Over the past month or so, I've been reading a variety of blogs and stories which of course leave me to find nothing purposeful to actually post on this blog. Everything in my life seems trivial compared to life-threatening diagnoses, passing of children/parents/loved ones, upcoming marriages/divorces, births or adoption of new children, oil spills, bankruptcies, homelessness, sales/purchases of homes, suicides/homicides, shootings/stabbings, car accidents, child abuse, etc. that surround me.
I have absolutely nothing to complain about, although I wouldn't say that I'm a big complainer, more just a verbalizer. I have very little to even babble about, although I can do that well! But who really cares?
I've had frustrations with my son's baseball teams and schedule (last minute notices), teenage angst and behaviors, home improvement issues, dating issues, and just miscellaneous things. Nothing that has been life altering. No devastation (knock, knock). But maybe it's not about the loss that we want to hear or read, but the good things. Well of course it is - which is why I have boycotted the news for years! But, I don't have lots of new and exciting news to report either!
I guess I'll continue to just ramble when the thought moves me. As I type this, a downpour of weather exists outside as the thunder rumbles. A quick call home confirms that at this very moment, there are no streams or visible water cleansing the walls of my basement. I have yet to call the insurance company to raise my homeowners to include another bathroom and now habitable basement square footage, but I will, soon, very soon.
Every day I'm amazed and amused by little things. Every day there is usually something that irritates me equally as much, which passes quickly.
As of late I've been pondering my relationships - friendships and dating. On Saturday the Ex-Bf came to one of my son's tournament games. He hadn't paid attention to the schedule and he missed two previous games of the tournament. Unbeknownst to me, my son invited him to spend the day with him and the team at the hotel after the game. He denied. But when he hugged me goodbye he said to call him and see about hanging out the next day and he couldn't wait to do something again. (Yes it's been 2.5 years since I split from him. We are not FWB's!)
On Sunday morning before checking out of the hotel, I called him several times to see if he was going to take the jet ski out on the lake. My son called him four times leaving him messages to call him ASAP. My son was really hoping to go out on the lake and the tube. It had been years since he had.
No call. No nothing.
Until I received a text, ten minutes ago. Four days later. Four days!
He apologized for not returning my call but he had a date. He texted that it went well, but her profile is still up so he doesn't know.
I won't even begin to type what raced through my head when I read his text. I responded, "good luck". I wanted to respond with a lot. I didn't. You see, this isn't about me. This isn't about him and I. This was about my son. My son who adores this guy and the friendship they have. ADORES. And this man had the audacity to not return HIS calls.
I did ask my son if he had heard from the Ex-Bf and he said "NO". I told him that I had and that he had a date. My son's response, "Really? A date and he calls four days later?"
I know that my son is obviously like me. Communication issues or not as he turned a teenager months ago, he and I are still so very alike. And in sooo many ways, that SCARES ME.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Water, Weeds & The Teen
I'm really not sure what is worse, the home improvement adventures or the parenting adventures of my new teenager. Either way, both have produced massive amounts of grey hair that I can't convince myself is really "sun-bleached".
Since March, my son has morphed into a completely unknown individual of 5'4" and 120 pounds of insensitivity, lack of communication, non-listening mass of a being. I would like to say he has been taken over by an alien, but I can't even say that as his mannerisms have remained similar but with more attitude and less emotion and compassion. My son is becoming...a man. Sigh...
I ask very little of my son. VERY. LITTLE.
I do expect respect, honesty and communication. I expect that he will be morally and ethically humane. That he will have both sympathetic and empathetic qualities. I expect that he will always love me, even when he doesn't like me and most of all that he will listen AND hear me, not just stare at me blankly while he imagines dancing girls, You Tube videos and if he will get a hit during his next game! I also expect that he will make his bed daily, clean his room on occasion and bring his dirty dishes to the kitchen. And honestly, I really don't harp on him for the later three things.
On the 3rd of July, in the midst of my painting adventures of the basement bathroom and den, there was the local festivities happening in town. I asked if my son wanted to go, which he did, at 9:30p.m. So we headed downtown to see the fireworks. As we walked to the park, I became the motherly plague. No longer could he be seen walking with me or next to me. Nope. He scurried ahead or shuffled his feet twenty feet behind me, with his head slouched and his hands deeply immersed in his pockets. We had time to kill after walking around a bit so I suggested he could walk around for a bit and then he needed to come back.
In his defense, I did not give him a time frame. Ten minutes pass. Twenty minutes. Thirty minutes. Forty-five minutes. By this time, I'm silently clenching inside, worrying about the thousands of people, wondering if he's been kidnapped or ran off with the nearest gang all the while combating those thoughts with allowing him the freedom and responsibility to Do the right thing. Sixty-five minutes later, and after the first fireworks began, he calls me. He tells me where he is. I inquire if he's staying there to watch the fireworks. "Yeah." End of conversation.
I stand there, where I have been for now almost 1.5 hours by myself to watch the fireworks by myself. I could have been at home painting. I could have been anywhere. But there I stood...where he had parted from me, standing alone, watching fireworks.
After the show completes, he doesn't arrive. I look at my phone and I have missed two phone calls from him. I call him back and he tells me that I can meet him at a distant vendor. NO. You will meet me where you left me in TWO MINUTES.
He arrives. I'm FURIOUS. I talk to him about safety, responsibility and communication. I tell him he is grounded. If he can master communicating on Facebook, he can put his skills into practice in real life without his computer for a day or two. No racetrack the next day. If I hadn't promised a friend to go out on her boat the next day, would have cancelled that too. Icing on that cake, the mother of one of the boys he was sitting there calls to see if he found me as he "just took off". So he not only worried me, he worried her by not communicating. And never once did he mention that the mother was there and I could go join them. He went without his computer for a week. Not because I didn't want him to have it, but because he never asked and I never offered.
I can say that his communication hasn't gotten better; however, he is living on his computer and Facebook a lot less these days!
Fast forward to two nights ago. I informed him that I wanted him to pull weeds the following day, yesterday. He told me to wake him in the morning before work to point out what were weeds. I had no interest in doing so at 8:00a.m., so I told him I would show him then, at 11:00p.m. at night. I pointed out the weeds while he used the blue light.
Yesterday he called me at work. "Hey mom, I'm pulling weeds. Is this green thing a weed?"
I get that I'm a mom that may have some bionic powers, but what thing is a green thing? I tell him not to pull out anything that he doesn't know. I confirm that around the side were the weeds I had shown him the night before and to pull those. He called me an hour later to say he was done and asked if he could head to the park. OK.
I came home yesterday and something was in the yard. He had left the box of garbage bags on the lawn. I went to pick them up and to my surprise...half of my plants...WERE GONE.
Not only had he pulled weeds and a majority of the grass growing in the flower bed, he pulled out a large perennial ground cover that was about 2.5'round! In addition, he pulled out all the vinca AND he tore out my 4' tall DAYLILLIES. Seriously?
The daylillies were almost in full bloom. I had just purchased two gallon containers of them for the side yard. He saw them for days before they were planted. How could he not notice the large daylilly buds? How could he remotely believe that they were weeds? In tearing them out, he destroyed the root system. I was able to replant one stalk and maybe it will come back. I had him replant the large ground cover.
Why do I feel that his actions are half-assed in attempt to not have to do anything EVER again?
It's clearly working though, because the battle just isn't worth it, neither is the damage. I realize I do this with every aspect and relationship of my life. If I ask for help and someone fails at doing it correctly, not even MY WAY, I would rather just endure doing it myself when I can find the time than to ask, again.
Then...there was the water. I forgot that I had turned on the sprinkler on the new side yard to water the newly growing grass seed and our replanted plants in the front. We left the house and I took my son to his evening adventure (when he wasn't suppose to be with me!) while I headed to dinner and the theater.
I came home and my son was fast asleep on his couch in the basement with the television on. Immediately I noticed small streams of water streaming down the cement wall, the newly painted cement wall! I cleaned up the wall and the water continued. I heard the sprinkler on. It had been on for six hours! He never noticed the water. He didn't hear the sprinkler and turn it off, nothing. The neighbors didn't turn it off either after it had been watering their driveway for six hours! So I shut off the hose and continued to clean up the water. One area had been streaming in from the old window well glass block window screen that I had left open. The other area, I have no idea. Having the sprinkler wedged up against the house with constant water for six hours, not a good thing! The small amount of water was cleaned up. The wall was wiped down and the water marks are gone. The fan went all night long and has dried everything up.
No damage done...today. Ah, can't wait for the adventures of tomorrow! How many years left until he graduates and moves on to college? Let me count the days...
Since March, my son has morphed into a completely unknown individual of 5'4" and 120 pounds of insensitivity, lack of communication, non-listening mass of a being. I would like to say he has been taken over by an alien, but I can't even say that as his mannerisms have remained similar but with more attitude and less emotion and compassion. My son is becoming...a man. Sigh...
I ask very little of my son. VERY. LITTLE.
I do expect respect, honesty and communication. I expect that he will be morally and ethically humane. That he will have both sympathetic and empathetic qualities. I expect that he will always love me, even when he doesn't like me and most of all that he will listen AND hear me, not just stare at me blankly while he imagines dancing girls, You Tube videos and if he will get a hit during his next game! I also expect that he will make his bed daily, clean his room on occasion and bring his dirty dishes to the kitchen. And honestly, I really don't harp on him for the later three things.
On the 3rd of July, in the midst of my painting adventures of the basement bathroom and den, there was the local festivities happening in town. I asked if my son wanted to go, which he did, at 9:30p.m. So we headed downtown to see the fireworks. As we walked to the park, I became the motherly plague. No longer could he be seen walking with me or next to me. Nope. He scurried ahead or shuffled his feet twenty feet behind me, with his head slouched and his hands deeply immersed in his pockets. We had time to kill after walking around a bit so I suggested he could walk around for a bit and then he needed to come back.
In his defense, I did not give him a time frame. Ten minutes pass. Twenty minutes. Thirty minutes. Forty-five minutes. By this time, I'm silently clenching inside, worrying about the thousands of people, wondering if he's been kidnapped or ran off with the nearest gang all the while combating those thoughts with allowing him the freedom and responsibility to Do the right thing. Sixty-five minutes later, and after the first fireworks began, he calls me. He tells me where he is. I inquire if he's staying there to watch the fireworks. "Yeah." End of conversation.
I stand there, where I have been for now almost 1.5 hours by myself to watch the fireworks by myself. I could have been at home painting. I could have been anywhere. But there I stood...where he had parted from me, standing alone, watching fireworks.
After the show completes, he doesn't arrive. I look at my phone and I have missed two phone calls from him. I call him back and he tells me that I can meet him at a distant vendor. NO. You will meet me where you left me in TWO MINUTES.
He arrives. I'm FURIOUS. I talk to him about safety, responsibility and communication. I tell him he is grounded. If he can master communicating on Facebook, he can put his skills into practice in real life without his computer for a day or two. No racetrack the next day. If I hadn't promised a friend to go out on her boat the next day, would have cancelled that too. Icing on that cake, the mother of one of the boys he was sitting there calls to see if he found me as he "just took off". So he not only worried me, he worried her by not communicating. And never once did he mention that the mother was there and I could go join them. He went without his computer for a week. Not because I didn't want him to have it, but because he never asked and I never offered.
I can say that his communication hasn't gotten better; however, he is living on his computer and Facebook a lot less these days!
Fast forward to two nights ago. I informed him that I wanted him to pull weeds the following day, yesterday. He told me to wake him in the morning before work to point out what were weeds. I had no interest in doing so at 8:00a.m., so I told him I would show him then, at 11:00p.m. at night. I pointed out the weeds while he used the blue light.
Yesterday he called me at work. "Hey mom, I'm pulling weeds. Is this green thing a weed?"
I get that I'm a mom that may have some bionic powers, but what thing is a green thing? I tell him not to pull out anything that he doesn't know. I confirm that around the side were the weeds I had shown him the night before and to pull those. He called me an hour later to say he was done and asked if he could head to the park. OK.
I came home yesterday and something was in the yard. He had left the box of garbage bags on the lawn. I went to pick them up and to my surprise...half of my plants...WERE GONE.
Not only had he pulled weeds and a majority of the grass growing in the flower bed, he pulled out a large perennial ground cover that was about 2.5'round! In addition, he pulled out all the vinca AND he tore out my 4' tall DAYLILLIES. Seriously?
The daylillies were almost in full bloom. I had just purchased two gallon containers of them for the side yard. He saw them for days before they were planted. How could he not notice the large daylilly buds? How could he remotely believe that they were weeds? In tearing them out, he destroyed the root system. I was able to replant one stalk and maybe it will come back. I had him replant the large ground cover.
Why do I feel that his actions are half-assed in attempt to not have to do anything EVER again?
It's clearly working though, because the battle just isn't worth it, neither is the damage. I realize I do this with every aspect and relationship of my life. If I ask for help and someone fails at doing it correctly, not even MY WAY, I would rather just endure doing it myself when I can find the time than to ask, again.
Then...there was the water. I forgot that I had turned on the sprinkler on the new side yard to water the newly growing grass seed and our replanted plants in the front. We left the house and I took my son to his evening adventure (when he wasn't suppose to be with me!) while I headed to dinner and the theater.
I came home and my son was fast asleep on his couch in the basement with the television on. Immediately I noticed small streams of water streaming down the cement wall, the newly painted cement wall! I cleaned up the wall and the water continued. I heard the sprinkler on. It had been on for six hours! He never noticed the water. He didn't hear the sprinkler and turn it off, nothing. The neighbors didn't turn it off either after it had been watering their driveway for six hours! So I shut off the hose and continued to clean up the water. One area had been streaming in from the old window well glass block window screen that I had left open. The other area, I have no idea. Having the sprinkler wedged up against the house with constant water for six hours, not a good thing! The small amount of water was cleaned up. The wall was wiped down and the water marks are gone. The fan went all night long and has dried everything up.
No damage done...today. Ah, can't wait for the adventures of tomorrow! How many years left until he graduates and moves on to college? Let me count the days...
Monday, July 19, 2010
Basement Additions: Bathroom & Egress Window
BEFORE:
Laundry Area/Pre-Bathroom 6/2010
I had anticipated blogging daily about the progress of the construction, but obviously I didn't. I didn't want to focus on the negative and the trivial. Besides, who wants to read about my daily issues exacerbated by home improvement woes? Yes, my thoughts exactly.
So in summary - the job is done and we are squabbling slightly over the final bill. The inspector required that a new stairway handrail be added as it was too short as well as a partial half wall on the other side of the stairs! I went out and purchased the vanity, light fixtures, floor tile & grout and was suppose to get a credit, which hasn't happened...yet. Little of any of the details were discussed with me. Tile went in before I was given the go ahead to paint the drywall, therefore I had to paint over my new tile! Trim went up pre-primed but not painted (Anyone who has seen me paints knows this is a double nightmare!), fortunately they didn't put up all the trim and I located the pile of pre-cut and was able to put two coats of paint on those before they went up! 
Apparently my house, which should be a bomb shelter, has nothing normal about it (including the occupants!) and has 10" cement walls with large rocks in it vs. the normal 8" walls. So I was charged an additional $310 drilling fee. In addition, the water drill caused lots of water damage to the concrete so I needed to clean and scrape up the walls to repaint. While doing this, I discovered that I had mold growing on one wall! I was appalled. Amazing the difference a dehumidifier makes - and the contractors kept turning mine off or not putting it together right and water ended up all over the floor, again. So I had to treat the wall, which then bleached out some of my black carpet. Really, how much better does it get? Oh how I love home improvement projects!
All in all though, it's done. I now have an additional bathroom and an egress window that anyone can break into or escape out of. Did I really think this through prior to installation? Nope.
Laundry Area/Pre-Bathroom 6/2010 Den/Recreation Area/Pre-Egress Window 6/2010
I am not a fan of contractors. I will admit that I can be a very difficult person to work with, especially if I hire you to do a specific job and you are not meeting my expectations or contractual obligations. Three things are very important to me: my son, my house and my money. Therefore, committing to a contractor to put in an egress window and a second (3/4) bathroom in my basement, affects two if not all three of the things most important to me.I had anticipated blogging daily about the progress of the construction, but obviously I didn't. I didn't want to focus on the negative and the trivial. Besides, who wants to read about my daily issues exacerbated by home improvement woes? Yes, my thoughts exactly.
So in summary - the job is done and we are squabbling slightly over the final bill. The inspector required that a new stairway handrail be added as it was too short as well as a partial half wall on the other side of the stairs! I went out and purchased the vanity, light fixtures, floor tile & grout and was suppose to get a credit, which hasn't happened...yet. Little of any of the details were discussed with me. Tile went in before I was given the go ahead to paint the drywall, therefore I had to paint over my new tile! Trim went up pre-primed but not painted (Anyone who has seen me paints knows this is a double nightmare!), fortunately they didn't put up all the trim and I located the pile of pre-cut and was able to put two coats of paint on those before they went up!
AFTER:
New Hand Rail & Partial Wall 6/2010
Landscaping - they tore out two trees and all shrubs on the side of the house for the window and told me if I purchased plants they would plant them. Almost $100 later in perennial plants that I hadn't anticipated, I received the bill for landscaping of $95 for mulch, potting soil and grass seed.
Seriously? I could have done it for less! But I was told, "You weren't charged for labor." Great, since they didn't plant the plants where I had told them and they used cedar mulch instead of red that is throughout my yard. But at the time, I thought it was free.
Almost every day I came home to every light on in my basement and the house unlocked. One weekend I came home to the house smelling of turpentine as a bottle had been left opened and several dozen flies! They drilled a 3" hole out of the side of the house for an exhaust fan but didn't bother to cap it or fill it until they installed the fan!
I didn't have laundry usage for two weeks. When I inquired I was told to go ahead and do laundry. During the first load of laundry I walked by the drywalled bathroom and found a small pool of water on the floor. 11:00p.m. call to the contractor, eight towels later and laundry sitting in the tub mid-cycle = priceless. Water quickly creeped up the new drywall as the floors aren't level. The next morning, the drywall guy (who showed up 2.5 hours late on a Saturday and then subsequently locked himself out of the house!) took off the lid of the enclosed pump and found that the pump was wedged against the side wall. Resolved. BUT, wasn't it tested first? Guess not. I do have a nice utility tub and an extra floor drain too!Apparently my house, which should be a bomb shelter, has nothing normal about it (including the occupants!) and has 10" cement walls with large rocks in it vs. the normal 8" walls. So I was charged an additional $310 drilling fee. In addition, the water drill caused lots of water damage to the concrete so I needed to clean and scrape up the walls to repaint. While doing this, I discovered that I had mold growing on one wall! I was appalled. Amazing the difference a dehumidifier makes - and the contractors kept turning mine off or not putting it together right and water ended up all over the floor, again. So I had to treat the wall, which then bleached out some of my black carpet. Really, how much better does it get? Oh how I love home improvement projects!
All in all though, it's done. I now have an additional bathroom and an egress window that anyone can break into or escape out of. Did I really think this through prior to installation? Nope.
AFTER:
(Oops, missed including the light fixture!)
New Basement Bathroom 7/2010
Egress Window 7/2010
Reorganized furniture and moved t.v.'s (big one is in the nook)
I'm just thankful that I received the grant money to pay for the majority of the window. On a side note, the licensing requirements are completed and my study was submitted to the state for approval on 7/12/10. Let the fun continue!
Baseball, Parenting & Honesty
I can't believe that it has been over a month since I posted. I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Not yet, at least. Surely I hope if I ever do, that I have a great parachute or really strong bungee to catch me on the flipside!
Things have been relatively busy over the past month and things are finally beginning to quiet down. For the most part, the remodel of the bathroom addition is done (with the exception of payment) and the addition of the egress window. I now have to complete more painting that was affected by the work. So hopefully one or two more days of painting and it will be complete. I'll post pictures soon, or at least before I remodel the bathroom (since my timing seems a little off)! Of course it's sale day at Meijer - which means I'll be shopping for bathroom fun stuff and of course shower curtains!
Regular season of baseball ended last month and now we are in full swing of the "fun" weekend tournaments. Not sure what exactly is fun about losing EVERY SINGLE GAME, but what do I know? This past weekend was spent in a hotel almost 1.5 hours away with eleven 13 year old boys. I was a chaperone with three in my room. I seemed to have the late owls in two of them, that were up until 4a.m. night one and 2a.m. on night two! At least they were relatively quiet.
Speaking of quiet, I've never claimed to be able to keep my mouth shut. This past weekend, of course was no exception. One of the dad's and chaperones of the adjoining room told another parent that he was glad I was on their team, because if not and he was on the other team, what a B!@#$! I'm a rule follower...and the other team was taking in-field practice when it was not allowed, so I mentioned it, to the dad. I didn't even say anything to the other team or coach, but the dad did! But I'm the B!@#$! Go figure!
I also may have made some parenting and authority comments to the coaches children. Although he did ask after if I was for hire. I also might have told the coach that he needed to grow a backbone, and soon. Then of course comments were made about my aggressive driving and physical resemblance to Danica Patrick. And if I didn't say too much over the weekend, coach emailed today to ask for input about the last two tournaments. I may have given him my three cents worth. Surprisingly, he was appreciative and responsive and knew that I would give an honest response. So maybe some people still appreciate and want to hear the truth.
Well, maybe those are just people who you aren't dating.
Things have been relatively busy over the past month and things are finally beginning to quiet down. For the most part, the remodel of the bathroom addition is done (with the exception of payment) and the addition of the egress window. I now have to complete more painting that was affected by the work. So hopefully one or two more days of painting and it will be complete. I'll post pictures soon, or at least before I remodel the bathroom (since my timing seems a little off)! Of course it's sale day at Meijer - which means I'll be shopping for bathroom fun stuff and of course shower curtains!
Regular season of baseball ended last month and now we are in full swing of the "fun" weekend tournaments. Not sure what exactly is fun about losing EVERY SINGLE GAME, but what do I know? This past weekend was spent in a hotel almost 1.5 hours away with eleven 13 year old boys. I was a chaperone with three in my room. I seemed to have the late owls in two of them, that were up until 4a.m. night one and 2a.m. on night two! At least they were relatively quiet.
Speaking of quiet, I've never claimed to be able to keep my mouth shut. This past weekend, of course was no exception. One of the dad's and chaperones of the adjoining room told another parent that he was glad I was on their team, because if not and he was on the other team, what a B!@#$! I'm a rule follower...and the other team was taking in-field practice when it was not allowed, so I mentioned it, to the dad. I didn't even say anything to the other team or coach, but the dad did! But I'm the B!@#$! Go figure!
I also may have made some parenting and authority comments to the coaches children. Although he did ask after if I was for hire. I also might have told the coach that he needed to grow a backbone, and soon. Then of course comments were made about my aggressive driving and physical resemblance to Danica Patrick. And if I didn't say too much over the weekend, coach emailed today to ask for input about the last two tournaments. I may have given him my three cents worth. Surprisingly, he was appreciative and responsive and knew that I would give an honest response. So maybe some people still appreciate and want to hear the truth.
Well, maybe those are just people who you aren't dating.
Marriage Proposal...
Is a marriage proposal still a marriage proposal if it's from a married man and you aren't a resident of Utah?
Happy Monday! =)
Happy Monday! =)
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