Dating

It's been two months since I rejoined the dating site. I've met some decent people, but none that I can really see having a significant relationship. I think I truly did some inner soul searching during and after the last relationship and I'm no longer willing or interested in investing time into making a relationship work if it isn't what I want. I don't have to prove anything to anyone, more importantly to myself. I don't have to date everyone I meet. I don't have to meet everyone I talk with.

Last weekend was the first weekend that I holed up in my house and only left to go to the store and run errands. My weekend started at 11p.m. on Friday night when I got home from work. I had just spent 7 HOURS with a single family. One family. I was talked out and exhausted.

For the betterment of society, I choose to hole myself in my house on Saturday. I wasn't being nice. I had little patience for the rude and incompetent. I was proud of myself for acknowledging that I shouldn't leave the house, but in likelihood it may have been better for me to get out of the house and enjoy. It wasn't for a lack of offers, just none that I wanted. I watched a few movies. I avoided housework. I avoided responsibility. I avoided socialization. I reveled in doing nothing.

I haven't met anyone in person in a few weeks from the site. Late last week I was completely creeped out that one person had three different profiles and responded to one of my emails from another account. I emailed him to mention his games and blocked his profiles. And then...he found me on Facebook from my first name and contacted me there to tell me that he wouldn't normally do so, but he thought that I was worth the effort. What?

Seriously, people need to understand NO. He wasn't worth the effort, or I wouldn't have blocked him. Immediately after receiving that email on FB, thoughts of my ex-husband's words of my naivete and his anticipated reading about me carved into pieces in an abandoned car trunk flooded my mind. What in the world was I doing?

Why wasn't I born with a common name? I have considered the idea of using a different name, but then I feel as if I'm lying and being deceptive. Often times I don't give my name at all. But if I'm that easy to locate, how do I assure my own safety and that of my son? Why can't people just all be normal and get along?

I had been conversing with someone out of the state. Of course those that know me know I don't like long distance. He tried to convince me that the distance shouldn't be an issue to not date him. He lectured me on my bad dating habits. When I offered to meet him as I was out of town for work and closer to where he lived, he wasn't able to make it work. I was OK with that. He wanted me to meet him the day before - but I couldn't because of parenting responsibilities. Childless he lectured about how parents shouldn't give kids choices. I was never mad at him. I wasn't angry. There were just too many differences between he and I. I told him good luck and I wished him the best. And then...he got angry. He called me CRAZY and INSECURE. He told me that I had anger issues and was taking them out on him. WHAT?

So do tell me, why is it that I consider the option of dating online? Maybe in this case, for once in my life, I truly am CRAZY & INSANE!