Training Passive-Aggressive

Sometimes, I can rub people the wrong way. Truly I get that. Mom has always claimed it's because I'm confident and can come across as bitchy or that it's because I'm just all that. Personally, I don't agree with mom's assessment. What it boils down to is...I just rub people the wrong way.

A couple weeks ago I had a four day training about an hour from home. I was able to get a hotel room because of the distance and I did two nights when my son was with his dad. Really helped that I didn't have to do the 7:00a.m. drive! The training was to learn how to teach trainings. I actually liked the trainer - she was personable and almost entertaining, almost. The training itself, I had a hard time from the beginning understanding the concept and the purpose of the training and therefore, I had a hard time focusing and keeping awake.

At every training I attend, I usually am more of a wall flower. I don't socialize with others outside of group work and seldom do I make a point to go to lunch with any of the other participants, unless I'm at a training with a co-worker. I prefer to spend my time the way I want, rather than attempting to make friends or acquaintances with people I don't know and will likely never see again. I'm really not that cold and impersonal, I just like my time. Anyway, I'm digressing.

It was quickly apparent that there was some rift between the trainer and I. I was trying not to take it personal, but it was becoming ever so apparent as the days went on. Everytime I commented or answered a question, she never heard me - not the first, second OR third time. Associates at my table would look from me to her each time. I would maintain the same puzzled look. I finally gave up. If she wasn't going to hear me, then I wasn't going to speak. So I did my best to keep my head bobbing to a minimum and tried to sleep with my eyes open. At some point during Day 2 she came over to our table and said that we were her "sleepy table" and she needed a squirt bottle for myself and the woman next to me. Whatever.

Day 3 was "experiment day" and when we got in, we had to number off and switch tables and take all our belongings. I ended up at a table right in front of her. Honestly, my participation and attention span had much improved with my new seating arrangement. However, again, she never heard me. Again, my new tablemates were questioning her complete inability to hear me. I was trying not to personalize it. One even suggested maybe it is the "tone" of my voice she can't hear. That night, I was beginning to think I needed to address the situation with the instructor on the final day of training; however, if I was wrong then I became the black sheep and if I was right, there was likely nothing I could do about it anyway. So I decided to not address it with her - afterall at some point, she will need to grade me as a trainer and I do so want to be a certified trainer.

Mind you, Day 1 she told us her name...Kathleen. She went on to say that she despises being called "Kathy". That she ignores anyone who calls her that. Additionally, I have a not so traditional name which can often be called incorrectly. (Can you see where this is going?)

On Day 4 (I had been early every morning, back with plenty of time from breaks and lunches and respected her and her time - and yet, it still seemed she had an issue(s) with me.) prior to resuming from one of our breaks, she approached me. Seeing my name tent, which had been in front of me all week long and she had called me by my correct name all week long, she asked me where my office is located by addressing me by the wrong name. While I am more than used to this, this is when my passive-aggressive or aggressive-aggressive response came out. I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "My name is XXXXX, and unless you would like me to call you Kathy, I would like to be called XXXXX."

You would have thought that I had shot her in the heart. I could see the smoke billowing from her ears. Her eyes pierced daggers into me. I sat there motionless. Staring her down.

Two can play your game...

She did apologize and I tried to minimize it with a small anecdotal story about names. But truth be told, she and I both knew that I meant business. And if she chooses not to "pass" me for teaching, oh well. Not the end of the world for me. Afterall, it would free up some of my Saturdays and Thursday nights if I couldn't teach!