In a few days, I will leave the comforts and security of my home and town and go on vacation. I will be heading out to Summit County Colorado to ski.
I tuned my skis and I packed up my ski equipment. I will be flying out to Denver and will be picked up by a new friend to ski for the week. I met him online a few months ago for the sole purpose of him joining some friends and I in Colorado to share a condo in January. He seemed normal enough and I told him if he and anyone else wanted to join us, they could for the set amount of the week of the condo. He said that he was in and so was a friend of his.
A few weeks ago, he told me he was going out to Colorado for Christmas and he invited me to join him. I initially laughed at the idea, as did he. And within 24 hours, I utilized my free round trip airfare and am joining him on his adventure. At that point, I had only met him once. Since then, he and his female friend/roommate B have hung out with my friends and I several times. Other than the first time I met him, when I was later accompanied by a friend who joined us, I have never been alone with him. My friends all like him. I like him. He likes me.
He likes me for ME. He isn't in love with me. He doesn't want to date me. He doesn't covet me because I may have things that his ex doesn't have. He clearly enjoys my company and we have something in common, skiing.
He and B came over on Sunday night and picked up my skis and equipment. We talked for several hours before they left. B enlightened me that he is quite the extreme skier as he skis with a camel back, backpack and bungee cords. None of which I care to use. I prefer to live. I prefer to enjoy the groomed trails. I have no desire to meet my destiny with a tree. I have a son and I have a life which I love and would like to continue to live. I'm not about to bungee my skis to my back and hike up cliffs to extreme ski. I'm not going to find myself in areas where I will need to utilize water and snacks and other resources since I'm off the beaten path. I've told him that I can meet him at the bottom of the bunny hills! And, I'm really not joking. It's true that I've been skiing for 27 years. When I was a teenager I was much more extreme and adventurous, that was two knee surgeries and one child ago.
I have responsibilities. I have limits. In many ways I refuse to allow my limitations from holding me back from experiencing fun and living life; however, by no means will I throw caution to the wind and do something irresponsible and at risk. I am a mother first and foremost, whether he is with me or not. He can take any risk that he wants but I do not have to be part of all of them.
I do hope that we have a fabulous adventure. Of course I am nervous. Nervous to spend a week alone with someone that I barely know. Even spending a weekend with someone that I think I know has turned out badly. I can only hope that we not only tolerate each other but enjoy each other's company knowing that a friendship is growing and we hope to have many more adventures with each other. Maybe it's different with the expectations and drama that people have when there is nothing on the line. When there is nothing but two people with the same common goal - to go on vacation, to ski, to have fun and to enjoy someone else's company without the drama, trials and pitfall's of everyday life.
And with that, I'm figuratively jumping off the cliff and hoping to land into soft powder that will cushion my fall, freeze my hair and give me a permanent smile and memories of a lifetime!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Love quote
I heard a quote in a movie the other day that had me thinking..."Thank you for loving me."
I found it extremely touching. Moving. Thought provoking. Maybe I was in one of those moods.
I began to reminisce about times one might share with another their love. Times that may seem premature but the moment was right. That at that very moment, all you truly felt was love. But does that mean that you actually love the person? Do we often put too much weight into when someone says "I love you" or when we hear it?
Have you ever said it to someone because you felt feelings of love, but may not have been "in love" with them? That your feelings and emotions were growing and you shared something later only to question whether it was legitimate. Or maybe because of the other persons response you questioned whether you should have shared. Do some people put too much credence into the fact that you may love them that it means something more permanent or forever?
I know when I looked into his eyes and I thought about the answer to his question, that what I felt, that what I knew at that very moment, was that I loved him. Without holding back, without protecting myself or wondering what the repercussions of what I may have said, I didn't hold back and I told him I loved him. And from that moment on, nothing ever was the same. There was no turning back. There was no changing how I felt at that moment and what I said. And I wouldn't change it, since it was precisely what I felt. However, nothing would ever be the same again. How is it that a single word or a single action in the moment can change everything?
It changed things for him, for me, for us. Maybe it's fear that dominates, that holds one back from truly living, experiencing, hearing, being...maybe it's ultimately something else that only you know the answer. I suppose there will always be answers that I will never know.
I found it extremely touching. Moving. Thought provoking. Maybe I was in one of those moods.
I began to reminisce about times one might share with another their love. Times that may seem premature but the moment was right. That at that very moment, all you truly felt was love. But does that mean that you actually love the person? Do we often put too much weight into when someone says "I love you" or when we hear it?
Have you ever said it to someone because you felt feelings of love, but may not have been "in love" with them? That your feelings and emotions were growing and you shared something later only to question whether it was legitimate. Or maybe because of the other persons response you questioned whether you should have shared. Do some people put too much credence into the fact that you may love them that it means something more permanent or forever?
I know when I looked into his eyes and I thought about the answer to his question, that what I felt, that what I knew at that very moment, was that I loved him. Without holding back, without protecting myself or wondering what the repercussions of what I may have said, I didn't hold back and I told him I loved him. And from that moment on, nothing ever was the same. There was no turning back. There was no changing how I felt at that moment and what I said. And I wouldn't change it, since it was precisely what I felt. However, nothing would ever be the same again. How is it that a single word or a single action in the moment can change everything?
It changed things for him, for me, for us. Maybe it's fear that dominates, that holds one back from truly living, experiencing, hearing, being...maybe it's ultimately something else that only you know the answer. I suppose there will always be answers that I will never know.
Gambling, Fun or Child Abuse
T loves football. T dreams football. T lives for football. T doesn't play football.
T doesn't like the bruises he accrued when he played full tackle football. T loves the sport of football. If he could, he would eat, sleep and breathe football. He prefers professional football over college, but he watches college as well. He also loves all football video games. The first thing in the morning and the last thing at night is ESPN. He knows players. He knows stats. He studies injury lists. He knows football.
So it's only right that I promote and support my 12.75 year old son to gamble in a football pool. He has participated for the past several years. Maybe I promote and encourage his excitement in the game by having him participate; however, years past when he's been knocked out, his interest throughout the season continues to the same level.
This year, T is still in the pool. I never make him pay the entrance fee to play. He does however know how much he could potentially win if he wins the pool. This year, in the Survivor football pool, there were 52 people. After week #16, T and two others remain. T has studied the odds for this week, he's studied the remaining two people's choices and who he believes that they will pick (as a team cannot be picked twice by a single person in the season). He takes this very seriously. I wonder if it is too seriously.
T told me his dad asked him what he was going to buy him or give him with his winnings. What? He said he told him, "nothing". I said he should give him a "high five". T thought that was funny. His dad is apparently saying that he needs to remember who is buying him Christmas presents! I said, "Yes. Your mom is buying you Christmas presents and it is because of your mom that you are in the pool."
So again, I wonder, am I promoting gambling of my pre-adolescent teen? Is that a form of child abuse? Would it be child abuse if he won and I didn't give him his winnings? Think of what I could do with that money!!! Ok, I'm seriously kidding. He did the research, he took his passion and his love of the sport and is doing well in a strategy and luck pool. If he wins, I can only hope that he will remember who paid his entrance fee! Afterall, he's done very well this season but he's still a world away from winning. Kind of like my Thanksgiving Day square where all I needed was the Lions to score a field goal in the last three minutes of the first quarter and I would win $240. So close and yet...impossible!
T doesn't like the bruises he accrued when he played full tackle football. T loves the sport of football. If he could, he would eat, sleep and breathe football. He prefers professional football over college, but he watches college as well. He also loves all football video games. The first thing in the morning and the last thing at night is ESPN. He knows players. He knows stats. He studies injury lists. He knows football.
So it's only right that I promote and support my 12.75 year old son to gamble in a football pool. He has participated for the past several years. Maybe I promote and encourage his excitement in the game by having him participate; however, years past when he's been knocked out, his interest throughout the season continues to the same level.
This year, T is still in the pool. I never make him pay the entrance fee to play. He does however know how much he could potentially win if he wins the pool. This year, in the Survivor football pool, there were 52 people. After week #16, T and two others remain. T has studied the odds for this week, he's studied the remaining two people's choices and who he believes that they will pick (as a team cannot be picked twice by a single person in the season). He takes this very seriously. I wonder if it is too seriously.
T told me his dad asked him what he was going to buy him or give him with his winnings. What? He said he told him, "nothing". I said he should give him a "high five". T thought that was funny. His dad is apparently saying that he needs to remember who is buying him Christmas presents! I said, "Yes. Your mom is buying you Christmas presents and it is because of your mom that you are in the pool."
So again, I wonder, am I promoting gambling of my pre-adolescent teen? Is that a form of child abuse? Would it be child abuse if he won and I didn't give him his winnings? Think of what I could do with that money!!! Ok, I'm seriously kidding. He did the research, he took his passion and his love of the sport and is doing well in a strategy and luck pool. If he wins, I can only hope that he will remember who paid his entrance fee! Afterall, he's done very well this season but he's still a world away from winning. Kind of like my Thanksgiving Day square where all I needed was the Lions to score a field goal in the last three minutes of the first quarter and I would win $240. So close and yet...impossible!
T's Dinner
T's favorite meal...is anything that can be made in 15 minutes or less. He does have some favorites, but for the most part, when he's hungry, he wants to eat NOW.
For Thanksgiving, I didn't host or cook. I haven't really been cooking much of anything lately. I seem to be in a funk, again just with the idea of cooking anything more than convenience for T and I seems like a waste. A few weeks ago I made a fabulous turkey vegetable lasagna that could have fed a small army. We had lasagna for dinner, lunch, dinner and even gave some away. Other than that I haven't really bothered to make anything that was even remotely labor intensive. And I still haven't.
T loves ham. Other than on a deli sandwich or with pineapple on a pizza, I prefer to avoid ham. I do much better with ham in things rather than by itself with sides.
My parents are coming for Christmas. I will make Christmas dinner, which personally, I do enjoy cooking. I like making several things in addition to the mess. Multi-tasking for a reason is really something I enjoy. Dinner will be rather easy and seeing that I'll be heading out of town for a week, leftovers aren't much of an option but a waste. My parents are bringing steak, which T refuses to eat. T wants ham.
To pacify T, I told him that I wouldn't cook ham for Christmas Eve dinner, but we could have it tonight so that he could have leftovers. In the spirit, I picked up a 6.75 pound ham, way more than we can fathom, but it was definitely more cost effective. I picked up T and brought him home today during a late lunch and threw the ham into the oven. T's responsibility due to his strong fear of the stove and oven, was to turn it on!
The ham actually smelled good when I walked in the door. Much better than the lingering ham smell on my hands from putting it into the roasting pan and oven before I headed back to work. T made his favorite cheesy mashed potatoes (another ugh for me!) while I cut up veggies for a salad. Within fifteen minutes of walking in the door, we had carved ham, instant cheesy mashed potatoes and a greek salad. Less than an hour later from walking in the door, we ate, dishes are done and we have the night ahead of us.
T is completely happy. He had his favorites in a short amount of time and I have enough ham left over for him to have for Christmas Eve dinner and enough to make ham and cheese breakfast casserole for Christmas morning. Win Win. And the best part, the ham actually was pretty good!
For Thanksgiving, I didn't host or cook. I haven't really been cooking much of anything lately. I seem to be in a funk, again just with the idea of cooking anything more than convenience for T and I seems like a waste. A few weeks ago I made a fabulous turkey vegetable lasagna that could have fed a small army. We had lasagna for dinner, lunch, dinner and even gave some away. Other than that I haven't really bothered to make anything that was even remotely labor intensive. And I still haven't.
T loves ham. Other than on a deli sandwich or with pineapple on a pizza, I prefer to avoid ham. I do much better with ham in things rather than by itself with sides.
My parents are coming for Christmas. I will make Christmas dinner, which personally, I do enjoy cooking. I like making several things in addition to the mess. Multi-tasking for a reason is really something I enjoy. Dinner will be rather easy and seeing that I'll be heading out of town for a week, leftovers aren't much of an option but a waste. My parents are bringing steak, which T refuses to eat. T wants ham.
To pacify T, I told him that I wouldn't cook ham for Christmas Eve dinner, but we could have it tonight so that he could have leftovers. In the spirit, I picked up a 6.75 pound ham, way more than we can fathom, but it was definitely more cost effective. I picked up T and brought him home today during a late lunch and threw the ham into the oven. T's responsibility due to his strong fear of the stove and oven, was to turn it on!
The ham actually smelled good when I walked in the door. Much better than the lingering ham smell on my hands from putting it into the roasting pan and oven before I headed back to work. T made his favorite cheesy mashed potatoes (another ugh for me!) while I cut up veggies for a salad. Within fifteen minutes of walking in the door, we had carved ham, instant cheesy mashed potatoes and a greek salad. Less than an hour later from walking in the door, we ate, dishes are done and we have the night ahead of us.
T is completely happy. He had his favorites in a short amount of time and I have enough ham left over for him to have for Christmas Eve dinner and enough to make ham and cheese breakfast casserole for Christmas morning. Win Win. And the best part, the ham actually was pretty good!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Gift Suspense...
How are you about giving and receiving gifts? Is the suspense too much to handle? Do you appreciate not knowing any secrets, any surprises, any details until it's time?
I've been known to not do well with surprises. I tend to want to know enough information to get me through - say a getaway weekend - or nothing at all - which then leads me to not being receptive or excited enough for the giver. I suppose gift receiving is harder than gift giving. What if your response isn't what the giver expected? I prefer to be the giver - although there are also the disappointments of not meeting the expectations of the receiver.
So I am truly torturing my son. I told him the other day that we would have to be home on Saturday for his first Christmas present between 12-5. It has been a barrage of questions since then - some which I've done my best to throw him off without actually lying about the answer. Because clearly, how many questions can one ask without narrowing down the answer?
Is it an event? No
Is it a person? No
Is it specific to Saturday only? No
Is it big? Yes?
Is it small? No
Is it long? No
Is it heavy? Yes
Is it light? No
Is it skiing related? No
Is it technology related? Ummm...maybe. No. Ummm...
Can you talk to it? Yes
Can it talk to you? Yes?
Do you jump on this? You can (in a figurative sense - but he doesn't know that!)
Is it meant for jumping on? NO
Can you throw it? You can (but please don't - I won't be happy!)
Is it meant for throwing? NO
Is it sports related? It can be.
Did you get this at the store? No
Did you make this? No
Would this go in my room? No
Would this go in the garage? No
Is it clothes related? No
Can I use it in the winter? Yes
Can I use it in the summer? Maybe
Can I use it in the spring? Yes
So I can use it year round? Yes
Would I have fun with this present? Yes?
Is this present a one and only time thing? No
Does this present move on it's own? No
Is it art and craft related? No
The questions have continued. The funny thing, in between him taking a break from asking questions, a commercial for Dish HD receiver, HD 140 channels and three months of free Showtime and HBO came on the t.v. Not once did he make a single comment about how cool that would be to actually have for our 1080p t.v. that is not HD.
He has officially proclaimed that he is...STUMPED. Regardless that I told him there was a HUGE hint provided sometime during his questioning. Which then threw him into a tizzy and a spew of more repetitive questions and a barrage of new ones.
Personally, I am loving this! I find this most entertaining!
Maybe he will truly be surprised when the service tech. comes to the door to spend the afternoon installing our HD and DVR. But for now, I'm enjoying his struggling to guess.
I've been known to not do well with surprises. I tend to want to know enough information to get me through - say a getaway weekend - or nothing at all - which then leads me to not being receptive or excited enough for the giver. I suppose gift receiving is harder than gift giving. What if your response isn't what the giver expected? I prefer to be the giver - although there are also the disappointments of not meeting the expectations of the receiver.
So I am truly torturing my son. I told him the other day that we would have to be home on Saturday for his first Christmas present between 12-5. It has been a barrage of questions since then - some which I've done my best to throw him off without actually lying about the answer. Because clearly, how many questions can one ask without narrowing down the answer?
Is it an event? No
Is it a person? No
Is it specific to Saturday only? No
Is it big? Yes?
Is it small? No
Is it long? No
Is it heavy? Yes
Is it light? No
Is it skiing related? No
Is it technology related? Ummm...maybe. No. Ummm...
Can you talk to it? Yes
Can it talk to you? Yes?
Do you jump on this? You can (in a figurative sense - but he doesn't know that!)
Is it meant for jumping on? NO
Can you throw it? You can (but please don't - I won't be happy!)
Is it meant for throwing? NO
Is it sports related? It can be.
Did you get this at the store? No
Did you make this? No
Would this go in my room? No
Would this go in the garage? No
Is it clothes related? No
Can I use it in the winter? Yes
Can I use it in the summer? Maybe
Can I use it in the spring? Yes
So I can use it year round? Yes
Would I have fun with this present? Yes?
Is this present a one and only time thing? No
Does this present move on it's own? No
Is it art and craft related? No
The questions have continued. The funny thing, in between him taking a break from asking questions, a commercial for Dish HD receiver, HD 140 channels and three months of free Showtime and HBO came on the t.v. Not once did he make a single comment about how cool that would be to actually have for our 1080p t.v. that is not HD.
He has officially proclaimed that he is...STUMPED. Regardless that I told him there was a HUGE hint provided sometime during his questioning. Which then threw him into a tizzy and a spew of more repetitive questions and a barrage of new ones.
Personally, I am loving this! I find this most entertaining!
Maybe he will truly be surprised when the service tech. comes to the door to spend the afternoon installing our HD and DVR. But for now, I'm enjoying his struggling to guess.
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