About a month ago, I started to worry that MS may consider proposing on our vacation. I am not sure what was said or done specifically that had me concerned, just the overall differences of our vacation preferences. I am happy to say, that while those thoughts are somewhere compartmentalized in a drawer in my mind, I did come to my senses and believe that it won't happen (I think I know MS pretty well he couldn't pull off a surprise!). For this, I am glad. I am very much looking forward to vacation with MS and spending a week together, just the two of us with no worries or cares.
Thursday as I arrived at MS' house, waiting on the three to return from fishing, I was calm. Happy. Content. D and I were chatting on the phone and she asked if it was weird to have a key to his house. Technically, I don't have a key, but he gave me the garage door opener back in the winter and he doesn't lock the door in the garage that leads to the house. I have never given him a key to my house. We have never talked about it. It isn't that I don't trust him or don't want him to have one, it's just never been an issue. And I realized that I have never given MS back the garage door opener. I have never tried to end the relationship. I have never been so frustrated that I needed to run and not look back.
I've thought many times before of the differences of dating MS. I trust him. I completely trust him. Sometimes I wonder if I should. I have no reason not to but I wonder if ultimately if I will be blindsided by something. The fear. The fear of realizing and accepting that our relationship isn't too good to be true. That what we have is real. That while we have our differences in parenting, we work. And, that the reason I trust him isn't because I don't see or want a future with him. I trust him because he is trustworthy.
With each passing day, I find myself growing more and more fond of MS. I miss him when we aren't together. I know that both he and I would be fine if we stopped dating, but I don't want to. I'm not giddy to see him, but genuinely happy when I do. I try not to take him for granted and I feel he does the same.
I don't know if it is maturity, acceptance, understanding or any other multitude of options that has allowed this relationship to work. I don't need to know why, just that it does. I know that what MS and I have, I am thankful. With every day, I fall a little more for this man I love. And this love, has no time frames, limits or boundaries.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Fishing
Thursday night, MS came down for T's first game of his final tournament. After the brutal loss, we debated on where to eat. Of course I had told MS that T would probably chose Red Robin, which in fact he did. The dining experience was, as I told the manager, an epic fail. The waiter was clearly out of his comfort zone and should find another job. The food was ill prepared and the waiter repeatedly lied trying to cover up his own errors which infuriated me even more. The manager paid for our meal and gave us $30 in gift certificates. If it weren't for T's love of the Freckled Lemonade, I don't know that I would venture back again.
MS purchased a fishing boat this week. We were on the lookout for a fishing boat and MS finally found one on Craigs List which he picked up on Wednesday. MS had been telling T all summer that he can show T where to catch BIG fish. So Thursday night, T decided he wanted to stay the night at MS' so that they could go fishing when MS got home from work. Unfortunately I had to work all day Friday, so I couldn't stay the night or go fishing. I have to admit, I might have been a little jealous as well as nervous that T was going out on a fishing boat that MS had yet to take out on the water. Fortunately all went well.
And as for my jealousy of wishing I was staying the night, well I survived. As for my jealousy of T having fun or catching fish without me, rest assured, T still loves his mom and didn't have that much fun. While T had fun singing to MS and entertaining him, there is something to be said about the bond between a mother and child.
Our bond. Love.
MS purchased a fishing boat this week. We were on the lookout for a fishing boat and MS finally found one on Craigs List which he picked up on Wednesday. MS had been telling T all summer that he can show T where to catch BIG fish. So Thursday night, T decided he wanted to stay the night at MS' so that they could go fishing when MS got home from work. Unfortunately I had to work all day Friday, so I couldn't stay the night or go fishing. I have to admit, I might have been a little jealous as well as nervous that T was going out on a fishing boat that MS had yet to take out on the water. Fortunately all went well.
And as for my jealousy of wishing I was staying the night, well I survived. As for my jealousy of T having fun or catching fish without me, rest assured, T still loves his mom and didn't have that much fun. While T had fun singing to MS and entertaining him, there is something to be said about the bond between a mother and child.
Our bond. Love.
Packing Preparation
In trying to prepare for my upcoming trip, I decided I wanted to purchase a few new outfits. I had hoped to find some short dresses, a couple tops and a pair of shorts or two, which I was unsuccessful. I did manage to buy four new long dresses, three pairs of Capri's, sleep shorts and a bathing suit. Almost what I had hoped to buy, or not. Shopping isn't one of my favorite things and of course when I am on a mission to find something I almost always, fail; however, I am completely OK with failing.
If I were meant to find and buy new clothes, I truly believe I would have. While I am sure it will take more time, I hope to actually search my drawers and determine what I wear, want to keep and want to donate. I am again feeling the need to clean and declutter. Maybe this time I will actually donate the items rather than continue to store them in the basement!
In addition to packing and cleaning, I have to clean the house and get prepared for our foster guests. All the bedding has been changed although we still have to assemble the car toddler bed tomorrow. T needs to kid-friendly his room, which may take him a week or two! Everything will come together. It always does.
If I were meant to find and buy new clothes, I truly believe I would have. While I am sure it will take more time, I hope to actually search my drawers and determine what I wear, want to keep and want to donate. I am again feeling the need to clean and declutter. Maybe this time I will actually donate the items rather than continue to store them in the basement!
In addition to packing and cleaning, I have to clean the house and get prepared for our foster guests. All the bedding has been changed although we still have to assemble the car toddler bed tomorrow. T needs to kid-friendly his room, which may take him a week or two! Everything will come together. It always does.
Officially Over
With one day left of July to spare, baseball season is officially OVER. Let me tell you, I couldn't be happier! I won't miss keeping the books. I won't miss the mercied games in the sweltering heat. I won't miss the last minute practices or the last minute scurrying for articles of baseball uniform and gear. I won't miss that for an entire month left of summer, I have the opportunity to actually enjoy it.
Having said all that though, it is bittersweet. I will miss possibly T's last summer of recreational baseball. A summer of youth, that quickly approached after endless years of tball, machine pitch, coach pitch and kid pitch. Years that have been wonderful. Memories created. Memories remembered.
Tonight T asked for my assistance in measuring himself. 5'8". With another baseball season ending there is much joy in the memories of the past and optimism of welcoming the memories of the future.
Having said all that though, it is bittersweet. I will miss possibly T's last summer of recreational baseball. A summer of youth, that quickly approached after endless years of tball, machine pitch, coach pitch and kid pitch. Years that have been wonderful. Memories created. Memories remembered.
Tonight T asked for my assistance in measuring himself. 5'8". With another baseball season ending there is much joy in the memories of the past and optimism of welcoming the memories of the future.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Perfect Timing To Be...
In the midst of craziness of Little League regular season finishing, team tournaments, Allstar tournaments and T's weekend travel tournament team, I am almost at the point of no return of baseball. The last minute craziness of scheduled practices, the lack of communication and the forgetfulness of a fourteen year old with his baseball equipment dispersed between homes, I am at my limit!
In addition to baseball there is the little nuances of the latest round of hidden drama of an ailing father and his wife's adolescent behavior and lack of communication toppled on top of a job of no return or reward. The job issues shall pass - since they are crisis related for the most part - but the surmounting frustration of recruiting and retaining when the reality of people's lives, family and abuse occur leaves the situation prospects rather dismal.
While the much needed vacation could come sooner, I am definitely welcoming the vacation that MS planned for just the two of us, seven days/six nights (cutting a night short to return to motherhood and a respite foster care placement) in Riviera Maya, Mexico.
We are staying at one of the adult only resorts of karismahotels. While I went to the Riviera Maya in 2008 and stayed at an Iberostar with JN, we never left the resort. MS and I are hoping to travel and venture to Cancun and Playa Del Carmen. He would like to go deep sea fishing and we both would like to parasail. He would also love to play some golf which I said would be a great solo opportunity for him :) but agreed that if he wanted company (and entertainment) I would golf with him! I can't wait for this much needed vacation. MS and I have been spending more time together when we can, but clearly this seven day vacation traveling out of the country shall test our relationship.
I believe that he and I are ready for this test.
In addition to baseball there is the little nuances of the latest round of hidden drama of an ailing father and his wife's adolescent behavior and lack of communication toppled on top of a job of no return or reward. The job issues shall pass - since they are crisis related for the most part - but the surmounting frustration of recruiting and retaining when the reality of people's lives, family and abuse occur leaves the situation prospects rather dismal.
While the much needed vacation could come sooner, I am definitely welcoming the vacation that MS planned for just the two of us, seven days/six nights (cutting a night short to return to motherhood and a respite foster care placement) in Riviera Maya, Mexico.
We are staying at one of the adult only resorts of karismahotels. While I went to the Riviera Maya in 2008 and stayed at an Iberostar with JN, we never left the resort. MS and I are hoping to travel and venture to Cancun and Playa Del Carmen. He would like to go deep sea fishing and we both would like to parasail. He would also love to play some golf which I said would be a great solo opportunity for him :) but agreed that if he wanted company (and entertainment) I would golf with him! I can't wait for this much needed vacation. MS and I have been spending more time together when we can, but clearly this seven day vacation traveling out of the country shall test our relationship.
I believe that he and I are ready for this test.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Exercise Update
In searching through my blog, the last link I had about exercise was on February 9, 2011. I browsed it quickly to confirm that I failed my promise to myself to get healthy and lose ten pounds by Spring Break. I attempted the 30 Day Shred and completed about 8 days before I became completely bored with the workout and managed to hit a workout block by not making the time to exercise.
I was doing extremely well taking a multi-vitamin for her for ninety days, although after I finished the first bottle, I have been terrible at taking the vitamins in the second bottle. Why is it I lose interest and focus so quickly? If taking a pill wasn't so difficult, maybe I would consider an ADD pill so that I could focus and not hit the brick wall so quickly! I never did bother with the fish oil pills. I couldn't fathom another pill or the rumor that I would be burping or tasting fish!
Back to the starting block. Do you have any ideas or suggestions to motivate me???
I was doing extremely well taking a multi-vitamin for her for ninety days, although after I finished the first bottle, I have been terrible at taking the vitamins in the second bottle. Why is it I lose interest and focus so quickly? If taking a pill wasn't so difficult, maybe I would consider an ADD pill so that I could focus and not hit the brick wall so quickly! I never did bother with the fish oil pills. I couldn't fathom another pill or the rumor that I would be burping or tasting fish!
Back to the starting block. Do you have any ideas or suggestions to motivate me???
Lawn Mower Likes
This spring I had to invest in a new lawn mower. I purchased a bright and shiny black lawn mower that self mulches. Since my yard takes 15 minutes to mow, I don't need self propelled or a bag. I have to say that I LOVE my new lawn mower. The ease of a simple pull and it starts is sheer pleasure.
Not only that, I truly believe that my lawn LOVES the new mower as well. Is this possible? I have battled with having grass since I moved in, twelve years ago. Granted, I have never invested in lawn maintenance professionals to actually improve my lawn, but used various methods including grass seed and fertilizers to no avail. This year, my yard is green and growing! I really think that the self mulching has made a HUGE improvement in my grass. If I would have known a small investment of a new mower would make such a difference, I would have purchased it years ago!
Not only that, I truly believe that my lawn LOVES the new mower as well. Is this possible? I have battled with having grass since I moved in, twelve years ago. Granted, I have never invested in lawn maintenance professionals to actually improve my lawn, but used various methods including grass seed and fertilizers to no avail. This year, my yard is green and growing! I really think that the self mulching has made a HUGE improvement in my grass. If I would have known a small investment of a new mower would make such a difference, I would have purchased it years ago!
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