I had my follow up appointment this morning. One thing I can say about the doctor's office...they are prompt. I was still at the window questioning why I had been charged a co-pay twice when I was called back for my appointment, early.
I managed to wear a very leg accessible outfit, so I just had to lift up the leg for another ultrasound. Before I mentioned anything about my pain and suffering, the doctor said that due to my "thin leg" and the "large vein" he did what he could, but it's often more painful when there isn't a large leg with an abundance of skin or fatty tissue.
Everything is healing well and he asked if I had any soreness. Soreness? Is that what that was called? I proceeded to tell him it was the most painful procedure I have had in a very long time (if EVER). I said I wouldn't be having the other leg done, nor would I recommend the procedure to anyone.
I think I offended him. He told me that he has completed between 4-5000 procedures and if they weren't successful there wouldn't be the demand for him to continue. True enough. I get that. Truly I do. But for appearance purposes, I clearly won't be signing up for another one.
IF my varicose veins were painful, that would be a completely different story. Because clearly, two weeks of pain and suffering would be minimal compared to a lifetime of pain and discomfort. So while I wouldn't recommend it for cosmetic purposes, there are clearly more dramatic and drastically painful procedures available.
Again, had I been fully aware of what I was getting myself into, I would have known what to expect. I could have planned ahead and have been prepared for pain and agony and the inability to do much other than pop massive amounts of pain pills. But I wasn't. Knowing what it was like, despite hearing that the first is the worst, I'm not getting in line anytime soon!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Blackberries
I love berries. I didn't think that there was a berry that I didn't like. Until...I had blackberries...plain.
In researching blackberries this morning, http://www.antioxidants-guide.com/health_benefit_of_blackberries.html Blackberries help prevent cancer and heart disease and are extremely high on the anti-oxidant list, one of the top ten in fact.
What I also learned, it isn't a great idea to eat them plain. Mix them with other berries - raspberries, strawberries, cranberries...eating a pint of them plain, not so fabulous. Actually, I should correct myself. Eating them they weren't bad.
The after taste? It ranks up there with the taste of cigarette ashes. So what is it in blackberries that leaves such a nasty taste in the mouth?
In researching blackberries this morning, http://www.antioxidants-guide.com/health_benefit_of_blackberries.html Blackberries help prevent cancer and heart disease and are extremely high on the anti-oxidant list, one of the top ten in fact.
What I also learned, it isn't a great idea to eat them plain. Mix them with other berries - raspberries, strawberries, cranberries...eating a pint of them plain, not so fabulous. Actually, I should correct myself. Eating them they weren't bad.
The after taste? It ranks up there with the taste of cigarette ashes. So what is it in blackberries that leaves such a nasty taste in the mouth?
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
EVLT Update
It's been Day 9 since my EVLT procedure. And today, as much as it was nine days ago, I stick firm on the decision that I will never voluntarily choose to have EVLT done again.
Last night was the first time that I was able to have a reprieve from the pain and discomfort. I even skipped a dosage of ibuprofen. I did take another 1000mg this morning since I knew that I would be up and around, in and out of the office for work. Besides the lingering throb and the muscle pull feeling, the latest nuisance is the chap stocking which is now too big that it is carving into the top of my thigh/groin area. Gotta love it!
I did call the doctor's office on Monday. It's amazing what people will tell you when you ask the right questions. Clearly the answer to most questions, "It depends on the person." Thanks. Thank you very much! The pain should subside around day 10 or so, if it continues, contact the doctor (but in my case - they are closed for Thanksgiving!). There will be a large bump which will dissipate with time. Elevate, elevate, elevate.
I learned about the elevation on my own, in a way. It may have been recommended within the first 24 hours. After about 7 days, I decided while sleeping to wedge a pillow between my thigh and knee. I found that I slept much better without the constant hard surface pain of the touch either against the bed or my other leg. I also learned from calling the doctor's office that you don't have to wear the compression stocking 24/7. If you find it beneficial, you may sleep in it, but this isn't necessary. Wearing the compression stocking is only necessary when up and around. Sigh, nice to know. So in addition to the pillow, not wearing the stocking at night has been a blessing. Although, timing may also add to the relief and the new found ability to almost walk normally after I wake.
The thought of hitting the gym or normal walking gait still isn't feasible. I'm hoping by next week this shouldn't be a problem. I still have a slight limp and if I try to walk at my normal pace, it's more than difficult as well as painful.
As far as the results of the EVLT? I haven't a clue. I no longer can see the pooling, but still have the main discoloration that was present before the procedure. I will likely also have a few small scars from the actual procedure, but I haven't ventured to check it out since mere touch of the upper thigh has put me in tears on more than several occasions. I have my two-week follow up on Monday. Then maybe I'll learn the real truth.
Last night was the first time that I was able to have a reprieve from the pain and discomfort. I even skipped a dosage of ibuprofen. I did take another 1000mg this morning since I knew that I would be up and around, in and out of the office for work. Besides the lingering throb and the muscle pull feeling, the latest nuisance is the chap stocking which is now too big that it is carving into the top of my thigh/groin area. Gotta love it!
I did call the doctor's office on Monday. It's amazing what people will tell you when you ask the right questions. Clearly the answer to most questions, "It depends on the person." Thanks. Thank you very much! The pain should subside around day 10 or so, if it continues, contact the doctor (but in my case - they are closed for Thanksgiving!). There will be a large bump which will dissipate with time. Elevate, elevate, elevate.
I learned about the elevation on my own, in a way. It may have been recommended within the first 24 hours. After about 7 days, I decided while sleeping to wedge a pillow between my thigh and knee. I found that I slept much better without the constant hard surface pain of the touch either against the bed or my other leg. I also learned from calling the doctor's office that you don't have to wear the compression stocking 24/7. If you find it beneficial, you may sleep in it, but this isn't necessary. Wearing the compression stocking is only necessary when up and around. Sigh, nice to know. So in addition to the pillow, not wearing the stocking at night has been a blessing. Although, timing may also add to the relief and the new found ability to almost walk normally after I wake.
The thought of hitting the gym or normal walking gait still isn't feasible. I'm hoping by next week this shouldn't be a problem. I still have a slight limp and if I try to walk at my normal pace, it's more than difficult as well as painful.
As far as the results of the EVLT? I haven't a clue. I no longer can see the pooling, but still have the main discoloration that was present before the procedure. I will likely also have a few small scars from the actual procedure, but I haven't ventured to check it out since mere touch of the upper thigh has put me in tears on more than several occasions. I have my two-week follow up on Monday. Then maybe I'll learn the real truth.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Keys
What's more important to you and why?
The keys to your heart or the keys to your home?
I have no easy answer for this. Both keys are extremely sacred and special to me. Both keys involve trust, immense amounts of trust. Likely for many, this isn't true.
Growing up, I will never forget my dad's philosophy on locking our house..."If someone needs to steal it, they must need it more than we do." Our house was only locked when we went on vacation, twice a year. And often, that was when our house was noticeably broken into.
Have times changed? Do we covet our personal belongings and possessions?
When I first bought my house, the previous owner never locked her house. The day that I was suppose to walk through the house, the realtor didn't show and the neighbor told me to go in anyway. I convinced her to walk through with me so that I wasn't accused of trespassing or stealing anything. After I bought my house, I didn't always lock my house either. It wasn't until the dissolution of my marriage that I began to lock my house. I changed the locks. In the past couple years I've finally stopped making sure the windows were only opened to the safety locks when I was gone. I will even randomly not lock the house if I'll be gone for a short time. But I still lock it if I'm gone for longer periods. The doors are always locked when I'm in for the night. My house is my home. It's mine (well and the mortgage company's for now!).
The key to my heart...something much less tangible. It isn't physical in the sense that you can put it on your key chain. I'm not sure how many people I've ever truly trusted with the key to my heart. Even some of my best friends or ex's, over the years, I may have shut off parts of my heart. Parts that I no longer want to subject or make vulnerable or be able to bear the pain of others. Pain of disappointment.
From an emotional standpoint, the key to my heart is much more important. I have insurance to replace anything in my home. I have memories to remind me of what I may have had if something happens. But the key to my heart is sacred. It unlocks the vulnerability that very few will see or should see. Both are very important to me, both that without trust I hold intensely.
Who holds the key to your heart? Who holds the key to your house?
The keys to your heart or the keys to your home?
I have no easy answer for this. Both keys are extremely sacred and special to me. Both keys involve trust, immense amounts of trust. Likely for many, this isn't true.
Growing up, I will never forget my dad's philosophy on locking our house..."If someone needs to steal it, they must need it more than we do." Our house was only locked when we went on vacation, twice a year. And often, that was when our house was noticeably broken into.
Have times changed? Do we covet our personal belongings and possessions?
When I first bought my house, the previous owner never locked her house. The day that I was suppose to walk through the house, the realtor didn't show and the neighbor told me to go in anyway. I convinced her to walk through with me so that I wasn't accused of trespassing or stealing anything. After I bought my house, I didn't always lock my house either. It wasn't until the dissolution of my marriage that I began to lock my house. I changed the locks. In the past couple years I've finally stopped making sure the windows were only opened to the safety locks when I was gone. I will even randomly not lock the house if I'll be gone for a short time. But I still lock it if I'm gone for longer periods. The doors are always locked when I'm in for the night. My house is my home. It's mine (well and the mortgage company's for now!).
The key to my heart...something much less tangible. It isn't physical in the sense that you can put it on your key chain. I'm not sure how many people I've ever truly trusted with the key to my heart. Even some of my best friends or ex's, over the years, I may have shut off parts of my heart. Parts that I no longer want to subject or make vulnerable or be able to bear the pain of others. Pain of disappointment.
From an emotional standpoint, the key to my heart is much more important. I have insurance to replace anything in my home. I have memories to remind me of what I may have had if something happens. But the key to my heart is sacred. It unlocks the vulnerability that very few will see or should see. Both are very important to me, both that without trust I hold intensely.
Who holds the key to your heart? Who holds the key to your house?
EVLT
Endovenous Laser Treatment of the Saphenous Vein (EVLT).
My new worst enemy. I can admit that I feel completely deceived. Completely blindsided. Maybe it's just a momentary/minute amount of pain and suffering to be endured for the long haul. Maybe not.
See, the reality, the varicose veins of mine, weren't painful. Ugly, yes. Painful, no.
I could have never imagined the procedure or the aftermath of the brief procedure. My first recommendation for anyone considering treatment DO NOT SCHEDULE DURING THE SUMMER (and fortunately for me, I didn't - mere coincidence). Second suggestion, DO NOT PLAN ANYTHING FOR SEVERAL DAYS TO A WEEK AFTERWARD (unless of course you have like to walk around with a tight ace bandage on your leg and sport a stocking for the week after - again fortunately I'm Ok with nothing in the schedule and that I can wear pants!).
The procedure was very quick. As described in my written material, "Endovenous laser treatment is a minimally invasive option for treating the saphenous vein reflux (leaky valves). The first stage of your procedure will involve numbing the skin and then inserting a thin catheter (plastic tube fed up your diseased saphenous vein, (the superficial vein along the inside of your calf and/or thigh)."...More numbing..."The laser catheter is then slowly pulled back while delivering energy to the vein wall, causing it to heat, collapse and seal shut."
Long story short, the numbing process took the longest of the procedure, with the actual laser treatment lasting about 90 seconds. From the time I checked in at the desk to walking out, it was less than 25 minutes. I'm not a fan of needles, so I was fortunate that I couldn't see the IV, which the doctor claimed would be the most painful part. He lied.
Then when numbing the upper thigh, he informed me that I would feel a slight series of pokes. He lied again. I thought of RUR and his smile and pushed hard on my rib cage with each extreme jab that repetitively went into the thigh down to the knee. Poke my...! Maybe it was more painful for me due to the muscles in my thigh. Who knows, but it hurt.
Then there was the use of the laser. He warned that I may smell or taste something. MAY? He lied, yet again.
Smell or taste was the clearly under exaggerated! He did joke that it would only last a few weeks, which it did subside shortly after the laser treatment was complete. The smell...burning rubber.
The taste? I have never in my life smoked a cigarette. When I was young, I wanted to. I would sit in my mom's car when she ran into the store and push in the push lighter. I would burn her cigarettes that were in the ashtray. I would hold them in my hands. I would lift the partial cigarettes toward my lips, never coming closer than my chin. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I don't know why. Now, I despise the smell of cigarettes. I can't stand the smell of smoke lingering in my hair and my clothes and my being from going out on the town. I hate that I wreak of an ashtray after home calls of smokers. I'm glad that I've never tried a cigarette. So the taste you ask? Cigarette ashes.
I can't tell you how or why I know this. For those brief minutes of reality, which seemed like thousands of seconds of hell, in the back of my throat, I tasted cigarette ash. I felt like I was licking the ashes from an ashtray. It was disgusting and appalling and anything but surreal.
After the doctor was done, I was informed that I have to wear the ace bandage for five days. If it happens to fall off (maybe with some assistance of my own) in three or four days, that's OK. Then I have to wear my "chap stocking" for a week to prevent blood clots. Ibuprofen was recommended (400-600mg) for pain, especially since day 2-3 can be the most severe.
I used to think that I had a high pain tolerance. I was wrong. I've been popping ibuprofen like candy every 5-6 hours at 1000mg each. My upper thigh is beyond swollen and I feel like I'm a 500# sumo wrestler. The pain is more intense than the feeling of a "slight muscle pull" that I might feel.
If nothing else, I want the truth. I can handle it. But what I hate the most, deceit. Tell me that if I want to be varicose vein free it will hurt like hell for up to two weeks. Tell me that I'll taste cigarette ash for longer than I ever want to admit. Tell me that I can't workout for a week and showering will be a challenge. Tell me that I'll be in discomfort and that while I can work, I won't want to. Tell me that my inner thigh will feel worse than bad razor burn and a pulled muscle combined. Tell me that vanity may be painful. Then and only then would I expect the worse and understand what I'm walking into. Don't sugarcoat the truth.
Would I do this again? My answer today, NO.
My new worst enemy. I can admit that I feel completely deceived. Completely blindsided. Maybe it's just a momentary/minute amount of pain and suffering to be endured for the long haul. Maybe not.
See, the reality, the varicose veins of mine, weren't painful. Ugly, yes. Painful, no.
I could have never imagined the procedure or the aftermath of the brief procedure. My first recommendation for anyone considering treatment DO NOT SCHEDULE DURING THE SUMMER (and fortunately for me, I didn't - mere coincidence). Second suggestion, DO NOT PLAN ANYTHING FOR SEVERAL DAYS TO A WEEK AFTERWARD (unless of course you have like to walk around with a tight ace bandage on your leg and sport a stocking for the week after - again fortunately I'm Ok with nothing in the schedule and that I can wear pants!).
The procedure was very quick. As described in my written material, "Endovenous laser treatment is a minimally invasive option for treating the saphenous vein reflux (leaky valves). The first stage of your procedure will involve numbing the skin and then inserting a thin catheter (plastic tube fed up your diseased saphenous vein, (the superficial vein along the inside of your calf and/or thigh)."...More numbing..."The laser catheter is then slowly pulled back while delivering energy to the vein wall, causing it to heat, collapse and seal shut."
Long story short, the numbing process took the longest of the procedure, with the actual laser treatment lasting about 90 seconds. From the time I checked in at the desk to walking out, it was less than 25 minutes. I'm not a fan of needles, so I was fortunate that I couldn't see the IV, which the doctor claimed would be the most painful part. He lied.
Then when numbing the upper thigh, he informed me that I would feel a slight series of pokes. He lied again. I thought of RUR and his smile and pushed hard on my rib cage with each extreme jab that repetitively went into the thigh down to the knee. Poke my...! Maybe it was more painful for me due to the muscles in my thigh. Who knows, but it hurt.
Then there was the use of the laser. He warned that I may smell or taste something. MAY? He lied, yet again.
Smell or taste was the clearly under exaggerated! He did joke that it would only last a few weeks, which it did subside shortly after the laser treatment was complete. The smell...burning rubber.
The taste? I have never in my life smoked a cigarette. When I was young, I wanted to. I would sit in my mom's car when she ran into the store and push in the push lighter. I would burn her cigarettes that were in the ashtray. I would hold them in my hands. I would lift the partial cigarettes toward my lips, never coming closer than my chin. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I don't know why. Now, I despise the smell of cigarettes. I can't stand the smell of smoke lingering in my hair and my clothes and my being from going out on the town. I hate that I wreak of an ashtray after home calls of smokers. I'm glad that I've never tried a cigarette. So the taste you ask? Cigarette ashes.
I can't tell you how or why I know this. For those brief minutes of reality, which seemed like thousands of seconds of hell, in the back of my throat, I tasted cigarette ash. I felt like I was licking the ashes from an ashtray. It was disgusting and appalling and anything but surreal.
After the doctor was done, I was informed that I have to wear the ace bandage for five days. If it happens to fall off (maybe with some assistance of my own) in three or four days, that's OK. Then I have to wear my "chap stocking" for a week to prevent blood clots. Ibuprofen was recommended (400-600mg) for pain, especially since day 2-3 can be the most severe.
I used to think that I had a high pain tolerance. I was wrong. I've been popping ibuprofen like candy every 5-6 hours at 1000mg each. My upper thigh is beyond swollen and I feel like I'm a 500# sumo wrestler. The pain is more intense than the feeling of a "slight muscle pull" that I might feel.
If nothing else, I want the truth. I can handle it. But what I hate the most, deceit. Tell me that if I want to be varicose vein free it will hurt like hell for up to two weeks. Tell me that I'll taste cigarette ash for longer than I ever want to admit. Tell me that I can't workout for a week and showering will be a challenge. Tell me that I'll be in discomfort and that while I can work, I won't want to. Tell me that my inner thigh will feel worse than bad razor burn and a pulled muscle combined. Tell me that vanity may be painful. Then and only then would I expect the worse and understand what I'm walking into. Don't sugarcoat the truth.
Would I do this again? My answer today, NO.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Hunting Season
As most are more than well aware, November 15 is opening day of gun season. T's dad hunts, or attempts to hunt or finds solace with nature or away from civilization. Actually I don't know what he does, other than he leaves town and doesn't visit with T.
November is always a crazy and chaotic month for me. I know that I have chosen to be a single parent. Although, it wasn't really only my choice, it was a choice I made for all of us. For the well being of all of us. And honestly, it's been a fabulous one! I also chose to not live near my family and not have babysitters. My choice.
Nevertheless, the change in schedule to having my son 22 out of 30 days for the month of November is always a testing of my patience and my parenting. After twelve years, I've come to need the welcomed breaks of joint custody. While it wasn't anything I would have desired for my son, I do know that it's worked out best for him to have parents that are not together. Additionally, our time apart makes us healthier when we are together. I couldn't imagine it any other way. And before I know it, it will be December!
November is always a crazy and chaotic month for me. I know that I have chosen to be a single parent. Although, it wasn't really only my choice, it was a choice I made for all of us. For the well being of all of us. And honestly, it's been a fabulous one! I also chose to not live near my family and not have babysitters. My choice.
Nevertheless, the change in schedule to having my son 22 out of 30 days for the month of November is always a testing of my patience and my parenting. After twelve years, I've come to need the welcomed breaks of joint custody. While it wasn't anything I would have desired for my son, I do know that it's worked out best for him to have parents that are not together. Additionally, our time apart makes us healthier when we are together. I couldn't imagine it any other way. And before I know it, it will be December!
Parent-Teacher Conferences
It is again, that time of year. Parent. Teacher. Conferences.
My son, for those that aren't aware, is an excellent student. He is in advanced math. He has participated in the Gifted and Talented program for years. He is self sufficient, self reliant, independent and self motivated for starters.
Last night was his Parent-Teacher Conferences. Another fabulous opportunity to be in the same place at the same time with his dad. An hour of feeling the Great Divide, which was ever so apparent when sitting at the same table, not acknowledging each other with T sitting in between us giving sideways glances and smiles to me in our non-verbal ways.
I have been completely unaware of the work that T has been doing in his G/T class. Well actually in all of his classes. I see what he brings home. I review what he shares. I have no communication with his teachers. Neither he nor I require it. He is an amazing kid and has done great projects without any assistance. He uses Power Point. He uses the web and makes web blogs. He has been more technologically advanced than myself for years now. And, I'm completely OK with that. Completely.
His dad and I waited to speak with several teachers. We reviewed his report card of all A's and wondered who we should speak to. Speak to all of them? Speak to none of them? His dad and I confirmed that we really didn't need to be there. But parental obligations, we were. In my mind, I just wanted to skip it all and get to dinner with RUR, but even I managed to smile and be pleasant with teachers that said only four words. What does a teacher say when a parent has no questions, there are no problems and this student is getting 99.53%?
Funny thing though, T's worst class....Gym. We laughed when he told us he was getting a 97%, having missed two questions on the soccer test, when he played soccer this fall! So when we met with the teacher we said that we were surprised to hear that gym was his worst class. The teacher, scrambling through his papers was shocked. He couldn't believe that T wasn't getting an A. Oh he IS, it's just his lowest A yet, with the next lowest being 99.09%.
Too funny! Gym of all classes!
My son, for those that aren't aware, is an excellent student. He is in advanced math. He has participated in the Gifted and Talented program for years. He is self sufficient, self reliant, independent and self motivated for starters.
Last night was his Parent-Teacher Conferences. Another fabulous opportunity to be in the same place at the same time with his dad. An hour of feeling the Great Divide, which was ever so apparent when sitting at the same table, not acknowledging each other with T sitting in between us giving sideways glances and smiles to me in our non-verbal ways.
I have been completely unaware of the work that T has been doing in his G/T class. Well actually in all of his classes. I see what he brings home. I review what he shares. I have no communication with his teachers. Neither he nor I require it. He is an amazing kid and has done great projects without any assistance. He uses Power Point. He uses the web and makes web blogs. He has been more technologically advanced than myself for years now. And, I'm completely OK with that. Completely.
His dad and I waited to speak with several teachers. We reviewed his report card of all A's and wondered who we should speak to. Speak to all of them? Speak to none of them? His dad and I confirmed that we really didn't need to be there. But parental obligations, we were. In my mind, I just wanted to skip it all and get to dinner with RUR, but even I managed to smile and be pleasant with teachers that said only four words. What does a teacher say when a parent has no questions, there are no problems and this student is getting 99.53%?
Funny thing though, T's worst class....Gym. We laughed when he told us he was getting a 97%, having missed two questions on the soccer test, when he played soccer this fall! So when we met with the teacher we said that we were surprised to hear that gym was his worst class. The teacher, scrambling through his papers was shocked. He couldn't believe that T wasn't getting an A. Oh he IS, it's just his lowest A yet, with the next lowest being 99.09%.
Too funny! Gym of all classes!
Pets
Seems like lately, there has been a lot of discussion about pets. I have been pet free for six years now and I love it! I have no interest in getting another pet - well kind of. See, I have entertained the idea of having a dog and walking and playing with a dog. But the reality of the situation, not a good fit for my lifestyle or a dog! I think if I were really interested, I would volunteer at a shelter or adopt a dog for a day or week to get my fix. Kind of like renting a child would be a great idea for people entertaining having a child!
JN is considering getting a dog. I gave her my opinion, which wasn't really asked for. She's doing respite on Wednesday until who knows when for a dog that she could keep if she desires.
One of my biggest issues with dogs...besides being on the furniture and potty training...is shedding.
And truth be told my hair around the house and down the drain is far more than I want!
JN is considering getting a dog. I gave her my opinion, which wasn't really asked for. She's doing respite on Wednesday until who knows when for a dog that she could keep if she desires.
One of my biggest issues with dogs...besides being on the furniture and potty training...is shedding.
And truth be told my hair around the house and down the drain is far more than I want!
Stockings
I wish that I were thinking of Christmas stockings or lingerie stockings, but I'm not. I have a prescription that I need to fill for my stockings for my varicose vein treatment. My procedure is a week away and I haven't bothered to look at the material or to pick up my fitted stockings.
Last night RUR came over before heading out of town for a two day training. He then decided he could postpone his initial departure time and wait until I finished up with parent teacher conferences and we could grab dinner before he hit the road. He had some work he needed to complete and when he went to grab his laptop I decided to flip through my material. He happened to walk behind me as I mentioned the prescription. He asked where I needed to pick up the stockings. I told him. And his comment...
You get to meet my ex-wife. She works there and she's the one that does the fittings! Fabulous.
I have to say that was a little flustering. I felt like I had lost my bearings. I didn't know what to say or what to think. How was I suppose to meet this man's ex-wife. And, truly, did he have to mention that? I would have been just fine with not knowing her or after the fact learning that it was his ex. Or putting two and two together if she wore a name tag.
All I can think...awkward. And to make matters more interesting, he's already talked to her about me. So yeah, my not so common name...she'll definitely put two and two together, no doubt.
Last night RUR came over before heading out of town for a two day training. He then decided he could postpone his initial departure time and wait until I finished up with parent teacher conferences and we could grab dinner before he hit the road. He had some work he needed to complete and when he went to grab his laptop I decided to flip through my material. He happened to walk behind me as I mentioned the prescription. He asked where I needed to pick up the stockings. I told him. And his comment...
You get to meet my ex-wife. She works there and she's the one that does the fittings! Fabulous.
I have to say that was a little flustering. I felt like I had lost my bearings. I didn't know what to say or what to think. How was I suppose to meet this man's ex-wife. And, truly, did he have to mention that? I would have been just fine with not knowing her or after the fact learning that it was his ex. Or putting two and two together if she wore a name tag.
All I can think...awkward. And to make matters more interesting, he's already talked to her about me. So yeah, my not so common name...she'll definitely put two and two together, no doubt.
Hope
Last week Wednesday night I met someone.
Not just anyone.
I met him.
He has a fabulous smile. He has a soft demeanor, a more than pleasant personality and eyes that gleam when they look at me. He can carry on a conversation and can and does listen intently. He understands the value of communication and even moreso the purpose or lack of, of silence. He is a parent - both a father and a dad. He loves his children and he loves your children. He has a heart and a soul.
He is a good man. Not the Good Man, Charlie Brown type. But a truly genuine, decent man.
He gives me faith. He gives me hope.
Thank you RUR...I could have never imagined that I would meet someone like you. I look forward to getting to know you better. I look forward to many todays and tomorrows...
Not just anyone.
I met him.
He has a fabulous smile. He has a soft demeanor, a more than pleasant personality and eyes that gleam when they look at me. He can carry on a conversation and can and does listen intently. He understands the value of communication and even moreso the purpose or lack of, of silence. He is a parent - both a father and a dad. He loves his children and he loves your children. He has a heart and a soul.
He is a good man. Not the Good Man, Charlie Brown type. But a truly genuine, decent man.
He gives me faith. He gives me hope.
Thank you RUR...I could have never imagined that I would meet someone like you. I look forward to getting to know you better. I look forward to many todays and tomorrows...
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Colorado
Many months ago, in my madness of purchasing off the auction, I purchased a condo for a week in Keystone Colorado. I had choice of one week during the months of January or February. Honestly, the Saturday - Saturday stay wouldn't have been my first choice since it doesn't bode well with my parenting schedule, but such is life.
When I purchased the condo, which sleeps six, I had talked about it with friends beforehand. I've had enough vacations gone awry as well as auction purchases that I thought were a good idea only to find them be more of a headache or stressful than I imagined.
I've also had too many vacations that I have planned to include a guy that I was dating at the time. Only to find that I didn't want to be dating them anymore or after the fact how much more fun I would have had without them. So this vacation, I will not invite anyone that I am dating or anyone that would want to date me. Really, I'm not that conceited, but I don't want to deal with being with someone for a week that isn't really interested in skiing and Colorado!
Finding six people who have the time and financial means has proven quite the challenge. Much more than I would have anticipated. I thought between the three of us that are going, we could have others or friends interested in going, not the case. TS had a couple that have backed out.
So as odd as it may seem, through the dating site, I was talking to someone that had lived in Summit County and was interested in skiing. We actually met a few weeks back for the sole purpose of the trip. I'm pretty sure he's not interested in dating me. I even suggested if he had a friend or two interested, it may be better. Kind of like being back in college for a week of co-habitating only to crash but everyone does their own thing. What better is that? Me not having to be responsible for everyone? He actually seems pretty normal and I'm hoping that it works out. He said that he has a friend interested in going, but hasn't confirmed.
I'm asking for half of the money for the week as a non-refundable deposit ($100). I really don't think $200 for a week at the base of Keystone is that unaffordable. It's the rest of the trip that is going to get costly - transportation, skiing, etc. We are considering driving out so we don't have to fly to Denver and then rent a car. We also won't have to worry about luggage and renting skis. I also love the idea of packing food for the trip as well! I just wonder how it's all going to come together. JN isn't sure she wants to drive out, opting to fly unless we stay in a hotel each night for the drive, which TS and I aren't interested in planning. I can only hope that the tension for a week is far less than the three of us in Chicago. I'm actually looking forward to some testosterone to add to the mix. TS suggested that we allow people to come along for only $100 for the condo, but I'm not that desperate to have more people take advantage of the trip! Besides, if they can't afford the extra $100, they likely can't afford skiing or their own entertainment either! I'm not about to sign up to be someone's personal entertainer too!
When I purchased the condo, which sleeps six, I had talked about it with friends beforehand. I've had enough vacations gone awry as well as auction purchases that I thought were a good idea only to find them be more of a headache or stressful than I imagined.
I've also had too many vacations that I have planned to include a guy that I was dating at the time. Only to find that I didn't want to be dating them anymore or after the fact how much more fun I would have had without them. So this vacation, I will not invite anyone that I am dating or anyone that would want to date me. Really, I'm not that conceited, but I don't want to deal with being with someone for a week that isn't really interested in skiing and Colorado!
Finding six people who have the time and financial means has proven quite the challenge. Much more than I would have anticipated. I thought between the three of us that are going, we could have others or friends interested in going, not the case. TS had a couple that have backed out.
So as odd as it may seem, through the dating site, I was talking to someone that had lived in Summit County and was interested in skiing. We actually met a few weeks back for the sole purpose of the trip. I'm pretty sure he's not interested in dating me. I even suggested if he had a friend or two interested, it may be better. Kind of like being back in college for a week of co-habitating only to crash but everyone does their own thing. What better is that? Me not having to be responsible for everyone? He actually seems pretty normal and I'm hoping that it works out. He said that he has a friend interested in going, but hasn't confirmed.
I'm asking for half of the money for the week as a non-refundable deposit ($100). I really don't think $200 for a week at the base of Keystone is that unaffordable. It's the rest of the trip that is going to get costly - transportation, skiing, etc. We are considering driving out so we don't have to fly to Denver and then rent a car. We also won't have to worry about luggage and renting skis. I also love the idea of packing food for the trip as well! I just wonder how it's all going to come together. JN isn't sure she wants to drive out, opting to fly unless we stay in a hotel each night for the drive, which TS and I aren't interested in planning. I can only hope that the tension for a week is far less than the three of us in Chicago. I'm actually looking forward to some testosterone to add to the mix. TS suggested that we allow people to come along for only $100 for the condo, but I'm not that desperate to have more people take advantage of the trip! Besides, if they can't afford the extra $100, they likely can't afford skiing or their own entertainment either! I'm not about to sign up to be someone's personal entertainer too!
Sick Leave
I am for the most part, very healthy. I have no complaints. I'm not a hypochondriac. While I really dislike the doctor, I do go for my yearly physical and occasionally go to the doctor when I have certain concerns.
With my employment, I earn two hours of sick leave a week. We can take two consecutive days of sick leave without question. Anything more and a doctor's note is required. I have friends who will take "mental health" sick days. I used to think that by taking one of these days, then I would get sick. Karma.
I have over the past couple years begun to realize that I earn my sick leave. If and when I leave my employer, I will lose my sick leave. I anticipate that when I leave, I will have some doctor's note that will justify my mental illness leave of many months prior to my actual termination date. While I'm not big on the lying and deception, I have tried to embrace the idea of using my sick leave intermittently. I stopped using my personal time for doctor appointments and started using sick time. I will occasionally take a mental health day and find myself sleeping in or cleaning the house. Things that I don't want to waste my weekends on.
I've also found that occasionally, I look for small medical reasons to use my sick leave. I know that this may sound odd, but it's the truth. Granted if I wanted to perfect myself, I could have surgery to make myself prettier. I could have a boob job to enhance my feminine qualities - however I have many reasons for not doing this: 1) My mom had a single mastectomy for breast cancer and never had reconstructive surgery, 2) God and my parents made me - I am who I am, 3) Being physically active I prefer to not have to wear the over the shoulder boulder holder or have chronic sore back and 4) I really prefer that men look at my eyes than my chest (one can hope, right?). I could also have a nose job. But like the reasons for not having a boob job, I haven't done that. I'm not really into cosmetic surgery, per se.
Having said that, I did have my tonsillectomy back when I was married - guessing at least seven years ago. I have absolutely no regrets - other than I wish I had done it sooner. I had reconstructive knee surgery in 2000 - again no regrets, wish I had done it sooner. So as I mentioned, I occasionally wonder what other small thing I can do to take some time off work and better myself.
My latest...I have Varicose Veins. I didn't know that's what they were. And when I work out, they get more intense and severe. I don't know how long I have had them and honestly I thought there was only one, well I guess I only took notice of the one. I have them on both legs. This summer, when I wore more dresses, I've had people question me about them. No one questions the long scar on my leg from my surgery, but they point out the purplish discolored looking bruise. I mentioned it at my recent physical and was referred to a specialist.
A few weeks ago I went to the specialist and he scheduled an ultrasound. I have never met someone who spoke so fast, I had difficulty understanding the doctor. I really have no idea what the procedure is. I went and had the ultrasound completed and learned that in fact the blood is not flowing the way that it should and fortunately I don't have any clots. The doctor informed me that I should call my insurance and that the procedure would be in the "high deductible" range and likely have a $1000 deductible. I found this odd since with my insurance I can't recall ever having a deductible but I figured this might be considered cosmetic. He then went on to say that while they had to charge the deductible if I wrote a letter that I couldn't pay, they would waive the charge. Odd.
I called my insurance company and talked to someone about the potential procedure. Since the doctor is "in network" the procedure is covered 100% and I don't have a deductible. Fabulous. So my gift to myself for post birthday, Endovenous Laser Treatment of the Saphenous Vein (EVLT). I could have had it done ON my birthday, but decided maybe if my son isn't with me for the weekend before to actually celebrate my birthday - then maybe a few days of sick leave and recovery time would be needed!
The doctor suggested that I could do both legs at the same time. But I figure I'll try one at a time and see how it goes before subjecting my other leg. Afterall, that's what I did with my RK eye surgery - and never had the other eye done.
With my employment, I earn two hours of sick leave a week. We can take two consecutive days of sick leave without question. Anything more and a doctor's note is required. I have friends who will take "mental health" sick days. I used to think that by taking one of these days, then I would get sick. Karma.
I have over the past couple years begun to realize that I earn my sick leave. If and when I leave my employer, I will lose my sick leave. I anticipate that when I leave, I will have some doctor's note that will justify my mental illness leave of many months prior to my actual termination date. While I'm not big on the lying and deception, I have tried to embrace the idea of using my sick leave intermittently. I stopped using my personal time for doctor appointments and started using sick time. I will occasionally take a mental health day and find myself sleeping in or cleaning the house. Things that I don't want to waste my weekends on.
I've also found that occasionally, I look for small medical reasons to use my sick leave. I know that this may sound odd, but it's the truth. Granted if I wanted to perfect myself, I could have surgery to make myself prettier. I could have a boob job to enhance my feminine qualities - however I have many reasons for not doing this: 1) My mom had a single mastectomy for breast cancer and never had reconstructive surgery, 2) God and my parents made me - I am who I am, 3) Being physically active I prefer to not have to wear the over the shoulder boulder holder or have chronic sore back and 4) I really prefer that men look at my eyes than my chest (one can hope, right?). I could also have a nose job. But like the reasons for not having a boob job, I haven't done that. I'm not really into cosmetic surgery, per se.
Having said that, I did have my tonsillectomy back when I was married - guessing at least seven years ago. I have absolutely no regrets - other than I wish I had done it sooner. I had reconstructive knee surgery in 2000 - again no regrets, wish I had done it sooner. So as I mentioned, I occasionally wonder what other small thing I can do to take some time off work and better myself.
My latest...I have Varicose Veins. I didn't know that's what they were. And when I work out, they get more intense and severe. I don't know how long I have had them and honestly I thought there was only one, well I guess I only took notice of the one. I have them on both legs. This summer, when I wore more dresses, I've had people question me about them. No one questions the long scar on my leg from my surgery, but they point out the purplish discolored looking bruise. I mentioned it at my recent physical and was referred to a specialist.
A few weeks ago I went to the specialist and he scheduled an ultrasound. I have never met someone who spoke so fast, I had difficulty understanding the doctor. I really have no idea what the procedure is. I went and had the ultrasound completed and learned that in fact the blood is not flowing the way that it should and fortunately I don't have any clots. The doctor informed me that I should call my insurance and that the procedure would be in the "high deductible" range and likely have a $1000 deductible. I found this odd since with my insurance I can't recall ever having a deductible but I figured this might be considered cosmetic. He then went on to say that while they had to charge the deductible if I wrote a letter that I couldn't pay, they would waive the charge. Odd.
I called my insurance company and talked to someone about the potential procedure. Since the doctor is "in network" the procedure is covered 100% and I don't have a deductible. Fabulous. So my gift to myself for post birthday, Endovenous Laser Treatment of the Saphenous Vein (EVLT). I could have had it done ON my birthday, but decided maybe if my son isn't with me for the weekend before to actually celebrate my birthday - then maybe a few days of sick leave and recovery time would be needed!
The doctor suggested that I could do both legs at the same time. But I figure I'll try one at a time and see how it goes before subjecting my other leg. Afterall, that's what I did with my RK eye surgery - and never had the other eye done.
35th Birthday
I rarely make a big deal about my birthday. This birthday, my 35th is no more monumental than the next. Regardless that I will be that much closer to 40 than to 30. Once, when I turned 30, I actually had plans to celebrate. Needless to say, two days prior my son's dad made it clear to me that his hunting took precedence. Therefore, my son was left to find his own sleeping arrangements for my birthday evening by making his own plans at school. I was mortified when I learned that his dad had encouraged him to do such thing.
Since then, I no longer make plans for my birthday. I prepare that with little to no notice, my son's dad will decide he's going out of town for up to 10 days to "deer hunt" although I have no recollection in the past decade that he's actually killed or even shot at a single dear during that time.
In years past I seem to be fixated on my bathroom as birthday presents to myself. One year I think I remodeled the bathroom while I was recovering from my tonsillectomy around my birthday. Another year I had my tub refurbished or painted or what have you - and by the way it looked amazing! Last year I had a new one piece surround installed. I'm running out of things to do with my one and only bathroom. It really could use a new look and a fresh coat of paint, but the reality, I love the color.
For years, at least eight of the ten that I've lived in my house, I've wanted to put an additional bathroom in my house. I would love to add a bathroom in the basement; however, my plumber friend refuses to do it and I haven't been motivated enough to find someone interested or able to give me a quote. My framing in my house is steel. I would need an up flush. Even this morning I was thinking about the addition of a bathroom. The reality, I don't need another bathroom, I want another bathroom.
This morning I received a call from a potential client. She had been completely misinformed about numerous things - it's amazing how much incorrect insight people can offer about things that they know nothing about! I even found myself laughing at some of the absurd things she had come to believe were true but fortunately she questioned to verify. In the midst of her questions she informed me that there were 14 years between she and her husband and that he was a "retired" plumber. I'm sure I crossed every line possible by saying that I was just considering a second bathroom.
Karma. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Karma. Maybe just maybe...yeah, probably not. But it is that time of year - my birthday!
Since then, I no longer make plans for my birthday. I prepare that with little to no notice, my son's dad will decide he's going out of town for up to 10 days to "deer hunt" although I have no recollection in the past decade that he's actually killed or even shot at a single dear during that time.
In years past I seem to be fixated on my bathroom as birthday presents to myself. One year I think I remodeled the bathroom while I was recovering from my tonsillectomy around my birthday. Another year I had my tub refurbished or painted or what have you - and by the way it looked amazing! Last year I had a new one piece surround installed. I'm running out of things to do with my one and only bathroom. It really could use a new look and a fresh coat of paint, but the reality, I love the color.
For years, at least eight of the ten that I've lived in my house, I've wanted to put an additional bathroom in my house. I would love to add a bathroom in the basement; however, my plumber friend refuses to do it and I haven't been motivated enough to find someone interested or able to give me a quote. My framing in my house is steel. I would need an up flush. Even this morning I was thinking about the addition of a bathroom. The reality, I don't need another bathroom, I want another bathroom.
This morning I received a call from a potential client. She had been completely misinformed about numerous things - it's amazing how much incorrect insight people can offer about things that they know nothing about! I even found myself laughing at some of the absurd things she had come to believe were true but fortunately she questioned to verify. In the midst of her questions she informed me that there were 14 years between she and her husband and that he was a "retired" plumber. I'm sure I crossed every line possible by saying that I was just considering a second bathroom.
Karma. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Karma. Maybe just maybe...yeah, probably not. But it is that time of year - my birthday!
Best Halloween Costume...EVER
I was just speaking with JA and she shared with me the best Halloween costume ever. Apparently her co-worker received a knock on her door, about an hour after trick or treaters had ceased.
She opened the door to a 14 year old teenage boy all dressed in red.
He said, "I'm your period. Sorry I'm late."
She opened the door to a 14 year old teenage boy all dressed in red.
He said, "I'm your period. Sorry I'm late."
Computer Crash
Over the past month I managed to get "hijacked" on my desktop computer. I knew that I needed to get updated anti-virus software, since my Norton had expired more than a few years ago; however, it still ran and did checks and seemed to be OK. Somehow though, I managed to get viruses left and right, pop ups here and there and then frequent notices that my computer was under attack. If I actually played Mafia Wars on Facebook than maybe I would have understood the attack!
So one evening when my computer wouldn't do anything else because of the warnings, I did the unthinkable. I fell trap to purchase one of the anti-virus software. Which as you know, ended up to be spam. Somehow in the mix of things, I lost my control panel, my printer and who knows whatelse, although I still had my speed and could navigate my computer to certain things. An acquaintance recommended a free anti-virus software and that didn't help either. So, I resorted to my parents computer "guru" and next door neighbor.
He worked on my computer for hours through www.showmypc.com and couldn't figure it out. He couldn't add malwarebytes because of all the viruses. Long story short, when my son couldn't get to his homework and our trip to my office made me realize the office key was at home, I had had it. We packed up and went to mom's. We purchased a router before hand so SB could hook that up for us as well. We arrived at my mom's about midnight on Saturday.
I told SB that he could keep the desktop for a couple weeks, as long as we had my son's laptop back. He ended up having it all done by late that evening. And as a SURPRISE, I got a laptop as well - from SB and my parents for my birthday!
We got home shortly before midnight that Sunday and I hooked up the router and my desktop. Apparently SB saved all of my pictures and files but pretty much wiped the computer clean - so I had a brand new computer - of sorts. Needless to say, the desktop is slower than slow. I can't even use it, it is that painfully slow. SB got back on the computer through www.showmypc.com and couldn't figure out why. He blamed me for "frying it" by adding yahoo messenger - although he didn't tell this to me, he told my mom! Which I say is BS.
So now it's been two weeks and I still can't use my desktop. My printer isn't hooked up either. Last night I attempted to reload AT&T High Speed Internet and it says that it isn't hooked up to the modem. Well no, it's hooked up to the router. So my dilemma is whether or not the desktop would still connect to the internet if hooked up incorrectly or not. Because, both of our laptops work great! Anyone have any advice?
So one evening when my computer wouldn't do anything else because of the warnings, I did the unthinkable. I fell trap to purchase one of the anti-virus software. Which as you know, ended up to be spam. Somehow in the mix of things, I lost my control panel, my printer and who knows whatelse, although I still had my speed and could navigate my computer to certain things. An acquaintance recommended a free anti-virus software and that didn't help either. So, I resorted to my parents computer "guru" and next door neighbor.
He worked on my computer for hours through www.showmypc.com and couldn't figure it out. He couldn't add malwarebytes because of all the viruses. Long story short, when my son couldn't get to his homework and our trip to my office made me realize the office key was at home, I had had it. We packed up and went to mom's. We purchased a router before hand so SB could hook that up for us as well. We arrived at my mom's about midnight on Saturday.
I told SB that he could keep the desktop for a couple weeks, as long as we had my son's laptop back. He ended up having it all done by late that evening. And as a SURPRISE, I got a laptop as well - from SB and my parents for my birthday!
We got home shortly before midnight that Sunday and I hooked up the router and my desktop. Apparently SB saved all of my pictures and files but pretty much wiped the computer clean - so I had a brand new computer - of sorts. Needless to say, the desktop is slower than slow. I can't even use it, it is that painfully slow. SB got back on the computer through www.showmypc.com and couldn't figure out why. He blamed me for "frying it" by adding yahoo messenger - although he didn't tell this to me, he told my mom! Which I say is BS.
So now it's been two weeks and I still can't use my desktop. My printer isn't hooked up either. Last night I attempted to reload AT&T High Speed Internet and it says that it isn't hooked up to the modem. Well no, it's hooked up to the router. So my dilemma is whether or not the desktop would still connect to the internet if hooked up incorrectly or not. Because, both of our laptops work great! Anyone have any advice?
Monday, November 2, 2009
Mistaken Matt's
I have to acknowledge that I did a first. I have to say that it was bad, but not that bad. But by my standards, it was BAD.
I met a Matt about a month or two ago from the dating site. Nice guy. We met for lunch, which I am so not a fan of. For one, I have issues with eating and wearing my food and having food accumulate in my teeth...so I find meal dates awkward, to say the least. But he was a nice guy, a realtor and we occasionally im or chat on the phone, but nothing else. We talked about seeing each other for a second date but never did.
Along comes Matt #2. He has a great smile and is a driver. He and I had emailed but then just stopped. We picked up emails a month or so later and talked about meeting. He was going out of town and suggested meeting like...9 days later. Which honestly, on a dating site is like an eternity! We didn't actually meet. He's one I would like to meet, but he seems rather elusive and jaded in more than a few ways.
Matt #1 texted me on Friday night that he was bored. I was out with a good friend and texted back sorry to hear that.
Matt #2 and I instant messaged on Saturday. We discussed possibly meeting and I said that I would be in his area that night, Halloween hanging out with my girlfriend. I messaged whether or not he truly wanted to meet me or if it was just a matter of passing. He said he wanted to meet, but he doesn't seem interested in actually making plans. He told me to text him when we figured out our plans for later.
I headed up to JN's and we debated what we were going to do and she guilted me into getting some form of costume. So off to Meijer we went and I picked up the only costume left - "Wild Chic" which was a "tattooed" shirt and a plether vest, hat and fingerless gloves. Whatever. But before we left, I texted Matt (from my text list of who texted me the night before) and said I was in the area and asked where he was. I called him rather than doing the multiple texting and even asked who I was talking to - thinking he passed the phone to a friend. He didn't sound like the Matt I recognized, from our one or two discussions previously. I usually don't forget a voice or what someone tells me. Long story short, we agreed to meet up at a local bar.
JN and I were at the bar and ordering drinks when Matt showed up. I looked at him and thought, he looks a lot like Matt #1! I talked to him very briefly and instantly realized HE WAS MATT #1! When he went to the bar to order a drink, I told JN of my mistake and this was the realtor. She then subsequently said Oh so you work at XX, which was where Matt #2 works! Oops...needless to say, I don't think Matt #1 realized anything had happened. He thanked me for calling him to come on out. He hungout with us the rest of the night and we all had a good time!
I was definitely bummed at missing the opportunity to meet Matt #2, but maybe things happen for a reason. Karma as you will.
I messaged Matt #2 on Sunday and apologized for not being able to connect with him. He tried to give me grief about it, but the reality of the situation was, he didn't text or contact me either! Weekends work best for him to meet (and why yesterday wasn't an option - no idea - since I didn't bring it up) and November is hunting season so I typically have my son three out of four weekends, so told Matt #2 that with our schedules it's not likely we will meet. Too bad too, I would have liked to know how he was in person. At least get him out of my mind - afterall we are all single for a reason, right?
I met a Matt about a month or two ago from the dating site. Nice guy. We met for lunch, which I am so not a fan of. For one, I have issues with eating and wearing my food and having food accumulate in my teeth...so I find meal dates awkward, to say the least. But he was a nice guy, a realtor and we occasionally im or chat on the phone, but nothing else. We talked about seeing each other for a second date but never did.
Along comes Matt #2. He has a great smile and is a driver. He and I had emailed but then just stopped. We picked up emails a month or so later and talked about meeting. He was going out of town and suggested meeting like...9 days later. Which honestly, on a dating site is like an eternity! We didn't actually meet. He's one I would like to meet, but he seems rather elusive and jaded in more than a few ways.
Matt #1 texted me on Friday night that he was bored. I was out with a good friend and texted back sorry to hear that.
Matt #2 and I instant messaged on Saturday. We discussed possibly meeting and I said that I would be in his area that night, Halloween hanging out with my girlfriend. I messaged whether or not he truly wanted to meet me or if it was just a matter of passing. He said he wanted to meet, but he doesn't seem interested in actually making plans. He told me to text him when we figured out our plans for later.
I headed up to JN's and we debated what we were going to do and she guilted me into getting some form of costume. So off to Meijer we went and I picked up the only costume left - "Wild Chic" which was a "tattooed" shirt and a plether vest, hat and fingerless gloves. Whatever. But before we left, I texted Matt (from my text list of who texted me the night before) and said I was in the area and asked where he was. I called him rather than doing the multiple texting and even asked who I was talking to - thinking he passed the phone to a friend. He didn't sound like the Matt I recognized, from our one or two discussions previously. I usually don't forget a voice or what someone tells me. Long story short, we agreed to meet up at a local bar.
JN and I were at the bar and ordering drinks when Matt showed up. I looked at him and thought, he looks a lot like Matt #1! I talked to him very briefly and instantly realized HE WAS MATT #1! When he went to the bar to order a drink, I told JN of my mistake and this was the realtor. She then subsequently said Oh so you work at XX, which was where Matt #2 works! Oops...needless to say, I don't think Matt #1 realized anything had happened. He thanked me for calling him to come on out. He hungout with us the rest of the night and we all had a good time!
I was definitely bummed at missing the opportunity to meet Matt #2, but maybe things happen for a reason. Karma as you will.
I messaged Matt #2 on Sunday and apologized for not being able to connect with him. He tried to give me grief about it, but the reality of the situation was, he didn't text or contact me either! Weekends work best for him to meet (and why yesterday wasn't an option - no idea - since I didn't bring it up) and November is hunting season so I typically have my son three out of four weekends, so told Matt #2 that with our schedules it's not likely we will meet. Too bad too, I would have liked to know how he was in person. At least get him out of my mind - afterall we are all single for a reason, right?
Dating Don'ts
In just less than three months, I've managed to meet more than a dozen people. Considering that's about five per month, that doesn't seem like too many; however, that's probably close to more people than I've dated in my entire life! When I put it into context of how many people have emailed me during that time, approximately 200, the number is rather small.
There is a wide range of things that are instant turnoffs for me. From appearance, poor grammar, crudeness, crassness, unemployment, distance, etc. which lead me to never even want to meet someone.
Most what it boils down to is that there wasn't a connection or physical attraction. Some that after a phone call I refuse to meet because of what they sound like or what they say or how many times they call after. I have a huge issue with not wanting to meet guys that aren't involved with their children and make excuses for why. I also don't care for the negativity or guys that call women "bitches or hoes". And then there are the guys who have planned out our lives together before we ever meet and the latest, the one that texted me 12 times and called 6 when I told him I was busy - and that was in less than an hour!
I'm not sure that I can say that I have lowered my standards. But at this point, I'm just interested in meeting someone that I would like to see again. I actually for the first time in a long time, even since before JC had a connection with someone. I was questioning the distance, the kids, the schedules, etc. when he told me on date three that he had the "straw that would break the camel's back" and make the determination that I wouldn't date this guy. He has an STD. I felt deceived. Truly I can be extremely empathetic and wondered how difficult dating for him must be, but honestly, had I known upfront or on the first time we met, I wouldn't have seen him again. And, he knew that. But I allowed myself to share in our many hour phone calls and begin to develop an emotional connection. And so it was hard when we decided it wasn't going to work. I couldn't get intimate with someone and always wonder if or worse yet, when I would contract the STD. Afterall, this was someone I had only met a week before. He tried to hypothetically speak, like "What if we were in a relationship and I got cancer?" Which my response was, "You don't have cancer. And, I couldn't get cancer from you, AND we aren't in a relationship." So back to the drawing boards although I do have to commend him for being honest before we ever became intimate.
So here are some of my personal experiences:
Fabio - His longer than his picture hair less than shoulder length - shows up 20 minutes late and his hair is longer than his shoulders! DONE
Personal Trainer - Stuck on himself and more than high maintenance. Took 30 minutes to get ready for a bike ride after he picked me up! And feels that "silence" is awesome, who needs to always communicate? That's great for a first/second meet/date. DONE
Satan Fingers - Into fishing and communicating via email but in person is difficult. Then sends me a "Virtual Satan Fingers" message and tries to rationalize it. DONE
Battery Man - Drinks to point of intoxication and invites me over to watch football where he attempts to mount me. Then he wonders if he ruined his chances for a second date. DONE
Motorcycle Man - Arrives with ripped jeans and converse shoes - takes off his helmet to unkempt hair, bi-focal glasses and a mouth full of teeth that had never been brushed and had taken too many hits from a baseball bat. DONE
Drink Man - Emails out of the blue and wants to meet. Meet have a drink and neither one of us ever talk to each other again. Personality of an old shoe. DONE
Older Man - Emails fabulous correspondence of promised trips, breakfast in bed, experiences we can have. Calls went well. Meet - and he is shorter than my 5'6" with heels, has bi-focals and hands smaller than mine. DONE
I'm sure I could share a ton more of my experiences. But what it boils down to is having a connection and personal attraction and chemistry. Especially considering that I'm interested in actually dating someone, not having a one-night stand. It seems that with my 35th birthday right around the corner, I'm finding myself in a slight predicament in the dating world. I don't want to have more children and most my age, do. I am looking forward to six years from now being an empty nester ready to explore the world! Men in their early 40's now have young children, even younger than toddler's. I had my son early and I'm looking forward to my fun! So if I date older who are mentally where I am, they aren't physically active or fun. If I date younger, they want children or a family or have young kids of their own.
Maybe I should open up my door to all dating experiences. But no matter how often I say that, I just can't find the 25 year old bi-sexual man who no longer dates men but finds them attractive, interesting enough to meet! I would like to say it's not too much to try to find someone who lives within an hour distance, is employed & works a similar shift, has similar visitation schedules and is attractive & fun! It appears like finding a needle in a haystack or as some may relate more, a safety pin in a bowl of rice!
There is a wide range of things that are instant turnoffs for me. From appearance, poor grammar, crudeness, crassness, unemployment, distance, etc. which lead me to never even want to meet someone.
Most what it boils down to is that there wasn't a connection or physical attraction. Some that after a phone call I refuse to meet because of what they sound like or what they say or how many times they call after. I have a huge issue with not wanting to meet guys that aren't involved with their children and make excuses for why. I also don't care for the negativity or guys that call women "bitches or hoes". And then there are the guys who have planned out our lives together before we ever meet and the latest, the one that texted me 12 times and called 6 when I told him I was busy - and that was in less than an hour!
I'm not sure that I can say that I have lowered my standards. But at this point, I'm just interested in meeting someone that I would like to see again. I actually for the first time in a long time, even since before JC had a connection with someone. I was questioning the distance, the kids, the schedules, etc. when he told me on date three that he had the "straw that would break the camel's back" and make the determination that I wouldn't date this guy. He has an STD. I felt deceived. Truly I can be extremely empathetic and wondered how difficult dating for him must be, but honestly, had I known upfront or on the first time we met, I wouldn't have seen him again. And, he knew that. But I allowed myself to share in our many hour phone calls and begin to develop an emotional connection. And so it was hard when we decided it wasn't going to work. I couldn't get intimate with someone and always wonder if or worse yet, when I would contract the STD. Afterall, this was someone I had only met a week before. He tried to hypothetically speak, like "What if we were in a relationship and I got cancer?" Which my response was, "You don't have cancer. And, I couldn't get cancer from you, AND we aren't in a relationship." So back to the drawing boards although I do have to commend him for being honest before we ever became intimate.
So here are some of my personal experiences:
Fabio - His longer than his picture hair less than shoulder length - shows up 20 minutes late and his hair is longer than his shoulders! DONE
Personal Trainer - Stuck on himself and more than high maintenance. Took 30 minutes to get ready for a bike ride after he picked me up! And feels that "silence" is awesome, who needs to always communicate? That's great for a first/second meet/date. DONE
Satan Fingers - Into fishing and communicating via email but in person is difficult. Then sends me a "Virtual Satan Fingers" message and tries to rationalize it. DONE
Battery Man - Drinks to point of intoxication and invites me over to watch football where he attempts to mount me. Then he wonders if he ruined his chances for a second date. DONE
Motorcycle Man - Arrives with ripped jeans and converse shoes - takes off his helmet to unkempt hair, bi-focal glasses and a mouth full of teeth that had never been brushed and had taken too many hits from a baseball bat. DONE
Drink Man - Emails out of the blue and wants to meet. Meet have a drink and neither one of us ever talk to each other again. Personality of an old shoe. DONE
Older Man - Emails fabulous correspondence of promised trips, breakfast in bed, experiences we can have. Calls went well. Meet - and he is shorter than my 5'6" with heels, has bi-focals and hands smaller than mine. DONE
I'm sure I could share a ton more of my experiences. But what it boils down to is having a connection and personal attraction and chemistry. Especially considering that I'm interested in actually dating someone, not having a one-night stand. It seems that with my 35th birthday right around the corner, I'm finding myself in a slight predicament in the dating world. I don't want to have more children and most my age, do. I am looking forward to six years from now being an empty nester ready to explore the world! Men in their early 40's now have young children, even younger than toddler's. I had my son early and I'm looking forward to my fun! So if I date older who are mentally where I am, they aren't physically active or fun. If I date younger, they want children or a family or have young kids of their own.
Maybe I should open up my door to all dating experiences. But no matter how often I say that, I just can't find the 25 year old bi-sexual man who no longer dates men but finds them attractive, interesting enough to meet! I would like to say it's not too much to try to find someone who lives within an hour distance, is employed & works a similar shift, has similar visitation schedules and is attractive & fun! It appears like finding a needle in a haystack or as some may relate more, a safety pin in a bowl of rice!
Training Passive-Aggressive
Sometimes, I can rub people the wrong way. Truly I get that. Mom has always claimed it's because I'm confident and can come across as bitchy or that it's because I'm just all that. Personally, I don't agree with mom's assessment. What it boils down to is...I just rub people the wrong way.
A couple weeks ago I had a four day training about an hour from home. I was able to get a hotel room because of the distance and I did two nights when my son was with his dad. Really helped that I didn't have to do the 7:00a.m. drive! The training was to learn how to teach trainings. I actually liked the trainer - she was personable and almost entertaining, almost. The training itself, I had a hard time from the beginning understanding the concept and the purpose of the training and therefore, I had a hard time focusing and keeping awake.
At every training I attend, I usually am more of a wall flower. I don't socialize with others outside of group work and seldom do I make a point to go to lunch with any of the other participants, unless I'm at a training with a co-worker. I prefer to spend my time the way I want, rather than attempting to make friends or acquaintances with people I don't know and will likely never see again. I'm really not that cold and impersonal, I just like my time. Anyway, I'm digressing.
It was quickly apparent that there was some rift between the trainer and I. I was trying not to take it personal, but it was becoming ever so apparent as the days went on. Everytime I commented or answered a question, she never heard me - not the first, second OR third time. Associates at my table would look from me to her each time. I would maintain the same puzzled look. I finally gave up. If she wasn't going to hear me, then I wasn't going to speak. So I did my best to keep my head bobbing to a minimum and tried to sleep with my eyes open. At some point during Day 2 she came over to our table and said that we were her "sleepy table" and she needed a squirt bottle for myself and the woman next to me. Whatever.
Day 3 was "experiment day" and when we got in, we had to number off and switch tables and take all our belongings. I ended up at a table right in front of her. Honestly, my participation and attention span had much improved with my new seating arrangement. However, again, she never heard me. Again, my new tablemates were questioning her complete inability to hear me. I was trying not to personalize it. One even suggested maybe it is the "tone" of my voice she can't hear. That night, I was beginning to think I needed to address the situation with the instructor on the final day of training; however, if I was wrong then I became the black sheep and if I was right, there was likely nothing I could do about it anyway. So I decided to not address it with her - afterall at some point, she will need to grade me as a trainer and I do so want to be a certified trainer.
Mind you, Day 1 she told us her name...Kathleen. She went on to say that she despises being called "Kathy". That she ignores anyone who calls her that. Additionally, I have a not so traditional name which can often be called incorrectly. (Can you see where this is going?)
On Day 4 (I had been early every morning, back with plenty of time from breaks and lunches and respected her and her time - and yet, it still seemed she had an issue(s) with me.) prior to resuming from one of our breaks, she approached me. Seeing my name tent, which had been in front of me all week long and she had called me by my correct name all week long, she asked me where my office is located by addressing me by the wrong name. While I am more than used to this, this is when my passive-aggressive or aggressive-aggressive response came out. I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "My name is XXXXX, and unless you would like me to call you Kathy, I would like to be called XXXXX."
You would have thought that I had shot her in the heart. I could see the smoke billowing from her ears. Her eyes pierced daggers into me. I sat there motionless. Staring her down.
Two can play your game...
She did apologize and I tried to minimize it with a small anecdotal story about names. But truth be told, she and I both knew that I meant business. And if she chooses not to "pass" me for teaching, oh well. Not the end of the world for me. Afterall, it would free up some of my Saturdays and Thursday nights if I couldn't teach!
A couple weeks ago I had a four day training about an hour from home. I was able to get a hotel room because of the distance and I did two nights when my son was with his dad. Really helped that I didn't have to do the 7:00a.m. drive! The training was to learn how to teach trainings. I actually liked the trainer - she was personable and almost entertaining, almost. The training itself, I had a hard time from the beginning understanding the concept and the purpose of the training and therefore, I had a hard time focusing and keeping awake.
At every training I attend, I usually am more of a wall flower. I don't socialize with others outside of group work and seldom do I make a point to go to lunch with any of the other participants, unless I'm at a training with a co-worker. I prefer to spend my time the way I want, rather than attempting to make friends or acquaintances with people I don't know and will likely never see again. I'm really not that cold and impersonal, I just like my time. Anyway, I'm digressing.
It was quickly apparent that there was some rift between the trainer and I. I was trying not to take it personal, but it was becoming ever so apparent as the days went on. Everytime I commented or answered a question, she never heard me - not the first, second OR third time. Associates at my table would look from me to her each time. I would maintain the same puzzled look. I finally gave up. If she wasn't going to hear me, then I wasn't going to speak. So I did my best to keep my head bobbing to a minimum and tried to sleep with my eyes open. At some point during Day 2 she came over to our table and said that we were her "sleepy table" and she needed a squirt bottle for myself and the woman next to me. Whatever.
Day 3 was "experiment day" and when we got in, we had to number off and switch tables and take all our belongings. I ended up at a table right in front of her. Honestly, my participation and attention span had much improved with my new seating arrangement. However, again, she never heard me. Again, my new tablemates were questioning her complete inability to hear me. I was trying not to personalize it. One even suggested maybe it is the "tone" of my voice she can't hear. That night, I was beginning to think I needed to address the situation with the instructor on the final day of training; however, if I was wrong then I became the black sheep and if I was right, there was likely nothing I could do about it anyway. So I decided to not address it with her - afterall at some point, she will need to grade me as a trainer and I do so want to be a certified trainer.
Mind you, Day 1 she told us her name...Kathleen. She went on to say that she despises being called "Kathy". That she ignores anyone who calls her that. Additionally, I have a not so traditional name which can often be called incorrectly. (Can you see where this is going?)
On Day 4 (I had been early every morning, back with plenty of time from breaks and lunches and respected her and her time - and yet, it still seemed she had an issue(s) with me.) prior to resuming from one of our breaks, she approached me. Seeing my name tent, which had been in front of me all week long and she had called me by my correct name all week long, she asked me where my office is located by addressing me by the wrong name. While I am more than used to this, this is when my passive-aggressive or aggressive-aggressive response came out. I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "My name is XXXXX, and unless you would like me to call you Kathy, I would like to be called XXXXX."
You would have thought that I had shot her in the heart. I could see the smoke billowing from her ears. Her eyes pierced daggers into me. I sat there motionless. Staring her down.
Two can play your game...
She did apologize and I tried to minimize it with a small anecdotal story about names. But truth be told, she and I both knew that I meant business. And if she chooses not to "pass" me for teaching, oh well. Not the end of the world for me. Afterall, it would free up some of my Saturdays and Thursday nights if I couldn't teach!
Blah, Blah, Blah
I know that it is quickly approaching a month since my last post. I have no idea where time goes! If it's any consolation, I've considered blogging more times than I care to admit. I really have no excuse for not blogging, other than lack of blog worthy blogs and lack of motivation. Clearly it isn't that I can't type and whip something up in a matter of minutes. Maybe I'm using all of my quick typing minutes and thoughts to reply to random potential daters on the dating site (yeah that's it - which mind you is completely unsuccessful!)
I spent seven days in training during the month of October. All out of town, but not far enough. I did spend two nights in a hotel during one of the four day trainings. I'll post later about my passive-aggressive training moment, although one co-worker deemed it more of an aggressive-aggressive moment!
I'm trying really hard at the whole dating thing. Ok, that's more of an extreme exaggeration. I should clarify and say that I'm trying really hard to actually meet people and date rather than jump into a relationship. Last week I came across several blogs of turn-offs in dating. I'll reference my list in a later blog too.
On the home front...T finished up soccer on a Thursday, party on Friday. And then what comes next? Monday basketball tryouts. Weekends were swapped with my son's dad so that my son could go to his great grandma's 97th birthday party, which was cancelled the Monday before and subsequently she passed on the day her party had been scheduled. So the day of tryouts - none other than the viewing across state and the funeral the following day. While son's dad didn't ever talk to me about any of it - heard via instant message with my son (have to love YAHOO IM), I volunteered to drive my son 3.5 hours east after tryouts to attend the funeral the following day. Didn't even get out of the car, and then made the return trip. Ah motherhood. Of course I had a few appropriate "choice words" with the coach when I learned that tryouts weren't just Monday, regardless he made the "B" team. Sigh...I mean Congrats T, mom loves the 4:00p.m. games!
I spent seven days in training during the month of October. All out of town, but not far enough. I did spend two nights in a hotel during one of the four day trainings. I'll post later about my passive-aggressive training moment, although one co-worker deemed it more of an aggressive-aggressive moment!
I'm trying really hard at the whole dating thing. Ok, that's more of an extreme exaggeration. I should clarify and say that I'm trying really hard to actually meet people and date rather than jump into a relationship. Last week I came across several blogs of turn-offs in dating. I'll reference my list in a later blog too.
On the home front...T finished up soccer on a Thursday, party on Friday. And then what comes next? Monday basketball tryouts. Weekends were swapped with my son's dad so that my son could go to his great grandma's 97th birthday party, which was cancelled the Monday before and subsequently she passed on the day her party had been scheduled. So the day of tryouts - none other than the viewing across state and the funeral the following day. While son's dad didn't ever talk to me about any of it - heard via instant message with my son (have to love YAHOO IM), I volunteered to drive my son 3.5 hours east after tryouts to attend the funeral the following day. Didn't even get out of the car, and then made the return trip. Ah motherhood. Of course I had a few appropriate "choice words" with the coach when I learned that tryouts weren't just Monday, regardless he made the "B" team. Sigh...I mean Congrats T, mom loves the 4:00p.m. games!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)