Dating Don'ts

In just less than three months, I've managed to meet more than a dozen people. Considering that's about five per month, that doesn't seem like too many; however, that's probably close to more people than I've dated in my entire life! When I put it into context of how many people have emailed me during that time, approximately 200, the number is rather small.

There is a wide range of things that are instant turnoffs for me. From appearance, poor grammar, crudeness, crassness, unemployment, distance, etc. which lead me to never even want to meet someone.

Most what it boils down to is that there wasn't a connection or physical attraction. Some that after a phone call I refuse to meet because of what they sound like or what they say or how many times they call after. I have a huge issue with not wanting to meet guys that aren't involved with their children and make excuses for why. I also don't care for the negativity or guys that call women "bitches or hoes". And then there are the guys who have planned out our lives together before we ever meet and the latest, the one that texted me 12 times and called 6 when I told him I was busy - and that was in less than an hour!

I'm not sure that I can say that I have lowered my standards. But at this point, I'm just interested in meeting someone that I would like to see again. I actually for the first time in a long time, even since before JC had a connection with someone. I was questioning the distance, the kids, the schedules, etc. when he told me on date three that he had the "straw that would break the camel's back" and make the determination that I wouldn't date this guy. He has an STD. I felt deceived. Truly I can be extremely empathetic and wondered how difficult dating for him must be, but honestly, had I known upfront or on the first time we met, I wouldn't have seen him again. And, he knew that. But I allowed myself to share in our many hour phone calls and begin to develop an emotional connection. And so it was hard when we decided it wasn't going to work. I couldn't get intimate with someone and always wonder if or worse yet, when I would contract the STD. Afterall, this was someone I had only met a week before. He tried to hypothetically speak, like "What if we were in a relationship and I got cancer?" Which my response was, "You don't have cancer. And, I couldn't get cancer from you, AND we aren't in a relationship." So back to the drawing boards although I do have to commend him for being honest before we ever became intimate.

So here are some of my personal experiences:

Fabio - His longer than his picture hair less than shoulder length - shows up 20 minutes late and his hair is longer than his shoulders! DONE

Personal Trainer - Stuck on himself and more than high maintenance. Took 30 minutes to get ready for a bike ride after he picked me up! And feels that "silence" is awesome, who needs to always communicate? That's great for a first/second meet/date. DONE

Satan Fingers - Into fishing and communicating via email but in person is difficult. Then sends me a "Virtual Satan Fingers" message and tries to rationalize it. DONE

Battery Man - Drinks to point of intoxication and invites me over to watch football where he attempts to mount me. Then he wonders if he ruined his chances for a second date. DONE

Motorcycle Man - Arrives with ripped jeans and converse shoes - takes off his helmet to unkempt hair, bi-focal glasses and a mouth full of teeth that had never been brushed and had taken too many hits from a baseball bat. DONE

Drink Man - Emails out of the blue and wants to meet. Meet have a drink and neither one of us ever talk to each other again. Personality of an old shoe. DONE

Older Man - Emails fabulous correspondence of promised trips, breakfast in bed, experiences we can have. Calls went well. Meet - and he is shorter than my 5'6" with heels, has bi-focals and hands smaller than mine. DONE

I'm sure I could share a ton more of my experiences. But what it boils down to is having a connection and personal attraction and chemistry. Especially considering that I'm interested in actually dating someone, not having a one-night stand. It seems that with my 35th birthday right around the corner, I'm finding myself in a slight predicament in the dating world. I don't want to have more children and most my age, do. I am looking forward to six years from now being an empty nester ready to explore the world! Men in their early 40's now have young children, even younger than toddler's. I had my son early and I'm looking forward to my fun! So if I date older who are mentally where I am, they aren't physically active or fun. If I date younger, they want children or a family or have young kids of their own.

Maybe I should open up my door to all dating experiences. But no matter how often I say that, I just can't find the 25 year old bi-sexual man who no longer dates men but finds them attractive, interesting enough to meet! I would like to say it's not too much to try to find someone who lives within an hour distance, is employed & works a similar shift, has similar visitation schedules and is attractive & fun! It appears like finding a needle in a haystack or as some may relate more, a safety pin in a bowl of rice!