Apparently JN and JA believe that I'm giddy and/or dopey these days! JN has never read my blog, although I did mention it to her today and she asked where I blog and I told her. It really wouldn't be hard for someone to search for my blog and find me - I think for the most part, my life is an open book. It's just the feelings that aren't.
JA reads my blog, religiously. For the most part, there are days when I write my blog for her since she feels lost without the latest update if we haven't had time to catch up on the phone. She was on vacation all last week so she didn't have a chance to catch up on my latest. She called me this afternoon to tell me that I obviously like Mr. Date and that I'm "dopey" otherwise "giddy" and that while she hasn't known me dating many people she's never seen me like this or read about me like this! She like I wonder what it is about Mr. Date that seems to be walking through my high brick walls and finding the way into my heart.
I mentioned to Mr. Date that JA thinks I'm different too and that she read about it. He said, oh in emails. Ummm, yeah something like that. I have mentioned before that I journal, but I wasn't going to lie about saying they are emails when they aren't, but I'm not sure that I want him to be reading about my thoughts about him either. Obviously I'm not hiding anything, but seems a little unfair for him to read about things in addition to what I share with him and it not be a two-way street, don't you think?
For now, I'm just enjoying one day at a time. I look forward to the next time that I'm going to hear from him and making plans to see him. It's all good!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Growing Up...but not TOO fast
There are some days when my son thinks I'm pretty cool. He still laughs at my corniness and he gets my sarcasm. He finds my daily created songs entertaining and feels he should have been recording them long ago! He isn't into girls yet and there are still days when he openly grabs my hand in public when we are out or leans his head on my shoulder. I love these times. I know that they are numbered, but I cherish every memory, every opportunity, every moment.
Last night my son set his alarm as I wanted to leave for work early. At 4:28a.m. his alarm went off. He had told me he set it for 6:45a.m. Of course I was in a dead stupor when I awoke to the obnoxious buzzing emulating from his room. I let it continue until he turned it off. Fortunately, he didn't attempt to get up and get ready. However, he came bounding in to my room sometime later to tell me we were "WAY LATE" and that we had overslept. I asked him what time it was and he said 9:00a.m. at which point baffled, I grabbed my phone/alarm and saw that it was 6:44a.m.! Inadvertently he forwarded his clock time a few hours by accident!
Then while sharing the bathroom mirror this morning, he exclaimed, "WHAT'S THAT ON MY NOSE?"
And there, on the end of his nose was a tiny white pimple. Yes, his first pimple. And his reaction, "WOW, NOW ISN'T THAT JUST SPECIAL?"
Tonight we went to the Coast Guard festival and watched a not so entertaining water skier show. I had really hoped for something more, but what can you say for cheap entertainment? Besides, it was something out of the norm to do. JN and her friend met us up there. There were people everywhere and I was longing for another funnel cake - although they didn't have the Reese's peanut butter one. We got the turtle funnel cake and it just wasn't the same!
My son decided that he wanted to try his shot at the basketball shoot carnival game. I purchased his first four throws. He was close and he was frustrated. Knowing that he has a lot of money saved at home, I offered if he wanted to pay me back, he could continue to try. $37.00 later, disappointed he gave up. I felt sorry for him; however, it was a lesson that he needed to learn. Sure, I could have stopped him. I could have said "no more". I knew that he would be responsible for paying me back. I knew that he had the money and he never spends it, so if this was how he wanted to spend some of it, so be it. His last shot rolled around the rim before falling out. It really was rather devastating. I felt sorry for him. Clearly he could have parted with that amount of money and had something to show for it. But, it was another life lesson.
Friday night he went to his first boy-girl party. I'm not sure if he was with me if I would have let him go, but fortunately for him, he was with his dad last weekend. I definitely would have called and gotten all the information and found out when, where, who, what. Of course I wasn't privy to much of anything. My son did promise that he would fill me in and if he had his "first kiss" he would tell me about it! He recalls me forcing him to kiss a girl at daycare when he was little as his "first kiss" but did agree to tell me about a second kiss! There was a great group of kids, eleven in all, at the party and most of his good male friends were there. So I was really happy to hear that and he had a great time!
They grow up so fast, but there are so many moments that make me realize that he's growing up just right!
Last night my son set his alarm as I wanted to leave for work early. At 4:28a.m. his alarm went off. He had told me he set it for 6:45a.m. Of course I was in a dead stupor when I awoke to the obnoxious buzzing emulating from his room. I let it continue until he turned it off. Fortunately, he didn't attempt to get up and get ready. However, he came bounding in to my room sometime later to tell me we were "WAY LATE" and that we had overslept. I asked him what time it was and he said 9:00a.m. at which point baffled, I grabbed my phone/alarm and saw that it was 6:44a.m.! Inadvertently he forwarded his clock time a few hours by accident!
Then while sharing the bathroom mirror this morning, he exclaimed, "WHAT'S THAT ON MY NOSE?"
And there, on the end of his nose was a tiny white pimple. Yes, his first pimple. And his reaction, "WOW, NOW ISN'T THAT JUST SPECIAL?"
Tonight we went to the Coast Guard festival and watched a not so entertaining water skier show. I had really hoped for something more, but what can you say for cheap entertainment? Besides, it was something out of the norm to do. JN and her friend met us up there. There were people everywhere and I was longing for another funnel cake - although they didn't have the Reese's peanut butter one. We got the turtle funnel cake and it just wasn't the same!
My son decided that he wanted to try his shot at the basketball shoot carnival game. I purchased his first four throws. He was close and he was frustrated. Knowing that he has a lot of money saved at home, I offered if he wanted to pay me back, he could continue to try. $37.00 later, disappointed he gave up. I felt sorry for him; however, it was a lesson that he needed to learn. Sure, I could have stopped him. I could have said "no more". I knew that he would be responsible for paying me back. I knew that he had the money and he never spends it, so if this was how he wanted to spend some of it, so be it. His last shot rolled around the rim before falling out. It really was rather devastating. I felt sorry for him. Clearly he could have parted with that amount of money and had something to show for it. But, it was another life lesson.
Friday night he went to his first boy-girl party. I'm not sure if he was with me if I would have let him go, but fortunately for him, he was with his dad last weekend. I definitely would have called and gotten all the information and found out when, where, who, what. Of course I wasn't privy to much of anything. My son did promise that he would fill me in and if he had his "first kiss" he would tell me about it! He recalls me forcing him to kiss a girl at daycare when he was little as his "first kiss" but did agree to tell me about a second kiss! There was a great group of kids, eleven in all, at the party and most of his good male friends were there. So I was really happy to hear that and he had a great time!
They grow up so fast, but there are so many moments that make me realize that he's growing up just right!
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Boating and Dramamine
Today I headed up to GH to my girlfriend's house as we were going out on her boat. TW bought a boat last year and hasn't had it out yet this year. I assumed it was only going to be JN, TW and I but was surprised that SZ and her son and a fellow co-worker DP was also there. With five adults a two-year old and a poodle-ish dog, we headed out on our boating adventure. After two hours, we had the boat from storage running and in the water - no small feat mind you!
The boat ride out to Lake Michigan was good. It was after4:00p.m. so it wasn't too hot and unfortunately I didn't manage to get any sun! We anchored so that the pooch could run around on the shore. Lake Michigan was initially freezing cold, but I didn't have much of a choice since once anchored I immediately was struck with motion sickness and figured the water was my best option! I decided to dive in since it was so cold and it felt like I did a belly smacker straight into dry/frozen ice! My stomach was killing me for quite some time and the water was so initially cold it was difficult to swim. Getting back to the boat from the beach wasn't exactly pleasurable either!
The boat ride back to the slip was just downright miserable for me. I really thought I was going to heave overboard! Fortunately I managed not to, but it wasn't very pretty. Next time, I'm taking Dramamine!
We didn't get back to TW's house until after 8p.m. and JN and I grabbed dinner on the harbor. What a great ending to a fun, responsible-free weekend! If only I didn't have to work tomorrow.
The boat ride out to Lake Michigan was good. It was after4:00p.m. so it wasn't too hot and unfortunately I didn't manage to get any sun! We anchored so that the pooch could run around on the shore. Lake Michigan was initially freezing cold, but I didn't have much of a choice since once anchored I immediately was struck with motion sickness and figured the water was my best option! I decided to dive in since it was so cold and it felt like I did a belly smacker straight into dry/frozen ice! My stomach was killing me for quite some time and the water was so initially cold it was difficult to swim. Getting back to the boat from the beach wasn't exactly pleasurable either!
The boat ride back to the slip was just downright miserable for me. I really thought I was going to heave overboard! Fortunately I managed not to, but it wasn't very pretty. Next time, I'm taking Dramamine!
We didn't get back to TW's house until after 8p.m. and JN and I grabbed dinner on the harbor. What a great ending to a fun, responsible-free weekend! If only I didn't have to work tomorrow.
Whitecaps
Saturday Mr. Date got to the house about noon, which was our initial plan. He was up about the same time I was, but went into work while I headed home for some sleep. After he got to the house we talked about disc golf or canoeing, but never made it to either.
We spent a long time talking and kissing. I could spend days on end just cuddled up to him. And the funny thing is, he isn't a big guy. He doesn't portray that teddy bear image where I just want to be held and comforted. To know that I feel safe and secure with him. With my shoes on, we are pretty much at eye level with each other. My arms and thighs are definitely bigger than his, but he's strong. And with him, I feel at ease and safe. I don't feel like I can get close enough to him.
We finally grabbed dinner and headed up to the Whitecaps baseball game. JN and her friend were also going to be there, but it was just merely coincidental. This was the first baseball game I've been to sans son. The ex-bf has gone to games with me, but I've never felt the way I did tonight. Ok - seriously, there is something about Mr. Date too, that makes me break out into song - and I never know all the lyrics and the songs get stuck in my head. Over and over again...yep, sing that one too! It's seriously bizarre. Anyway, at the game, I just felt so comfortable being next to him. We stayed for the fireworks and then came home to watch part of the movie 21 before we were just too tired to watch the rest.
I'm not sure when I'll see Mr. Date again. For me, it won't be soon enough. He mentioned trying to swing something after work on Wednesday or Thursday - but we have the kid schedules to contend with on these every other weeks. Normally, I'm ok with not seeing someone very often since I tend to get bored or burnt out very quickly. I'm not so sure how I'll do when the shoes on the other foot and I want to see someone more than what is possible.
I'm just taking it one day at a time. The last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Especially a boyfriend when in just over two weeks I'll be gone for almost two weeks in Grenada!
We spent a long time talking and kissing. I could spend days on end just cuddled up to him. And the funny thing is, he isn't a big guy. He doesn't portray that teddy bear image where I just want to be held and comforted. To know that I feel safe and secure with him. With my shoes on, we are pretty much at eye level with each other. My arms and thighs are definitely bigger than his, but he's strong. And with him, I feel at ease and safe. I don't feel like I can get close enough to him.
We finally grabbed dinner and headed up to the Whitecaps baseball game. JN and her friend were also going to be there, but it was just merely coincidental. This was the first baseball game I've been to sans son. The ex-bf has gone to games with me, but I've never felt the way I did tonight. Ok - seriously, there is something about Mr. Date too, that makes me break out into song - and I never know all the lyrics and the songs get stuck in my head. Over and over again...yep, sing that one too! It's seriously bizarre. Anyway, at the game, I just felt so comfortable being next to him. We stayed for the fireworks and then came home to watch part of the movie 21 before we were just too tired to watch the rest.
I'm not sure when I'll see Mr. Date again. For me, it won't be soon enough. He mentioned trying to swing something after work on Wednesday or Thursday - but we have the kid schedules to contend with on these every other weeks. Normally, I'm ok with not seeing someone very often since I tend to get bored or burnt out very quickly. I'm not so sure how I'll do when the shoes on the other foot and I want to see someone more than what is possible.
I'm just taking it one day at a time. The last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. Especially a boyfriend when in just over two weeks I'll be gone for almost two weeks in Grenada!
Friday Night On The Town
I don't get out very often. AND, there's probably good reason for that! Sometimes, I just do better in the scheme of things in my own little box. I'm not a complete shell shock type of person, but on the other hand, sometimes I tend to do and say things that are really dumb or naive. Sometimes, I just want to open mouth and insert foot.
Friday night JN and I were going out on the town, the big town. Mind you, I'm not a big city girl and while it wasn't Chicago or anything, it's much bigger and busier than the town I live in! I wasn't entirely thrilled to go out as I just wanted to be with Mr. Date. I find myself more and more intrigued with him and I want to spend every minute with him. I'm sure it's happened before, but I don't feel like I've ever been so consumed with wanting to be with someone so much as I am with him. Maybe it's because we don't see each other every day. Maybe it's because I think he's a challenge. Maybe it's really because I like him. I also don't want to get into the habit of a dating relationship to consume all of my free time and Mr. Date is definitely OK with giving me my space - especially since I was really feeling a need for it when he mentioned spending all weekend together and I was thinking of finding a close cliff as it felt like I was walking straight into the ex-bf relationship.
So, JN and I went out. We grabbed dinner at a local brewery and then headed over to a nearby bar. It had an 80's and current cover band that was actually pretty decent. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, JN was sitting by the fireplace chatting up some guy. Wow, she's got skills! So I did the slide on by - when he basically screamed "hi" to me and I kept walking to grab a drink from the bar.
The night was completely entertaining. The guys that JN picked up were two married men that were pretty nice. The one was so completely enthralled in me, it was becoming pretty pathetic. He wanted to dance, so me and my white girl skills went and danced. It's not too bad dancing with people you don't care about and will never see again that likely can't see you in the first place because of darkness and beer goggles! I managed to dance A LOT that night, from one person to the next. Married man couldn't get over me and kept trying to barter for time with me claiming I was absolutely adorable as well as a lot of sexual comments which were shot down in attempts to inform the man he was married! Here was one of my not so cool comments - after married man dumped half his drink on my long shirt and leg, "Wow that was talent. I'm all wet and you didn't even touch me." Need I say more? Insert foot...
Another guy I danced with was terrible, but he was fun. I'm surprised I'm not bruised as this guy seriously liked to have me spin him but then would come back and smash into me! Quite the site I'm sure. His repeated asks for kisses were getting rather annoying though! Met and danced with a few others until we closed the bar down.
JN then had this craving for chili cheese fries and we went to a local happening place where we were beckoned to a table with three guys. Of course, my clearing of the table led one late 20 something to ask if I had kids. Yes, one and he's 11. Silence. Man, do I feel OLD!
Getting back to JN's condo, her kitten had a field day watching me try to sleep on the couch. The final straw was the clawing, snagging of carpet, claws on the couch, full pounce onto my stomach and then onto the floor of her large cat. And then he had the audacity to look at me as if saying WTF?
2.5 hours of sleep, if that later, I headed for home in hopes that my cat allergies wouldn't ruin the rest of the day!
Friday night JN and I were going out on the town, the big town. Mind you, I'm not a big city girl and while it wasn't Chicago or anything, it's much bigger and busier than the town I live in! I wasn't entirely thrilled to go out as I just wanted to be with Mr. Date. I find myself more and more intrigued with him and I want to spend every minute with him. I'm sure it's happened before, but I don't feel like I've ever been so consumed with wanting to be with someone so much as I am with him. Maybe it's because we don't see each other every day. Maybe it's because I think he's a challenge. Maybe it's really because I like him. I also don't want to get into the habit of a dating relationship to consume all of my free time and Mr. Date is definitely OK with giving me my space - especially since I was really feeling a need for it when he mentioned spending all weekend together and I was thinking of finding a close cliff as it felt like I was walking straight into the ex-bf relationship.
So, JN and I went out. We grabbed dinner at a local brewery and then headed over to a nearby bar. It had an 80's and current cover band that was actually pretty decent. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, JN was sitting by the fireplace chatting up some guy. Wow, she's got skills! So I did the slide on by - when he basically screamed "hi" to me and I kept walking to grab a drink from the bar.
The night was completely entertaining. The guys that JN picked up were two married men that were pretty nice. The one was so completely enthralled in me, it was becoming pretty pathetic. He wanted to dance, so me and my white girl skills went and danced. It's not too bad dancing with people you don't care about and will never see again that likely can't see you in the first place because of darkness and beer goggles! I managed to dance A LOT that night, from one person to the next. Married man couldn't get over me and kept trying to barter for time with me claiming I was absolutely adorable as well as a lot of sexual comments which were shot down in attempts to inform the man he was married! Here was one of my not so cool comments - after married man dumped half his drink on my long shirt and leg, "Wow that was talent. I'm all wet and you didn't even touch me." Need I say more? Insert foot...
Another guy I danced with was terrible, but he was fun. I'm surprised I'm not bruised as this guy seriously liked to have me spin him but then would come back and smash into me! Quite the site I'm sure. His repeated asks for kisses were getting rather annoying though! Met and danced with a few others until we closed the bar down.
JN then had this craving for chili cheese fries and we went to a local happening place where we were beckoned to a table with three guys. Of course, my clearing of the table led one late 20 something to ask if I had kids. Yes, one and he's 11. Silence. Man, do I feel OLD!
Getting back to JN's condo, her kitten had a field day watching me try to sleep on the couch. The final straw was the clawing, snagging of carpet, claws on the couch, full pounce onto my stomach and then onto the floor of her large cat. And then he had the audacity to look at me as if saying WTF?
2.5 hours of sleep, if that later, I headed for home in hopes that my cat allergies wouldn't ruin the rest of the day!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
The Dress
I would definitely say that I'm a tomboy. I'm not into the whole high maintenance thing. I don't care for shopping. I only paint my nails for really special occasions (weddings) since I manage to ruin them regardless of how many HOURS I allow them to dry. I have long hair which I sometimes style or color, but mainly I rationalize that it's dead and I have better things to spend $100 and change on that needs to be colored every month. I'm a realist. I'm not materialistic at all - fashion and name brand anything mean nothing to me. I wouldn't say that I'm frugal, but I definitely rationalize a great majority of my purchases.
With that being said...I had a 30% coupon at Kohl's. I definitely wanted to find some more tops to wear with my capris since I'm not big into shorts either. Something about thunder thighs and my knee surgery scars...anyway. So I rummaged around the store, sifted through clearance racks and continued on my fashion barista mistaka mission to find color. Yep, regardless of what the guy said about me trying to look like I walked out of Fashion Bug Plus and/or Layne Bryant and that color made me look bigger, I looked for color.
And...I found it. I actually purchased three dresses of a wide variety. Mind you, I don't wear dresses. Not that I'm opposed to them, I just never seem to have a reason to wear them. When dating the ex-bf his idea of dress up wasn't really more than dockers and a button down shirt, so a dress definitely over-dressed him. I do occasionally by a dress every year in the event that maybe I will wear it, but typically don't. So the idea that I bought three dresses and a pair of black patent leather shoes - oh yeah - fashion here I come...or not so much as it may be. Regardless those and a handful of underwear and a bra with the discount came to under $75, how could I go wrong?
So without further ado, I decided to wear the dress and the new shoes the following day, yesterday. The dress is REALLY comfortable and to me seems more like a bathing suit cover up, but whatever.
I asked my son what he thought of my dress as we got ready to leave for our day. He said he didn't like it. I asked, "What don't you like about it?" His response, "The dress."
Seriously, he is SOOOOO my son! So with my son's shaky hand at the camera - here it is:
Rails & Ties Movie
Tonight my son and I watched the movie, Rails & Ties with Kevin Bacon. I picked it up at Blockbuster since I liked the storyline description and it was PG-13 if my son and I had time to watch it. We had watched Penelope on Tuesday night and the other movie is due back Friday morning. I didn't have a chance to watch it last night as the hotel t.v. wasn't DVD compatible - hate that!
The movie was terrific. My son LOVED it! I can't remember the last time he raved so much about a movie. He gave it 4.5 of 5 star rating and was extremely disappointed that Blockbuster only gave it 3 stars.
Definitely a touching story about life, love and loss. And as my son says, a sad movie is always a good movie. Wonder where he gets that from?
The movie was terrific. My son LOVED it! I can't remember the last time he raved so much about a movie. He gave it 4.5 of 5 star rating and was extremely disappointed that Blockbuster only gave it 3 stars.
Definitely a touching story about life, love and loss. And as my son says, a sad movie is always a good movie. Wonder where he gets that from?
Welcome to the World
A big huge congratulations are in order as LL and JL gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Charlotte Emma, last night at 9:59p.m. Kudos to LL as she gave birth to a healthy, 9lb. 8oz. baby naturally!
Of course it was all about me. Isn't everything all about me? I had talked with LL on Tuesday and had learned that the baby hadn't passed the stress test and she was being induced yesterday morning. I do know that I'm not LL's only friend, but she should definitely know how much I worry! I did try to be patient and I waited until 6:30p.m. to call and had to leave her a message. I did find out today, for good reason she didn't answer the phone, but it didn't settle my nerves.
I even teared up hoping that nothing had gone wrong with the delivery and that both LL and baby were doing wonderfully, if in fact baby had entered the world. I tried not to worry too much, but as anyone who knows me well, that's an understatement.
Then, there it was...a message from LL this morning. I jumped around the hotel room and impatiently listened to the message. LL sounds good, but she did nothing to confirm the birth of a new bundle of joy. She mentioned that I should give her a call and that people would be in and out of her room all day. WHAT? Seriously??? How could she do this to me?
I called her immediately to get her voicemail, again. I waited impatiently. I brought my cell to my 1:00p.m. meeting. All my co-w0rkers knew of my anticipation of the waited call. And nothing. I called her again at 2:30p.m. to leave another voicemail. If I had the ability to take a tranquilizer or some relaxers, I might have. I didn't have anyone else's number to call and I was going crazy. And then, at 3:30p.m. she called to give me the wonderful news!
I couldn't be happier for them! For their long awaited miracle. May she bring them mounds of love, happiness and joy, always. For she is truly blessed, as are they!
Of course it was all about me. Isn't everything all about me? I had talked with LL on Tuesday and had learned that the baby hadn't passed the stress test and she was being induced yesterday morning. I do know that I'm not LL's only friend, but she should definitely know how much I worry! I did try to be patient and I waited until 6:30p.m. to call and had to leave her a message. I did find out today, for good reason she didn't answer the phone, but it didn't settle my nerves.
I even teared up hoping that nothing had gone wrong with the delivery and that both LL and baby were doing wonderfully, if in fact baby had entered the world. I tried not to worry too much, but as anyone who knows me well, that's an understatement.
Then, there it was...a message from LL this morning. I jumped around the hotel room and impatiently listened to the message. LL sounds good, but she did nothing to confirm the birth of a new bundle of joy. She mentioned that I should give her a call and that people would be in and out of her room all day. WHAT? Seriously??? How could she do this to me?
I called her immediately to get her voicemail, again. I waited impatiently. I brought my cell to my 1:00p.m. meeting. All my co-w0rkers knew of my anticipation of the waited call. And nothing. I called her again at 2:30p.m. to leave another voicemail. If I had the ability to take a tranquilizer or some relaxers, I might have. I didn't have anyone else's number to call and I was going crazy. And then, at 3:30p.m. she called to give me the wonderful news!
I couldn't be happier for them! For their long awaited miracle. May she bring them mounds of love, happiness and joy, always. For she is truly blessed, as are they!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Post Colonoscopy
The morning of, I was still craving food like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't arrive at the hospital soon enough to sit and wait. Mr. Date was there by my side and arrived in the morning with a dozen red roses and a beautiful card. I wasn't nervous just anxious and hungry sitting around waiting to leave.
Waiting in the lobby of the hospital seemed to take the longest, for me at least. Although Mr. Date said they called him back pretty quickly before I went in and not too soon thereafter when I was in recovery. I don't think he managed to read much of his two magazines or even had time to find the cafeteria to grab coffee or eat.
The nurses were all really nice and there seemed to be a whole slew of them that I couldn't tell you all their names. Dawn was a chatty woman with a great personality. Unfortunately her IV insertion skills were lacking, which didn't bode well with me since I'm not a fan of needles as it is! She apologized profusely, saying that she had it and then went to far. What???? I wanted to cry. Seriously. I had the same feeling that I did when I looked at the last 22 ounces of stuff to drink and just couldn't do it. Of course I did and I would have the IV. Another nurse came over and put the IV into the vein in the inner part of my elbow and then I waited. Nothing like waiting with a saline flush and a capped off something or other hanging off your body. Fortunately Mr. Date was brought back and I could try to move my thoughts away from the queasiness I was feeling and the inability to look at it.
I was brought into a room, the operating room. It wasn't much bigger than my office cubicle. I seriously had first thought it was just a pass through to get to a larger room. I had never been in an operating room so small, so intimate and it definitely didn't resemble anything on t.v. Maybe because it wasn't a "true" operating room, more a procedural room! The new nurses hooked up the anesthesia, after locating the IV and the last thing I remember was roll over onto my left side. I don't remember doing so. I don't remember anything.
The nurse had warned me about partial to full amnesia. I even mentioned this to Mr. Date almost giving him free reign of entertainment to ask me anything he wanted. I figured my brutal honesty could either make or break us, especially if I never remembered it! He's too sweet, I think, to even try it! Although he did say I was talking in recovery and I don't have any recollection of him or I being there. So maybe he did. He joked that if he was gone when I came to at the house, I would know why!
I called my girlfriend (LL) while I was in the waiting room to see if she had her baby. I hadn't heard from her, so I was pretty sure that was a negative. I had my bet on the baby being born on 7/21 while she is leaning toward 7/23. I left her a message. All night I struggled with recalling that I talked with her. I don't know if I did or if I dreamt it. She told me no baby yet. My phone has no record of her calling or a missed call that she had left me a message. Mr. Date wasn't sure if I talked with her either, getting conversations and messages confused. So I think I talked to her! Other than that, I don't remember anything else that I may have forgotten or only partially recall.
The procedure went well and there were no problems whatsoever. I would definitely not recommend Dulcolax or Miralax for anyone looking for a quick weight loss answer! I was down several pounds in the morning when I got on the scale, but so not worth it!
I'm not really sure where the afternoon went. I know that we took a nap which seemed like five minutes and I was awoken by the ringing of my cell across the house. Eating was no longer a priority. I wasn't hungry and yet I was. I didn't feel like eating. I did manage to eat some celery and peanut butter and made a sandwich for Mr. Date. My stomach was still pretty upset.
Apparently I wasn't suppose to drive for 8 hours afterward, so Mr. Date drove us to go play mini golf. Which was the longest 36 holes ever as we were both pretty hungry as it was after 8p.m. My stomach was still pretty upset, but nothing like it was after dinner! I didn't eat a ton, compared to what I can usually pack away. I just don't think my food selection of salad, bread, steak, veggies and mashed potatoes was the best choice! But it sounded sooo good!
My stomach was upset all night. I seriously felt like I was pregnant with all the kicking. Mr. Date was holding my hand and his arm was against my side and he could feel it and hear it. I definitely would recommend something small to eat for those first few meals!
Other than that, life post colonoscopy is good!
Waiting in the lobby of the hospital seemed to take the longest, for me at least. Although Mr. Date said they called him back pretty quickly before I went in and not too soon thereafter when I was in recovery. I don't think he managed to read much of his two magazines or even had time to find the cafeteria to grab coffee or eat.
The nurses were all really nice and there seemed to be a whole slew of them that I couldn't tell you all their names. Dawn was a chatty woman with a great personality. Unfortunately her IV insertion skills were lacking, which didn't bode well with me since I'm not a fan of needles as it is! She apologized profusely, saying that she had it and then went to far. What???? I wanted to cry. Seriously. I had the same feeling that I did when I looked at the last 22 ounces of stuff to drink and just couldn't do it. Of course I did and I would have the IV. Another nurse came over and put the IV into the vein in the inner part of my elbow and then I waited. Nothing like waiting with a saline flush and a capped off something or other hanging off your body. Fortunately Mr. Date was brought back and I could try to move my thoughts away from the queasiness I was feeling and the inability to look at it.
I was brought into a room, the operating room. It wasn't much bigger than my office cubicle. I seriously had first thought it was just a pass through to get to a larger room. I had never been in an operating room so small, so intimate and it definitely didn't resemble anything on t.v. Maybe because it wasn't a "true" operating room, more a procedural room! The new nurses hooked up the anesthesia, after locating the IV and the last thing I remember was roll over onto my left side. I don't remember doing so. I don't remember anything.
The nurse had warned me about partial to full amnesia. I even mentioned this to Mr. Date almost giving him free reign of entertainment to ask me anything he wanted. I figured my brutal honesty could either make or break us, especially if I never remembered it! He's too sweet, I think, to even try it! Although he did say I was talking in recovery and I don't have any recollection of him or I being there. So maybe he did. He joked that if he was gone when I came to at the house, I would know why!
I called my girlfriend (LL) while I was in the waiting room to see if she had her baby. I hadn't heard from her, so I was pretty sure that was a negative. I had my bet on the baby being born on 7/21 while she is leaning toward 7/23. I left her a message. All night I struggled with recalling that I talked with her. I don't know if I did or if I dreamt it. She told me no baby yet. My phone has no record of her calling or a missed call that she had left me a message. Mr. Date wasn't sure if I talked with her either, getting conversations and messages confused. So I think I talked to her! Other than that, I don't remember anything else that I may have forgotten or only partially recall.
The procedure went well and there were no problems whatsoever. I would definitely not recommend Dulcolax or Miralax for anyone looking for a quick weight loss answer! I was down several pounds in the morning when I got on the scale, but so not worth it!
I'm not really sure where the afternoon went. I know that we took a nap which seemed like five minutes and I was awoken by the ringing of my cell across the house. Eating was no longer a priority. I wasn't hungry and yet I was. I didn't feel like eating. I did manage to eat some celery and peanut butter and made a sandwich for Mr. Date. My stomach was still pretty upset.
Apparently I wasn't suppose to drive for 8 hours afterward, so Mr. Date drove us to go play mini golf. Which was the longest 36 holes ever as we were both pretty hungry as it was after 8p.m. My stomach was still pretty upset, but nothing like it was after dinner! I didn't eat a ton, compared to what I can usually pack away. I just don't think my food selection of salad, bread, steak, veggies and mashed potatoes was the best choice! But it sounded sooo good!
My stomach was upset all night. I seriously felt like I was pregnant with all the kicking. Mr. Date was holding my hand and his arm was against my side and he could feel it and hear it. I definitely would recommend something small to eat for those first few meals!
Other than that, life post colonoscopy is good!
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Colonoscopy Prep
The big day before the colonoscopy. A day of clear diet and cravings for food beyond belief. At one point tonight I was so hungry, a dog biscuit sounded appetizing! I did manage to somehow get through the day without eating although constantly tempted by my son's surmounting appetite, the food displays at Meijer and Sam's Club and the endless beckoning of the refrigerator.
I had two cans of broth in the cupboard, but the newest had an expiration of 2006, so opted against them both. I figured I was going to be in the bathroom enough without managing to get food poisoning too! Ran to the store and picked up a vegetable and chicken broth. I did manage to eat about 2/3 of a cup of the vegetable broth, but really didn't have an appetite for more liquid. In addition to the errands of food shopping, we did manage to get in a good round of disc golf before I had to get home to start my pills and instructions.
Dulcolax. Yeah, my newest enemy. I was completed shocked when I read the instructions that accompanied the tiny four pills that I had to take. Directions vastly different than instructed by the hospital staff. Directions which included specific times and amounts of what to eat (broth, gelatin, juice) as well as when to take the pills and the bonus suppository. Since I hadn't followed any of those instructions, I stuck with the original directions.
Nothing seemed to happen after the first two pills. I had an hour or so before I had to start to consume Miralax or some crazy large bottle mixed with 64 oz. of flavored water, non-red. I went with the lemonade crystal light, not my favorite by any means and clearly after today will not be either. The directions call for adding the bottle to the 64 oz. I was smart enough to empty out some of the water to add the mix, but not smart enough. I dumped it on the bottle and the counter and managed to almost overflow the mix without even adding half. Trying to determine how I was suppose to mix it all, I finally took out about 10 ounces more of the crystal light to add the remainder. So now the awful 64 ounces became about 72 ounces and those last 8 ounces were the worst!
I'm not a huge drinker by any means. I probably put my body through dehydration on a regular basis. If I'm not at a restaurant drinking water by the pitcher, I'm probably not drinking anything. So the thought of 72 ounces in addition to the four 16.9 ounces of water and my broth were going to put me over the edge. To make matters worse, I had to drink 8 ounces every 10-15 minutes. Why I couldn't just chug it was beyond me. I would have preferred 16-32 ounces every 30 minutes or so. I really didn't think I would make it through the last 24 ounces or so. I was bloated and already spending much of the resting period between drinks in the bathroom.
I did manage to make it through the entire bottle and about two hours of going to the bathroom. It wasn't completely terrible and I wasn't in pain. The mixture didn't even have a horrible taste, it was more the psychological ramifications of having to drink it and know what was coming next. I wouldn't recommend trying to watch a movie after drinking the mix, seemed like every 5-10 minutes I was up again, fortunately it wasn't that good of a movie. I took the final two Dulcolax at 9p.m. and all is well. I don't think that there is anything left in my system anyway.
I did experience chills and the chronic need to go to the bathroom and just feeling drained in more ways than one. So if what I've been told is true, the hardest part is behind (pun) me now!
I had two cans of broth in the cupboard, but the newest had an expiration of 2006, so opted against them both. I figured I was going to be in the bathroom enough without managing to get food poisoning too! Ran to the store and picked up a vegetable and chicken broth. I did manage to eat about 2/3 of a cup of the vegetable broth, but really didn't have an appetite for more liquid. In addition to the errands of food shopping, we did manage to get in a good round of disc golf before I had to get home to start my pills and instructions.
Dulcolax. Yeah, my newest enemy. I was completed shocked when I read the instructions that accompanied the tiny four pills that I had to take. Directions vastly different than instructed by the hospital staff. Directions which included specific times and amounts of what to eat (broth, gelatin, juice) as well as when to take the pills and the bonus suppository. Since I hadn't followed any of those instructions, I stuck with the original directions.
Nothing seemed to happen after the first two pills. I had an hour or so before I had to start to consume Miralax or some crazy large bottle mixed with 64 oz. of flavored water, non-red. I went with the lemonade crystal light, not my favorite by any means and clearly after today will not be either. The directions call for adding the bottle to the 64 oz. I was smart enough to empty out some of the water to add the mix, but not smart enough. I dumped it on the bottle and the counter and managed to almost overflow the mix without even adding half. Trying to determine how I was suppose to mix it all, I finally took out about 10 ounces more of the crystal light to add the remainder. So now the awful 64 ounces became about 72 ounces and those last 8 ounces were the worst!
I'm not a huge drinker by any means. I probably put my body through dehydration on a regular basis. If I'm not at a restaurant drinking water by the pitcher, I'm probably not drinking anything. So the thought of 72 ounces in addition to the four 16.9 ounces of water and my broth were going to put me over the edge. To make matters worse, I had to drink 8 ounces every 10-15 minutes. Why I couldn't just chug it was beyond me. I would have preferred 16-32 ounces every 30 minutes or so. I really didn't think I would make it through the last 24 ounces or so. I was bloated and already spending much of the resting period between drinks in the bathroom.
I did manage to make it through the entire bottle and about two hours of going to the bathroom. It wasn't completely terrible and I wasn't in pain. The mixture didn't even have a horrible taste, it was more the psychological ramifications of having to drink it and know what was coming next. I wouldn't recommend trying to watch a movie after drinking the mix, seemed like every 5-10 minutes I was up again, fortunately it wasn't that good of a movie. I took the final two Dulcolax at 9p.m. and all is well. I don't think that there is anything left in my system anyway.
I did experience chills and the chronic need to go to the bathroom and just feeling drained in more ways than one. So if what I've been told is true, the hardest part is behind (pun) me now!
Men in Trees
Things are going well on the dating front. Par for me, everyone seems to come more out of the woodwork than usual when I begin dating someone. Maybe I act different, maybe I acknowledge or recognize things more or maybe it just is.
I spent the entire tournament with the ex-bf. It actually went pretty well. He of course isn't happy to hear that I met Mr. Date and doesn't want to know that I'm dating. He still feels that in his mind there is some glimmer of hope. While hanging out with him was definitely better this weekend - I think because I do really like Mr. Date and there isn't any glimmer of hope. I've laid it all out on the table, I'm not hiding anything or misrepresenting anything. And that of course makes him sad. At one point, he acknowledged the tears in his eyes when I told him he would one day find someone, (which he says he has) that wasn't me. I really do want the best for him.
I received a text and talked with a guy I dated during the previous hiatus from the ex-bf telling me that he met someone as equally cynical, funny, sarcastic and beautiful as I am, and she's blonde. Congrats! Way to move on! Then of course he asked when we could hangout again and have some drinks. Hmmm...but he's harmless and beginning to be someone I may even call a friend. We definitely can laugh together and he's someone that I can say whatever to and he takes it OK. I don't have to worry about hurting his ego or feelings, I can tell it like it is.
For instance, today he reminded me that he asked me, "So tell me, what exactly went wrong with US?" My response, "Other than the US, nothing."
He found it hysterically funny. While it's true, I couldn't and wouldn't say that to just anyone. I'm not that harmful, but I think knowing the personality, sense of humor and the company of others allows one to know what you can and can't or shouldn't say.
I gave in to Mr. Date and agreed that he can take me to and from my colonoscopy appointment on Monday. I'm sure that I will be looking and feeling my best! In actuality though, why not get it out of the way? He's seen me in a bathing suit, he saw me in comfy pj's, he's seen me sweating and almost fall on my face, so whatelse is left? Oh yeah, feeling like crap, crapping and looking like crap. Wow, why not get all three with one fell swoop? So that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm somewhat nervous about it, especially since it will also be the first time that he will have come to my house. I get a little OCD when I have people in my house, not to mention someone that I might like. Wondering if it's OK or should I do something different, clean a little more, unorganize a little less. A house can say so much about a person and I'm just not sure what story mine tells.
Regardless, I really want to see him. My thoughts aren't entirely consumed by him, but I do find my mind wandering to him. Recalling his smile, his cheeks when he laughs, his soft touch, his gentle kisses. The desire to see him, even at my worst is worth it to see him at all. Afterall, maybe I'll be worse than Elvira in the psyche unit and he'll go running in the other direction. Maybe he won't. He says that he wants to help me and take care of me. He's not the first to ever say this, but he's someone that I trust will do what he says. I actually believe that he wants to and genuinely will. And that, is something to be said.
I spent the entire tournament with the ex-bf. It actually went pretty well. He of course isn't happy to hear that I met Mr. Date and doesn't want to know that I'm dating. He still feels that in his mind there is some glimmer of hope. While hanging out with him was definitely better this weekend - I think because I do really like Mr. Date and there isn't any glimmer of hope. I've laid it all out on the table, I'm not hiding anything or misrepresenting anything. And that of course makes him sad. At one point, he acknowledged the tears in his eyes when I told him he would one day find someone, (which he says he has) that wasn't me. I really do want the best for him.
I received a text and talked with a guy I dated during the previous hiatus from the ex-bf telling me that he met someone as equally cynical, funny, sarcastic and beautiful as I am, and she's blonde. Congrats! Way to move on! Then of course he asked when we could hangout again and have some drinks. Hmmm...but he's harmless and beginning to be someone I may even call a friend. We definitely can laugh together and he's someone that I can say whatever to and he takes it OK. I don't have to worry about hurting his ego or feelings, I can tell it like it is.
For instance, today he reminded me that he asked me, "So tell me, what exactly went wrong with US?" My response, "Other than the US, nothing."
He found it hysterically funny. While it's true, I couldn't and wouldn't say that to just anyone. I'm not that harmful, but I think knowing the personality, sense of humor and the company of others allows one to know what you can and can't or shouldn't say.
I gave in to Mr. Date and agreed that he can take me to and from my colonoscopy appointment on Monday. I'm sure that I will be looking and feeling my best! In actuality though, why not get it out of the way? He's seen me in a bathing suit, he saw me in comfy pj's, he's seen me sweating and almost fall on my face, so whatelse is left? Oh yeah, feeling like crap, crapping and looking like crap. Wow, why not get all three with one fell swoop? So that's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm somewhat nervous about it, especially since it will also be the first time that he will have come to my house. I get a little OCD when I have people in my house, not to mention someone that I might like. Wondering if it's OK or should I do something different, clean a little more, unorganize a little less. A house can say so much about a person and I'm just not sure what story mine tells.
Regardless, I really want to see him. My thoughts aren't entirely consumed by him, but I do find my mind wandering to him. Recalling his smile, his cheeks when he laughs, his soft touch, his gentle kisses. The desire to see him, even at my worst is worth it to see him at all. Afterall, maybe I'll be worse than Elvira in the psyche unit and he'll go running in the other direction. Maybe he won't. He says that he wants to help me and take care of me. He's not the first to ever say this, but he's someone that I trust will do what he says. I actually believe that he wants to and genuinely will. And that, is something to be said.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Tournament Finale
Today ended the final day and games of a very long baseball season. Last night was the first night of a two day tournament. There were only five teams in the tournament and our team drew the first bye of two games yesterday. We were crushed during the game they played and the chance of doing well were pretty bleak.
Today there were three scheduled games and the top four teams would play a fourth game for positions. The day started out with drizzle which quickly turned into a downpour and the games were finally called for a rain delay. We were losing by two runs when the delay occurred. We were told to come back in 3.5 hours hoping that the weather would pass. We did arrive and restarted the game again to rain; however, not as heavy as it was in the morning. We came back and won that game and the next two, finishing in second place. We played the team from Friday night in the finals and lost, finishing runner up. My son was pretty excited to get a trophy!
Despite the weather and the long day - twelve hours from beginning to end today with the rain delay - it was a fun day. I am honestly very glad though that the season is officially over. The coach did mention he was taking a week off from baseball and would be calling players next week to see if they wanted to participate in pick up or scrimmage ball before soccer and football seasons began. Seriously?????
Today there were three scheduled games and the top four teams would play a fourth game for positions. The day started out with drizzle which quickly turned into a downpour and the games were finally called for a rain delay. We were losing by two runs when the delay occurred. We were told to come back in 3.5 hours hoping that the weather would pass. We did arrive and restarted the game again to rain; however, not as heavy as it was in the morning. We came back and won that game and the next two, finishing in second place. We played the team from Friday night in the finals and lost, finishing runner up. My son was pretty excited to get a trophy!
Despite the weather and the long day - twelve hours from beginning to end today with the rain delay - it was a fun day. I am honestly very glad though that the season is officially over. The coach did mention he was taking a week off from baseball and would be calling players next week to see if they wanted to participate in pick up or scrimmage ball before soccer and football seasons began. Seriously?????
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Baseball & the Clear Diet
I can honestly say that I'm not really looking forward to this weekend, all that much. My son has his eye appointment tomorrow afternoon, which he tells me tonight that his left eye is getting worse. SUPER. I JUST bought a years worth of contacts last month after his exam.
Then we will race off to the ball fields where he will play the first two of five games for the local baseball tournament. Saturday morning he will be back at the ball fields at 8:30a.m. for three more games. I really do like baseball, I'm just not sure I can handle five games in the squelching heat we've been having the past few days.
Sunday I have my clear diet. I'm so excited, I just can't stand it. Oh yeah, I won't have to since I'll be sitting on the porcelain god all day! Saturday I'll begin my lack of corn, beans, peanuts, popcorn, grapes with seeds, whole wheat, etc. Etc? What does that mean? I'm so sure I'll screw these directions up, no doubt about it. However, I find it hard to believe that my entire system won't be cleansed and empty that it won't really matter anyway.
The good thing about the colonoscopy is that I will have the results and not have to worry and I will actually have my true weight! Of what I could feasibly get to if I was consistently cleansed. Yeah, so not worth it for a few extra pounds in my book.
I'm still leaning toward walking to and from the procedure. I'm not sure how staff will feel about it. My mom, JN, ex-BF and Mr. Date have all offered to be here to drive me and help me. I'm just not big into the need and want thing, regardless. Ex-BF actually knows me the best, so would be easiest for him to help, but I also know that it wouldn't be as just friends. I would love to see Mr. Date, but just not thinking those will be under the best circumstances. But hey, I guess get it out of the way and see how we both handle it, right? Right.
Then we will race off to the ball fields where he will play the first two of five games for the local baseball tournament. Saturday morning he will be back at the ball fields at 8:30a.m. for three more games. I really do like baseball, I'm just not sure I can handle five games in the squelching heat we've been having the past few days.
Sunday I have my clear diet. I'm so excited, I just can't stand it. Oh yeah, I won't have to since I'll be sitting on the porcelain god all day! Saturday I'll begin my lack of corn, beans, peanuts, popcorn, grapes with seeds, whole wheat, etc. Etc? What does that mean? I'm so sure I'll screw these directions up, no doubt about it. However, I find it hard to believe that my entire system won't be cleansed and empty that it won't really matter anyway.
The good thing about the colonoscopy is that I will have the results and not have to worry and I will actually have my true weight! Of what I could feasibly get to if I was consistently cleansed. Yeah, so not worth it for a few extra pounds in my book.
I'm still leaning toward walking to and from the procedure. I'm not sure how staff will feel about it. My mom, JN, ex-BF and Mr. Date have all offered to be here to drive me and help me. I'm just not big into the need and want thing, regardless. Ex-BF actually knows me the best, so would be easiest for him to help, but I also know that it wouldn't be as just friends. I would love to see Mr. Date, but just not thinking those will be under the best circumstances. But hey, I guess get it out of the way and see how we both handle it, right? Right.
The Kiss
It never seems to fail, when I actually begin to acknowledge or verbalize my feelings, something seems to go terribly awry. It hasn't yet, but maybe I anticipate the crap hitting the fan, or maybe it just does.
Last night I had plans with JN and Mr. Date came to where I was staying to hang out with us. Of course there was some serious preparatory discussions with him all alluding to "the kiss". The dreaded potential kiss that can make or break what you anticipate. If the kiss is bad, then might as well call it quits and move on, although it is possible that people can alter their kissing techniques. Of course this depends on how bad the kiss really is. If the kiss is good, then you are golden. It's like sweet confirmation of the moment, the moment where two worlds collide in a most positive way.
Mr. Date and I had the most awkward hello when we saw each other. All over "the kiss". We hadn't seen each other since last week Thursday but have talked on the phone or sent emails more than daily. Was it going to be a disappointment? When and where should it happen? Both of us were super nervous...how old ARE we?
So I invited him into my hotel room, as I was staying the night to hangout with JN. And we sat on the bed as this hotel room didn't have a couch or sitting area other than a small table with two chairs which was filled with the two cup coffee pot. So we sat on the bed and made chit chat. Drivel actually. Talked about our work days, talked about what the plans were for the evening. Avoided "the kiss".
We met JN in the parking lot and walked over to a restaurant for dinner. We then headed from there to a sports bar nearby to play some pool and hangout. It wasn't until we began playing pool that "the kiss" happened. And there it was. Soft, sweet, gentle and pure. So tender, I felt myself melting.
I didn't care who was around. I didn't care about anything at that very moment, or even the next many moments that followed. How surreal things can be when they are even better than you anticipated.
I like him. I really like him. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me blush. He makes me worry about me. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to be with him. And this, is something that I haven't felt in a VERY, VERY long time.
I'm still overwhelmed with the children situation. I still want to get to know him and really see where this could possibly go. I'm trying hard not to put up the road blocks or close doors before they ever open. It seems like he doesn't even care about my brick walls, he's found the door and walked right in.
I'm hoping that things work out and am focusing on one day at a time. JN mentioned that she's never seen me so giggly...really that just isn't me. I don't know what or who has taken over, but for now, I'm going to sit back and watch her in action. I'm even looking forward to making plans with him. Plans and meeting friends are two things that I seldom do with guys I date, so I'm trying something new and maybe I'll like it!
I do have four to six other guys from the site that I've been emailing with that want to meet me. I have let them know that I've met someone and want to see where it goes. I'm not into stringing people along or keeping others in the background in case things don't work. I want to give this a fair chance. I also got an im from the pool guy that chose Catch Phrase and drinking games with the neighbors rather than meeting up with me. Honestly, we both pretty much blew each other off. He wants me to come and see him for dinner, he even said he'll pay. I asked what the occasion was. No occasion. I think I'd rather paint my nails.
Last night I had plans with JN and Mr. Date came to where I was staying to hang out with us. Of course there was some serious preparatory discussions with him all alluding to "the kiss". The dreaded potential kiss that can make or break what you anticipate. If the kiss is bad, then might as well call it quits and move on, although it is possible that people can alter their kissing techniques. Of course this depends on how bad the kiss really is. If the kiss is good, then you are golden. It's like sweet confirmation of the moment, the moment where two worlds collide in a most positive way.
Mr. Date and I had the most awkward hello when we saw each other. All over "the kiss". We hadn't seen each other since last week Thursday but have talked on the phone or sent emails more than daily. Was it going to be a disappointment? When and where should it happen? Both of us were super nervous...how old ARE we?
So I invited him into my hotel room, as I was staying the night to hangout with JN. And we sat on the bed as this hotel room didn't have a couch or sitting area other than a small table with two chairs which was filled with the two cup coffee pot. So we sat on the bed and made chit chat. Drivel actually. Talked about our work days, talked about what the plans were for the evening. Avoided "the kiss".
We met JN in the parking lot and walked over to a restaurant for dinner. We then headed from there to a sports bar nearby to play some pool and hangout. It wasn't until we began playing pool that "the kiss" happened. And there it was. Soft, sweet, gentle and pure. So tender, I felt myself melting.
I didn't care who was around. I didn't care about anything at that very moment, or even the next many moments that followed. How surreal things can be when they are even better than you anticipated.
I like him. I really like him. He makes me laugh. He makes me smile. He makes me blush. He makes me worry about me. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me want to be with him. And this, is something that I haven't felt in a VERY, VERY long time.
I'm still overwhelmed with the children situation. I still want to get to know him and really see where this could possibly go. I'm trying hard not to put up the road blocks or close doors before they ever open. It seems like he doesn't even care about my brick walls, he's found the door and walked right in.
I'm hoping that things work out and am focusing on one day at a time. JN mentioned that she's never seen me so giggly...really that just isn't me. I don't know what or who has taken over, but for now, I'm going to sit back and watch her in action. I'm even looking forward to making plans with him. Plans and meeting friends are two things that I seldom do with guys I date, so I'm trying something new and maybe I'll like it!
I do have four to six other guys from the site that I've been emailing with that want to meet me. I have let them know that I've met someone and want to see where it goes. I'm not into stringing people along or keeping others in the background in case things don't work. I want to give this a fair chance. I also got an im from the pool guy that chose Catch Phrase and drinking games with the neighbors rather than meeting up with me. Honestly, we both pretty much blew each other off. He wants me to come and see him for dinner, he even said he'll pay. I asked what the occasion was. No occasion. I think I'd rather paint my nails.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
"Interesting" Tidbit
Today I was again thinking about the word, "interesting". I tend to do this, a lot actually, ever since I had the discussion with someone years ago about the purpose and definition of the word interesting. Interesting actually has absolutely little explanation, definition or value. It is completely non-descript.
Here are a few examples:
That's an interesting piece of art.
The man was very interesting.
Your new plan is interesting.
Interesting that you say that.
So next time you catch yourself or someone else saying something is interesting, what are you REALLY saying?
Here are a few examples:
That's an interesting piece of art.
The man was very interesting.
Your new plan is interesting.
Interesting that you say that.
So next time you catch yourself or someone else saying something is interesting, what are you REALLY saying?
Medical Update
To post about something non-dating related, I seem to be in the midst of many medical issues. There it is, issues. This seems to happen every year after my physical, I seem to have a barrage of follow up appointments.
One was with my primary doctor, whom I've never met, to discuss having my tubes tied. I did initially inquire about a hysterectomy but was shot down! My mother had breast and uterine cancer and my father has a laundry list of medical ailments larger than Santa's Christmas list, so this gene pool is pretty murky.
I learned that I have two options, a coil procedure which can take three months and is permanent or a incision surgery with bands that can be reversed which is immediate. The doctor inquired if I was married or in a relationship. He wondered what would happen if in three years if I met the man of my dreams and wanted to have a child, what then? I wouldn't! Adoption? He asked how old my "baby" was? And then said that since I am not in my 20's and have an 11 year old that I can make my decision. He did seem surprised that I use birth control and abstinence (maybe he thought I was the next immaculate conception) and said I could continue until menopause. SUPER.
Then I saw a GI doctor for an appointment. Everything looked good, which didn't explain a long-term more than sporadic problem, so now I have to have a colonoscopy. I'm super excited about it, let me tell you! I picked up the stuff I have to drink to cleanse me out and keep me in the bathroom for an entire day today. I have to have the clear diet and take this stuff on Sunday, so looks like we won't be going anywhere. Nothing like precautionary measures.
Today I got home and was greeted by a reminder card that in August I need to schedule a follow-up ultrasound for my thyroid. This will be the third, they just keep watching it and saying to come back in 6 months. I mentioned the ultrasound to my son at dinner tonight and he said, "Isn't that where they rub the thing on your belly to see the baby?" Sure is. So I asked him if he wanted me to have a baby and he vehemently responded with, "NO", that makes two of us bud, that makes two of us.
One was with my primary doctor, whom I've never met, to discuss having my tubes tied. I did initially inquire about a hysterectomy but was shot down! My mother had breast and uterine cancer and my father has a laundry list of medical ailments larger than Santa's Christmas list, so this gene pool is pretty murky.
I learned that I have two options, a coil procedure which can take three months and is permanent or a incision surgery with bands that can be reversed which is immediate. The doctor inquired if I was married or in a relationship. He wondered what would happen if in three years if I met the man of my dreams and wanted to have a child, what then? I wouldn't! Adoption? He asked how old my "baby" was? And then said that since I am not in my 20's and have an 11 year old that I can make my decision. He did seem surprised that I use birth control and abstinence (maybe he thought I was the next immaculate conception) and said I could continue until menopause. SUPER.
Then I saw a GI doctor for an appointment. Everything looked good, which didn't explain a long-term more than sporadic problem, so now I have to have a colonoscopy. I'm super excited about it, let me tell you! I picked up the stuff I have to drink to cleanse me out and keep me in the bathroom for an entire day today. I have to have the clear diet and take this stuff on Sunday, so looks like we won't be going anywhere. Nothing like precautionary measures.
Today I got home and was greeted by a reminder card that in August I need to schedule a follow-up ultrasound for my thyroid. This will be the third, they just keep watching it and saying to come back in 6 months. I mentioned the ultrasound to my son at dinner tonight and he said, "Isn't that where they rub the thing on your belly to see the baby?" Sure is. So I asked him if he wanted me to have a baby and he vehemently responded with, "NO", that makes two of us bud, that makes two of us.
Teacher Man
The teacher man did call me tonight. I was totally hoping it was Mr. Date and I was disappointed it wasn't. I didn't want to talk to him for the first time. I also wanted to talk to him and get it out of the way though so I didn't have to figure out when to call him back. Despite me wishing it were Mr. Date, teacher man and I did have a good conversation. It was a friendly chat, nothing spectacular, but it was pleasant. I did let him go after about 45 minutes to get my laundry done and to call Mr. Date.
I'm at the point that I'm really not responding to all emails and not being so open. I talked with Mr. Date about it tonight, of course he's happy to hear that I like him. I'm just not sure what I'm doing.
Oh and on a side note, the ex-BF professed his love today and his desire to hangout as friends so that I can see his personality I didn't know and maybe give him yet another chance. He's apparently dated a couple women, but he said I've set the standard too high. Well, my standard is a lot higher now too. I'm not coming back to you.
I'm at the point that I'm really not responding to all emails and not being so open. I talked with Mr. Date about it tonight, of course he's happy to hear that I like him. I'm just not sure what I'm doing.
Oh and on a side note, the ex-BF professed his love today and his desire to hangout as friends so that I can see his personality I didn't know and maybe give him yet another chance. He's apparently dated a couple women, but he said I've set the standard too high. Well, my standard is a lot higher now too. I'm not coming back to you.
Mr. Date Update Again
This morning I laid in bed, resetting my alarm repeatedly. I'm not sure at what point I didn't reset it again, since my girlfriend called and I was still in bed. I'm getting extremely lazy with trying to get into the office early. The reality is I still put in well more hours and time than I should with the drive, but I just feel like I should be giving more. But on the other hand, I'm tired of always giving, giving, giving and getting nothing in return.
In my grogginess, I'm not sure what I told her. But I do remember her saying, "You have a crush on (Mr. Date)." And I confirmed it, yes I do. WHAT??????
How in the world have I developed a crush on Mr. Date? And how in the world did I manage to acknowledge it? Clearly I'm not always an open book with my feelings. How did I manage to feel something for him, despite his children? How did I let this happen?
She told me that since meeting him, I haven't given anyone a chance. And she's right. I met guys but really he was what was on my mind. What would he think? Is this cheating? Is this fair? I've been nothing but honest with him that while I like him, he is the first person I met and I would like to meet more. I haven't even kissed Mr. Date!
Maybe that's why. Maybe in my mind, I've made Mr. Date out to be more than he is. Maybe it's that anticipation of wanting, of wanting to know, wanting to share, wanting to feel, wanting. And honestly, I'm scared. I get butterflies when I think of him. I'm afraid that when I see him the next time and we actually kiss that it is going to be Awful and then what...smash, crash, kapooie. Yep, that's what I'm afraid of. Clearly it would make it a lot easier to pick up my school-girl crush and move on. Move on to something tangible, something concrete, something I can wrap my head around.
I feel like I'm losing control and I'm not sure how to handle it.
In my grogginess, I'm not sure what I told her. But I do remember her saying, "You have a crush on (Mr. Date)." And I confirmed it, yes I do. WHAT??????
How in the world have I developed a crush on Mr. Date? And how in the world did I manage to acknowledge it? Clearly I'm not always an open book with my feelings. How did I manage to feel something for him, despite his children? How did I let this happen?
She told me that since meeting him, I haven't given anyone a chance. And she's right. I met guys but really he was what was on my mind. What would he think? Is this cheating? Is this fair? I've been nothing but honest with him that while I like him, he is the first person I met and I would like to meet more. I haven't even kissed Mr. Date!
Maybe that's why. Maybe in my mind, I've made Mr. Date out to be more than he is. Maybe it's that anticipation of wanting, of wanting to know, wanting to share, wanting to feel, wanting. And honestly, I'm scared. I get butterflies when I think of him. I'm afraid that when I see him the next time and we actually kiss that it is going to be Awful and then what...smash, crash, kapooie. Yep, that's what I'm afraid of. Clearly it would make it a lot easier to pick up my school-girl crush and move on. Move on to something tangible, something concrete, something I can wrap my head around.
I feel like I'm losing control and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Sunday Night
After my meeting with Joe, I headed over to my office to get done some much needed work. I was there for four hours, finally walking out at 11p.m. feeling very accomplished, very hot and very tired.
I got home and then was drawn to the computer again. I had received apology emails from Doogie saying that he wanted to chat with me soon...so I emailed him back "chat, chat, chat" and then sent him the devil icon. All in good fun of course.
I had talked with my girlfriend JN en route home from the office. Jeff had called her and seemed to be talking about me a lot. I was pretty uncomfortable with this, especially if they may date. He asked her if she was intimidated by me as I have such a strong personality. He also told her that I need to understand that no one is perfect. DUH....besides ME, I SO know that no one is perfect! LOL
I did get a few im's from Jeff when I was getting ready to fold my laundry and call it a night. He said he really wants to go to a gym with me and show me that he can leg press 490# 15 times. Really. I'm still not into you, even if you are clearly WAY stronger than I will ever be!
I im'd a guy that I have been emailing for a while. He is a nice man, working in the mental health field as an activity therapist. He is African American though and since my one and only similar dating experience was a HUGE issue with my mother, I question whether or not I should ever meet him. He seems nice enough, but I don't really banter with him much either. More on the serious side of things. Besides, his name just doesn't seem to fit for me, it's the last name of a teacher in my high school, and it's just odd. But by the end, we did exchange numbers and said we would talk soon.
What an exhausting weekend. I didn't sleep much. I'm sure I will be dragging most of the week, but I did manage to meet four different people during the week. I've learned that I truly like activity dates better than drinking and staring at someone wondering if you need to drink to make the night better, or because there isn't anything else to do! Mr. Date and I are the only ones that actually had an activity date. He's also the youngest of the four. I think I'm leaning toward younger/closer to my age than older since while I would like to travel and not have a partner with young kids, I also don't want a stuffy, formal relationship where I can't have fun. So if nothing else, I'm learning some things about what I like and don't like and tidbits that people tell me from assessing me.
I got home and then was drawn to the computer again. I had received apology emails from Doogie saying that he wanted to chat with me soon...so I emailed him back "chat, chat, chat" and then sent him the devil icon. All in good fun of course.
I had talked with my girlfriend JN en route home from the office. Jeff had called her and seemed to be talking about me a lot. I was pretty uncomfortable with this, especially if they may date. He asked her if she was intimidated by me as I have such a strong personality. He also told her that I need to understand that no one is perfect. DUH....besides ME, I SO know that no one is perfect! LOL
I did get a few im's from Jeff when I was getting ready to fold my laundry and call it a night. He said he really wants to go to a gym with me and show me that he can leg press 490# 15 times. Really. I'm still not into you, even if you are clearly WAY stronger than I will ever be!
I im'd a guy that I have been emailing for a while. He is a nice man, working in the mental health field as an activity therapist. He is African American though and since my one and only similar dating experience was a HUGE issue with my mother, I question whether or not I should ever meet him. He seems nice enough, but I don't really banter with him much either. More on the serious side of things. Besides, his name just doesn't seem to fit for me, it's the last name of a teacher in my high school, and it's just odd. But by the end, we did exchange numbers and said we would talk soon.
What an exhausting weekend. I didn't sleep much. I'm sure I will be dragging most of the week, but I did manage to meet four different people during the week. I've learned that I truly like activity dates better than drinking and staring at someone wondering if you need to drink to make the night better, or because there isn't anything else to do! Mr. Date and I are the only ones that actually had an activity date. He's also the youngest of the four. I think I'm leaning toward younger/closer to my age than older since while I would like to travel and not have a partner with young kids, I also don't want a stuffy, formal relationship where I can't have fun. So if nothing else, I'm learning some things about what I like and don't like and tidbits that people tell me from assessing me.
Sunday Joe Knows
Had a great walk with my girlfriend (JA) on Sunday. Love the company and exercise to boot, can't go wrong!
Got home and didn't know what to do. I wasn't looking forward to watching my three movies, surprise, surprise. I got online and responded to my dating emails and im'd with a few people. One of the emails was from Joe. He had made a futile attempt to ask for communication outside of emailing, and I wasn't biting. I think I just wanted to see what he had to offer or was willing to do to get my number. Clearly he wasn't one that I had been communicating with using my heavy sarcasm. So I emailed him my number and less than two minutes later, he called.
Joe is a nice guy in his early forties and is a physical therapist. He told me he gives great massages, but I told him I was looking for a personal trainer instead! We talked on the phone for about 45 minutes when he asked what I was doing and if I would like to meet. Sure, why not. So after I showered, I met him up at Panera Bread, not my favorite, but definitely tolerable.
He was a nice man and asked like a bazillion questions. I felt like the conversation was very one-sided. It was all about me. He was definitely kind of in-your-face kind of questioning, although I didn't feel uncomfortable, just in retrospect surprised at how much I did tell him. He was also somewhat enlightening to me. He guessed my weight, with a 15 pound spread and was low by three pounds on his high end. He told me that my picture is definitely misrepresentative of me. That my print top eludes curviness and even possibly overweight and he was surprised that I was "thin". I would never call myself thin, but those are his words. I have an athletic frame and prefer to date athletic stronger builds than tall, weak and fragile (pronounced fra...G...LAY - like in Christmas Story). Apparently my top was representative of Layne Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus...hmmm, he even guessed my pant size and was one size too high - which made him wonder where I hide my weight since he had checked out my butt, arms and thighs. The conversation also included my grey hairs, my upcoming medical testing, my surgeries, etc.
Joe suggested Omega 3 to reduce my elevated triglycerides. He suggested my workouts to include 15-20 reps instead of 8-15. He just seemed to offer a lot. It wasn't like he was a father figure, but I wasn't attracted to him in the sense that I want to date him either. He is a very nice man though.
Got home and didn't know what to do. I wasn't looking forward to watching my three movies, surprise, surprise. I got online and responded to my dating emails and im'd with a few people. One of the emails was from Joe. He had made a futile attempt to ask for communication outside of emailing, and I wasn't biting. I think I just wanted to see what he had to offer or was willing to do to get my number. Clearly he wasn't one that I had been communicating with using my heavy sarcasm. So I emailed him my number and less than two minutes later, he called.
Joe is a nice guy in his early forties and is a physical therapist. He told me he gives great massages, but I told him I was looking for a personal trainer instead! We talked on the phone for about 45 minutes when he asked what I was doing and if I would like to meet. Sure, why not. So after I showered, I met him up at Panera Bread, not my favorite, but definitely tolerable.
He was a nice man and asked like a bazillion questions. I felt like the conversation was very one-sided. It was all about me. He was definitely kind of in-your-face kind of questioning, although I didn't feel uncomfortable, just in retrospect surprised at how much I did tell him. He was also somewhat enlightening to me. He guessed my weight, with a 15 pound spread and was low by three pounds on his high end. He told me that my picture is definitely misrepresentative of me. That my print top eludes curviness and even possibly overweight and he was surprised that I was "thin". I would never call myself thin, but those are his words. I have an athletic frame and prefer to date athletic stronger builds than tall, weak and fragile (pronounced fra...G...LAY - like in Christmas Story). Apparently my top was representative of Layne Bryant or Fashion Bug Plus...hmmm, he even guessed my pant size and was one size too high - which made him wonder where I hide my weight since he had checked out my butt, arms and thighs. The conversation also included my grey hairs, my upcoming medical testing, my surgeries, etc.
Joe suggested Omega 3 to reduce my elevated triglycerides. He suggested my workouts to include 15-20 reps instead of 8-15. He just seemed to offer a lot. It wasn't like he was a father figure, but I wasn't attracted to him in the sense that I want to date him either. He is a very nice man though.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Walk Excitement
I just have to say that I'm completely EXCITED. My girl friend JA just called and wants to walk with me! It seems like forever since we walked, and it's one less solo workout, so really excited. Now if only I could be this excited at the prospect of going on a date!
Few Days - Online Dating Dish
It seems like so long ago to try to catch up from two days ago, I stopped the last post mid-way since I received a call and headed out the door.
So for brevity, since that's my middle name, things have been going well. Thursday night, I did give my phone number out to two people, think I was at the point to just talk to a few on my childless weekend and get this "meet and greet" dating thing out of the way or maybe underway as it may be. One is a guy that I met on the site where I met Mr. Date. I'm not sure why I gave him my number, as I'm not really interested in him, but I'm also not anti-options or meeting people. The other, I gave my number to this guy after I clarified that I would not DATE this guy and he was happy just remaining friends - so figured the number was safe at that point.
Why I wouldn't date him, Jeff. He's a manly man of sorts, so that was OK, but I found him completely unattractive. We bantered back and forth pretty well and shared a few laughs, via instant messaging. He always felt a need to watch what he said to not "offend", which was probably a good thing since I'd had enough of the sexual discussions from people to push me over the edge. So he kept his at bay so that we could still chat. Somehow it just doesn't rock my world when I'm asked after hi, "Do you fall in love easily?" Or others, "Do you have big CANS?" Seriously, what the hell is that? Besides, Jeff is big into a role model video game and the renaissance, which just isn't really my thing. Something about the frequent, "milady" comments, makes me want to shove a big turkey leg down my throat so I can't respond! The clincher for him though to understand why we could only be friends was our difference of opinion on strip clubs and pornography.
Here's my view: I won't tolerate it. What a person does before me, is their right and their business; however, if I'm in a committed relationship, it is one based out of respect, mutual understanding and love. If I'm not good enough that my partner needs to satisfy himself with watching others in person or video or magazines, then what is the point? Don't waste my time or yours. One MAN is all I need, I would like for it to be the same in return. He tried to argue the point that if I were "unavailable" or "out of town", wow now that's reassuring. Besides, my marriage and my son's father were both HUGE into pornography - movies, magazines, internet...it's a trust and respect thing and I think two relationships having it is enough for me to say NO. Anyway, so Jeff told me that we would never work out unless either of us changed dramatically and he suggested I find an extremely religious man who may actually share my same morals on the subject. Hmmm....
Friday after work my girl friend (JN) and I hung out. We updated her new account with pictures and then went to dinner and listened to karaoke. Without pictures, she hadn't received many emails (2), but one was actually with Jeff! She had emailed HIM. Jeff called while we were finishing up dinner and said he was heading into town for a "meet & greet" with a very nice lady but hadn't heard back from her. Playing Ms. Matchmaker, I offered where we were if he wanted to stop by and meet both of us, since he had emailed with my friend (although it was rather brief basically asking for a picture). He ended up being stood up, so he came out and we met him. Definitely not MY type, but he and JN seemed to do OK, they exchanged numbers. I talked to both on Saturday - and they had their first phone conversation. New career in the making?
I had talked with Mr. Date twice on the phone while we were out. It really seems like this is becoming a full blown relationship and I'm starting to find myself slowly backing away. I do like him, but I want to meet other people. I don't want to settle and besides, I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship although I'm not a serial dater either.
Jeff left us about midnight. We left the bar about 1:30 or so then came back and got on the dating site. Within moments I was sent three im requests which wouldn't all open. Not sure if it was computer or user error or some combination of the two! Talked with one and was having a good time, friendly banter. JN left shortly thereafter as I couldn't convince her to stay the night. She said on Saturday that she should have. I continued my long im'ing with, I'll call him Doogie since he looks just like Doogie Howser, at least from the pictures. We chatted for a while and seeing that he lives in the same town, is 41 and we seemed to get along, I gave him my number...8675309 and told him to use the code name, JENNY. I did actually give him my number and asked if he was going to call to verify. He said he trusted me and then moments later, the phone was ringing, that was at 4:30a.m.
Doogie and I talked for over an hour on the phone. His voice didn't match the pictures and I found it somewhat distracting. Maybe I'm just really judgmental. I would like to say that I'm cautious. I seriously can't have every guy that I talk with or meet falling for me, I just couldn't handle that emotionally with the guilt and all. We talked about meeting on Saturday evening and he would give me a call when he got back as he had to learn a new camera from 7a.m.-1:30p.m. I crawled into bed at 6a.m. and was up and going at 10:30a.m. I never did get a call from Doogie. I didn't want to call him, since I still believe in chivalry and I thought that maybe he was sleeping. I did finally email him around 8 or so, which I received an email back from him that I saw after 2:00a.m. that said I could have called. Odd, stood up by tentative plans. NICE.
Meanwhile, I happened to get another email from someone that I have come across on other sites. Andy and I first started emailing, we figure somewhere between 19-24 months ago, when I was on my 10-month break from the ex-BF (which I went back to out of comfort and the fact that dating was disastrous in that the relationship with ex-BF got in the way.) I found Andy attractive, but there were a few issues that prevented me from meeting him, first he works for the same company as my son's father and I just didn't want any baby daddy drama. Second, his name is Andy (and he somewhat resembles), the name of a guy I dated in college that I graduated early to be at the same time with him that I considered he may have been the one. Yeah, I so wasn't the one for him. But we still keep in touch. Anyway, another issue with Andy was that he lives almost an hour away as well. So he and I never met. It wasn't that I was looking for a reason, I just really didn't like the whole thing about where he worked - even though he said he didn't know my son's dad. It always starts off that way! Andy and I have found each other on myspace since then and will occasionally share a few emails to see how each other are doing. Well, he found me the other day. It was a pleasant surprise and the fun banter picked up right away, since I feel like I KNOW the guy, so I told him I had been committed to a psyche ward for a few months dealing with the fact that we never met and other jokes! He has a good sense of humor, so it was fun.
Andy asked what I was doing Saturday night, as we were chatting online during the day. Since I only had verbal lets do something plans with Doogie, I said nothing much. He said that he would get back online and maybe we should meet and do drinks or something. I didn't want to feel a need to keep checking the computer, so I gave him my number. Completely different, since again I do feel like I know him somewhat after all this time. Besides, if I just meet him, I can move on and not wait on baited breath for what could have been! Ok, that isn't true, but fun nonetheless.
I emailed a few other people on Saturday but basically hung out vegging. I got to the gym and had a good workout and then took a very long way home, with a 2 mile walk. After about 7 or so, I still hadn't heard from Doogie or Andy. Finally decided that I would get ready, just in case, and then head to my office to try to tackle the mounds and mounds of work that just sits. At least I could be productive. Other than it being 110 degrees at work, I wasn't all that productive as I really didn't want to be there. About 30-45 minutes later, Andy called me. We talked on the phone for almost an hour and he said he didn't stand me up and still wanted to meet. He had to shower, so we met about 45 minutes later in the middle at a local chain restaurant - which closed at midnight.
Andy is classic case that his picture does not resemble him. At least not in the past few years. He looks smaller than 6'0" and has put on some weight all in the gut. I didn't find him as attractive. It wasn't odd, but the date definitely wasn't as good as mine with Mr. Date (even despite Mr. Date's shyness). I think that's the difference between drinks and an activity. I would completely prefer to DO something. I think Andy thought that I was a big drinker, which I'm not; however, on the rare occasions that I'm not driving, I can put 'em away. He ordered a second drink, I finished my first and was working on my second water. He appreciated that I don't drink and drive and didn't finish his either. He received a call from a friend and said he was "On a date", which just sounded really odd to me. I guess it was a date, but to me it was almost just like grabbing drinks with a friend you hadn't seen in a while, or never met! The restaurant was closing at midnight, so we left thereafter and he didn't want the night to end. I still couldn't believe that I met someone at 10:45p.m., but whatelse did I have to do, work???? So we went over to another bar, which wasn't super busy but the music was really loud.
It was hard to talk. We had a long discussion about his kissing, since he had previously mentioned that he is an excellent kisser. I then told him we would never kiss. It never seems to fail, 99.2% of the time, when someone is self-confident about a quality, they are wrong in my opinion. So I told him he ruined it for me. We left the bar about 1:30 and then I took him back to his vehicle (he had a headlight out so I offered to drive). He said, this is where the kiss comes. I asked him why. He really is an "odd duck". I hadn't quite figured him out, some OCD, weird beliefs, weird stances. I couldn't figure out if he wanted to be there and if he was that into me, it was just odd. I didn't mind the company, but I didn't think I was that into him. There were a couple times at the second bar that I wondered what kissing him would be like, but there in the car, I didn't want to know. I pulled the ultimate, "I don't kiss on the first date." line.
In some ways I felt weird being out with someone other than Mr. Date, but I did feel like Andy and I were friends and a harmless hanging out wasn't a big deal, since afterall Mr. Date and I are still in the beginning dating stages. I did have a message from Mr. Date, which I was happy to hear and I was glad I didn't kiss Andy just for the sake of kissing him. I really hope that my next kiss, is with Mr. Date.
I don't have any more dates planned right now. A few tentative things in the works, mainly just general conversations that if I'm somewhere or have time, possibly today we could get together. One is with a 50 year old man who wanted to take me sailing, I told him I prefer to be more "grounded" the first time we meet. But the guy is beginning to drive me crazy in that he repeatedly spells my name wrong, despite me typing it EVERY time! The old pool guy, Matt emailed me yesterday and wanted to know when I was going to be back in town so we could hang out. Umm...right on that. Yeah, not so much. Since our one "date" never happened because he played Catch Phrase while drinking heavily with his neighbors.
This coming week is the week that I will have my son all but Wednesday. JN and I are staying overnight where I work as she will be in the same city for a three day training. So we plan to get together that night and hit the town. Of course, that would be the only night that I could see Mr. Date, but I won't cancel plans with friends. So it's back to responsibilities and parenting and baseball and more baseball.
Onward and upward...
So for brevity, since that's my middle name, things have been going well. Thursday night, I did give my phone number out to two people, think I was at the point to just talk to a few on my childless weekend and get this "meet and greet" dating thing out of the way or maybe underway as it may be. One is a guy that I met on the site where I met Mr. Date. I'm not sure why I gave him my number, as I'm not really interested in him, but I'm also not anti-options or meeting people. The other, I gave my number to this guy after I clarified that I would not DATE this guy and he was happy just remaining friends - so figured the number was safe at that point.
Why I wouldn't date him, Jeff. He's a manly man of sorts, so that was OK, but I found him completely unattractive. We bantered back and forth pretty well and shared a few laughs, via instant messaging. He always felt a need to watch what he said to not "offend", which was probably a good thing since I'd had enough of the sexual discussions from people to push me over the edge. So he kept his at bay so that we could still chat. Somehow it just doesn't rock my world when I'm asked after hi, "Do you fall in love easily?" Or others, "Do you have big CANS?" Seriously, what the hell is that? Besides, Jeff is big into a role model video game and the renaissance, which just isn't really my thing. Something about the frequent, "milady" comments, makes me want to shove a big turkey leg down my throat so I can't respond! The clincher for him though to understand why we could only be friends was our difference of opinion on strip clubs and pornography.
Here's my view: I won't tolerate it. What a person does before me, is their right and their business; however, if I'm in a committed relationship, it is one based out of respect, mutual understanding and love. If I'm not good enough that my partner needs to satisfy himself with watching others in person or video or magazines, then what is the point? Don't waste my time or yours. One MAN is all I need, I would like for it to be the same in return. He tried to argue the point that if I were "unavailable" or "out of town", wow now that's reassuring. Besides, my marriage and my son's father were both HUGE into pornography - movies, magazines, internet...it's a trust and respect thing and I think two relationships having it is enough for me to say NO. Anyway, so Jeff told me that we would never work out unless either of us changed dramatically and he suggested I find an extremely religious man who may actually share my same morals on the subject. Hmmm....
Friday after work my girl friend (JN) and I hung out. We updated her new account with pictures and then went to dinner and listened to karaoke. Without pictures, she hadn't received many emails (2), but one was actually with Jeff! She had emailed HIM. Jeff called while we were finishing up dinner and said he was heading into town for a "meet & greet" with a very nice lady but hadn't heard back from her. Playing Ms. Matchmaker, I offered where we were if he wanted to stop by and meet both of us, since he had emailed with my friend (although it was rather brief basically asking for a picture). He ended up being stood up, so he came out and we met him. Definitely not MY type, but he and JN seemed to do OK, they exchanged numbers. I talked to both on Saturday - and they had their first phone conversation. New career in the making?
I had talked with Mr. Date twice on the phone while we were out. It really seems like this is becoming a full blown relationship and I'm starting to find myself slowly backing away. I do like him, but I want to meet other people. I don't want to settle and besides, I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship although I'm not a serial dater either.
Jeff left us about midnight. We left the bar about 1:30 or so then came back and got on the dating site. Within moments I was sent three im requests which wouldn't all open. Not sure if it was computer or user error or some combination of the two! Talked with one and was having a good time, friendly banter. JN left shortly thereafter as I couldn't convince her to stay the night. She said on Saturday that she should have. I continued my long im'ing with, I'll call him Doogie since he looks just like Doogie Howser, at least from the pictures. We chatted for a while and seeing that he lives in the same town, is 41 and we seemed to get along, I gave him my number...8675309 and told him to use the code name, JENNY. I did actually give him my number and asked if he was going to call to verify. He said he trusted me and then moments later, the phone was ringing, that was at 4:30a.m.
Doogie and I talked for over an hour on the phone. His voice didn't match the pictures and I found it somewhat distracting. Maybe I'm just really judgmental. I would like to say that I'm cautious. I seriously can't have every guy that I talk with or meet falling for me, I just couldn't handle that emotionally with the guilt and all. We talked about meeting on Saturday evening and he would give me a call when he got back as he had to learn a new camera from 7a.m.-1:30p.m. I crawled into bed at 6a.m. and was up and going at 10:30a.m. I never did get a call from Doogie. I didn't want to call him, since I still believe in chivalry and I thought that maybe he was sleeping. I did finally email him around 8 or so, which I received an email back from him that I saw after 2:00a.m. that said I could have called. Odd, stood up by tentative plans. NICE.
Meanwhile, I happened to get another email from someone that I have come across on other sites. Andy and I first started emailing, we figure somewhere between 19-24 months ago, when I was on my 10-month break from the ex-BF (which I went back to out of comfort and the fact that dating was disastrous in that the relationship with ex-BF got in the way.) I found Andy attractive, but there were a few issues that prevented me from meeting him, first he works for the same company as my son's father and I just didn't want any baby daddy drama. Second, his name is Andy (and he somewhat resembles), the name of a guy I dated in college that I graduated early to be at the same time with him that I considered he may have been the one. Yeah, I so wasn't the one for him. But we still keep in touch. Anyway, another issue with Andy was that he lives almost an hour away as well. So he and I never met. It wasn't that I was looking for a reason, I just really didn't like the whole thing about where he worked - even though he said he didn't know my son's dad. It always starts off that way! Andy and I have found each other on myspace since then and will occasionally share a few emails to see how each other are doing. Well, he found me the other day. It was a pleasant surprise and the fun banter picked up right away, since I feel like I KNOW the guy, so I told him I had been committed to a psyche ward for a few months dealing with the fact that we never met and other jokes! He has a good sense of humor, so it was fun.
Andy asked what I was doing Saturday night, as we were chatting online during the day. Since I only had verbal lets do something plans with Doogie, I said nothing much. He said that he would get back online and maybe we should meet and do drinks or something. I didn't want to feel a need to keep checking the computer, so I gave him my number. Completely different, since again I do feel like I know him somewhat after all this time. Besides, if I just meet him, I can move on and not wait on baited breath for what could have been! Ok, that isn't true, but fun nonetheless.
I emailed a few other people on Saturday but basically hung out vegging. I got to the gym and had a good workout and then took a very long way home, with a 2 mile walk. After about 7 or so, I still hadn't heard from Doogie or Andy. Finally decided that I would get ready, just in case, and then head to my office to try to tackle the mounds and mounds of work that just sits. At least I could be productive. Other than it being 110 degrees at work, I wasn't all that productive as I really didn't want to be there. About 30-45 minutes later, Andy called me. We talked on the phone for almost an hour and he said he didn't stand me up and still wanted to meet. He had to shower, so we met about 45 minutes later in the middle at a local chain restaurant - which closed at midnight.
Andy is classic case that his picture does not resemble him. At least not in the past few years. He looks smaller than 6'0" and has put on some weight all in the gut. I didn't find him as attractive. It wasn't odd, but the date definitely wasn't as good as mine with Mr. Date (even despite Mr. Date's shyness). I think that's the difference between drinks and an activity. I would completely prefer to DO something. I think Andy thought that I was a big drinker, which I'm not; however, on the rare occasions that I'm not driving, I can put 'em away. He ordered a second drink, I finished my first and was working on my second water. He appreciated that I don't drink and drive and didn't finish his either. He received a call from a friend and said he was "On a date", which just sounded really odd to me. I guess it was a date, but to me it was almost just like grabbing drinks with a friend you hadn't seen in a while, or never met! The restaurant was closing at midnight, so we left thereafter and he didn't want the night to end. I still couldn't believe that I met someone at 10:45p.m., but whatelse did I have to do, work???? So we went over to another bar, which wasn't super busy but the music was really loud.
It was hard to talk. We had a long discussion about his kissing, since he had previously mentioned that he is an excellent kisser. I then told him we would never kiss. It never seems to fail, 99.2% of the time, when someone is self-confident about a quality, they are wrong in my opinion. So I told him he ruined it for me. We left the bar about 1:30 and then I took him back to his vehicle (he had a headlight out so I offered to drive). He said, this is where the kiss comes. I asked him why. He really is an "odd duck". I hadn't quite figured him out, some OCD, weird beliefs, weird stances. I couldn't figure out if he wanted to be there and if he was that into me, it was just odd. I didn't mind the company, but I didn't think I was that into him. There were a couple times at the second bar that I wondered what kissing him would be like, but there in the car, I didn't want to know. I pulled the ultimate, "I don't kiss on the first date." line.
In some ways I felt weird being out with someone other than Mr. Date, but I did feel like Andy and I were friends and a harmless hanging out wasn't a big deal, since afterall Mr. Date and I are still in the beginning dating stages. I did have a message from Mr. Date, which I was happy to hear and I was glad I didn't kiss Andy just for the sake of kissing him. I really hope that my next kiss, is with Mr. Date.
I don't have any more dates planned right now. A few tentative things in the works, mainly just general conversations that if I'm somewhere or have time, possibly today we could get together. One is with a 50 year old man who wanted to take me sailing, I told him I prefer to be more "grounded" the first time we meet. But the guy is beginning to drive me crazy in that he repeatedly spells my name wrong, despite me typing it EVERY time! The old pool guy, Matt emailed me yesterday and wanted to know when I was going to be back in town so we could hang out. Umm...right on that. Yeah, not so much. Since our one "date" never happened because he played Catch Phrase while drinking heavily with his neighbors.
This coming week is the week that I will have my son all but Wednesday. JN and I are staying overnight where I work as she will be in the same city for a three day training. So we plan to get together that night and hit the town. Of course, that would be the only night that I could see Mr. Date, but I won't cancel plans with friends. So it's back to responsibilities and parenting and baseball and more baseball.
Onward and upward...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Mr. Date Update
I did manage to actually stay offline for one night. I think it was helped by the fact that on 7/9, I did end up meeting Mr. Date, for our second date. As confused as I was, I did want to see him again and we ended up meeting for our disc golf, dinner, bowling, darts, talk date. The date went really well, we had a lot of laughs and spent over 4 hours sitting in the parking lot of Kmart talking, laughing and singing. We went our separate ways at 4:30a.m. and it ended with a long, too long, hug. Yep, a second date, 11 hours at that, and we hugged goodbye. I went into work on my way home and did a few things and managed to get home at 6a.m. for a few hour siesta before starting another day.
Mr. Date was working en route between my commuter job and home. He said if I had time to swing by and see him. I wasn't really sure where I was going, but I did find it and we found each other, inadvertently as I was seeking high wattage bulbs for my spot light. Mr. Date is a Loss Prevention Specialist, or at least that's the name I've dubbed for him. So he walks around the store acting like a customer all day catching shoplifters. Not my ideal job, since I hate shopping, but to each their own. We walked around the store and then he walked me out to my car. I detoured through some outbuildings/sheds in the parking lot thinking maybe we would kiss, but yeah nope. At my car though, he went in for the kiss and I did the bob and weave duck for the hug. I'm not one for giving people bragging rights and seeing that he was on the clock in the middle of a parking lot with surveillance and his co-w0rkers likely watching, no thanks. So that's three times seeing him and two hugs.
We've been in touch a lot. He wants to date me and get to know me more. I'm freaked out about the kid thing and the distance. I do like him, but afterall this is the first guy I have met and went out on a date with, so ready to see whatelse might be out there. He did invite me to Chicago with him this weekend to spend time with him and meet the family, which I declined. Three times in 5 days is enough for me.
Mr. Date was working en route between my commuter job and home. He said if I had time to swing by and see him. I wasn't really sure where I was going, but I did find it and we found each other, inadvertently as I was seeking high wattage bulbs for my spot light. Mr. Date is a Loss Prevention Specialist, or at least that's the name I've dubbed for him. So he walks around the store acting like a customer all day catching shoplifters. Not my ideal job, since I hate shopping, but to each their own. We walked around the store and then he walked me out to my car. I detoured through some outbuildings/sheds in the parking lot thinking maybe we would kiss, but yeah nope. At my car though, he went in for the kiss and I did the bob and weave duck for the hug. I'm not one for giving people bragging rights and seeing that he was on the clock in the middle of a parking lot with surveillance and his co-w0rkers likely watching, no thanks. So that's three times seeing him and two hugs.
We've been in touch a lot. He wants to date me and get to know me more. I'm freaked out about the kid thing and the distance. I do like him, but afterall this is the first guy I have met and went out on a date with, so ready to see whatelse might be out there. He did invite me to Chicago with him this weekend to spend time with him and meet the family, which I declined. Three times in 5 days is enough for me.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
New Day
It's a new day and godwilling I can put last night, far, far behind me. I hate when my emotions and common sense get out of control. Fortunately that is very rare, so it isn't something that I have to deal with on a regular basis.
In order to be sure that I've fully recovered and returned to the state of sanity in an insane society, I'm taking a break. As of now, I'm pledging to myself that I will not use the internet for two days (minimum - which seriously will be hard enough as my son isn't even around - but time to catch up on me time, sleep, movies, etc.), outside of business hours. I will not be enticed or allured into chatting online and communicating with unknown individuals via email or instant messenger. Those that are most important to me, know how to reach me...it's called a phone - clearly my communication choice preference.
Until next time...I'm outta here.
In order to be sure that I've fully recovered and returned to the state of sanity in an insane society, I'm taking a break. As of now, I'm pledging to myself that I will not use the internet for two days (minimum - which seriously will be hard enough as my son isn't even around - but time to catch up on me time, sleep, movies, etc.), outside of business hours. I will not be enticed or allured into chatting online and communicating with unknown individuals via email or instant messenger. Those that are most important to me, know how to reach me...it's called a phone - clearly my communication choice preference.
Until next time...I'm outta here.
Wreck aka Basketcase
I'm seriously a wreck. I have no idea why I'm sitting her in front of the computer. I can't remember the last time I've felt this emotionally drained or emotional. I wish I could say it was last month when the hormones were in full gear, 'cause then I just might be able to rationalize my behavior. Seriously, I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face and I can't figure out why.
It's an accumulation of everything I guess. I seldom get this emotionally overwhelmed. Actually my emotions are usually pretty in check. Maybe it's been thrown in a tizzy by the resurgence of dating yesterday compiled with "the curse" and the fact that it is going on 2a.m. and I've had less then 10 solid hours of sleep in almost 70 hours. Yeah, I'm sure that has something to do with it.
I really am an emotional person. I am affected by what people say or think. I don't handle it well and I feel like the means need to be justified or I need to understand why. This online interaction stuff has me all over the place. Last night I was verbally assaulted and called a pyscho by someone that didn't like a generalization that someone 5'8" and 160# for a male would be considered weak. It took a long time to try to work that one back out to sanity - but he went dirty, nasty first. And, instead of severing the contact, I wanted to resolve the issue. Why? Why do I bother? Why does crap like that weigh on my conscience?
This weekend I was suppose to meet someone that I met online that lives 3.5 hours away and is middle eastern. I have never dated anyone middle eastern, and not that I have any opposition, the reality of trying to date in general is hard enough let alone add the distance and the ethnic differences. So he called tonight and left a message. We chatted briefly online, mind you I know almost nothing about this man, and it came down to my decision that since I'm likely not going across state this weekend, we shouldn't meet. He didn't think I was being fair for not giving him a chance and then he stopped communicating with me. Done. And that bothered me too.
Then there is Mr. Date. We have plans to get together tomorrow. He seems really unsure if I like him. He emailed (can I say how much I HATE trying to communicate via email?) to ask if I date more than one person at a time. Generally absolutely not, but I gave some generalized email response which was bizarre. Then I sent another one explaining how I'm not ready for a commitment, he's my first date in six months, I want to meet people and enjoy life etc. Afterall, I do see the red flags with him, the kids, the pending divorce, the distance, etc. He responded and it was fine, that he is cautious with dating and we had fun, so why not try it despite him knowing I'm uncomfortable with the kids. So I email him back and from somewhere I poured out my heart. I don't know why. Maybe because I care. Maybe because I'm a crazy lunatic.
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention the hour plus conversation with the ex-bf on the way home about why we aren't together and won't be getting back together. Regardless, relationship memory lane is an emotional rollercoaster and exhausting in and of itself. Maybe six months is too soon.
Then on this new site that I joined on Sunday - I've actually had some decent emails back and forth with a handful of people. I've enjoyed the banter and the emails. Granted there have been some not so nice ones, but in general it's been a good experience. I had an im friend request from one of them, an attractive military young man. So he im's me tonight and asks for pictures. He claims he can't see me on the dating site, what? He asks if I have myspace, which leads me to believe he's a looker. I add him reluctantly as a friend and in his pictures he has four naked from chest to hairline of the groin area. Nice...yep not for me. So I delete him and move on. I try to login to the site to check my email, repeatedly and nothing.
I've been deleted, completely vanished, banned from the site. I have absolutely no idea why. I've read the rules and I don't think I violated any of them. Gone. All the emails are gone. Any that I corresponded with new people...gone. No idea if they read my latest replies or not. It's almost like my new "friends" have just vanished and I don't know why and I don't know what I did or didn't do and I don't want any of these men to think that they did something either.
Then I'm back online talking to another guy about my problem with the website logging in. He confirms that I'm gone. All emails sent and received by him are gone. No more. So I bother to create another profile, since now I'm rather irritated and I don't want anyone I had been talking to to think it was them. Actually, one of them did. He emailed me already and said there was a message from me and then it was gone and he thought he had said something. After I created the new account, I got an im request - and that went to hell quickly after sharing pictures and the guy asking me if I had "big cans". Seriously. What am I doing?
Then while still chatting with the "friend" the conversation turns to porn, strip clubs and the relevance in a relationship. Apparently his ex had a problem with it. I do too. Both my son's father and my ex-husband, were huge into it. My stance, if I'm not good enough, then don't waste either of our time. I don't go elsewhere, why should you. Of course this guy thinks otherwise and then thinks he's completely offended me. He tells me I need to find some religious guy that will agree with my views on pornography. He then says, I guess we'll never meet, but doesn't understand why I ever met Mr. Date if there isn't a possible connection and why I talk to him instead of someone I shared a few religious conversations with. Just because one has a conversation with someone doesn't mean that they are the one and only. So yeah, that one ended, not so well either.
So here I sit, with dried tear stains since I wonder how the heck I've managed to f'up every conversation I attempted to have tonight by being honest. By trying to communicate. I got an email back from Mr. Date that said, are we still on tomorrow? Glad that my bated breath waiting after my "deep" email got that response. I think I need to go back to bed and hibernate. I did tell him that I need a raincheck since these emotions are out of whack and sleep deprivation is seriously playing havoc. He seemed ok with it, but the truth is, I would really like to see him. How and why is that? Why when I want to be so rational to say it won't work, do I care? In reality I know that I probably sabotaged every conversation tonight since I really didn't want to talk to anyone since I'm really only a one at a time dater, and I need to figure out what is going on with Mr. Date before I see whatelse is out there.
I was really enjoying life and then I went and messed it up when I considered meeting men and dating again.
Can someone run me over now?
It's an accumulation of everything I guess. I seldom get this emotionally overwhelmed. Actually my emotions are usually pretty in check. Maybe it's been thrown in a tizzy by the resurgence of dating yesterday compiled with "the curse" and the fact that it is going on 2a.m. and I've had less then 10 solid hours of sleep in almost 70 hours. Yeah, I'm sure that has something to do with it.
I really am an emotional person. I am affected by what people say or think. I don't handle it well and I feel like the means need to be justified or I need to understand why. This online interaction stuff has me all over the place. Last night I was verbally assaulted and called a pyscho by someone that didn't like a generalization that someone 5'8" and 160# for a male would be considered weak. It took a long time to try to work that one back out to sanity - but he went dirty, nasty first. And, instead of severing the contact, I wanted to resolve the issue. Why? Why do I bother? Why does crap like that weigh on my conscience?
This weekend I was suppose to meet someone that I met online that lives 3.5 hours away and is middle eastern. I have never dated anyone middle eastern, and not that I have any opposition, the reality of trying to date in general is hard enough let alone add the distance and the ethnic differences. So he called tonight and left a message. We chatted briefly online, mind you I know almost nothing about this man, and it came down to my decision that since I'm likely not going across state this weekend, we shouldn't meet. He didn't think I was being fair for not giving him a chance and then he stopped communicating with me. Done. And that bothered me too.
Then there is Mr. Date. We have plans to get together tomorrow. He seems really unsure if I like him. He emailed (can I say how much I HATE trying to communicate via email?) to ask if I date more than one person at a time. Generally absolutely not, but I gave some generalized email response which was bizarre. Then I sent another one explaining how I'm not ready for a commitment, he's my first date in six months, I want to meet people and enjoy life etc. Afterall, I do see the red flags with him, the kids, the pending divorce, the distance, etc. He responded and it was fine, that he is cautious with dating and we had fun, so why not try it despite him knowing I'm uncomfortable with the kids. So I email him back and from somewhere I poured out my heart. I don't know why. Maybe because I care. Maybe because I'm a crazy lunatic.
Oh yeah and I forgot to mention the hour plus conversation with the ex-bf on the way home about why we aren't together and won't be getting back together. Regardless, relationship memory lane is an emotional rollercoaster and exhausting in and of itself. Maybe six months is too soon.
Then on this new site that I joined on Sunday - I've actually had some decent emails back and forth with a handful of people. I've enjoyed the banter and the emails. Granted there have been some not so nice ones, but in general it's been a good experience. I had an im friend request from one of them, an attractive military young man. So he im's me tonight and asks for pictures. He claims he can't see me on the dating site, what? He asks if I have myspace, which leads me to believe he's a looker. I add him reluctantly as a friend and in his pictures he has four naked from chest to hairline of the groin area. Nice...yep not for me. So I delete him and move on. I try to login to the site to check my email, repeatedly and nothing.
I've been deleted, completely vanished, banned from the site. I have absolutely no idea why. I've read the rules and I don't think I violated any of them. Gone. All the emails are gone. Any that I corresponded with new people...gone. No idea if they read my latest replies or not. It's almost like my new "friends" have just vanished and I don't know why and I don't know what I did or didn't do and I don't want any of these men to think that they did something either.
Then I'm back online talking to another guy about my problem with the website logging in. He confirms that I'm gone. All emails sent and received by him are gone. No more. So I bother to create another profile, since now I'm rather irritated and I don't want anyone I had been talking to to think it was them. Actually, one of them did. He emailed me already and said there was a message from me and then it was gone and he thought he had said something. After I created the new account, I got an im request - and that went to hell quickly after sharing pictures and the guy asking me if I had "big cans". Seriously. What am I doing?
Then while still chatting with the "friend" the conversation turns to porn, strip clubs and the relevance in a relationship. Apparently his ex had a problem with it. I do too. Both my son's father and my ex-husband, were huge into it. My stance, if I'm not good enough, then don't waste either of our time. I don't go elsewhere, why should you. Of course this guy thinks otherwise and then thinks he's completely offended me. He tells me I need to find some religious guy that will agree with my views on pornography. He then says, I guess we'll never meet, but doesn't understand why I ever met Mr. Date if there isn't a possible connection and why I talk to him instead of someone I shared a few religious conversations with. Just because one has a conversation with someone doesn't mean that they are the one and only. So yeah, that one ended, not so well either.
So here I sit, with dried tear stains since I wonder how the heck I've managed to f'up every conversation I attempted to have tonight by being honest. By trying to communicate. I got an email back from Mr. Date that said, are we still on tomorrow? Glad that my bated breath waiting after my "deep" email got that response. I think I need to go back to bed and hibernate. I did tell him that I need a raincheck since these emotions are out of whack and sleep deprivation is seriously playing havoc. He seemed ok with it, but the truth is, I would really like to see him. How and why is that? Why when I want to be so rational to say it won't work, do I care? In reality I know that I probably sabotaged every conversation tonight since I really didn't want to talk to anyone since I'm really only a one at a time dater, and I need to figure out what is going on with Mr. Date before I see whatelse is out there.
I was really enjoying life and then I went and messed it up when I considered meeting men and dating again.
Can someone run me over now?
Monday, July 7, 2008
Dating Disaster?
Today was of course the big Date Day. Six long months of waiting and I entered the day in typical ME fashion. Sure enough...couldn't sleep since I was irritated by some loser online that put me on the defensive. I found myself wide awake over 1.5 hours after I went to bed, which was already 2:00a.m.
To make matters worse, I woke up and looked at the clock at 8:07a.m., having managed to set my cell phone alarm to p.m. Seriously, this shit really does happen! Work was work, nothing too exciting to report throughout the day, except for the torrential downpour right at the time that I needed to leave the office and walk the 6+ blocks to my car. Super, since I already had that crazed look from the quick shower and curly humidity attack, why not add some rain too?
Got home from work and had about 1/2 hour before I needed to leave to meet Mr. Date. In my driveway I was welcomed by a dead bird that was being ravished by flies. Hmm...is this seriously a bad omen?
Managed to attempt to rectify the hair by adding more curls, which did absolutely nothing. But I was too busy talking to girlfriend LL to give more than a half-hearted attempt to beautify myself.
We met at a nearby parking lot and I offered to drive, since I knew where I was going. And so it was, a sucker was born! Seriously, ever since I could drive, most of my friends opt not to have me drive. I'm not sure why that is! He did offer to follow me, but didn't make sense since I knew we were going to be all over the place. I didn't even attempt to harm him!
At the disc golf, doused in bug spray, we headed off on our merry way. This now being my third time, didn't really make it that much easier to find the way around. I quickly acknowledged how much I wasn't good at it, but we did laugh and it seemed like a good ice breaker - nothing like throwing a disk straight into a tree about four feet away! But it got better, I managed to stumble over a small stump which sent me flying about 25 feet if not more and me trying to out run the fall as I could see and feel the face plant before it happened - fortunately, I was able to save it...yep, talk about classy. Probably before hole 6, I'm sweating up a storm, put my hair in a ponytail and half smear the mud from the discs all over my sweaty face. So classic.
When we finish, we head to dinner. After we get seated at a rocky, unstable table for two, I head to the bathroom to wash my hands. My face isn't too bad but the hair is just trashed. Oh well, such is life. That's ME.
Dinner and conversation are going fine. He is definitely nice enough and attractive. So if I wasn't such an ass and there weren't all the other issues, the date was going grand.
During dinner, he received a work call so I went to the bathroom. At which point I learn that the zipper on my pants is busted! Super. Yep, so my life. Fortunately I had a long shirt on so he wouldn't notice. Must have broke when I tried to be super woman. And I was obviously even warmer than I thought too. Nice. I would have loved to go home to change, but I wasn't going to take him back to my house, so on I went.
Toward the end of dinner he asked if I wanted to do something else or if I needed to get home. Home to what? So he suggested miniature golf, which he proceeded to kick my ass again. I'm so glad that I'm use to losing to my son, since I'm seriously taking the brutal beating well.
Afterward, I drive to take him to his car, at which point he mentioned that the exit didn't say the street name I had suggested. So I wanted to check it out - 10 miles later. Not that there weren't 18 other indicators to the exit that I gave him, but he didn't listen. I had already learned that his expertise map reading skills were for crap when reading the disc golf map! He was right that the exit didn't have the street name.
At his car, he said thanks and maybe we can hangout again. Ok. And that was it. Until I got home and he had already im'd me asking what I thought of him. And then came the im, "would you like to something wed?"
What? Of course what I read was, "would I like something to wed?" Dude, I just met you. What he meant to say was would I like to DO something Wednesday. Whew...I knew that he couldn't have fallen that quickly. Afterall, I was the one literally attempting to fall for him!
So maybe it wasn't a dating disaster, but wow, maybe the next time a few more things will go right!
To make matters worse, I woke up and looked at the clock at 8:07a.m., having managed to set my cell phone alarm to p.m. Seriously, this shit really does happen! Work was work, nothing too exciting to report throughout the day, except for the torrential downpour right at the time that I needed to leave the office and walk the 6+ blocks to my car. Super, since I already had that crazed look from the quick shower and curly humidity attack, why not add some rain too?
Got home from work and had about 1/2 hour before I needed to leave to meet Mr. Date. In my driveway I was welcomed by a dead bird that was being ravished by flies. Hmm...is this seriously a bad omen?
Managed to attempt to rectify the hair by adding more curls, which did absolutely nothing. But I was too busy talking to girlfriend LL to give more than a half-hearted attempt to beautify myself.
We met at a nearby parking lot and I offered to drive, since I knew where I was going. And so it was, a sucker was born! Seriously, ever since I could drive, most of my friends opt not to have me drive. I'm not sure why that is! He did offer to follow me, but didn't make sense since I knew we were going to be all over the place. I didn't even attempt to harm him!
At the disc golf, doused in bug spray, we headed off on our merry way. This now being my third time, didn't really make it that much easier to find the way around. I quickly acknowledged how much I wasn't good at it, but we did laugh and it seemed like a good ice breaker - nothing like throwing a disk straight into a tree about four feet away! But it got better, I managed to stumble over a small stump which sent me flying about 25 feet if not more and me trying to out run the fall as I could see and feel the face plant before it happened - fortunately, I was able to save it...yep, talk about classy. Probably before hole 6, I'm sweating up a storm, put my hair in a ponytail and half smear the mud from the discs all over my sweaty face. So classic.
When we finish, we head to dinner. After we get seated at a rocky, unstable table for two, I head to the bathroom to wash my hands. My face isn't too bad but the hair is just trashed. Oh well, such is life. That's ME.
Dinner and conversation are going fine. He is definitely nice enough and attractive. So if I wasn't such an ass and there weren't all the other issues, the date was going grand.
During dinner, he received a work call so I went to the bathroom. At which point I learn that the zipper on my pants is busted! Super. Yep, so my life. Fortunately I had a long shirt on so he wouldn't notice. Must have broke when I tried to be super woman. And I was obviously even warmer than I thought too. Nice. I would have loved to go home to change, but I wasn't going to take him back to my house, so on I went.
Toward the end of dinner he asked if I wanted to do something else or if I needed to get home. Home to what? So he suggested miniature golf, which he proceeded to kick my ass again. I'm so glad that I'm use to losing to my son, since I'm seriously taking the brutal beating well.
Afterward, I drive to take him to his car, at which point he mentioned that the exit didn't say the street name I had suggested. So I wanted to check it out - 10 miles later. Not that there weren't 18 other indicators to the exit that I gave him, but he didn't listen. I had already learned that his expertise map reading skills were for crap when reading the disc golf map! He was right that the exit didn't have the street name.
At his car, he said thanks and maybe we can hangout again. Ok. And that was it. Until I got home and he had already im'd me asking what I thought of him. And then came the im, "would you like to something wed?"
What? Of course what I read was, "would I like something to wed?" Dude, I just met you. What he meant to say was would I like to DO something Wednesday. Whew...I knew that he couldn't have fallen that quickly. Afterall, I was the one literally attempting to fall for him!
So maybe it wasn't a dating disaster, but wow, maybe the next time a few more things will go right!
D DAY...
Date Day...it's midnight, the official witching hour and the count down as it is now date day. Maybe I should be freaking out. Maybe I should be counting the hours, minutes, seconds until he and I will meet. Maybe I should be encrypting his picture in my mind and everything we've ever discussed. Maybe I should be committed...since maybe afterall...
I'm really not feeling anything. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
Ok, maybe I'm feeling a little pressured that I'll have to come up with Plan E since there is a 40% plus chance of scattered thunderstorms. Even in the remote chance that it isn't raining at the exact time that we are planning on playing disc golf, if it has rained anytime during the day, the woods will be a mess and the mosquitoes will be like vampires. Seeing that it took almost three days to come up with a time and location, it could take three more days to come up with some back up plan.
Not that we really have the logistics down anyway. We have the time and the plans, but he never did respond to meeting somewhere since he's not from the same town and it's a bit tricky to find the restaurant and/or the park. I guess we'll just have to talk on the phone or something tomorrow...yeah, that might help!
If anything...I think I'm sad. Sad that I won't be able to say, after 1730 hours that it's been over six months since I've been on a date. And honestly for some remote bizarreness, that does make me sad. Maybe since it's the opposite reason I stayed with the ex-bf for so long...I wanted to see if I could date someone for more than six months when I wasn't either engaged or pregnant.
Now I know that sounds bad. Seriously, it does. Seeing that I've only ever been pregnant once and engaged to one other person besides the man who impregnated me (see I didn't call him the sperm donor!). Because really, those three relationships (counting the ex-bf) have been a total of over 10 years of my dating life. A decade. I'm pretty sure that there was a time in my life where it was longer than six months that I didn't date and yes, that was after I had my first date at almost 16!
Anyway...it's not really time to digress...onward and upward. To new beginnings and to dating (cough, choke, gag...)
I'm really not feeling anything. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.
Ok, maybe I'm feeling a little pressured that I'll have to come up with Plan E since there is a 40% plus chance of scattered thunderstorms. Even in the remote chance that it isn't raining at the exact time that we are planning on playing disc golf, if it has rained anytime during the day, the woods will be a mess and the mosquitoes will be like vampires. Seeing that it took almost three days to come up with a time and location, it could take three more days to come up with some back up plan.
Not that we really have the logistics down anyway. We have the time and the plans, but he never did respond to meeting somewhere since he's not from the same town and it's a bit tricky to find the restaurant and/or the park. I guess we'll just have to talk on the phone or something tomorrow...yeah, that might help!
If anything...I think I'm sad. Sad that I won't be able to say, after 1730 hours that it's been over six months since I've been on a date. And honestly for some remote bizarreness, that does make me sad. Maybe since it's the opposite reason I stayed with the ex-bf for so long...I wanted to see if I could date someone for more than six months when I wasn't either engaged or pregnant.
Now I know that sounds bad. Seriously, it does. Seeing that I've only ever been pregnant once and engaged to one other person besides the man who impregnated me (see I didn't call him the sperm donor!). Because really, those three relationships (counting the ex-bf) have been a total of over 10 years of my dating life. A decade. I'm pretty sure that there was a time in my life where it was longer than six months that I didn't date and yes, that was after I had my first date at almost 16!
Anyway...it's not really time to digress...onward and upward. To new beginnings and to dating (cough, choke, gag...)
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Arm Pit Hair!?!?
Exacerbated by watching Drillbit Taylor, a movie about odd ball, nerdy, geeky soon-to-be freshman in high school, my son proclaimed today..."I HAVE ARMPIT HAIR!"
He then proceeded to ask, "Should I be proud, mom?"
Exactly how does a mother of an 11-year old, soon-to-be entering 6th grade in the fall, respond?
"What do you think?" "Are you proud?"
He then excitedly hopped around the room, dashed into the bathroom to "find" his newly discovered arm pit hairs (although truth be known, I'm pretty sure he had "discovered" them a year or so ago as well - but had since forgotten), thumb and forefinger grasping his new finds he emerged from the bathroom to show me.
Another day in the history of...puberty.
He then proceeded to ask, "Should I be proud, mom?"
Exactly how does a mother of an 11-year old, soon-to-be entering 6th grade in the fall, respond?
"What do you think?" "Are you proud?"
He then excitedly hopped around the room, dashed into the bathroom to "find" his newly discovered arm pit hairs (although truth be known, I'm pretty sure he had "discovered" them a year or so ago as well - but had since forgotten), thumb and forefinger grasping his new finds he emerged from the bathroom to show me.
Another day in the history of...puberty.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Disc Golf
Today we had the experience of Disc Golf. I had heard mention of it about a month ago, but never bothered to ask what it was. I thought it was some sort of skeet shooting disk on a course, like golf. To be honest, I didn't really care what it was. At the time, all I knew was that it was this person's idea of fun and another excuse to not be an active parent to his daughter.
I happened to be looking up things to do in my community for the weekend. I happened to come across local kayak and canoe rentals as well as a nearby park that offers a free disc golf course. Surprisingly, my son claimed that he knew what and where it was, but after we got there, I'm pretty sure he didn't.
We used regular Frisbee's, which I'm no expert on using; however, as it's a wooded course it proved to not matter much anyway. At hole one there were score sheets and a map of the 18 hole course, which proved to be more troublesome than it was worth. We managed to get mixed up well more than a few times, but it was still fun. We managed to laugh a lot, stumble on every possible tree stump, hit about 1/3 of the trees with the Frisbee's and I even drew some blood. Despite the fruity mosquito repellent, being in the woods it was still difficult to ward them off completely.
I'm pretty sure though, we're hooked. We went to the local sports store and purchased a long distance driver disk as well as a mid-range disk. We just went to the local park and aimed across the park for trees trying out the new disks. My son definitely has the distance throwing mastered. Back to the course we go again tomorrow.
Seriously looks like this could be our "sport" between baseball and soccer! I definitely like it more than golfing, although my game is still the same - tree to tree shots - but it can be advantageous in disc golf!
http://www.disclife.com/whatis.shtml
I happened to be looking up things to do in my community for the weekend. I happened to come across local kayak and canoe rentals as well as a nearby park that offers a free disc golf course. Surprisingly, my son claimed that he knew what and where it was, but after we got there, I'm pretty sure he didn't.
We used regular Frisbee's, which I'm no expert on using; however, as it's a wooded course it proved to not matter much anyway. At hole one there were score sheets and a map of the 18 hole course, which proved to be more troublesome than it was worth. We managed to get mixed up well more than a few times, but it was still fun. We managed to laugh a lot, stumble on every possible tree stump, hit about 1/3 of the trees with the Frisbee's and I even drew some blood. Despite the fruity mosquito repellent, being in the woods it was still difficult to ward them off completely.
I'm pretty sure though, we're hooked. We went to the local sports store and purchased a long distance driver disk as well as a mid-range disk. We just went to the local park and aimed across the park for trees trying out the new disks. My son definitely has the distance throwing mastered. Back to the course we go again tomorrow.
Seriously looks like this could be our "sport" between baseball and soccer! I definitely like it more than golfing, although my game is still the same - tree to tree shots - but it can be advantageous in disc golf!
http://www.disclife.com/whatis.shtml
Dating Advice
Clearly I'm not one to offer dating advice. Today I read an article on a man's and women's perspective of a good first date. One recommendation was that if you didn't feel the butterfly feeling or excited about going on the date, you should cancel.
If this were true, then maybe I won't ever go on a date again. I tend to have the nervous feeling of meeting someone new or doing something really stupid on a date, but not necessarily do I feel giddy about going on a date.
Monday I'm suppose to go to dinner with a guy that I have been chatting with online and talked to on the phone twice now. He lives about 45 minutes away, so not too far; however, considering I hardly have time to live my own life and do the things I need and want to do, I'm not sure how I'll find to date. If I listened to or observed all the red/orange flags, I wouldn't meet this person. He seems nice enough, he really does. The phone conversations weren't the best I've ever had by any means, but I do look forward to chatting with him. BUT...I think this is to pass time or fill a void. I don't see him as being a potential partner or boyfriend, so does that mean we shouldn't meet at all?
I don't have any problem meeting him. I'm always up for meeting new people; however, I think he's looking for a relationship. Although, he isn't even divorced yet for the second time. And, he has four kids to boot. He does seem nice enough and I've told him that the whole situation freaks me out more than his body type. Although after what seemed like an hour of instant messaging, we couldn't come to a decision on where we would meet. Sigh...another huge red flag for me, wear the pants pal. I even offered to pick the place if he gave me an idea of what type of food he wanted...whatever. Sigh...
I think I've come to realize that physically I should look for three things in a guy: 1) Taller than me, 2) Stronger than me and 3) Weighs more than me. One out of three just isn't going to cut it either. Maybe I'm cynical from my last two relationships which have made me increase my requirements, yeah, that's it! Actually, I'm just tired of dating weak and frail "men" as well as men that can't make a decision.
If this were true, then maybe I won't ever go on a date again. I tend to have the nervous feeling of meeting someone new or doing something really stupid on a date, but not necessarily do I feel giddy about going on a date.
Monday I'm suppose to go to dinner with a guy that I have been chatting with online and talked to on the phone twice now. He lives about 45 minutes away, so not too far; however, considering I hardly have time to live my own life and do the things I need and want to do, I'm not sure how I'll find to date. If I listened to or observed all the red/orange flags, I wouldn't meet this person. He seems nice enough, he really does. The phone conversations weren't the best I've ever had by any means, but I do look forward to chatting with him. BUT...I think this is to pass time or fill a void. I don't see him as being a potential partner or boyfriend, so does that mean we shouldn't meet at all?
I don't have any problem meeting him. I'm always up for meeting new people; however, I think he's looking for a relationship. Although, he isn't even divorced yet for the second time. And, he has four kids to boot. He does seem nice enough and I've told him that the whole situation freaks me out more than his body type. Although after what seemed like an hour of instant messaging, we couldn't come to a decision on where we would meet. Sigh...another huge red flag for me, wear the pants pal. I even offered to pick the place if he gave me an idea of what type of food he wanted...whatever. Sigh...
I think I've come to realize that physically I should look for three things in a guy: 1) Taller than me, 2) Stronger than me and 3) Weighs more than me. One out of three just isn't going to cut it either. Maybe I'm cynical from my last two relationships which have made me increase my requirements, yeah, that's it! Actually, I'm just tired of dating weak and frail "men" as well as men that can't make a decision.
Kalamazoo Klash Enduro - 4th of July
Tonight we went to the Kalamazoo Klash, 200 lap Enduro event. This is our second year that we have gone to watch cars crash and smash all in the name of fun! Fortunately no one was injured tonight. Apparently, the last enduro was over Memorial Weekend and all top 5 finishers had to start at the back of the 120 car event. The track is 3/8 of a mile and when a car becomes disabled, the driver is removed but the car remains as is on the track.
The lead car for the event, which was run "backwards" (counterclockwise) was whom my son picked to win the event. He won it the last time and he prevailed again this year.
The firework display was pretty good too. My son admitted that he couldn't get the smile off of his face. Even the patriotic country music during the fireworks was enjoyable!
Exiting the track parking lot took a little while, but even that wasn't too bad. We had a great time and I would highly recommend experiencing an Enduro race at least once in your lifetime!
The lead car for the event, which was run "backwards" (counterclockwise) was whom my son picked to win the event. He won it the last time and he prevailed again this year.
The firework display was pretty good too. My son admitted that he couldn't get the smile off of his face. Even the patriotic country music during the fireworks was enjoyable!
Exiting the track parking lot took a little while, but even that wasn't too bad. We had a great time and I would highly recommend experiencing an Enduro race at least once in your lifetime!
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Family Time
Last night the game was finally called due to our team not having enough players because of the severe weather, which was rescheduled for tonight. My mom and step-dad were en route to come to the game, when I advised that after an hour drive that they turn around and go home. Little did I know, that we actually would have played!
Surprisingly, my mom called me after the first half of an inning to say that they were about 5 miles away. I hadn't talked to her today, so I didn't know that they were planning on coming, again.
My son was excited to have them there to route for him along with myself, the ex-bf and his father. He definitely had a large fan base. It was great for me to have my mom and step-dad there too. After the game, my mom and step-dad, son and I went out to dinner. My mom and I, despite our occasional butting of heads, really do laugh a lot together. I love her dearly and hate to think that one day, we won't be able to laugh and share wonderful memories. I had her listen to her "rooster" voicemail message she had left me which had her literally in tears listening. Of course only she and I found it absolutely hysterical! Maybe it's just that mother-daughter connection.
Dinner was a great time and I was truly glad that I don't have to work tomorrow as it was after 10p.m. when we got back home. My step-dad took some wonderful pictures of my son, my mom and I, but my mom would kill me if I were to post them, so for her sake, I won't. Nothing like the classic dear in the headlight look though!
Family...truly a blessing.
Surprisingly, my mom called me after the first half of an inning to say that they were about 5 miles away. I hadn't talked to her today, so I didn't know that they were planning on coming, again.
My son was excited to have them there to route for him along with myself, the ex-bf and his father. He definitely had a large fan base. It was great for me to have my mom and step-dad there too. After the game, my mom and step-dad, son and I went out to dinner. My mom and I, despite our occasional butting of heads, really do laugh a lot together. I love her dearly and hate to think that one day, we won't be able to laugh and share wonderful memories. I had her listen to her "rooster" voicemail message she had left me which had her literally in tears listening. Of course only she and I found it absolutely hysterical! Maybe it's just that mother-daughter connection.
Dinner was a great time and I was truly glad that I don't have to work tomorrow as it was after 10p.m. when we got back home. My step-dad took some wonderful pictures of my son, my mom and I, but my mom would kill me if I were to post them, so for her sake, I won't. Nothing like the classic dear in the headlight look though!
Family...truly a blessing.
My "Little" All Star
Tonight was the final game of the All Stars for my son. They were crushed. In the first inning, they were down 0-7 with only one out when the first pitcher was pulled. Other than the 2 run out of the park homerun, a few of the runs could have been eliminated by missed balls by the first baseman. My son played third that first out of the inning. Then the second pitcher came in and my son moved to shortstop.
Let me mention that my son, like me, is motivated by money. Not that either one of us aren't motivated in general, but the idea of a monetary incentive, makes the effort all the more worthwhile. I hadn't really offered any incentive to my son for the All Star games, I didn't want to add any unnecessary stress on him. Tonight, I decided why not. We have gone to the batting cages a few times, Tuesday being the last time, so I know that he can hit and is due for a hit. I offered him all the money in my center console of my car if he hit a good solid base hit. Neither of us had any idea how much money was in there, but I knew it was at least a few dollars. Afterall, that's where I throw change if I go through a drive thru or grab something while filling up the car.
My son played an excellent game. If it weren't for the first inning, they actually would have been ahead by two runs going into the final inning. The other team had hit two homeruns out of the park, a short field of 200 feet, but more than our team could hit! In the final inning, the bases were loaded and a player on the other team hit a grand slam. We ended up losing by 8 runs.
My son hit two solid base hits up the middle. He also fielded exceptionally well, catching a line drive and snagging a few great balls to get the players out at first and one going to third.
He was pretty excited about finding out how much he won. There was $12.16 in my center console! Not a bad night for him, not a bad night at all!
They didn't advance from the pool play, which I'm not entirely sad about. They do have one final weekend tournament coming up and fortunately practice is only twice a week until then!
Let me mention that my son, like me, is motivated by money. Not that either one of us aren't motivated in general, but the idea of a monetary incentive, makes the effort all the more worthwhile. I hadn't really offered any incentive to my son for the All Star games, I didn't want to add any unnecessary stress on him. Tonight, I decided why not. We have gone to the batting cages a few times, Tuesday being the last time, so I know that he can hit and is due for a hit. I offered him all the money in my center console of my car if he hit a good solid base hit. Neither of us had any idea how much money was in there, but I knew it was at least a few dollars. Afterall, that's where I throw change if I go through a drive thru or grab something while filling up the car.
My son played an excellent game. If it weren't for the first inning, they actually would have been ahead by two runs going into the final inning. The other team had hit two homeruns out of the park, a short field of 200 feet, but more than our team could hit! In the final inning, the bases were loaded and a player on the other team hit a grand slam. We ended up losing by 8 runs.
My son hit two solid base hits up the middle. He also fielded exceptionally well, catching a line drive and snagging a few great balls to get the players out at first and one going to third.
He was pretty excited about finding out how much he won. There was $12.16 in my center console! Not a bad night for him, not a bad night at all!
They didn't advance from the pool play, which I'm not entirely sad about. They do have one final weekend tournament coming up and fortunately practice is only twice a week until then!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
For Sale Dating
It seems like more and more people seem to be selling themselves or their belongings in order to find love. I think this is just plain bizarre. Are we as a society that desperate to find true love or is it that in this economy we really are that desperate to make a dollar?
Maybe I'll stick to my old fashioned grey roots...if and when I ever decide to sell my belongings, it will be because I found love or I just need to get rid of things.
Maybe I'll stick to my old fashioned grey roots...if and when I ever decide to sell my belongings, it will be because I found love or I just need to get rid of things.
Ex-Bf Invite
I called the ex-bf and invited him to the ball game tonight. It was closer to his house as it was an away game. I hadn't invited him to a game all season, but he has shown up to two. I know with him on medical leave, that he would love to come and watch, so I thought I would do the friend thing and invite him.
He was overjoyed. Maybe too much so. Since I was the official score keeper, I felt like he grilled me third degree on what I had been doing and what my past weekend entailed and with who. He didn't like that I hung out with a friend Sunday night and asked if it was male or female. I answered male and he asked how long I had been seeing him. I'm not, still have yet to date since I broke up with you in January, pal. Then he wondered if it was the same friend I hung out with on Friday, nope different friend. I know this drove him crazy and he asked if I had seen or talked to a guy that he knew I dated before, nope, so that must have puzzled him all the more that he wasn't one of them either night.
Regardless that Friday and Saturday were hanging out with girlfriends, I don't know that it's any of his business. If in fact he was a friend, it wouldn't be a problem. But instead, he is so curious as he's not dating and he's not over me, so it feels like an interrogation more than anything else.
To make matters worse, I invited him to join my son and I for ice cream next to the ball fields. This went fine and I think my son was ok chatting with him. He didn't seem to care really, one way or the other. It is nice to know that I haven't scarred him for life in my decision to stop dating the ex-bf. He did ask if the ex-bf would be going to tomorrow's game, but the ex said he didn't know...of course since his days are busy consumed with a 4.5 mile walk and video games. I can see how it would be tough to schedule something in.
It is funny though how the ex tries to guilt me into not giving him good hugs or being affectionate. I don't feel guilty. I really don't. I truly know that any affection will be taken the wrong way. I truly believe this time around, I'm healthy and happier than I have ever been. And...I'm strong enough to know that I will survive - not that I ever had a doubt, but I don't need him despite all the terrible prospects I have come across along the way, it will not bring me back to him.
He was overjoyed. Maybe too much so. Since I was the official score keeper, I felt like he grilled me third degree on what I had been doing and what my past weekend entailed and with who. He didn't like that I hung out with a friend Sunday night and asked if it was male or female. I answered male and he asked how long I had been seeing him. I'm not, still have yet to date since I broke up with you in January, pal. Then he wondered if it was the same friend I hung out with on Friday, nope different friend. I know this drove him crazy and he asked if I had seen or talked to a guy that he knew I dated before, nope, so that must have puzzled him all the more that he wasn't one of them either night.
Regardless that Friday and Saturday were hanging out with girlfriends, I don't know that it's any of his business. If in fact he was a friend, it wouldn't be a problem. But instead, he is so curious as he's not dating and he's not over me, so it feels like an interrogation more than anything else.
To make matters worse, I invited him to join my son and I for ice cream next to the ball fields. This went fine and I think my son was ok chatting with him. He didn't seem to care really, one way or the other. It is nice to know that I haven't scarred him for life in my decision to stop dating the ex-bf. He did ask if the ex-bf would be going to tomorrow's game, but the ex said he didn't know...of course since his days are busy consumed with a 4.5 mile walk and video games. I can see how it would be tough to schedule something in.
It is funny though how the ex tries to guilt me into not giving him good hugs or being affectionate. I don't feel guilty. I really don't. I truly know that any affection will be taken the wrong way. I truly believe this time around, I'm healthy and happier than I have ever been. And...I'm strong enough to know that I will survive - not that I ever had a doubt, but I don't need him despite all the terrible prospects I have come across along the way, it will not bring me back to him.
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