For those that know me or have followed my blog, I tend to despise Little League Season. Despise may be a strong word, but detest and loathe may be more appropriate. Feel free to surf for my other baseball rants, but truly over the years, they seem to remain rather consistent so I would completely understand the desire to not surf.
My son moved up to the next league of Little League. I believe he is in the Majors. I have been the scorekeeper for my son's ball teams for the past...six years if not longer. I take any job I do, seriously, even if just volunteering. My son's past coach used to do stat spreadsheets and I was responsible for tallying not only hits and runs but strikes, balls, errors, walks, outs, pitch count, score...you name it, I did it.
This year, my son has a different coach. For one inning I had the reprieve from score keeping. Score keeping in many ways keeps me sane. It keeps me from cursing and yelling and getting overly involved in the game. Every year with almost every sport, a parent or a friend suggests that I coach. I know better.
I know my limitations. I know my competitiveness. I know my perfectionism. I know myself.
And that is why I do not coach. Other than that one time where I confronted my son's football coach for not allowing the children a water break after two hours in 85 degree weather and the kids were 8, I do not confront coaches. Better them than me I say.
Last week I hit an all time low with the frustration of baseball. As I've blogged recently, my son's team has six assistant coaches, aka father's, that help out the team. In a decade of baseball there has only been one female coach and/or assistant and not even on my son's team. Baseball clearly is a sexist sport. So while I sit quietly keeping the score, I know 98% of the rules - the other 2% are the obscure ones...like if there is an intentional walk and the pitcher chooses not to pitch (is that even legal?) and walks the batter, do you count four pitches?
So last week while our coach was on vacation or out of town or boycotting baseball by locking himself in his bathroom drinking away his baseball blues...the Assistant Coaches attempted to coach. All hell broke loose when I realized the wrong batter was batting. I attempted to talk to one, then two of the Assistants. They thrust some chicken scratched lineup at me. While trying to figure out what they were doing, I missed pitch after pitch. Bottomline, when they substituted players, they allowed the original youth in the order to continue to bat. A scorekeepers hell and completely WRONG in this league AND the league below us.
Sure, I get that these kids are 13 and 14 and it shouldn't be a big deal, right? But to me, I take my responsibilities seriously. I also had spent an hour trying to figure out the excel spreadsheet to enter in hitting and pitching stats earlier in the day. So when I had two batters in one batting position up to bat, go ahead try to keep track of that in the score book! After what seemed like ten minutes, I figured out the batting order for the coaches - at the one coaches request and he wrote the new order for the next inning. Needless to say, the next inning came up and the kids were in the previous order. Sigh...The coach from the other team came over and said, "I got a little confused last inning. What happened?" Ummm...yeah. I'm only glad that we didn't win as the boys would have been devastated to learn the win would have been a loss based on coaching and illegal substitutions and batting!
So the coach is back. We have shared a few emails. He thanked me for score keeping and understanding the rules - since I had even corrected him when someone had gone up to bat out of order. It happens, I get that. But if a pitch is thrown, it's also an out.
I found myself typing this response to him this morning when he said he would make things easy on me and thanking me for understanding the rules of baseball..."It would just seem that after most of our children playing ball for almost a decade and likely fathers that have either played ball or watched ball, that they would be knowledgeable about the game. Everything is fine. I do understand the majority of the rules although some of them do vary with the different age leagues. As far as substitutions, as long as I'm informed of substitutions, it's fine with me. Just would make it a lot easier if "Assistants" understand the rules of substitution as well. Because afterall, baseball can be rather sexist - and when trying to clarify what was happening, it was the realization that, I'm just the scorekeeper."
And then I hit cancel and decided to blog. 'Cause sometimes venting to cyberspace rather than to a person that really doesn't know you that you see on a regular basis is just better.
I feel better. That is until Tuesday night's game...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Beamed Balls...Practice
After opening day of baseball season, a male parent began to talk to my son and I about the best way to practice hitting. He advised that if you master his method, regardless of the speed of a pitched ball...you will hit it! Easy enough, right?
The Method (As described by said man): Purchase wiffle golf balls. Get a broomstick. Have mom/dad or said adult sit on a bucket about yeah distance away - from here to there (I'm depth and perception challenged...so say 10 feet away). Adult shall then throw the wiffle golf balls while said batter attempts to hit them. Batter will miss the first 20 or so pitches.
Easy enough, right? Off we went to the store and purchased three dozen wiffle golf balls. We debated the holes vs. no holes and went with the holes. 12 wiffle golf balls were 1.99 (-15%) whereas in the baseball aisle yellow colored wiffle golf ball sized 12 pack were 4.00. Then taking the smallest broom handle we own - which actually came from a child sized rake in the garage - I removed the rake and we had the "bat".
The weather wasn't really cooperating. I also didn't want to be chasing missed pitches and hits all around the yard. So what did I propose? (Really, I did graduate from college in three years - I realize one may not realize this, but honestly, I did!)...
Lock said dumb parent (aka myself) in the one car garaged with said 13 year old son to keep the balls in the garage. At first, to allow for air circulation we kept the garage open, which only allowed the balls to escape underneath. We eventually closed the garage door entirely - seeing that 36 wiffle golf balls can be thrown in a matter of minutes at most there was no way we were going to suffocate or trap ourselves with asphyxiation of my various gas cans and mowers!
Soon after beginning the process, my son started to get the hang of it. I'm sure you are much brighter and intelligent than I, so what happened?
I started getting beamed and pegged by wiffle golf balls. First it was the knee. Then it was the finger. Then it was the knuckle. The shin. The head. Ok, I may not be the brightest bulb!
When the line drive to the chest came, I couldn't help but scream, "Oh my God! I don't want to grow a third boobie!" as I wailed in subsequent pain. Needless to say, my son crossed his legs and doubled over in hysterics laughing, snorting and trying to get out, "You so did not just say that! That is SO WRONG!" Of course he continued to laugh. Me, I continued to grab my chest as if dying from a fatal shot (Afterall it was a rocket of a wiffle ball launched at me!)
Torture...is this what I signed up for? Of course it is...and since he beamed me in the neck I feared the hickie look to...maybe the bag over my head will be a better look for me!
Curtain Compulsion
I know that it has been a while since I blogged. No worries though, I haven't kicked my shower curtain compulsion. Really I have tried, just not successful to date. I did realize that to some surprise, I only own...eleven...shower curtains - well that was what was in the closet at least when I bothered to count!
Last weekend while out shopping and taking advantage of 15% off, I had to stroll through the shower curtain aisle. What is a shopping trip without? I found a shower curtain that was marked $9.99 that rang up for $17.99. When all was said and done and a minute at the customer service desk, my new shower curtain cost approximately $2.75. I still have yet to hang my super cool shower curtain I purchased earlier, but here's my dirt cheap one! I like the calming effect, even if it doesn't have any olive green in it...
Last weekend while out shopping and taking advantage of 15% off, I had to stroll through the shower curtain aisle. What is a shopping trip without? I found a shower curtain that was marked $9.99 that rang up for $17.99. When all was said and done and a minute at the customer service desk, my new shower curtain cost approximately $2.75. I still have yet to hang my super cool shower curtain I purchased earlier, but here's my dirt cheap one! I like the calming effect, even if it doesn't have any olive green in it...
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Reality Check: Privacy vs. Trust
I think it's common for most bloggers and readers to feel a certain relationship and attachment to other bloggers, even without ever meeting them. My blog is mainly anonymous, although some close to me are aware and even read; however, many people that know me don't read my blog. Does that mean they know me less than blog readers?
Over the last few weeks, I've been going though a variety of things. One of them was my new found interest in becoming a foster parent. This opens a whole can of worms based on my current employer, my position and "Conflict of Interest" clauses. While it isn't impossible for me to become licensed, the requirements specifically for me to avoid conflict of interest would not be in my personal best interest (i.e. distance, location, time...). I discarded the idea; however, I felt discriminated against based on my current job title/position.
I also began dating again. I've met one person from a free online weekend. I have met no one from actually subscribing to eHarmony, which personally, I can't stand the website, the layout or anything about the site. That obviously comes from someone who has dabbled with online dating for the past decade. Sigh...that's sad. Anyway...I went out with this person again last night, being the third time.
I'm not going to go into the details and obviously dating is a case by case basis. And maybe it's about following that "gut instinct". It isn't that I don't trust him, but my past few dating experiences, if you call them that, may have left a bad taste in my mouth. There are also some read flags I have with this guy in the sense of time since his divorce, age of kids, amount of kids and most of all the annoying way he sticks out his tongue when he laughs. Yes, I may be THAT shallow. He has asked me on numerous times where I live, I have not divulged. Not for any specific reason per se, I just didn't see it necessary. I have nothing to hide. I don't have a boyfriend or a spouse that I would need to hide things in my house if the new guy came over. I just also don't see any reason to share at this point. Last night, I went to his house for the first time. As the night was drawing toward an end, he asked if he could ask me a question. He asked, "Do you want to meet my kids?" Sigh...
Most of the time, I really do love kids, if I allow myself. I told him it was way too soon. Obviously with our parenting schedules, if I don't meet them, it will be almost two weeks until we see each other again (after Friday). He doesn't want to wait that long. I don't want to rush with the kid thing just because of time constraints and schedules. He also went on again about how I wasn't willing to tell him where I live. I invited him to the town I live on Friday and agreed to meet him at my work - which he knows where that is, general vicinity at least. He found that odd. I found it convenient as I will be working until he gets into town and our plans are on that side of town. But, is there more reason that that?
The other night after dinner with my son, I realized I didn't have my keys. I had locked them in the car, still sitting in the ignition. What to do? Who to call? Who do I call? Can I have someone go to my house, get my spare key into my house and then grab my spare car keys? Who do I trust? Who can I ask? Who would actually do this? I felt lost. Lost that I'm not trusting enough. Lost that I don't want to inconvenience anyone with my misfortune. Could I call a tow-truck? My insurance number was...in the car! I did call a co-worker/friend who came to my rescue. The first thing I did when I got home? I changed the location of my spare key - after 8 years, I moved it.
Why did I move it? Is it that I didn't trust my rescuer? I can admit that I feared that he may tell the story to others in my office and then my spare key would become office knowledge. It's amazing what people disclose to co-workers and friends, especially after a night on the town. I didn't want to take that risk.
Today I decided to pursue the whole foster care issue again, this time directly with my Program Manager. He said he would "think about it". He did ask what my relationship was with the agency I was considering licensure and I explained. He also asked if they would license me based on my intentions of short-term and respite care. I then called the agency licenser without waiting for a response.
They will license me. Or I should preface to say, they will work with me. They will pursue licensing me and would be happy to do so - assuming my home meets licensing rules...which I only see the lack of egress in my basement being an issue - for my son and I, not to actually be licensed. I scheduled the Orientation without actually getting confirmation from the Program Manager that I could proceed; however, if I'm told I can't, than I won't. Done. As part of the license, I need five unrelated references. Five.
Moments before I decided to type this, I mentally made a list and then wrote them out of who I could ask to be references. I struggled. And then, I wondered how sad is it that I can't come up with five people that would be a personal reference for me? Five people that I think know me well enough to be a reference? As I type this, I begin to think of more. But even this morning as I walked into work, I thought of some of my closest relationships and one specifically that after 1.5 years has never even been to my house. Am I that private? Do I keep my friends at that much of a distance? Do I fear intimacy in all relationships or any relationship? Do I share more on a blog than I do with my closest friends?
Or does it really boil down to the fact that I'm an A personality and a perfectionist. That I don't want to bother those closest to me, or that I fear that they don't know me on every level that it would seem a reference should. Work references, no problem. Personal references, different story. I want the references to be positive. But I have different friends - childhood friends, work friends, personal friends, friends through my child...do I have five that can vouch for me as a reference that know me personally as a person, a friend, a mother, a caretaker, as well as a character reference in a professional capacity and have been to my house? Is there anyone other than spouses or significant others, best friends and family (if even them) that knows anyone that intimately? I think of how many people I know that intimately.
So here I sit struggling if maybe, I'm not a good friend. Or maybe I really have trust issues. Is it my life, my job or just me that has molded me into who I am? All of the above.
I'm not afraid to give the guy that I've been out with three times my address. Sometimes it's easier to disclose to those that don't know us or will never meet us. Or to those that we know that relationships will only be so deep, just below the surface. Maybe it's the fear of disappointing others with who I am or what I have to offer. Or maybe it really is about gut instinct or in the guy that I'm dating, I don't want to be taken for granted. I've worked hard for who I am and where I'm at and the thought that someone could or would want something from me without really wanting all of me...that's what fear keeps me grounded and private.
Over the last few weeks, I've been going though a variety of things. One of them was my new found interest in becoming a foster parent. This opens a whole can of worms based on my current employer, my position and "Conflict of Interest" clauses. While it isn't impossible for me to become licensed, the requirements specifically for me to avoid conflict of interest would not be in my personal best interest (i.e. distance, location, time...). I discarded the idea; however, I felt discriminated against based on my current job title/position.
I also began dating again. I've met one person from a free online weekend. I have met no one from actually subscribing to eHarmony, which personally, I can't stand the website, the layout or anything about the site. That obviously comes from someone who has dabbled with online dating for the past decade. Sigh...that's sad. Anyway...I went out with this person again last night, being the third time.
I'm not going to go into the details and obviously dating is a case by case basis. And maybe it's about following that "gut instinct". It isn't that I don't trust him, but my past few dating experiences, if you call them that, may have left a bad taste in my mouth. There are also some read flags I have with this guy in the sense of time since his divorce, age of kids, amount of kids and most of all the annoying way he sticks out his tongue when he laughs. Yes, I may be THAT shallow. He has asked me on numerous times where I live, I have not divulged. Not for any specific reason per se, I just didn't see it necessary. I have nothing to hide. I don't have a boyfriend or a spouse that I would need to hide things in my house if the new guy came over. I just also don't see any reason to share at this point. Last night, I went to his house for the first time. As the night was drawing toward an end, he asked if he could ask me a question. He asked, "Do you want to meet my kids?" Sigh...
Most of the time, I really do love kids, if I allow myself. I told him it was way too soon. Obviously with our parenting schedules, if I don't meet them, it will be almost two weeks until we see each other again (after Friday). He doesn't want to wait that long. I don't want to rush with the kid thing just because of time constraints and schedules. He also went on again about how I wasn't willing to tell him where I live. I invited him to the town I live on Friday and agreed to meet him at my work - which he knows where that is, general vicinity at least. He found that odd. I found it convenient as I will be working until he gets into town and our plans are on that side of town. But, is there more reason that that?
The other night after dinner with my son, I realized I didn't have my keys. I had locked them in the car, still sitting in the ignition. What to do? Who to call? Who do I call? Can I have someone go to my house, get my spare key into my house and then grab my spare car keys? Who do I trust? Who can I ask? Who would actually do this? I felt lost. Lost that I'm not trusting enough. Lost that I don't want to inconvenience anyone with my misfortune. Could I call a tow-truck? My insurance number was...in the car! I did call a co-worker/friend who came to my rescue. The first thing I did when I got home? I changed the location of my spare key - after 8 years, I moved it.
Why did I move it? Is it that I didn't trust my rescuer? I can admit that I feared that he may tell the story to others in my office and then my spare key would become office knowledge. It's amazing what people disclose to co-workers and friends, especially after a night on the town. I didn't want to take that risk.
Today I decided to pursue the whole foster care issue again, this time directly with my Program Manager. He said he would "think about it". He did ask what my relationship was with the agency I was considering licensure and I explained. He also asked if they would license me based on my intentions of short-term and respite care. I then called the agency licenser without waiting for a response.
They will license me. Or I should preface to say, they will work with me. They will pursue licensing me and would be happy to do so - assuming my home meets licensing rules...which I only see the lack of egress in my basement being an issue - for my son and I, not to actually be licensed. I scheduled the Orientation without actually getting confirmation from the Program Manager that I could proceed; however, if I'm told I can't, than I won't. Done. As part of the license, I need five unrelated references. Five.
Moments before I decided to type this, I mentally made a list and then wrote them out of who I could ask to be references. I struggled. And then, I wondered how sad is it that I can't come up with five people that would be a personal reference for me? Five people that I think know me well enough to be a reference? As I type this, I begin to think of more. But even this morning as I walked into work, I thought of some of my closest relationships and one specifically that after 1.5 years has never even been to my house. Am I that private? Do I keep my friends at that much of a distance? Do I fear intimacy in all relationships or any relationship? Do I share more on a blog than I do with my closest friends?
Or does it really boil down to the fact that I'm an A personality and a perfectionist. That I don't want to bother those closest to me, or that I fear that they don't know me on every level that it would seem a reference should. Work references, no problem. Personal references, different story. I want the references to be positive. But I have different friends - childhood friends, work friends, personal friends, friends through my child...do I have five that can vouch for me as a reference that know me personally as a person, a friend, a mother, a caretaker, as well as a character reference in a professional capacity and have been to my house? Is there anyone other than spouses or significant others, best friends and family (if even them) that knows anyone that intimately? I think of how many people I know that intimately.
So here I sit struggling if maybe, I'm not a good friend. Or maybe I really have trust issues. Is it my life, my job or just me that has molded me into who I am? All of the above.
I'm not afraid to give the guy that I've been out with three times my address. Sometimes it's easier to disclose to those that don't know us or will never meet us. Or to those that we know that relationships will only be so deep, just below the surface. Maybe it's the fear of disappointing others with who I am or what I have to offer. Or maybe it really is about gut instinct or in the guy that I'm dating, I don't want to be taken for granted. I've worked hard for who I am and where I'm at and the thought that someone could or would want something from me without really wanting all of me...that's what fear keeps me grounded and private.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Male Compliments
I'm so tired of receiving emails and texts from people commenting on my looks. I really think that I have more to offer.
BUT...I do not find it even remotely flattering to receive random messages or texts from people that I don't know very well saying, "your hot (great English at best!)" or "hi sexy!" or anything of the same. Maybe it's just a personal issue I have. I also don't care for the cat calls by passerby's when I'm walking or biking.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about getting a compliment that is sincere and not something I would expect one to shout at the girl fondling the pole or setting down your wings at Hooters. I am neither of those girls!
Sometimes unsolicited and unwarranted comments from people I don't know well, well they just creep me out. Then again, so do pictures of half naked men with moobs, man boobs do too!
So maybe it's just me. But I do know that when someone texts me or emails me such messages, I'm don't feel so inclined to clear my schedule to see them, anytime soon. I could be completely wrong.
BUT...I do not find it even remotely flattering to receive random messages or texts from people that I don't know very well saying, "your hot (great English at best!)" or "hi sexy!" or anything of the same. Maybe it's just a personal issue I have. I also don't care for the cat calls by passerby's when I'm walking or biking.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about getting a compliment that is sincere and not something I would expect one to shout at the girl fondling the pole or setting down your wings at Hooters. I am neither of those girls!
Sometimes unsolicited and unwarranted comments from people I don't know well, well they just creep me out. Then again, so do pictures of half naked men with moobs, man boobs do too!
So maybe it's just me. But I do know that when someone texts me or emails me such messages, I'm don't feel so inclined to clear my schedule to see them, anytime soon. I could be completely wrong.
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