As of now, I still haven't had a foster home placement. It has been six months. I am perfectly OK with this! There were a couple that I considered, but definitely not what I was interested or became licensed.
On Saturday, as a favor to one of my foster homes, I offered to do "respite" for two boys, 10 and 12. I have met the boys twice before. They came over at 6:00a.m. and left at 4:30p.m. Everyone got along well and the visit went fine. Of course, I can't say that I have really experienced foster parenting at this point. Just a long day of hanging out and free babysitting.
But nothing like sticking your toes in the brisk great lake and feeling how cold it is. Maybe some day I will warm up to the idea and dive right in...maybe.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Father Update
My father is officially back in Michigan. He and his wife flew into town on Friday night. He has an appointment ("eval") on Monday at the University of Michigan hospital where his wife hopes he takes up "residence". He will be out of his IV Primacor as of 5p.m. Monday, but his wife has "no worries". By moving up to Michigan, they ended Hospice's involvement.
As of now, they are staying in a hotel about 40 minutes away from UofM. Neither of them drive. As of yesterday, my father was unaware how he was getting to his appointment. They have a "hi" luncheon planned for this afternoon across the state. I had talked to T about going and decided that we wouldn't. Worked out well considering my car issues and the advisement to not drive to "Detroit or Chicago", my first "respite" foster child experience, and other obligations. Apparently they anticipate 40 people, but yet neither my father or his wife even considered that maybe they see their daughter or grandson outside of a mass gathering at an Applebees. So why should we drive 5.5 hours roundtrip for an hour lunch?
T received a birthday card and gift card in the mail on Friday. I talked with my father yesterday and told him T would be calling to thank him. T didn't (I can only nag so much!). So after the movie today I told T he had to call and give thanks. T wanted to shower first. NO.
I gave T Grandpa's cell phone number. He called from his room. His side of the conversation went like this, "Hi Grandma A, it is T. Grandma A it is T. Hello? Grandma A?" Then he said, "Well that went well. Grandma A hung up on me."
Seriously? So I use my son as "a pawn" and they don't even have the audacity to listen to him when he calls but hang up on him?
So I called from my phone and immediately my father answered. Not A. Not his wife. So clearly, she avoids MY calls at all expense, but another cell phone call (which is registered under MY name) she answers. Whatever. I tell my father that T just called and A hung up on him. That he will be calling back from his phone. My father said OK. No admittance of what had transpired. No apology. Whatever.
T called back and this time Grandpa answered the phone. They talked for about ten minutes.
Is this really FAMILY?
As of now, they are staying in a hotel about 40 minutes away from UofM. Neither of them drive. As of yesterday, my father was unaware how he was getting to his appointment. They have a "hi" luncheon planned for this afternoon across the state. I had talked to T about going and decided that we wouldn't. Worked out well considering my car issues and the advisement to not drive to "Detroit or Chicago", my first "respite" foster child experience, and other obligations. Apparently they anticipate 40 people, but yet neither my father or his wife even considered that maybe they see their daughter or grandson outside of a mass gathering at an Applebees. So why should we drive 5.5 hours roundtrip for an hour lunch?
T received a birthday card and gift card in the mail on Friday. I talked with my father yesterday and told him T would be calling to thank him. T didn't (I can only nag so much!). So after the movie today I told T he had to call and give thanks. T wanted to shower first. NO.
I gave T Grandpa's cell phone number. He called from his room. His side of the conversation went like this, "Hi Grandma A, it is T. Grandma A it is T. Hello? Grandma A?" Then he said, "Well that went well. Grandma A hung up on me."
Seriously? So I use my son as "a pawn" and they don't even have the audacity to listen to him when he calls but hang up on him?
So I called from my phone and immediately my father answered. Not A. Not his wife. So clearly, she avoids MY calls at all expense, but another cell phone call (which is registered under MY name) she answers. Whatever. I tell my father that T just called and A hung up on him. That he will be calling back from his phone. My father said OK. No admittance of what had transpired. No apology. Whatever.
T called back and this time Grandpa answered the phone. They talked for about ten minutes.
Is this really FAMILY?
Car & Vacation
As if right on cue, my car decided it is going to have some issues. Totally OK with it, because I suppose we all need some fine tuning every so often and afterall my car will be 10 years old this year!
T and I finalized our vacation plans. We had been kicking around some ideas after we saw the last minute availability of inventory of my timeshare. But with a last minute change of plans, MS and his son will not be going with us. I am still struggling somewhat with the decision to not have them go, but I know that it is for the best.
MS's son not only broke his collar bone a few weeks back after getting slammed into a locker by "a friend" and is in a sling, but he was suspended from school for five days for bringing a pocket knife to school. MS and I definitely have different parenting skills. When I first met him, after our second date I decided we shouldn't go out again as MS has his son full time. No other parent involvement. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I just don't do full time parenting, especially of someone elses child. So after the latest incident and not seeing MS very often, 10 days of road tripping and a vacation didn't seem like a good idea.
So T and I will be heading about 11.5 hours south, hopefully warmer. Somewhere we went four years ago that for the first time in a decade they saw snowflakes during April. Hopefully we won't have that experience this time!
With MS not going on vacation, that means that I am driving my car. I considered a rental, but knew regardless the latest thunking noise needed to be assessed. Good thing I took it in. Another tie rod replacement and both arm bushings. Could have been MUCH worse.
So looking forward to a repaired car and another vacation adventure with just T and me!
T and I finalized our vacation plans. We had been kicking around some ideas after we saw the last minute availability of inventory of my timeshare. But with a last minute change of plans, MS and his son will not be going with us. I am still struggling somewhat with the decision to not have them go, but I know that it is for the best.
MS's son not only broke his collar bone a few weeks back after getting slammed into a locker by "a friend" and is in a sling, but he was suspended from school for five days for bringing a pocket knife to school. MS and I definitely have different parenting skills. When I first met him, after our second date I decided we shouldn't go out again as MS has his son full time. No other parent involvement. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I just don't do full time parenting, especially of someone elses child. So after the latest incident and not seeing MS very often, 10 days of road tripping and a vacation didn't seem like a good idea.
So T and I will be heading about 11.5 hours south, hopefully warmer. Somewhere we went four years ago that for the first time in a decade they saw snowflakes during April. Hopefully we won't have that experience this time!
With MS not going on vacation, that means that I am driving my car. I considered a rental, but knew regardless the latest thunking noise needed to be assessed. Good thing I took it in. Another tie rod replacement and both arm bushings. Could have been MUCH worse.
So looking forward to a repaired car and another vacation adventure with just T and me!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Bedroom Redo
Over seven years ago, I repainted my bedroom. I didn't have a choice and it was actually a good thing since I had to cover over the random primer that had been painted by the ex. Since the ceiling needed to be painted, I had this great idea to paint it. Paint it the same color as the walls. And that painting of the ceiling and the ceiling fan were enough reasons to not repaint. But the seven year itch happened.
My room was purple. Initially I thought the color I purchased was brown, but after painting, it was purple. I learned how similar brown, purple and pink look depending on the lighting. I even tried to accent the past few years to pull out brown, but was primarily unsuccessful.
I had hoped to paint my room a milk chocolate. Then one day last week I woke up and decided I didn't want brown. I feared another purple/pink debacle. I feared that there isn't one true brown color and that what I painted would be completely different than comforters I was trying to match. I decided I wanted a pale blue but when I played around on Sherwin Williams with my room I was appalled at the new look. The next morning I woke and wanted a gold/bronze color that was shimmery and was told at the paint store that without doing a faux finish, not possible. I was trying to pull out the colors in the comforter. Then, I decided to go with the taupe. A darker grey/brown. I also picked up a couple pictures at Meijer with my 15% off, new linen color blinds on clearance and moved a picture from my living room into my bedroom to complete the room.
I am glad to have a color different than purple! It is definitely not what I had imagined for my room over the past couple years. The brown above with the flash is very close to what I had wanted initially. I like the color and am welcoming the change. While I despised painting the ceiling, I do like having a white ceiling again! Now if only the paint fumes would dissipate a little faster, all would be perfect!
My room was purple. Initially I thought the color I purchased was brown, but after painting, it was purple. I learned how similar brown, purple and pink look depending on the lighting. I even tried to accent the past few years to pull out brown, but was primarily unsuccessful.
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| THE BEFORE |
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| Brown- with the flash (not true color) |
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| Bedroom 3/2011 Without Flash |
I am glad to have a color different than purple! It is definitely not what I had imagined for my room over the past couple years. The brown above with the flash is very close to what I had wanted initially. I like the color and am welcoming the change. While I despised painting the ceiling, I do like having a white ceiling again! Now if only the paint fumes would dissipate a little faster, all would be perfect!
Bathroom Curtain Changes
I am beginning to realize that I really have an issue with my shower curtain purchasing. I had myself convinced that I was improving and moving beyond changing the curtains after adding the new bathroom, but I was in DENIAL.
Even T said tonight, "Mom, you have a serious problem with shower curtains."
I have purchased four shower curtains since mid-February. In three weeks, I have purchased four. Granted one of them was the clearance Valentine's Day curtain.
Tonight I switched out both bathroom shower curtains. I had initially put the safari curtain in the upstairs bath and realized that it didn't pull out any of the wall color and looked beyond ridiculous. So I moved it immediately into the basement bathroom where it matches much better. Of course it's hard to see the entire curtain in the shower and to maneuver to get a good picture in such a small space!
I moved the orange accents upstairs to go with this new striped shower curtain that will go in both bathrooms. I have to say that the photo doesn't do it justice.
I suppose I could have worse purchasing addictions than reduced shower curtains...right?
Even T said tonight, "Mom, you have a serious problem with shower curtains."
I have purchased four shower curtains since mid-February. In three weeks, I have purchased four. Granted one of them was the clearance Valentine's Day curtain.
Tonight I switched out both bathroom shower curtains. I had initially put the safari curtain in the upstairs bath and realized that it didn't pull out any of the wall color and looked beyond ridiculous. So I moved it immediately into the basement bathroom where it matches much better. Of course it's hard to see the entire curtain in the shower and to maneuver to get a good picture in such a small space!
 |
| Safari Curtain |
 |
| Stripes |
I moved the orange accents upstairs to go with this new striped shower curtain that will go in both bathrooms. I have to say that the photo doesn't do it justice.
I suppose I could have worse purchasing addictions than reduced shower curtains...right?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Tubal Ligation & Cauterization
I will never have another biological child. Since making my decision and scheduling my appointment for my tubal ligation and cauterization, I had many thoughts of whether or not I was making the right decision.
I met with a family for work that was inquiring about foster parenting due to failed attempts at fertility and the financial costs of international and domestic adoption. I sat in their living room and wondered if I had the right to choose not to bring a life into this world. If I wanted to conceive, since I have never tried, would I be able? I also have a cousin that has fertility issues. Could I be a surrogate?
I suppose all questions that are normal when making the decision to permanently end the chance of my reproduction. Almost fourteen years later, I am completely sure that I want to make that choice. That I don't want to start over and give birth to my child. And with that, yesterday I had a tubal ligation.
D attended the appointment with me. Clearly D is not a fan of the hospital where my procedure was. She had many questions and even offered that we could flee before I went under the knife! I also learned that despite answering four times that I hadn't consumed any food or drink in twelve hours, that making a joke about eating four donuts for breakfast is not funny. The nurse said that I would be immediately discharged if that was the case.
I don't remember much of the procedure. I know that many doctors came to talk to me before I was taken back for surgery. I know that the IV smelled and hurt when it was inserted. I know that the nurse said I had "good blood" as she wiped from my fingertips up to my hand. I know the burning sensation that coursed my vein when the medicine was added to my IV. I recall the trip down to the surgery room. I recall the order to breathe from the oxygen mask. And then I recall being pushed into the recovery room where D sat patiently waiting.
While I have never had the dream to be an exotic dancer, those dreams are crushed if I ever wanted to give a lap dance due to my incision above the pelvic bone. Although I haven't removed the bandaids yet to see how large or small the sutures are. I did have the quick moment of panic in pre-op that I hadn't cleaned my belly button lately and maybe the incision would cause belly button lint to fall into my body thereby giving me an allergic reaction to dust that I could die. SERIOUSLY. I even considered seeing if they had a q-tip available, but I managed to refrain. Good thing, since I am still alive!
The surgery apparently went fine. I was given a prescription for vicodin which I didn't pick up. I considered doing so today but decided why fill another script I have no intention on using? I came home and ate and then laid down. I drifted in and out of sleep for about four hours. Then I was wide awake for the next 7 hours watching movies, television and playing cards before I attempted bed sometime after 2a.m. I laid wide awake for the next four hours. I was up at 7:20a.m., about an hour after sleep. I managed to fall back asleep briefly before getting up for good.
Other than some ibuprofen, I have been fine. The sutures have itched, but everything seems to be going well. I have been on some high of accomplishment today (even questioning if I am manic!) as I went to Kohl's, got the car washed and went grocery shopping before coming home to give T breakfast and take him to school at 11:00a.m. for his late start. Then I was off to swap movies at blockbuster and back home to wash dishes, sweep the kitchen floor, clean T's room and talk to JA. While talking to JA I decided I needed to paint the bedroom and closet door inside that was bothering me and then proceeded to paint the door frame, the window frame in the bathroom and touch up paint in the hallway. I finally put the paint away and washed down the doors and door jams in the hallway. I then put away dishes and vacuumed. I ate lunch and then sat down to watch Due Date. I made it through almost the entire movie (which I so DON'T recommend) before going to pick up T from school and come back to meet with the foster home licensers to renew my provisional license.
After they left, we finished watching Due Date and then watched Life As We Know It. Then it was on to dinner and dishes. Now downtime and American Idol.
Whatever do I have left to do tomorrow while I have the day off to complete my recovery?
I met with a family for work that was inquiring about foster parenting due to failed attempts at fertility and the financial costs of international and domestic adoption. I sat in their living room and wondered if I had the right to choose not to bring a life into this world. If I wanted to conceive, since I have never tried, would I be able? I also have a cousin that has fertility issues. Could I be a surrogate?
I suppose all questions that are normal when making the decision to permanently end the chance of my reproduction. Almost fourteen years later, I am completely sure that I want to make that choice. That I don't want to start over and give birth to my child. And with that, yesterday I had a tubal ligation.
D attended the appointment with me. Clearly D is not a fan of the hospital where my procedure was. She had many questions and even offered that we could flee before I went under the knife! I also learned that despite answering four times that I hadn't consumed any food or drink in twelve hours, that making a joke about eating four donuts for breakfast is not funny. The nurse said that I would be immediately discharged if that was the case.
I don't remember much of the procedure. I know that many doctors came to talk to me before I was taken back for surgery. I know that the IV smelled and hurt when it was inserted. I know that the nurse said I had "good blood" as she wiped from my fingertips up to my hand. I know the burning sensation that coursed my vein when the medicine was added to my IV. I recall the trip down to the surgery room. I recall the order to breathe from the oxygen mask. And then I recall being pushed into the recovery room where D sat patiently waiting.
While I have never had the dream to be an exotic dancer, those dreams are crushed if I ever wanted to give a lap dance due to my incision above the pelvic bone. Although I haven't removed the bandaids yet to see how large or small the sutures are. I did have the quick moment of panic in pre-op that I hadn't cleaned my belly button lately and maybe the incision would cause belly button lint to fall into my body thereby giving me an allergic reaction to dust that I could die. SERIOUSLY. I even considered seeing if they had a q-tip available, but I managed to refrain. Good thing, since I am still alive!
The surgery apparently went fine. I was given a prescription for vicodin which I didn't pick up. I considered doing so today but decided why fill another script I have no intention on using? I came home and ate and then laid down. I drifted in and out of sleep for about four hours. Then I was wide awake for the next 7 hours watching movies, television and playing cards before I attempted bed sometime after 2a.m. I laid wide awake for the next four hours. I was up at 7:20a.m., about an hour after sleep. I managed to fall back asleep briefly before getting up for good.
Other than some ibuprofen, I have been fine. The sutures have itched, but everything seems to be going well. I have been on some high of accomplishment today (even questioning if I am manic!) as I went to Kohl's, got the car washed and went grocery shopping before coming home to give T breakfast and take him to school at 11:00a.m. for his late start. Then I was off to swap movies at blockbuster and back home to wash dishes, sweep the kitchen floor, clean T's room and talk to JA. While talking to JA I decided I needed to paint the bedroom and closet door inside that was bothering me and then proceeded to paint the door frame, the window frame in the bathroom and touch up paint in the hallway. I finally put the paint away and washed down the doors and door jams in the hallway. I then put away dishes and vacuumed. I ate lunch and then sat down to watch Due Date. I made it through almost the entire movie (which I so DON'T recommend) before going to pick up T from school and come back to meet with the foster home licensers to renew my provisional license.
After they left, we finished watching Due Date and then watched Life As We Know It. Then it was on to dinner and dishes. Now downtime and American Idol.
Whatever do I have left to do tomorrow while I have the day off to complete my recovery?
Shower Curtain Comfort
I had blogged about purchasing orange towels and a toilet lid cover and rug around the toilet. I purchased a floor rug as well. Despite the small size of the downstairs bathroom, I managed to fit the large floor rug in and adorn the bath with orange. I put back up the orange and olive circular shower curtain. I have to say that I love, love, love the color orange and how it looks!
Now if only I can find my Shower Curtain Anonymous class, I think things are getting out of hand! I am running out of room on my shelf for all of my curtains and rug ensembles. Or maybe I should embrace it and start a meetup group for other shower curtain hoarders!
Yesterday while I waited in pre-op at the hospital I received a text from one of my girlfriends. She told me not to get too excited but Kohl's had Valentine's shower curtains on clearance for $7. Of course I couldn't head there at the moment, but I did make time first thing this morning to get to Kohl's.
As I needed to spend my Kohl's cash, what better than on another shower curtain? At first I didn't find it, but I soon did. I managed to get two red hand towels with hearts, a heart rug and the shower curtain. I also picked up another shower curtain on clearance that is striped that will match both bathrooms. Of course I spent more than my $20 Kohl's cash, but so well worth it.
T & Communication
For anyone who has followed my blog or read it, you are well aware that I have a teenage son, T. T has begun the final countdown until his 14th birthday. He recites the clothes that he is getting that have been tried on and purchased over the past month or so.
He is intelligent and articulate. He is almost responsible. He IS a good kid. He is after all a KID.
T and I have decent communication skills. I would even say that they are better than decent, that is until I realize that we aren't on the same page. That maybe it should be better. Maybe if I knew the right questions to ask without sounding like the psycho and/or nagging mother.
How exactly does a parent know when to ask the right questions and when to wait to be asked or told? When is a matter of meddling versus being concerned and interested?
Tonight at the dinner table I asked T what he thought of dinner. I tried a new fresco chicken sausage and wanted feedback. Personally, I didn't like it as much as the apple chicken sausage, but it wasn't bad. I had grilled it and sliced it on top of angel hair pasta with spaghetti sauce and fresh sauteed green peppers, onions and mushrooms. He didn't answer. I rephrased the question. He still didn't answer.
Then he said, "When do I get my retainer off?"
T has had a permanent retainer for several years as Phase I of his braces. The four frontal braces were removed almost two years ago, it's so hard to keep track of the time these days. To be honest, I am not really sure of the purpose of his retainer. I ask him why.
He replies, "Because it is hard to swallow."
There are tears welling in his eyes. He is struggling to swallow the pasta. He tells me this has been happening for...A MONTH. A MONTH?
I am so glad that he chooses to tell me now, a month later on a Thursday night. The orthodontist is closed on Friday. He has already gone a month, what is the rush to get him in soon?
Why is it that just when I might think I have this parenting gig under wrap, I get blindsided with another confirmation that I don't?
He is intelligent and articulate. He is almost responsible. He IS a good kid. He is after all a KID.
T and I have decent communication skills. I would even say that they are better than decent, that is until I realize that we aren't on the same page. That maybe it should be better. Maybe if I knew the right questions to ask without sounding like the psycho and/or nagging mother.
How exactly does a parent know when to ask the right questions and when to wait to be asked or told? When is a matter of meddling versus being concerned and interested?
Tonight at the dinner table I asked T what he thought of dinner. I tried a new fresco chicken sausage and wanted feedback. Personally, I didn't like it as much as the apple chicken sausage, but it wasn't bad. I had grilled it and sliced it on top of angel hair pasta with spaghetti sauce and fresh sauteed green peppers, onions and mushrooms. He didn't answer. I rephrased the question. He still didn't answer.
Then he said, "When do I get my retainer off?"
T has had a permanent retainer for several years as Phase I of his braces. The four frontal braces were removed almost two years ago, it's so hard to keep track of the time these days. To be honest, I am not really sure of the purpose of his retainer. I ask him why.
He replies, "Because it is hard to swallow."
There are tears welling in his eyes. He is struggling to swallow the pasta. He tells me this has been happening for...A MONTH. A MONTH?
I am so glad that he chooses to tell me now, a month later on a Thursday night. The orthodontist is closed on Friday. He has already gone a month, what is the rush to get him in soon?
Why is it that just when I might think I have this parenting gig under wrap, I get blindsided with another confirmation that I don't?
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