverns and loved it! Wish we would have been able to take pictures as the memories will fade. The mountainous view was absolutely breathtaking. Much more serene and surreal then my winter trips to Colorado that were awesome but just not as picturesque. I miss driving around and seeing red rock and mountains. The Grand Canyon was breathtaking and amazing. No we didn't walk down to the bottom and we didn't hunt out a donkey. We walked around the top of the Grand Canyon for several hours on the paved path. T had had enough as he was eager to get back to Sedona and Sliding Rock. Besides, how many pictures did I really need of the Grand Canyon? I went and saw the Grand Canyon. I was more than happy!
We managed to get in a couple of the local sites that were paid for by the hour long timeshare presentation we sat through. Actually the hour went quickly and was not painful in the least! The hour paid for four hours at the Crackerjax - a local entertainment place with miniature golf, go karts and bumper boats and there weren't more than 20 people there at any given time! We also went and explored the Worldlife Zoo and Aquatic Center which also was extremely unpopulated! Definitely a great way to spend the visa card from the presentation! We also went to see the Diamondbacks. We didn't have tickets and my uncle suggested we drive to a parking lot and take the Light Rail to Chase Stadium to save time and money and purchase tickets from scalpers. Scalpers are illegal, right? I am a law abiding citizen. As we were walking to the stadium a woman turned and asked us if we had tickets. She then gave us two tickets, for free!
So in scrolling through the 150 pictures or so, here are a handful:
 |
| Scottsdale, Arizona |
  |
| Worldlife Aquarium, Litchfield Park |
 |
| Sedona - Red Rock |
  |
| Grand Canyon |
We had a blast on vacation and managed to make it extremely affordable (although now I have car insurance, basement bills, back to school and vacation bills accumulating!)! Of course we were told we were insane for travelling to Arizona in the middle of August! I think it was will worth the trip and the heat - especially to not have to deal with crowds as school was back in session too! If I had to do it again, other than a car with cruise control, I wouldn't change a thing (well except for picking Williamston on Priceline for a hotel!)!
 |
| Grand Canyon |
 |
| Sliding Rock |
 |
| Sliding Rock, Sedona |
 |
| Chase Field |
Fall
I love the change of the color of leaves. I love the smell of fall. I love the crackle and crunch of falling leaves and branches as I walk. I love playing in piles of leaves and watching my son jump in them (although not a fan of raking leaves!).
I love leaving the windows open at night to hear the wind rustle through the trees. I love the chill in the night that helps me to burrow deeper under the covers.
What I realized in the past two days that I haven't acknowledged before, is that I'm not a fan of the deals that stop in the area with fall. No more free summer kids bowl program. No more two for one activities of miniature golf, go karts and bumper boats.
I'm also not a fan of not being able to wear summer dresses without a cover-up. Or the rapidly changing weather during soccer season which consists of downpour rain for almost every game!
It seems like this year, summer just went entirely way to quickly. My fishing license went unused. The first year in many that I didn't attempt to catch something bigger than a palm size blue gill, sunfish or goby.
I don't know where the time has gone. The other day I found myself adding a year to my age and to how long I have been at my current job. Time has gone, but not as quickly as my memory seems to be changing - but I won't acknowledge, not yet at least, failing.
What do you like best about Fall?
I love leaving the windows open at night to hear the wind rustle through the trees. I love the chill in the night that helps me to burrow deeper under the covers.
What I realized in the past two days that I haven't acknowledged before, is that I'm not a fan of the deals that stop in the area with fall. No more free summer kids bowl program. No more two for one activities of miniature golf, go karts and bumper boats.
I'm also not a fan of not being able to wear summer dresses without a cover-up. Or the rapidly changing weather during soccer season which consists of downpour rain for almost every game!
It seems like this year, summer just went entirely way to quickly. My fishing license went unused. The first year in many that I didn't attempt to catch something bigger than a palm size blue gill, sunfish or goby.
I don't know where the time has gone. The other day I found myself adding a year to my age and to how long I have been at my current job. Time has gone, but not as quickly as my memory seems to be changing - but I won't acknowledge, not yet at least, failing.
What do you like best about Fall?
Blood Donation
Tomorrow morning I am donating blood. No. Big. Deal. Right? Wrong.
A few months ago, I was going to donate blood but I ended up in Marquette Michigan for a co-worker and wasn't able to donate. Tomorrow I will donate.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. A little sick to my stomach actually. A little fearful. A little apprehension.
When I was in high school, we had a blood drive. I donated blood. I do not do well with needles. I don't like the sight of blood or needles for that matter, but I don't pass out or hyperventilate. I've actually done rather well with all the blood work that I have done over the past few years for a variety of tests. I just have to breathe, a lot, and look away and think of flying unicorns and rainbows. Well not exactly, but you get my point.
Why am I so squeamish about donating you ask? Back to high school...I gave blood. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I made my way to the table and sat and ate chocolate chip cookies and sipped juice. I was starting to feel a little better, but more importantly I was feeling inadequate and dumb and girly in front of my peers. I didn't want to be that girl. I don't know exactly what that girl was or who she was, I just know that I didn't want to be made fun of for not handling donating blood. I got up from the table to leave the library and head back to class or somewhere, anywhere. I felt dizzy again. I started to walk back to the table and realized I wasn't going to make it. I collapsed, after falling into a free standing paper back rack and knocking it over.
The Red Cross lady yelled at me. All I remember to this day, some 18+ years later, is a woman yelling at me that "WE DON'T NEED OR WANT YOUR BLOOD! DON'T EVER DONATE AGAIN!"
I still hear her like it was yesterday. I still have fear that I'm not good enough, that I'm not strong enough that my blood isn't needed, that I'm not needed. I know that there is a shortage of blood. I know that I have some I can donate. I know that I'm not anemic. There is no reason that I can't give blood.
But in the back of my mind, I hear that woman. I feel the emotions and I get the tingly sensations up my arms and the pit in my stomach as I recall and as I type this. And for 18 years I have let that woman keep me from donating. For 18 years I have allowed someone to tell me NO. No more. Not again.
Tomorrow I will try to bury the skeleton in my closet. Tomorrow I will put it to rest and know that I can do this. That I can and will donate blood.
And if not...I will lower my head once again and try again in 18 more years!
A few months ago, I was going to donate blood but I ended up in Marquette Michigan for a co-worker and wasn't able to donate. Tomorrow I will donate.
I'm not sure how I feel about it. A little sick to my stomach actually. A little fearful. A little apprehension.
When I was in high school, we had a blood drive. I donated blood. I do not do well with needles. I don't like the sight of blood or needles for that matter, but I don't pass out or hyperventilate. I've actually done rather well with all the blood work that I have done over the past few years for a variety of tests. I just have to breathe, a lot, and look away and think of flying unicorns and rainbows. Well not exactly, but you get my point.
Why am I so squeamish about donating you ask? Back to high school...I gave blood. I felt dizzy and nauseous. I made my way to the table and sat and ate chocolate chip cookies and sipped juice. I was starting to feel a little better, but more importantly I was feeling inadequate and dumb and girly in front of my peers. I didn't want to be that girl. I don't know exactly what that girl was or who she was, I just know that I didn't want to be made fun of for not handling donating blood. I got up from the table to leave the library and head back to class or somewhere, anywhere. I felt dizzy again. I started to walk back to the table and realized I wasn't going to make it. I collapsed, after falling into a free standing paper back rack and knocking it over.
The Red Cross lady yelled at me. All I remember to this day, some 18+ years later, is a woman yelling at me that "WE DON'T NEED OR WANT YOUR BLOOD! DON'T EVER DONATE AGAIN!"
I still hear her like it was yesterday. I still have fear that I'm not good enough, that I'm not strong enough that my blood isn't needed, that I'm not needed. I know that there is a shortage of blood. I know that I have some I can donate. I know that I'm not anemic. There is no reason that I can't give blood.
But in the back of my mind, I hear that woman. I feel the emotions and I get the tingly sensations up my arms and the pit in my stomach as I recall and as I type this. And for 18 years I have let that woman keep me from donating. For 18 years I have allowed someone to tell me NO. No more. Not again.
Tomorrow I will try to bury the skeleton in my closet. Tomorrow I will put it to rest and know that I can do this. That I can and will donate blood.
And if not...I will lower my head once again and try again in 18 more years!
Surviving Day 1: School
Really, there is no need to be over dramatic, the first day of school and my new part-time morning schedule was just that, day one. T decided he wanted to leave for school at 7:30a.m. 7:30a.m. to drive 1.2 miles for an 8:00a.m. start time. Needless to say, that threw off my schedule quite a bit and I ended up showering at 7a.m. and we left the house at 7:23a.m.
Four stop lights and one traffic light. Each way. I was back in the driveway exactly seven minutes from the time we left the garage. Seven minutes, in good weather and leaving early to beat the normal traffic. So really today was the exception, not the rule.
I came back home to finish my hair and makeup and eat a bowl of cereal. Less than seven minutes later...I had a good 40 minutes to figure out what to do with myself before I left for work. 40 minutes I could have been in bed! So I managed to surf the net and catch up on blogs, but seriously, I have to figure out a better schedule!
I also realized that I'm again, not a good mother. I don't dote enough and do the motherly things. As I drove back home, a neighbor was out taking pictures of her 7th grade daughters in the yard. When exactly did I last take a picture of my son on the first day of school? I honestly can't recall. I want to say that I have done it once. But honestly, that may be inaccurate. Maybe never. NEVER. I did take a picture of him passed out after the first day of school last year. Does that count?
Four stop lights and one traffic light. Each way. I was back in the driveway exactly seven minutes from the time we left the garage. Seven minutes, in good weather and leaving early to beat the normal traffic. So really today was the exception, not the rule.
I came back home to finish my hair and makeup and eat a bowl of cereal. Less than seven minutes later...I had a good 40 minutes to figure out what to do with myself before I left for work. 40 minutes I could have been in bed! So I managed to surf the net and catch up on blogs, but seriously, I have to figure out a better schedule!
I also realized that I'm again, not a good mother. I don't dote enough and do the motherly things. As I drove back home, a neighbor was out taking pictures of her 7th grade daughters in the yard. When exactly did I last take a picture of my son on the first day of school? I honestly can't recall. I want to say that I have done it once. But honestly, that may be inaccurate. Maybe never. NEVER. I did take a picture of him passed out after the first day of school last year. Does that count?
Monday, September 6, 2010
In Between
Today is the last day of summer vacation. Tomorrow is the first day of eighth grade for T. His first day at a new school. A bigger school. A school where he is the youngest. A school where he will spend the next four years.
We live too close to the school to have public transportation. Last year T had to walk to school, .7 miles. This year the school is about 1.2 miles. We are within walking distance. We are in that in between area - too close for bus and a little too far to walk.
School starts at 8:00a.m. Last year school started earlier and I would leave the house about 7:42a.m. The .5 miles difference and later start time make it a more difficult time for me. A time of in between. Last year I would take him to school in my pajamas and return to shower and leave the house at 8:22a.m. for my 8:30a.m. start time. This year if I don't want to be late for work, I will have to be ready for work when I drive him to school at 7:47a.m. because the extra five minutes and drive time will make me late every time. I'm just fortunate that we now have two bathrooms!
T decided he needed some shirts to go with his new shorts he got while in Arizona. He had a last hurrah party today and wanted to go shopping afterward. Me in procrastination mode, headed out to Kohl's without him to see what I could find procrastinating continuing the laundry room painting (but this weekend I finished repainting the stairwell, the window trim is done and the window well was masonry weather sealed). Unfortunately, T is...in between sizes. At thirteen, he is too old for the boys section and too young for the men's or anything in between. He can fit into some size 18 shorts, but does better with the 28-30 range. Shirts, XL in the boys and XS in the men's. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave a whole lot of selection.
We live too close to the school to have public transportation. Last year T had to walk to school, .7 miles. This year the school is about 1.2 miles. We are within walking distance. We are in that in between area - too close for bus and a little too far to walk.
School starts at 8:00a.m. Last year school started earlier and I would leave the house about 7:42a.m. The .5 miles difference and later start time make it a more difficult time for me. A time of in between. Last year I would take him to school in my pajamas and return to shower and leave the house at 8:22a.m. for my 8:30a.m. start time. This year if I don't want to be late for work, I will have to be ready for work when I drive him to school at 7:47a.m. because the extra five minutes and drive time will make me late every time. I'm just fortunate that we now have two bathrooms!
T decided he needed some shirts to go with his new shorts he got while in Arizona. He had a last hurrah party today and wanted to go shopping afterward. Me in procrastination mode, headed out to Kohl's without him to see what I could find procrastinating continuing the laundry room painting (but this weekend I finished repainting the stairwell, the window trim is done and the window well was masonry weather sealed). Unfortunately, T is...in between sizes. At thirteen, he is too old for the boys section and too young for the men's or anything in between. He can fit into some size 18 shorts, but does better with the 28-30 range. Shirts, XL in the boys and XS in the men's. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave a whole lot of selection.
I scoured the entire male areas of Kohl's looking for anything that would fit him that was also on clearance. I had a 15% off card and $10 in Kohl's cash (that expired today!) as well as $13.79 remaining on a gift card. I ended up grabbing three t-shirts in the boys section, four shirts and a long sleeve shirt in the men's section and a pair of shorts.
T saw the three men's shirts and immediately said "No". He also didn't care for the long sleeve shirt that was long john material and army green. I had him try on everything anyway and he liked everything but the long sleeve shirt, which was actually one of the more expensive items! So with the return of the shirt, the total spent at Kohl's...$30.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Speeding Ticket
While in Arizona from August 14, 2010 - August 21, 2010, I had a rental car. Because I refused to upgrade and pay $11.00 more per day for a mid-size car, my son and I had a Cobalt for the week. I drive a Neon. I'm fine really with any car that runs. At least that's what I thought! That was until I realized that the Cobalt didn't have cruise control!
I live on cruise control. I know I've mentioned it before, but I tend to drive my Neon as if I'm in Nascar. I've been told since driver's training that I have a "lead foot". I like speed. However, I do not like the ramifications of speed. You see, my bread and butter, comes from my employment which requires that I be able to drive. My bread and butter also literally may come from the ability to spend my income at the grocery store rather than paying off points and higher insurance premiums. I did have to participate in driver's re-education when I was in college. At that point in my life and after the birth of my son, I had almost realized that the ramifications of speed weren't worthy. If I was a few minutes late, sobeit, life would go on; however, that just means I leave a little earlier. My last ticket and also the last time I was pulled over, was in 2002. Eight years ago.
Of course that was until our vacation in Arizona. Not even an hour earlier, I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone insisting that my Cobalt and lack of cruise would be my demise. I did my best to watch my speed. My son and I were heading to Kartchner Caverns from Scottsdale Arizona. I wasn't in the mood to drive and I found Arizona drivers to be more than annoying with their sudden breaking in the middle of the highway and lack of respect on the road. I had encountered many drivers driving under the speed limit unless you went to pass and then they would accelerate a good 15mph faster if not more! I decided to just roll with it and enjoy our travels. I was talking with my son, listening to music, driving and munching on Baked Doritos.
I was contemplating how I no longer seem to like the taste of the Baked Doritos as they taste stale and cardboardlike. A car in front of me slammed on the brakes and I did a quick check to my right and switched lanes. I finished my Baked Doritos and continued to drive. Getting frustrated with the drivers, I switched over another lane to the right to just go with the traffic. I looked in my rear view mirror and a motorcycle was up my butt! I looked again and realized it was a uniformed police officer on a motorcycle up my butt that at that moment turned on his lights.
Maneuvering an additional two lanes to the right, I pulled over on the highway. The officer parked his motorcycle and approached the passenger side window where my son sat. I had absolutely no idea why I had been pulled over. I hadn't been speeding. I wasn't on the phone. I had even finished eating. I take full responsibility for my actions when I speed. I would never cry to get out of a ticket, especially if I deserved it; however, I had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA why I had been pulled over. NONE.
The officer yelled something, which I asked, "Excuse Me Officer?" I assumed he had asked for license and registration and I proceeded to get both to hand to my son to the officer. He then yelled at me, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" No kidding, I can't hear you either. I passed my information out the window at which point he said, "GET OUT OF THE CAR MA'AM."
A flood of thoughts race through my head as I process his proclamation: Okay now seriously? What in the world have I done? Why I am I being asked to get out of the car? Am I going to jail? Will Protective Services be contacted to take my 13 year old son somewhere? Is this really happening? Is my dress going to fly up with ongoing traffic wind?
I meet the officer back at his motorcycle. He asks what I am doing in Arizona. He asks where I am heading. He tells me that I need to slow down and that I switched lanes three times and only used my turn signal once. He proceeds to tell me that laws are the same in Arizona as they are in Michigan that if you change lanes, you must signal unless you are at a four-way stop and you are the only one there. (Really? Is this guy serious? It is not illegal to not use signals and I have always prided myself that I DO use signals! As for slowing down, I wasn't speeding but I say nothing. I stand there trying to keep my dress from flying up, eyes hidden behind my sunglasses just wondering what he will say next.)
He continues to stare at my license and registration. He asks if he has pulled me over before. He tells me that he pulls over a lot of people and he has pulled over someone with my name (I assume maybe the last name, but I'm not going to inquire. I answer NO.) He hands me back my information. He tells me that he is going to write me a couple warnings and that I need to "slow down" and "use my turn signals" then he instructs me to get back in the car.
So after eight years, I had my first encounter with being pulled over and my first ever encounter with a motorcycle officer. I would love to say that I did slow down after that, but his warning was for "69+" in a 65, which I wasn't even doing that! We drove almost 1200 miles during the week that we were in Arizona. I was pulled over on the third day. So no, there were times on the trip that I found myself hitting 80 and even higher going with traffic. I can say, that there wasn't a single time in Arizona that I didn't use my turn signal!
Lesson Learned: Never Rent A Car Without Cruise Control
Foto Friday: Smiles
It is Friday and therefore it is time for Foto Friday! A post specifically posted on Friday of things/photos that make me smile! Today's pictures are more of things that make me smile because they are about success. Successfully cleaning something or achieving something. About things that make me smile out of accomplishment. Just for clarification, the purpose of Foto Friday is to share what makes me smile, not to advertise any ability or inability to take photos!
This first photo makes me smile, because when I enter the basement and I see a clean floor, that means that I am currently caught up on all the laundry! No sorted piles waiting to go into the laundry and no baskets of folded clothes to be taken upstairs and put away!
 |
| No Laundry! |
The next two photos also make me smile for a sense of accomplishment. I have a hallway where I have been leaving all of my shoes. I didn't think of taking a picture of the shoes - the mound of shoes - that covered the entire floor in the hallway. I finally decided to do something about it. I filled a laundry basket full of the shoes to transport them to my room. I threw away eight pairs of shoes that were on my shoe rack that I either don't wear or that cause me days of pain after wearing! When I look at the floor and the rack, I smile!
 |
| Shoeless Floor - Except for lawn-mowing shoes! |
 |
| Shoe rack - with almost all of my shoes! Then there are more photos of the basement. A week or so ago, my son's five-in-one air couch contraption tore apart at the seam. It wasn't repairable. We began looking for a replacement or a couch. Last week Friday, we purchased a futon/double recliner/couchlike contraption. I also picked up a clearance Sauder television console. 3.5 hours later of 427 assembly parts, the console and room was reassembled. The room makes me smile! |
 |
| New television console! |
 |
| New Futon Couch (Back Left) |
The last three photos make me smile at all times. I love to hear Uncle Kracker's SMILE song. It always makes me smile! Then of course, I LOVE Coldstone's Peanut Butter Cup Perfection ice cream, but with peanut butter ice cream instead of chocolate! Ymmmy! The final picture makes me laugh and smile. It wasn't until later when looking at the digital camera pictures that we noticed the expression on the deer. My son and I know joke about Colbie Caillat's song, Magic and can only hope that my son has better luck with his magic touch with the girls than he does with the deer! Smile =)
 |
 |
Coldstone Peanut Butter Cup Perfection |
 |
| Litchfield Zoo, Arizona - August 2010 |
Nostalgia
Today is Friday. Outside, the sky is somewhat somber, similar to my mood, blue. The sky is full of billowing yet sad purplish-blue and yet not quite indigo clouds. Fall is in the air.
I spent the morning trying to occupy my day, not an easy feat when I have little to nothing to do. I stumbled across a blog and found myself going back to the very first post and reading forward. I finally stopped when I read a years worth (fortunately not daily posts!) at December 2009. I'm sure I will meander back to get current on the blog and continue to follow it for a while.
I've been spending time with someone that I once knew of, back during some former life. A life of naivete and inexperience. A life of youthfulness and innocence. I didn't really know him. I'm still not sure how much I really know him. Anyway, we decided to meet during my lunch break at a nearby mall.
Nostalgia.
I arrived at the mall, once a happening and crowded place. A place full of bustling people, loud sounds, sweet smells of cinnamon rolls and music. A place of fast paced shoppers on lunch hours and mother's and children screaming and laughing. Now a place of almost desertion, desolation and despair. A place affected by a difficult economy.
I walked around briefly as I waited for my company to arrive. I shuffled my feet and looked from side to side. At the stores that once were. Long forgotten. Long abandoned.
One store. One store on an entire wing of the mall existed. There was no posting on the outside to indicate the store. I couldn't tell from a far even what type of store it was. As I approached, I recognized that it was a Halloween store. A very large store that once occupied a pillar of the mall, again replaced by another store soon to be out of business. Halloween, almost two months away and already a store for the purchasing of costumes.
I walked back to the meeting spot and met my friend (while realizing his initials are the same as the EX-Bf) and his son. We went back to the store and spent time walking the aisles. I reminisced in my mind about costumes from my childhood. The costumes that my mom labored over to have my 3.5 year old brother and I be, together. Costumes of Pinocchio & Geppetto, Tin Man & Scarecrow and many long since forgotten. I remembered the costumes that were just mine alone - The breakfast (seriously egg, bacon, toast), football player, joker, etc. I marveled at the absurdity of some of the costumes - seriously who would buy that unless it was the last costume left an hour before party time? I did like the couples costume of the cord & plug, but ketchup and mustard, telletubbies for couples? Really?
We continued down the other stretch of the mall, where more of the stores were occupied, but not many. There was a toy store, but not the typical, familiar toy store that I recall from my childhood mall adventures. There wasn't a KB Toy Store where the aisles were jam packed with noise toys and toys you had to walk around and aisles of board games and Lego's and video games. No this was a toy store of few aisles with stuffed animals on displays on the wall. It looked like a hands-off toy store. Not very friendly and not very inviting. Almost a collector's toy store of sorts. What I did find in the toy store, Smurfs. Ah, I remember the smurfs. I had smurf collectibles and strawberry shortcake collectibles. All long gone, but the ability to remember. To reminisce.
Nostalgia...la lah la lah lah lah, laah laah la la la (I hope with my attempt you are singing the la la song of the Smurfs too!) To remember and to think, now Smurfs, they were blue.
I spent the morning trying to occupy my day, not an easy feat when I have little to nothing to do. I stumbled across a blog and found myself going back to the very first post and reading forward. I finally stopped when I read a years worth (fortunately not daily posts!) at December 2009. I'm sure I will meander back to get current on the blog and continue to follow it for a while.
I've been spending time with someone that I once knew of, back during some former life. A life of naivete and inexperience. A life of youthfulness and innocence. I didn't really know him. I'm still not sure how much I really know him. Anyway, we decided to meet during my lunch break at a nearby mall.
Nostalgia.
I arrived at the mall, once a happening and crowded place. A place full of bustling people, loud sounds, sweet smells of cinnamon rolls and music. A place of fast paced shoppers on lunch hours and mother's and children screaming and laughing. Now a place of almost desertion, desolation and despair. A place affected by a difficult economy.
I walked around briefly as I waited for my company to arrive. I shuffled my feet and looked from side to side. At the stores that once were. Long forgotten. Long abandoned.
One store. One store on an entire wing of the mall existed. There was no posting on the outside to indicate the store. I couldn't tell from a far even what type of store it was. As I approached, I recognized that it was a Halloween store. A very large store that once occupied a pillar of the mall, again replaced by another store soon to be out of business. Halloween, almost two months away and already a store for the purchasing of costumes.
I walked back to the meeting spot and met my friend (while realizing his initials are the same as the EX-Bf) and his son. We went back to the store and spent time walking the aisles. I reminisced in my mind about costumes from my childhood. The costumes that my mom labored over to have my 3.5 year old brother and I be, together. Costumes of Pinocchio & Geppetto, Tin Man & Scarecrow and many long since forgotten. I remembered the costumes that were just mine alone - The breakfast (seriously egg, bacon, toast), football player, joker, etc. I marveled at the absurdity of some of the costumes - seriously who would buy that unless it was the last costume left an hour before party time? I did like the couples costume of the cord & plug, but ketchup and mustard, telletubbies for couples? Really?
We continued down the other stretch of the mall, where more of the stores were occupied, but not many. There was a toy store, but not the typical, familiar toy store that I recall from my childhood mall adventures. There wasn't a KB Toy Store where the aisles were jam packed with noise toys and toys you had to walk around and aisles of board games and Lego's and video games. No this was a toy store of few aisles with stuffed animals on displays on the wall. It looked like a hands-off toy store. Not very friendly and not very inviting. Almost a collector's toy store of sorts. What I did find in the toy store, Smurfs. Ah, I remember the smurfs. I had smurf collectibles and strawberry shortcake collectibles. All long gone, but the ability to remember. To reminisce.
Nostalgia...la lah la lah lah lah, laah laah la la la (I hope with my attempt you are singing the la la song of the Smurfs too!) To remember and to think, now Smurfs, they were blue.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Parenting: Epic Fail?
While I am an A Personality, my life is primarily crisis management influenced. I respond to crises (or drama as it may be) first and foremost. I realize this isn't always the most effective use of my time and sometimes, responding quickly approves futile when time would prove the best solution; however, due to my job, it's the nature of the beast.
I would like to say that things are different in my personal life. They aren't.
I believe that I'm a good parent (I've never claimed to be right or perfect - clearly this is a personal blog and self-assessment); however, having said that, I know that I could be a better parent. If I choose to be. I choose not to be. Let me preface, there are just some things in life that I choose not to micromanage. Actually, most things I would choose not to micromanage.
My point?
I cannot tell you the names of my son's teachers. If I thought really hard, I might be able to come up with a couple, might. Yesterday a parent inquired as to what teachers my son was going to be having as he is entering 8th grade. Teachers she asked? Seriously? I know what school he is going to and I know what classes he is taking, isn't that sufficient? I finally registered for the "School Portal" to look at my son's grades and assignments and whoever knows whatelse online. Isn't that progress? My son has seldom ever had an issue with his academics. A few small issues with peer pressure and peer relationships and when necessary, communication occurred with the teacher(s).
Anyway, I digress (or giving back story as it may be).
Today I responded to a letter I received from my insurance company that my son's primary physician had changed. No big deal, right? Sure, except that it changed from a doctor that he never had! Or at least that I was never aware that he had. Here's how the conversation went with the gal on the other end of the phone at my insurance company:
Me: "I'm calling regarding a letter I received that my son's doctor changed from a doctor he has never had. I need to have the records changed to his current doctor he has had for a few years, Dr. Green."
Her: "Your son has never had a Dr. Green, Ma'am."
Me: "He has had Dr. Green for the past few years. He just went in for a physical and again last year for a physical with Dr. Green."
Her: "We show no record of a physical. His last appointment was with a Dr. Davis for a shoulder issue last September 2009."
Me: "He did go in for an appointment on his shoulder. Dr. Davis isn't his doctor. He just saw Dr. Green."
At this point she verifies that in fact we are talking about the same child. My only child. There is no record that the doctor's office has billed for his most recent physical. I can't seem to verify the date flipping through my calendar. From my cell phone I call home and have my son tell me the date, July 2, 2010.
She proceeds to go over the history of my son's doctors. From his primary doctor from infancy until he was 10, verified. In 2007 he was assigned a new doctor. In March 2007 he was assigned a different doctor. In August 2008 he was assigned another doctor and then in July 2010 he was assigned yet another doctor. Four doctors that he has NEVER had. I know in the past that I have contacted my insurance company about updating to his current doctor.
So the conversation continues after this information:
Her: "What is Dr. Green's first name?"
Me: "What? His first name? I don't know, he's Dr. Green. Maybe David? Or how about Brian?" Because really at this point all I can think of is 90210 and Brian Austin-Green, who is clearly NOT my son's doctor.
Her: "There are 275 Dr. Green's Ma'am. There is not a David or Brian Green." (I'm feeling more flabbergasted and clearly Brian Austin-Green exists and I can't get his person out of my mind to actually focus on what my son's doctor's first name is, irrelevant is what I think it is!)
Finally after she puts me on hold to call my son's primary doctor, which I was at least knowledgeable enough to know the doctor's office number by heart (although she had me repeat it three times - I think shocked I would KNOW that but not his doctor's first name!).
Long story short. I finally know, for today, my son's doctor's first name. I can sleep easy tonight feeling more informed as a parent; however, please don't ask me next week what his name is. Personally, I really don't care nor do I think I will need to know!
Do you know your children's physician's full names? Feel free to tell me what a negligent parent I truly am - I deserve it apparently!
I would like to say that things are different in my personal life. They aren't.
I believe that I'm a good parent (I've never claimed to be right or perfect - clearly this is a personal blog and self-assessment); however, having said that, I know that I could be a better parent. If I choose to be. I choose not to be. Let me preface, there are just some things in life that I choose not to micromanage. Actually, most things I would choose not to micromanage.
My point?
I cannot tell you the names of my son's teachers. If I thought really hard, I might be able to come up with a couple, might. Yesterday a parent inquired as to what teachers my son was going to be having as he is entering 8th grade. Teachers she asked? Seriously? I know what school he is going to and I know what classes he is taking, isn't that sufficient? I finally registered for the "School Portal" to look at my son's grades and assignments and whoever knows whatelse online. Isn't that progress? My son has seldom ever had an issue with his academics. A few small issues with peer pressure and peer relationships and when necessary, communication occurred with the teacher(s).
Anyway, I digress (or giving back story as it may be).
Today I responded to a letter I received from my insurance company that my son's primary physician had changed. No big deal, right? Sure, except that it changed from a doctor that he never had! Or at least that I was never aware that he had. Here's how the conversation went with the gal on the other end of the phone at my insurance company:
Me: "I'm calling regarding a letter I received that my son's doctor changed from a doctor he has never had. I need to have the records changed to his current doctor he has had for a few years, Dr. Green."
Her: "Your son has never had a Dr. Green, Ma'am."
Me: "He has had Dr. Green for the past few years. He just went in for a physical and again last year for a physical with Dr. Green."
Her: "We show no record of a physical. His last appointment was with a Dr. Davis for a shoulder issue last September 2009."
Me: "He did go in for an appointment on his shoulder. Dr. Davis isn't his doctor. He just saw Dr. Green."
At this point she verifies that in fact we are talking about the same child. My only child. There is no record that the doctor's office has billed for his most recent physical. I can't seem to verify the date flipping through my calendar. From my cell phone I call home and have my son tell me the date, July 2, 2010.
She proceeds to go over the history of my son's doctors. From his primary doctor from infancy until he was 10, verified. In 2007 he was assigned a new doctor. In March 2007 he was assigned a different doctor. In August 2008 he was assigned another doctor and then in July 2010 he was assigned yet another doctor. Four doctors that he has NEVER had. I know in the past that I have contacted my insurance company about updating to his current doctor.
So the conversation continues after this information:
Her: "What is Dr. Green's first name?"
Me: "What? His first name? I don't know, he's Dr. Green. Maybe David? Or how about Brian?" Because really at this point all I can think of is 90210 and Brian Austin-Green, who is clearly NOT my son's doctor.
Her: "There are 275 Dr. Green's Ma'am. There is not a David or Brian Green." (I'm feeling more flabbergasted and clearly Brian Austin-Green exists and I can't get his person out of my mind to actually focus on what my son's doctor's first name is, irrelevant is what I think it is!)
Finally after she puts me on hold to call my son's primary doctor, which I was at least knowledgeable enough to know the doctor's office number by heart (although she had me repeat it three times - I think shocked I would KNOW that but not his doctor's first name!).
Long story short. I finally know, for today, my son's doctor's first name. I can sleep easy tonight feeling more informed as a parent; however, please don't ask me next week what his name is. Personally, I really don't care nor do I think I will need to know!
Do you know your children's physician's full names? Feel free to tell me what a negligent parent I truly am - I deserve it apparently!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)